Chapter 5

They just sat there staring at me with wide eyes. But I continued to look ahead, refusing to look at their leaking emotions. I felt angry at myself for making this decision, but it's for the best of everyone. My glare burned a hole through the back wall. This all could have been avoided if I never left 2J on date night.

"WHAT?!" They suddenly shouted, startling me out of my thoughts. The group towered over me as they stood up, glaring at me with various expressions. "What do you mean you quit Big Time Rush?!"

I frowned, knowing how hard it is going to convince them. "I can't risk you all getting hurt now that I'll be in one of the most feared groups in all of Los Angeles," I explained seriously. "If you haven't realized, Big Time Rush is famous. That means that if the family uses you, they'll have the attention they want."

"But wouldn't they recognize you?" Logan pointed out. I sighed as I stood up then adjusting my belt to avoid their eyes.

"That's not important and none of your concern," I stated sharply. "Listen, I know you all are going to fight me on this, but it isn't in your control."

"Like hell it is!" Kendall exclaimed. Mrs. Knight gave him a warning look, but he ignored it. "If you think that we'll let you go out there and risk your life then you're not thinking straight."

"Yeah! You're our friend, Carlos, we can't let you go out there and face the crimes out there alone," James agreed. I clenched my teeth, feeling frustration build up inside of me.

"You're not quitting the band because we're not letting you get yourself in trouble," Logan snapped. I sharply looked at them, glaring at my friends, as I slammed my fists on the table. They flinched by the sudden movement.

"I'm NOT letting you stand in my way of stopping them!" I shouted. "You forget your place. I hold more power than all of you. You may be older than I am, but in matters of power, I hold all the cards."

They seemed shocked at my response, but I needed my words to get through their heads.

"As an officer of the law, I order you to stay out of the way of my job," I snarled. I eyed them all closely – Mrs. Knight, Kelly, and, surprisingly, Gustavo seemed to recognize my warning. My friends, however, had that look I've been able to recognize. So I pointed three accusing fingers at them. "And you three! You better not do anything stupid. I can arrest you."

They glared at me. I put down my fingers and looked at all of them again. I felt a twinge of guilt growing in my heart, but I pushed it down.

"Does everyone understand what's happening?" I asked in an orderly fashion. They nodded, but that wasn't good enough. I used the power of my authority to say, "I didn't hear a 'yes, sir."

They all seemed annoyed by the request, especially Gustavo and the guys. Begrudgingly, they said what I wanted to hear. I smiled inwardly before nodding curtly then leaving the room.

There, I did it. I pushed them out of my life. I let out a shaky breath as I left the building to walk all the way to the Palm Woods. I have a pit in my stomach. It began to make itself known when I found out who Maria really is, but as time went on, it grew. Now that I've quit Big Time Rush and made the decision to not see my friends again, I can be a hundred percent sure that the pit grew ten times as big.

I had mindlessly reached the hotel and entered it depressingly. Camille, Jo, the Jennifers, Lightning, practically everyone I knew greeted me as usual, but I never returned it. I didn't even acknowledge them. Before I knew it, I had packed all my belongings in a single duffel bag and left the Palm Woods forever.

Kendall's P.O.V.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. No way did our little Carlitos tell his best friends to get out of his way. I was so shocked in my seat that I had to literally slap myself once he left the room after he ordered us to talk to him formally.

"I can't believe he left," James whispered. I had to agree. A deep frown formed on all of our faces, just rethinking the conversation we had with our friend- No. That Carlos isn't our friend. He wouldn't do such a thing. That was Officer Garcia, someone who has no room for personal life and is corrupted by power.

"Now what are we going to do?" Logan looked at me, along with James. Their eyes screamed with desperation. I knew what they wanted me to do, but before I could say anything, Gustavo beat me to it.

"You three are going to continue the band," he declared. We looked at him in disbelief. "It's only you three now."

"What?! We can't do the band without Carlos," James protested.

"You can and you will," Gustavo retorted.

"There isn't much we can do, guys," Kelly spoke up. "Carlos is right. He has a job now, a more important one, no matter how dangerous it is."

"But-" My mom cut me off with a gentle yet regretful look.

"We have to let him go. He's an adult now, we can't make his decisions, only he can," she softly insisted. Gustavo and Kelly left the room with my mom after that, most likely to discuss what was going to happen. But the rest of us stayed. Logan and James immediately turned to me.

"Alright, Kendall, what's the plan?" James questioned.

"No way are we letting Carlos get killed just for our protection," I smiled knowingly. "Logan, do you remember if the police academy is accepting new members?"

"They're always accepting and we meet the requirements," he nodded with a similar smile. I grinned.

"I guess Carlos will have some new partners in this case. Pack up your stuff, we're going to boot camp!" We cheered quietly, knowing the other older adults were in the other room.

