Chapter 12

I drove the car, keeping my eyes steady on the plain deserted road in front of me. The vehicle had been silent the moment my friends entered it. Maria had woken up sometime later and she too was just as angry at me.

I felt a little betrayed, maybe more than I think, knowing everyone thinks I'm going to murder them just because El Curso gave me the order. I would never do such a thing but, for some reason, the rest don't believe me.

I felt overwhelming guilt, knowing what I had done a few hours before. Dropping the bomb on Maria about my true identity, having my friends overheard the confrontation with El Curso, making them all leave their lives just because of me.

It's my fault. (It's your fault.) I dragged them all into my business, put them in unnecessary danger just because I wanted to help others. This was too big for me, yet I didn't listen. (You never listen.)

I wonder what my best friends are thinking… Ever since I met them at the apartment, they seemed tense around me. I lost their trust, I realized, despite knowing I haven't done anything remotely bad to them. James' glare burned right through my head, reaching all the way to my heart, making it ache. He hates me, probably because I chose Maria first over them. Yet they can take care of themselves just fine, she can't. Logan's hesitant nervous glances make me want to cry. Even the genius didn't seem to know what to do. Kendall kept his face blank, it was the best poker face I've ever seen. But a mask can never cover the eyes and you can never have a poker body. He seems defensive, protective – like he expects me to attack them at any moment.

(This hurts you, doesn't it? But that's the price to pay.) Please… just shut up. I can't deal with you right now. (Is someone tired? Are you about to give up? Pathetic! What kind of friend are you?! You would rather die than try to save your friends!) I'm trying! (Yeah, sure. You're not trying, you never have! So why don't you just take your own life right now, you son of a-!)

"Carlos?" Logan's confused voice brought me back into the real world. (You would love to leave it, wouldn't you?) I looked at him, but he was busy looking around. "Why'd you stop here?"

I snapped my attention to the road… or, what I think was the road. I looked around. We're not even near the highway anymore, we're in the middle of nowhere. I whispered a curse. I wasn't paying attention to where I was driving. Why didn't anyone stop me-?! (Blaming them now? Interesting.) I huffed in frustration. I guess this would have to do. I don't have any gas left either, so I guess we'll have to make camp until I think of something else.

"We'll take a break here until I think of something. There's no gas so better get comfortable," I grumbled. I quickly got out of the car before anyone could say anything. I walked a little away from the car, observing my surroundings. Where the heck are we? All I see are mountains, dirt, and dry dead bushes. I know that I drove for a few hours, so we're obviously not in LA anymore, but I guess that decreases the chances of El Curso finding us, so that's that.

I dug in my pocket before pulling out a flask. I unscrewed the cap and drank some sips. (You sicken me.) Yeah? Join the club.

I took a glance behind me, checking the car but found it empty. Not too far from where I am were my friends and Maria, talking about something in low voices. My eyes darkened, replacing my stressed look with a tight glare.

(They're talking about you, aren't they?) Of course, they are, why wouldn't they be? They're just planning to run once I mess up. It's not like I'm going to do anything that might hurt them. (And what are you going to do about it?) I scoffed. I shook my head before I drank the rest of my drink. This was probably the most I ever digested in one go and I could feel myself fall under the influence.

I tossed my flask away and pulled out my pistol. Do they want to leave? Do they think I'm going to hurt them? I chuckled. They think I'm going to kill them?! (Good. Show them what you're capable of. Show them that you can do the worst, but for their protection!) I didn't give much thought before I whirled around and shot a bullet at the car.

My friends jumped back in surprise and fear, scooting back as I let out a barrage of bullets on the car. I marched up to the vehicle and grabbed an old pipe I found before smashing the car in any way I could. My anger lashed out as I destroyed the front hood, along with the front windshield. But this wasn't enough. I quickly moved to the trunk and pulled out a gas can from it. I didn't think much about how I had it but I knew it was perfect.

I poured the gasoline all across the car, making sure that no spot wasn't covered. Once that was done, I stepped a few feet back and lit a match. The car lit up in flames the moment the fire touched the gasoline. I watched it burn for a few minutes, then the car exploded entirely.

I finally let out a deep breath. Wow, that felt good.

I turned to where my friends were standing, but I found no one. I frantically looked around but no trace was left of them. They left. After everything I sacrificed, they left me.

