It was a beautiful day, and better yet, his classical clarinet concerto concert was quickly approaching. Just 2 days was all he had. He had practiced for so long for this very event, and he wasn't going to miss it for the world. Well… maybe for a statue. A Mr. Krabs Statue. That would be pretty nice.

He got himself into a proper suit—as it's better to practice in what you preform—and blasted sweets tunes. It was a four way mixure between punk, jazz, and silence. It was pretty great though, trust me…. The name of the program was going to be: Statua Dominus Krabs-as any civilized person would already know. Oh? You didn't know. Strange… I guess that says a lot about you… After a morning practice session and breakfast—probably not at the same time, he made his way out. On his way out, he spotted a crazy person on his side of the street. She was just pacing around on the sidewalk in front of his house. Squidward lived in a nice and respectable area, it was rare for him to see a hooligan—especially at this time of day. He walked towards this figure and confronted them. "Um… excuse me… Who are you and what are you doing here?" Squidward demanded, tapping impatiently. She was looking at some sort of device. It took a few seconds to move her eyes from her screen, but she managed to eventually (teenagers… am I right?). "wait… OH!" Her eyes lit up. "You're Squidward! THE Squidward Tentacles." She started to fan-girl out, and it was creeping out the legend himself. "I listen to your songs, like, all the time! Omg…" "Well.. yeah… I am pretty amazing" Squidward then made a fake laugh, then sighed.

"Just amazing…. And…. A.a.a-a You're a hunk!" She blushed. "I could imagine that you could get any girl you wanted" The lady quietly screamed.

"Yes yes… this is true… but my real question is who are YOU and why are YOU here. Don't make me call the police…" Squidward warned.

"Uh… gosh… its Sandy Cheeks!" She blushed again, but this time in an especially strong southern ascent.

"…no... That can't be true. Sorry pal. It's a pretty stupid name after all…" Squidward was angry that she would have the audacity to lie to her god. "tell me the truth, girly!"

"Oh tehe~" She was visually nervous. "I don't know why I would say that's my name, I guess that name is pretty stupid after all. Haha… My name is Sarah Calms. I don't know why I said such a stupid name… Sorry, Mr. Tentacles"

"Please... Mr. Tentacles was my father's name. My name is Squidward. Or, perhaps call me Wardo. That's what most people call me…"

"Oh I see… Well Mr. Wardo… not to sound crazy or anything… but some equipment in my lab has been… uh… acting up for the last few days. I have been picking up something strange occurring somewhere around here. It's actually quite concerning… Perhaps something 'messing' with the very fabric of reality. The kind of thing a convoluted plot would have. "

Squidward raised one of his ironically bushy eyebrows. This was definitely a crazy person. People know they what they sound like…

"Not that I'm saying you have anything to do with it. Ha!" She starts to sweat like a rotting grandmother. "It's just…uh…have you seen anything strange around here recently?" Sarah begged to her god, trying to calm her crazy down.

"Oh, I have all right… but I'm taking care of it as we speak." Squidward smirked.

Squidward had already called the police, and they were more than happy to help. Not seriously, they were thrilled. They pretty much came immediately, and apprehended the mad women. Whatever her name was.

"Take her away officers…" Squidward dismissed

"NooooooOoo~!" Sarah was crying at this point. "I'm not crazy. I'm a scientist. I work in a lab. Please! I can prove iiiiiit!"

The officer sighed. Spoken like a true crazy person. And you would probably know all about that wouldn't you?

After locking her in the back seat of the police car, Squidward was relieved. He didn't know how he put up with such an annoying brat for 5 minutes. For all he cared, the mentally ill should probably be executed for their crimes against public decency and normality. Thank god he didn't deal with that sort of thing on a daily basis.

"Are you alright, Wardo?" The officer looked genuinely concerned.

"Yeah, I guess. But it was a difficult experience for everyone. Especially me. I AM an important man after all…" Squidward vented.

"Um…" The officer shyly looked away. "If you don't mind…"

"Oh! Of course!" Squidward took out his autographing pen from his coat pocket and wrote his signature on a conveniently placed paper in his hand, and handed it to the lucky man.

"Gee, Thanks Wardo! I used to listen to your stuff all the time in college…" The Officer beamed

"No problem… I would deeply adore me also, if I wasn't already busy being me," Squidward worded.

After they left, and the whole situation was resolved, he couldn't help but feel a little worried. Sure he used to be a big hit and had already reached the hearts of millions, but lately his popularity had been dwindling. Falling out of relevancy perhaps? In order to make this concert a success, he really needed something big. Something to really draw people's attention. But what? He knew it in his heart, but couldn't identify what it was. Perhaps some kind of grand statue…

…

Later on, as he made his way to the concert hall. Squidward was walking down the streets, as he usually did, like always—but then, he spotted it at the corner of his eye. Bikini Bottom was an unusual city in the fact that there were many human-animal hybrids among the normal human population. It wasn't the biggest city, yet, but it still had many dirty street people in the alleys. Of these people, he spotted one very special one…

"Mr. Krabs… is that you?"

