A/N: More credit to Daniel Palladino for original dialogue from 'First Date'.
Ch 8 – First Date (2)
Angela was hardly ever in the mood to go for a run before breakfast, especially not during the winter months. But on this dreary Friday morning in mid-November, she felt unusually energized, which probably had something to do with her date with Tony that night.
He refused to tell her where he was going to take her, and she hadn't tried too hard to pry it out of him. On the contrary, she was looking forward to the surprise. Tony was a romantic at heart, and he had it in him to make grand gestures – like the do-over of her prom night this summer. But she would be happy with anything he came up with, of that she was sure. As long as they got to spend a couple of uninterrupted, unobserved hours together.
Feeling accomplished after a brisk three miles, Angela rounded the corner of Waterview Road and Oak Hills Drive, jogged up the driveway, and entered the kitchen through the back door just in time to catch the tail end of what seemed to be a lively discussion between Tony and the kids.
"Grandma woke us up last night to tell us!" Jonathan boasted from his seat at the table.
"Tell you what?" Angela asked. Still out of breath, she looked from person to person, trying to gauge the mood in the room.
"Do it Tony, I dare you!" Jonathan shouted, spraying milk all over his place setting.
Tony stood next to him, coffee mug in hand. He glanced in Angela's direction, and she could tell how supremely uncomfortable he was with the situation.
"Jonathan! Grow up!" Sam said from across the room. "Come on, get out! Can't you be a little mature about this, please?"
Angela watched as Sam marched over to Jonathan, yanked him off his chair, and began to push him towards the back door. Jonathan was already outside when Sam looked back with a wide grin on her face, pointed her finger at Tony and Angela, and giggled madly. Then she pulled the door closed behind herself. Seconds later, they heard Sam's car backing out of the driveway.
"What's going on?" Angela asked, dabbing sweat off her neck and forehead with a small towel.
"Mona told them."
"Told them what?"
"That I'm going to ask you out on a date."
"Oh." Somehow, she hadn't thought of this possibility before. But of course her mother would blab to the kids – Mona couldn't keep anything juicy to herself for more than a couple of minutes.
"The kids want us to go out together," Tony said.
Angela nodded, processing this information. It made sense to her that Jonathan and Samantha would want their two parent figures to have a more 'conventional' relationship.
"Are you that surprised?" she said gently. "Remember when Jonathan set us up at Chez René? And how excited Sam was when she found out that it might have been the two of us at Kissing Rock?"
"Yeah, I remember. And I guess it's not that surprising." Tony sighed. "I just … I wasn't expecting them to find out about this. I mean, we weren't gonna tell anybody, take the pressure off. And now the whole house knows."
Angela stepped closer to him. "Tony, think about it. What do they really know? We're going out on a date. One date. Which is going to go horribly," she reminded him with a wink.
He considered this for a moment. "Right." Then, with another sigh, "Hey, at least this way we know that they don't hate the idea."
"Exactly." Angela reached for his hand but stopped herself when she realized that while the kids were safely on their way to school, Mona was due to arrive for breakfast any second now.
"Why don't we look at this as a test run? We'll make a big show of it: getting ready, all nervous, asking Mother and the kids for advice … It could be fun. And when we get back, we'll tell them our little story."
"Where I'm an idiot who takes you to a comedy club instead of someplace romantic."
She shrugged, playful and resigned at the same time. "One of us has to take the fall."
"I guess this one is on me, huh?" Tony looked at her from under furrowed eyebrows, like a remorseful puppy.
"Kind of."
He exhaled loudly. "And then we'll say that we need some time to recover before trying again. And in the meantime, we're … best friends?"
"Exactly. No harm done." She tried to give him an encouraging smile and was glad to see him relax a little.
ooooooooo
That night, Angela did her best to put on a show in front of Mona and Samantha, who joined her in her bedroom to provide moral support as she prepared for the date. In the service of credibility, Angela dragged out the process: trying on earrings and clothes, modeling various shades of lipstick and different hairstyles.
Eventually, she settled on the shiny, light-pink dress with the bow in front that she had had in mind all along. She left her hair open and went for a look of elegant understatement with small pearl earrings and the single-diamond necklace that she wore every day.
She had to admit, it did feel a little strange to be talking about a date with Tony this openly, and to have her mother and Samantha cheer her on. Before Angela knew it, her excitement wasn't all pretend anymore – she was actually starting to feel jittery, but she tried to embrace the feeling and make it work to her advantage.
Staring at herself in the full-length mirror, she declared dramatically, "This isn't right!"