And then I started giggling. It was slow and quiet, but it grew longer and louder until I was full-blown laughing like a maniac in the middle of the desert. I wiped my eyes and I quickly realized that I was crying. My laughter died down until it became sobs. I dropped down onto my knees and watched the burning car that I caused.

(What a broken boy. Sad, yet accurate. Angry, yet confused. Alone, yet comfortable.)

"Carlos?... Carlos?" I looked to my right. It was Logan, shaking me by my shoulder. I looked around and realized that we were back in the car, everyone else was in the back seat while I was driving on the road. Did that… not happen? "Are you okay?"

"I…," I trailed off, seeing a destroyed car on the side of the road that looked awfully familiar. I cleared my throat and gave a shaky smile. "Yeah, I'm good."

It was obvious that he didn't believe me, I would be surprised if he did, but Logan left the topic alone. While I was thankful, I looked back to my other passengers. They quietly sat there, off in their own heads, their tense bodies still clearly identifiable.

I clenched my jaw, working it back and forth until I thought of an idea. I suddenly turned on the radio, which played smooth music, getting everyone's attention.

"And now it's time for the top hit:..." the announcer said after the song ended. "Windows Down by Big Time Rush!"

My heart skipped a beat as the familiar soundtrack filled our ears. I frantically pressed the off button, shutting down the radio again. An awkward tense silence filled the car again, making me clench my fist. I hate silence.

It was extremely painful, but finally, we made it to a pit stop. A motel was found in the middle of nowhere, which is the perfect place to stop for a break. Everyone seemed a little relieved to stretch their legs, however, the moment I parked the car, my phone rang. No one left the car. The others intensely watched me and my phone.

Weird. I have no signal, so how could I be getting a call? I picked up the unknown number but was greeted with heavy breathing. The rest could hear the eerie sound since it was loud enough to hear.

"... Hello?" I spoke after a few seconds.

"Hola, mijo-" I didn't let him finish. I hastily threw my phone out the window and put the car into drive before zooming out of the motel at great speed. Frick frick frick frick frick!

"Carlos, who was that?" Kendall demanded. I didn't pay attention as I looked in my rearview mirror. My eyes widened to see a convoy of cars following us.

"Shit!" I shouted, pressing on the gas pedal as hard as I could. I kept checking behind me and saw people point guns our way. "Everyone, duck!"

They did. Not a second too soon, bullets came flying our way. The rest screamed as I tried to steady our vehicle. Logan looked up from his ducking position, peering over the dashboard. His eyes suddenly widened.

"Carlos, look out!" He yelled. I snapped up in my seat and also widened my eyes. I stepped on the breaks, trying my best to keep us from ramming into the wall of cars. The vehicle screeched all the way until it was a small distance from the line, finally coming to a halt. The other cars from before encircled us from the back, trapping us from any means of escape.

Panic flashed in their eyes and I could feel myself losing control as well, but I kept my eyes fixed on the person who called me not too long ago. El Curso snapped his fingers and multiple large guys came up and ripped us out of the car, throwing us in a semi-circle in front of him after they tied us up. Fortunately for me, I had a small knife in my pocket.

We all glared at El Curso. He didn't say anything for a while, his eyes slowly gazing at all of us. Then he smiled.

"It's about time I've seen you all together!" He exclaimed happily. "Trust me, when I came looking for you, I didn't want anything to do with you. But after you made me drive all the way over here, I gotta admit, it is a pleasure."

"What do you want?!" Kendall barked, quickly surpassing my leadership.

"Nothing more than a little bloodshed," El Curso said simply. I began to get my knife as slowly as I could and began sawing away. "You know, I didn't think in all of my years would I have to kill a boy band before. Unfortunately, I won't be doing that."

"What do you mean?" Logan asked this time. "Don't you want to kill us?"

"Of course, after all the trouble you all caused me, but I'm not the one getting rid of you." He pointed at me. "He is."

I gulped. There was no way I was doing that and he couldn't make me.

"Ah, don't be such a sore loser! Don't you remember? You told me that you didn't care about them!" Curso continued. My best friends immediately looked at me and I widened my eyes. "You had a drink with me the second time we met! You told me that you always felt little compared to your friends. Like they always saw you as a stupid boy that could never make the right decisions. Don't you remember?"

