Chapter 30

"Two toms and two she-cats. Four healthy kits," Frostbite announced.

"You did wonderfully," Boulderfang told Songheart. "So do you have any ideas for names?"

"I think Puddlekit would be a good name for the brown she-cat," Songheart said.

Her voice sounded weak and tired. And for the first time it struck me. This was actually happening. This was it for her.

"That's a great name," Boulderfang told her.

"I also like Tigerkit for the brown tabby tom," Songheart said.

It was almost as if she was fading, her voice weaker now than before. This shouldn't be happening. It can't. It just can't.

"I like that name too," Boulderfang told her.

"Oh, and Gravelkit for the gray one," she said. "Wait, I've named three of the four. That's not exactly fair."

Not much longer now. The breaths were counting down to the last one. Ever so closer it came. And we all knew it. We all felt its presence.

"No, it's fine," Boulderfang reassured her. "They're all great names for amazing kits."

"You can name the last one," she told him.

After everything. This was it. No glorious battle, it just happens. It didn't feel real. Everything felt gray as I awaited the inevitable. As we all waited.

"Her name will be Songkit," Boulderfang said.

Songheart didn't answer. No one said anything, as if she would answer. Time felt like it had frozen. The only sound was the kits, too young to realize what was happening. What had happened.

"She's dead," Frostbite announced.

I didn't feel the expected wave of emotion. I just felt numb. It didn't happen. It couldn't have. I leaned against Silentstorm, as if supporting my weight would somehow support the wave of realization crashing down on me. Songheart has always been there. She was in every way except blood my sister. But she was dead. There was no bloody battle, just a grim finality. Dead.

"I'm going back to the elders den," Pineclaw said after who knows how long.

"I need to go tell Tallblaze to bring Deathfire back and then we'll prepare her for the vigil," Frostbite said.

We sat in silence for a while longer. "What about my kits? Who will take care of them?" Boulderfang asked after a while.

"Well, perhaps your sister could for the moment as she's already in the nursery," Frostbite suggested.

"Not her," Boulderfang said. "No way."

"Then you could search for someone who is willing if you wish, or even take the responsibility yourself," Frostbite said.

"I don't think I'm particularly cut out for sitting around in the nursery, though I will if necessary," Boulderfang said. "Though I'm not sure who would volunteer to take care of someone else's kits."

"I would," Deathfire said from the other side of the den.

"Really?" Boulderfang asked.

"Sure," she answered. "I'd be happy to help. After all, I know what it's like to lose a mother at birth and how hard it can be. These kits deserve to have at least a mother figure, like Cranepool provided for me. So yeah, I'll totally take care of them."

"Thank you so much!" Boulderfang told her. "You are amazing."

"It's really no problem," Deathfire said.

"Well, it still means a lot to me," Boulderfang said.

"We should probably go train some," Silentstorm said.

"Okay," I said. We both got up and headed out of camp.

We walked in silence for a while, everything weighing on my mind. Neither of us talked about what we were feeling, the pain we both knew the other was feeling. I finally broke the silence to ask a simple question, one I knew the answer to but at the same time didn't. "Are you okay?"

She didn't answer for a moment. Then she went off. "Of course I'm okay!" Silentstorm snapped. "I'm always okay! Nothing bothers me! I'm completely fine! I— I'm not okay." Her irritation quickly faded into a heavy sorrow.

"I'm not either," I whispered. "I'm not sure when I'll be okay."

She stopped walking so I did as well. "It feels wrong," she said. "Everything feels wrong."

"I know," I told her.

"I need to be alone," she stated and walked off, leaving me by myself.

I felt very alone at that moment. I felt myself slightly shaking. It had happened. I still didn't fully comprehend and I wasn't sure I wanted to. Songheart was dead. She wasn't coming back. So many deaths I had witnessed yet none hit like this. This one there was nothing we could have done. I suppose someday I'd see her again in StarClan. That could still be a long time, but someday.

Death. I had been in the face of death on several occasions yet always avoided it. I had seen the harsh reality of it, the loss it causes. I had knew it would take all of us eventually. Somehow, despite being aware of this cruelty, I hadn't been prepared for death to actually sink its dark fangs into one of us.

I sat there until late which was when I remembered the vigil. I ran to camp, arriving just in time to feel the last warmth of sunlight on the far reaches of camp. Silentstorm had already came back to camp, to my surprise. I sat by her. For once I was glad I couldn't see. I didn't want to see Songheart's lifeless body and deal with the reality of what had happened, what I knew had happened, yet still didn't fully accept.

But I knew it happened. As unreal as it felt, it had. Almost everything was the same. The sun would rise tomorrow like any other day and Clan life would continue. We'd fight against Flurrytail, battle for survival, make sure Wingstar didn't find anything to condemn Deathfire, help Deathfire keep her secret, and just carry out the normal warrior duties. Yet things would never be exactly the same because we were missing something. Someone. Songheart.

Songheart was dead and there was nothing we could do about it.

Life goes on.

Author Note: And that's the end of book 4, guys! Heh heh, I'm sorry for the sad ending... I'm also sorry for not uploading last week, we had internet problems and I forgot. I also apologize for getting this out a day extra late, we had yesterday off and I forgot it was Monday. Anyway, I have over 2/3 of the next book done and will get that out asap, but with the end of school and my motivational issues, please be patient. Anyway, leave a review as long as you aren't going to rage about Songheart's death. Or do, my goal in life is to make you all suffer with my characters. Nah, I'm actually sorry. Anyway, I'll see you guys soon enough hopefully. Happy pride month!

-Rowan W