"Angela, come on," Mona reminded her, "Tony is waiting."
"Oh, yeah," Angela pretended to realize. Turning to Samantha, she said, "Would you go downstairs and tell your father I'll be right down?"
Sam shook her head. "Nope, nope. Can't lie to him."
"Try!" Angela begged her rather melodramatically, and Sam gave in. With a drawn-out, "Okaaay," she left the bedroom.
Angela's display of pre-date nerves continued. "Ahhh, jewelry, jewelry," she mumbled, rifling through one of her dresser drawers.
"So," Mona asked, oblivious to Angela's fake distress, "where is Tony taking you?"
Angela abandoned her pseudo-mission to find some more jewelry to wear and turned to face her mother. "Well, he's being very mysterious, all he said was that it's nice. Probably some little romantic place … Does this say romance?" She indicated her dress.
"Undo a button," Mona quipped.
Angela gave her a look. The dress was already pretty low-cut. Earlier tonight, Angela had spent twenty minutes locked in the bathroom, trying to make absolutely sure the yellow remains of her hickey were sufficiently covered with waterproof make-up before daring to face Sam and Mona.
"You know, Mother, I just can't help wondering what this could be leading to," Angela sighed, wringing her hands.
"Oh, Angela, don't wonder, just let it happen," was Mona's sage reply.
If only she knew how close to it she and Tony had gotten this past weekend.
"Then again, maybe it's leading to nothing …" Angela mused to throw Mona off the scent and prepare the ground for later.
But her mother was not having it. "Angela, look – just have fun. Stop analyzing this to death."
Angela exhaled. "Thank you, Mother, you are a comfort." Strangely, she truly meant what she said, it was weirdly calming to receive Mona's advice. Angela drew her mother into a hug and even gave her a peck on the cheek.
Then she gave herself one last look in the mirror and straightened her shoulders. "Well, I'm off."
She already had her hand on the door handle when Mona spoke up one more time.
"Oops, I almost forgot. Don't walk out the door without one of these. You can't be too safe." She threw a small object towards Angela, who had the presence of mind to reach out and catch it.
This felt like … no, it couldn't be. Looking down, Angela discovered that she was holding a small foil package in her hands.
Of course it was. Her mother had thrown her a condom.
"Mother!" she gasped.
"What? A mother can dream!"
"And what kind of dream would that be?" Angela asked, only half-serious. It was probably the same kind of dream she had been having all week after bidding Tony good night in the hallway.
"I suppose this is my way of wishing you two good luck," Mona said with a gleam in her eye.
"You're impossible." Angela laughed and grabbed her purse off the dresser.
She considered throwing the condom back, but then decided to go the path of least resistance by slipping it into her purse instead, carefully avoiding her mother's gaze.
ooooooooo
When she came down the stairs and saw Tony waiting for her by the door, Angela's stomach did a backflip. He looked so handsome in his sports coat and tie, and the way he smiled at her made her wish that her mother and the kids weren't there so that she could fly straight into his arms.
Images of one fateful night almost twenty years ago came back to Angela: catching the hem of her dress with the heel of her shoe, tumbling down a whole flight of stairs and landing at the bottom wearing nothing but her slip and a wrist corsage.
Or was she really remembering a different night, about four years ago, when fog in Boston led to dinner for two for Tony and her, and she told him the story about her sorority ball?
Either way, she was especially mindful of holding on to the banister as she took step after step, only briefly indulging herself – and Tony – by doing a little twirl to show off her dress.
"Don't milk it, dear," Mona said, true to form.
Angela felt a quick flash of disappointment at the comment, but decided not to let Mona ruin her moment. She walked down the rest of the stairs and made a beeline towards Tony.
"Oh, wow. You look beautiful." There was such warmth in his eyes as he took her in, such promise of things to come, that it made Angela speechless for a moment.
"Thank you," she finally managed and felt a big, goofy grin tugging on her cheeks.
At the back of her mind, she wondered what her mother and the kids were seeing right now, what they thought of it, and whether any of them were really buying their act.
ooooooooo
"That was really sweet of you. Knocking on the door like that. And thank you for the flowers, they're beautiful," Angela said when they were finally alone.
"You're welcome," Tony said without taking his eyes off the road. "We agreed we'd go all out for this."
"Yeah, we did. Do you think they noticed anything?"
"Mona and the kids? Nah. I don't think so."
Angela wondered briefly whether she should bring up the condom. Why would her mother do such a thing if she didn't suspect something? She had never been this overt before in her allusions. But if she said anything, it would probably give Tony the wrong idea.