"Wait, but what about them?" James suddenly brought up, referring to Gustavo's office. "They're not going to let us head to the academy like Carlos, we're still under contract."

"Actually, as long as we attend the first day of training, they can't pull us out," Logan mentioned.

"Then the only way to do that is by leaving without them knowing," I suggested. "I have a plan, but we need to call in and leave tonight. Remember, we're doing this for Carlos."

"Right," they agreed instantaneously.

Carlos' P.O.V.

It's been a few days since the incident at Rocque Records. Since then, I've moved into a place of my own. It was an average-sized house – one master bedroom, a guest room, a kitchen, bathroom, living room, dining room – and had a lovely backyard. It was nice and cozy, considering I didn't have to share with anyone anymore.

But it does get really lonely. I don't have much furniture, which makes it all the more empty. Every time I wake up, I have the instinct to rush into the bathroom… but then I realize that James isn't there to hog it. I walk into the kitchen, smiling and happy like usual, but then I stop short… there's no Logan making toast. After breakfast, I walk over and sit on the couch, but then I look at the empty seat next to me… Kendall usually sat at the end to watch the recent hockey game.

That's why I try to stay away from the empty building most of the time. I don't like to be alone, but now I have to live that way. I barely get any sleep when I am there. It stinks.

But moving past the depressing life, I was currently at Maria's place. I have yet to tell her that I want to join the Garcia cartel. But I also have to keep in mind that I'm an undercover cop, but she thinks that I'm a bodyguard for Gustavo. Aye caramba, this is going to be difficult.

"So, what brings you here?" Maria asked after she led me inside. We both sat on her Killer Couch, which I now called it since it killed my back last time. I let out a long sigh.

"I quit my job," I answered. She gasped a bit, her eyes quickly shifting to worry.

"What? Why?"

"Because I wanted to join the Garcia family to protect you," I said sincerely.

"Carlos-" I cut her off by grabbing her hands, cupping them in mine.

"After Butch came here and I tied you up, I knew that I couldn't let you get hurt. I know that you want to tell me that I shouldn't, but I really want to," I stared at her with such intensity she seemed a little freakout. I closed my eyes for a moment before reopening them to stare at her soft tan hands. "I have a plan so you don't have to live like this either. I've been thinking… if El Curso trusts me, then we could be together. No good. No bad. I could help you so you don't feel so upset, but you have to trust me."

"Carlos…," she paused. I looked up at her with hesitancy. She seemed to have the same feeling based on her expression. After a moment, she looked at me seriously. "Are you sure you want to do this? You might have to do things that… won't be good."

I took a deep breath. "If that's what it takes to keep you and everyone else safe," I nodded. Then she pulled away. I frowned.

"If you want to get El Curso to even notice you, you'll need to do something big to get his attention," Maria began. She placed a finger on her chin, her eyebrows furrowing in concentration. Then, after a minute, she snapped her fingers. "You have to save his life."

"What?" I raised my eyebrows in surprise. Saving a crime boss? That's hardcore.

"The only way he can see your loyalty is by doing something a normal 'bystander' wouldn't do," she explained. "Just think about it; you see El Curso running away from the police and you see him all helpless, as well as a wanted poster of him. You lead the police away, he thinks you're his hero, you prove that you are loyal, you become BFFs with El Curso. Simple."

"Uh, I'm pretty sure it… isn't that simple," I winced.

"Of course it wouldn't," she rolled her eyes. "We have to work our way up."

"But how are we supposed to get the big bad boss alone and to get the police after him?" I questioned. She smirked at me.

"I know a couple of actors that I can pay to act like cops," Maria answered easily. "As for getting him alone, I have another plan for that."

I stared at her for a long moment. This girl is nuts. Yet I admire it. Those brown eyes with a hint of red swirls just make me lose concentration. Before I knew it, we had gotten closer until our lips were pressing against each other. Her lips were soft and welcoming. She was perfect, she was all I could ever ask for.

But then she pulled away. I looked at her in confusion, but her eyes gleamed with a negative emotion that I couldn't place. She just shook her head, quietly apologized, before leaving for her bedroom. I just sat there, wondering why she gave me that look and what I did wrong.

I decided that I shouldn't go see if she was okay. Not that I didn't want to, but I could tell that she wanted some space. Plus, Maria is a tough woman, she looks like she can handle any situation.

Yet that didn't fix the tightening around my chest. Then I remembered that I needed to go back to my empty apartment. I gulped warily. Why do I feel like this entire thing is my fault? Why Maria is upset and why I live alone is almost definitely my doing. So I sighed tiredly then stood up and left the house, not before I threw one last glance at the hallway that led to Maria's room.

Once I closed the door, a fresh breeze hit my face. The sun was out and everything was perfect. Yet I deeply frowned. My tired mind just stuck to one thought as I made my way back home. One thought that branched into different insecurities. One thought that I didn't have any doubts in. That one thought haunted me.

This is all my fault.

TBC...