"No! I-I didn't say that!" I cried but my friends still looked really guilty.

"Oh yes, you did! That's why you said you joined the life of crime because you wanted to prove to your friends that you weren't a screw-up!" Curso continued. He stood in front of me and stared at me dead in the eyes. "Tell us, do you not feel worthless compared to your friends?"

I opened my mouth, ready to stand up for myself and prove him wrong.

But then I realize… he wasn't wrong. El Curso knows that he's right because I let him question me. I let him know my secrets. And now everyone knows too.

"Carlos…?" James whispered. I looked away from them.

"And the truth reveals!" El Curso yelled out, prancing back into the front of the semi-circle. I darkly glared at him.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't kill you with my bare hands," I snarled. One of El Curso's goons hit my head. I grunted as I landed on the floor.

"Nah-ah, you wouldn't want to upset your fans, now would you?" El Curso chuckled. We all shot him with confused looks. But then he pointed to the left and a camera was positioned there, connected to dozens of wires. Next to it was a computer with a live video feed of what was happening. I widened my eyes and I'm sure everyone else was nervous too. "So what was that?"

I frowned but said nothing.

"Let us go! We did nothing to you!" Maria yelled. I almost forgot she was there.

"Mm, don't think too highly of yourself, you did things too," El Curso smirked. He suddenly walked up to her and grabbed her hair, bringing her face up to him. "You caused me a lot of trouble in the past and I think it's time you learned your lesson."

I felt something odd. Time seemed to slow down. Everyone tied down looked at Maria with panicked faces. I felt something in me. I felt it for a while now, maybe around the time, the voice spoke for the first time. Maybe it began when I first left 2J on date night. But this negative feeling was so strong, so fierce and foreign that it scared me. The moment El Curso touched Maria, something inside of me snapped. I heard a distinct chuckle in the back of my head and I knew whatever I was holding back was finally free.

And I knew I had no control over anything anymore.

Before he could do anything, I shot up and broke my ropes then pulled out my gun. In an instant, I shot a bullet. El Curso cried out in pain, his hand quickly wiping up to his neck. He slowly pulled out the dart and his eyes widened at the recognizable ND poisonous dart.

I saw Maria and my friends huddle close to each other as Curso dropped down. The poison started to take effect. His breathing became ragged, causing trouble for oxygen to enter his lungs. Red splotches formed all over his skin and seared him with pain.

"You know what? I learned a lot from you," I began. But I couldn't even recognize my own voice anymore. This voice that came out from my mouth was a deep snarl. For some reason, everyone froze around me. Even the guards. I bent down and grabbed him by the throat, pulling him closer to me. "You are a pathetic man, who lost his family and friends just so he could be special. And you were right. You may see some connections between us, but I'm nothing like you."

Curso looked at me with intense fear as a low gurgle of blood spilled from his mouth.

I smirked and got close to his ear. "Because unlike you, I make sure to finish my victims off." I ultimately plunged my knife into his stomach and watched El Curso fall back to the floor – dead. I sighed and got back up, looking around at the people watching around. (I told you I would take control. But you doubted me… This is my body now and you have no control over it.) No! NO! I-I didn't want this.

"You saw your boss, he's gone. Dead," I yelled to them. Please! Stop! (Shut up.) "Now I'm giving you two simple options; you can either let the police take you in for all the crimes that you participated in or follow me where there'll be a change in management."

"Dude, Carlos, what the heck are you talking about?" James glared at me. I scoffed.

"You didn't actually think I saved you, right?" I turned to them. "Yeah, no. What El Curso said was right, I have always been nothing compared to you guys and you are all the reason why that is."

"Carlos, please," Logan pleaded, his fearful look almost made me want to shoot myself. I have to take control. If I can- (Yeah, nice try. But you're not going anywhere.)

"Oh, who am I kidding," I chuckled. I waved the gun around once I put regular bullets inside. "I'm not going to kill you guys."

"Really?" Kendall said hopefully.

"Nope." I aimed at each one of them, firing my bullets at rapid speed. Their bodies dropped the moment the shots went off, lying motionless on the floor. I stared at their corpses for a long while. Time seemed to slow again.