With a quiet sigh, Angela leaned back in the passenger seat.
Except for linking arms on the way to the car, they hadn't even touched yet, for fear of any family members spying on them through the living room or kitchen windows. Their situation was as complicated as ever, but she resolved to shove all of that aside for tonight. The next couple of hours belonged only to them, not to her mother or the children or the busybodies on Oak Hills Drive or anywhere else in the tri-state area.
Angela turned her head and studied Tony's profile, his strong nose and well-defined jawline.
They had opted for the Jaguar, as they tended to do more and more these days, seeing as the van was becoming increasingly unreliable the older it got. She was happy that Tony felt comfortable driving it, even though it was technically her car, and this outing didn't have anything to do with his job. Angela was an enlightened woman through and through, but on occasion, she enjoyed a more traditional role distribution. Tonight was definitely one of those occasions.
They drove in comfortable silence for a couple of minutes before Tony cleared his throat. "So, listen, I want you to know that I realize where we're about to go may not be what you're expecting."
"Oh?" Angela shifted her focus from Tony to the cityscape passing by outside the windows. Indeed, they were not going the usual way, towards the station. Somehow, she had assumed they were headed for the City. Instead, they were driving in the opposite direction, parallel to the tracks, and had been for a while – she had just been too lost in thought to notice.
"I'm sure you picked somewhere nice."
Tony chuckled nervously. "I'll leave that up to you to decide."
"Now you're starting to scare me," she said, although she wasn't too worried. Tony looked like he had a plan.
Angela continued to peer into the darkness and recognized street signs for the I-95. After a couple of minutes, Tony made a left turn through an underpass. They came back up in a rather run-down part of town that was wedged between the Interstate and the train tracks, and it began to dawn on Angela where Tony was taking them. Only why, she had no earthly idea.
"Tony?"
He gave her a quick look before focusing his attention on the road again. "Do you recognize it?"
"I think so." Memories came flooding back, and she wasn't sure what to make of this.
"I promise, it'll make sense."
"If you say so. But I don't think I'm dressed for hula dancing."
"Don't worry. We don't have to stay too long. Just one drink."
He pulled the Jag into the parking lot that the bar shared with a pizza delivery service and a motorcycle repair shop. They got out, and Angela let Tony take the lead. He opened the door, holding it for her as she walked inside.
The place hadn't changed since her birthday. Still the same Hawaiian décor, still the same bartender. Joe, if she recalled correctly.
"Hello," she said tentatively when she saw him looking at her.
"Hey!" Joe said. "I remember you! You're the one with the deep-seated desire."
She waved at him awkwardly and forced a laugh.
"Oh, and there's the man himself! Good to see you again. You didn't by any chance bring Mona, did you?"
"Sorry man, she's booked solid until Christmas," Tony retorted.
"Too bad," Joe said with a regretful shake of his head. "What can I get you two?"
"How about a table?" Tony said.
"Knock yourselves out." Joe gestured at the mostly empty room. This early in the evening, only two other tables were occupied.
Tony looked around the room and pointed at a table in the far corner, away from the other patrons and also a good distance from the bar. "That one look good?"
Angela nodded and followed him to the table.
"And what's it going to be?" Joe asked, walking up to them when they had sat down. "I'm your waiter, too. Wait staff doesn't start until nine."
"I'll have a Virgin Tequila Sunrise." Having assumed that they would go to a restaurant, Angela hadn't eaten anything. If she drank alcohol now, who knew what would happen.
"For old times' sake, eh?" Joe said as he jotted down her order.
"And a Bud Light for me," Tony said.
"Coming right up." Joe shoved his pad and pencil into the pocket of his Hawaiian shirt and walked back to the bar. True to his word, he was back with their drinks in no time.
"So," Angela said when it seemed that they could finally talk without interruptions.
"This really isn't what you were expecting, is it?" Tony asked.
"Not quite." She gave him an amused smile, curious to find out where he was going with this.
"Don't worry, we have reservations at an Italian restaurant in Bridgeport. It's just – I wanted to get this out of the way first. Because I've been thinking about it all week, and I have to admit I'm kinda nervous."
"About what, Tony?"
"Remember last time we were here?"
"Of course," she said and felt heat rise to her face. They had made a lot of progress since then, but she was still embarrassed about blathering in her sleep for the whole family to hear.
Tony took a large sip of his beer. "And do you remember what we talked about?"
Angela reached for the yellow plastic straw in her drink and began to stir. "Yes."