What have I done? (What you were always afraid to do. You should be thanking me for getting rid of those… friends of yours.) Thank you? THANK YOU?! You killed them. You killed my best friends and my girlfriend! You killed my family! (Please… she wasn't even your-) THAT. DOESN'T. MATTER. You took everything from me! (Oh? And what are you going to do about it?)

I'm going to return the favor.

Then I instantly pointed the gun at my head and fired.

I gasped. A television screen was in front of me, the title screen reading 'The Crossroads'. I looked around and realized that I was in a white room. Based on the machines and wires connected to me, I was in the hospital. But why?

I looked to my left and I flinched harshly to see my best friends sleeping on chairs next to my bed. How are they alive?! I watched them die! I killed them!

… I killed them.

I felt sick to my stomach. What happened? What's going on? I didn't have much time to think when one of my friends started stirring awake. James' eyes fluttered open. He stretched out completely, bones cracking by his stiff muscles. James smacked his lips tiredly until his eyes made contact with mine.

There was a slight delay but his eyes instantly lit up like a Christmas tree.

"Carlos, you're awake!" He exclaimed, startling the other two out of their slumbers. James gave me a big hug, but I groaned when I felt my head throb in pain. He backed up quickly. "Oh, I'm sorry. Gosh, man, you have no idea how worried we were."

"'Worried'?" I repeated quietly, only now noticing how scratchy my throat felt. The guys shared a glance.

"You fell into a coma, Carlos. You've been asleep for almost three months," Logan finally admitted. I sat there for a long moment.

"How?" I asked eventually. Kendall gulped nervously.

"W-We found you after the hospital called us, telling us that you tried to stop a robbery but ended up wounded. You were shot in the head. The doctors did everything they could, and, um, you died a few times during surgery. They thought you weren't going to make it," Kendall explained quietly.

But wait… three months in a coma? I was working on the Garcia cartel case for three months. Shot in the head to stop a robbery? But… I remember stopping the criminal from getting away. And at the end, I shot myself in the head.

Was all of that… a dream? All of those things I did, all of the people I hurt, killing my friends and the love of my life. None of it was real?

I didn't know what to feel, I felt so conflicted that I felt like crying. But I didn't shed a single tear. So, if none of this happened, why did I dream about those things? Maria in the drug trade, the guys going off to police training, El Curso. My eyes drifted off to the television, which played a cutscene from the movie.

"In a world where two lovers could never be seen together. One cop and one drug dealer. No matter who keeps them apart, their feelings grow. But when the boss finds out, what will he do to them? And what will the cop do to himself?" The narrator explained dramatically. I furrowed my eyebrows. Did I get all of this… from a cheesy romance movie?

"Sorry there isn't anything more, the hospital was fairly limited on movie selections," Kendall apologized sheepishly. I waved my hand, dismissing the apology. I sat up straight and looked out the window.

"What's on your mind?" Logan asked. I sighed. Should I tell them? Or should I keep this to myself? Either way, I'm going to have that dream stuck in my head. So I took a deep breath and began my story from the beginning.

The guys listened intently, following my every word and perspective to the core. I told them everything that I could think of. All except for that little voice in my head. That didn't seem important. The guys seemed a little unnerved by some of the events that occurred in my head, especially with the last part. When I told them after I killed El Curso, I killed them too, they looked at me for a long moment.

Finally, Kendall sighed. "Even if that didn't happen, you would never do that. It was all a dream, no one got hurt and we are all alive," he reassured me. I nodded, I guess he did have a point.

But then I narrowed my eyes. "What if this is a dream too?" I wondered.

James then smacked my arm, making me yelp. "Did that feel like a dream?" He grinned.

"I felt pain there too," I pouted.

"Well, it isn't. So there's nothing to worry about," Logan smiled. I suppose that me being shot the moment I tried to save someone from a gun-wielding dude sounded more realistic than me going bananas over a cartel drug case.

"So, what did I miss? I hope it wasn't much," I said. The guys proceeded to tell me what I missed out on, occasionally adding a funny sarcastic comment to keep up the mood. I smiled lightly, chuckling to every appropriate moment necessary.

Thank God that it was all a dream. None of it was real. No drug cartels taking over LA, no El Curso, no lies, no criminal cases, and, fortunately, no little voices in my head. I have my best friends by my side and nothing will change that. All is normal again.

(Or is it?)

THE END