"Good. Because … Well, let me put it this way, Angela. Since we got back from St. Louis, I've been trying to figure out how we could move forward. And I just can't come up with a good plan. I guess that's going to take some more time. But I think I'm probably speaking for both of us here when I say that it hasn't been an easy week. Living in the same house, pretending that nothing is different."
She looked up and saw him fixing her with the same intense gaze as the past couple of nights in the upstairs hallway.
"No, it hasn't been easy," she admitted.
He nodded. "It's driving me nuts that I can't do anything to change that. Right now I just can't … I can't give you normal dating at this point, I don't think. And I hate that."
Angela nodded. She understood, but she still wished that Tony would get over himself where this was concerned. People were talking about them already, the rumors had been around for years. So what if they did confirm them now? Would that be the end of the world? Would it really be so terrible for the kids? She suspected that the biggest issue here was Tony's self-image. And she couldn't do very much about that, except provide support where- and whenever he let her.
He reached across the table and took her hand. "I didn't sleep too well this week," he said. "I kept thinking about you. Just a couple of steps down the hall. You know?" he looked up at her, and she saw that his cheeks and the tips of his ears had grown red.
"I know what you mean," she said softly and interlaced her fingers with his.
"Uh, and since I wasn't sleeping, I had some time to try and come up with something that I can give you. Now." His brown eyes bored into hers, and Angela's heart began to beat faster.
"Tony, I-"
She wanted to tell him that he didn't have to give her anything. That all she wanted was for them to continue on the path they were on, that she trusted it would lead them somewhere eventually. But he spoke up again before she could find the words.
"And then I thought of what we talked about on your birthday. When you came here to hide. Because you'd said something that we've both said before. Just not to each other. Not with real words, anyway. Not while we were conscious." Tony paused and pursed his lips as he continued to hold her gaze, letting his words hang in the air.
Of course, Angela also remembered their conversation on her birthday.
'I don't have to be unconscious to tell you how I feel.'
'So? Tell me.'
And then he hadn't been able to do it. Just like last Sunday in the jacuzzi.
She had recognized it in his eyes, the struggle, the disappointment. Because she knew what it felt like to consider stepping over the line. To be staring into the abyss, preparing to take the leap. And then to come up against some invisible wall, and to pull back at the last moment.
Angela herself had backpedaled at least twice. The first time when Tony had his appendix out and she visited him in the hospital and didn't say anything. The second time after Frankie's proposal and her emergency session with Dr Bellows.
Could it be that this was it, though? Was he going to do it this time?
Angela swallowed drily. She could taste adrenaline in her mouth and her hands started to tremble. "Tony, what are you saying?"
He looked down at their joined hands. "When we watched those movies a couple of weeks ago, of you and Michael and Jonathan? I don't know, something changed for me. I guess I realized … For the longest time I used to think that things between us would sort themselves out. Sooner or later, one way or the other. That it would just happen if it was meant to be. Even though we're so different. But that's not really true, is it?" He gave her a meaningful look. "We can't just wait around. We have to try and make it happen. If we want- well, what we talked about."
If we want a baby, Angela finished his sentence in her head. She squeezed Tony's hand, and felt him squeeze back.
"I thought about all these things, and about St. Louis, and how good it was being with you, and I thought that maybe doing this right, coming back here and telling you what I should have told you on your birthday … maybe that's something I can do right now, to show you that I'm serious about this. About figuring us out. Even though some of the other stuff is going to take more time, I can at least tell you the truth."
Angela stared at him, unable to respond in any way. Tony shifted in his seat, and she felt the sweaty palm of his hand against hers. He took a deep breath before continuing.
"And the truth is – I love you."
Time stopped. The room disappeared around her. Everything except for Tony's face went out of focus, all she heard was the blood rushing in her ears. It felt as if they were underwater.
She clasped her free hand over her mouth, almost knocking over her drink. "What did you say?"
"I love you," Tony repeated, his voice hoarse with emotion. "I've loved you for a long time. I guess I just couldn't admit it to myself, or I didn't understand it or something. Or maybe I was afraid. No, scratch that. I am afraid. I'm definitely afraid. But I think we can't let that stop us."
Then he looked at her anxiously, waiting for a reaction.
Every nerve ending in Angela's body was tingling. He had gone and done it, he had said it first.
"Tony," she choked out, "you have no idea how much this means to me."
On wobbly legs, she rose from her chair and walked around the small table. Tony got up just in time to receive her in a hug so tight she thought it might crush her ribcage. Not that she cared.
"I love you too," she whispered close to his ear. "And I don't want us to be afraid anymore."