This… thing… didn't look like it had seen any money for decades. Probably as it deserved. What a filthy beast!

"Who are you? How do you know my name?" Mr. Krabs grumbled.

"Its me… I used to work with you at that burger place. Yeah… the one run by the midget who always wore those ugly green suits. You know, the guy…. what's his name…?"

The large crab man almost responded, but just gave up. Mr. Krabs has had a miserable life. He had to work for the man who stole his life's work, he got fired for stealing funds from the resister, served jail-time, lost his child, and devoiced his wife. Now, he has to live with human waste until the day he dies. Hopefully sometime soon…

Overall though, Squidward didn't care about all that at the present, and neither should you. Looking at this broken man was really nostalgic for Squidward. It took Squidward back-before he was THE Squidward Tentacles. It seems like such a long time ago, but probably not too long ago. It was his first job that he took to help fund his future music career. He didn't particularly like it there, and would honestly hate to even look at that place again, but it was a part of his history. Squidward did feel happy, realizing that in the end, both Squidward and Mr. Krabs ended up where they belonged.

Squidward realized the perfect idea. It was as destiny entailed. It was finally time. Squidward knew of the perfect way to draw in costumers into his concert. No… Perhaps it was just the perfect existence, overall. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THIS REALITY.

"Look…" Squidward starting, gesturing Krabs to his poverty. "You are in a horrible crisis, but I have the perfect thing to solve your problem and mine. I am going to hire you!"

For the first time in years, Mr. Krabs had hope for the future. "Please… I will … do ANYTHING! ANYTHING!" He crawled and reached forward to his better. He began to grasp at his superior's pants from below.

"…Oh… well …that's good to hear…" Squidward smiled deviously. Despite that, Mr. Krabs didn't even react. Seriously, what a messed up crab…

"You are going to pose for a Statue! A Mr. Krabs Statue! Its perfect!" Squidward was ecstatic, as if he rediscovered his purpose. He looked away and gestured his hands to the rest of the ongoing bystanders. The world will all end, and he will be on top, finally. "Yes… YES! I will erect a statue in your image, and draw everyone and everything into my concert. Not a soul would then miss it!"

"…uh…." Mr Krabs, still a growth crab man on the ground looked up at his hope, confused. As Squidward explained his plan, it made less and less sense to him. "But… Wardo… I'm a bum…nothing but a crab person hybrid… not exactly the model citizen, if you catch my drift. I don't think my nakeness is hot enough to make a statue compelling…"

It was obvious that Mr. Krabs has self-esteem issues. As everyone else would immediately agree to such a proposition.

"~OooOh but you're wrong!" Squidward boomed, catching the attention of some other people around them. "This is a great… nah…. the greatest idea in this world! Even as the veil of Hell opens itself up for us, nothing with stop this inevitable glory. For all your miserable life, and even into afterlife, this will be your salvation…! I can see it all now! Have no never looked at yourself naked in the mirror and thought: man… this body need to be chiselled, in stone!"

Squidward realized the incoming stares of the common-folk around him on the street. He had gotten so riled up.

Mr. Krabs let go of him, letting his body go flat with the ground. Mr. Krabs cast his head down, feeling all the asphalt below. He cast his dead eyes up again at this… this miracle man. Did he really deserve this? I mean, he was THE Squidward tentacles. He wanted to cry but couldn't help but blush instead. The Squidward tentacles wants to me a Statue of little old him. A Mr. Krabs Statue?!

"…Wardo…."

Squidward saw he was conflicted. He needed Mr. Krabs to say "YES!", but didn't want to overwhelm him. He opened his juicy lips, and began smacking them together.

"Krabs…" Squidward spoke. "Remember when you first found out about Plankton's new version of the Krabby Patty, back when we used to work at the Krusty Krabs…

"…yeah…" Mr. Krabs sit up a little on the ground. Subtle tears filled his eyes.

"It was crab…"

…

"Everyday he would extract little by little of me while I was distracted. He would take this thick needle like device and stab it into my side and yank its handle. Then he would gently whisper into my ear: "Are you feeling now, Mr. Krabs? It would hurt… a lot… but I needed the money…." Mr. Krabs whimpered.

"By the end, I was so weak and when he took a leg, I just simply tried to take some money and run…but… uh…."

"Yeah! That's right!" Squidward playfully reminisced. "God…yes… that was delicious…. Uh… the point is that you were THE secret ingredient." Squidward then subtly put his hands behind his back while blushing…"Just like how now… you are MY secret ingredient."

Mr. Krabs was convinced. There was going to be a statue made of him. A Mr. Krabs statue, if you will. Eventually he was done crying, and was helped up off the ground by Wardo.

As he was being helped up, Squidward couldn't help by notice the stank of the homeless man he let into his life. The future was a bright one, but also one filled with perpetual showers to remove the pits of lower class society from his being.

He arranged for Mr. Krabs to stay at a nearby hotel. He planned to do the statue making himself tomorrow, and just so happened to have the materials for such a project in his basement.

After saying goodbye to Mr Krabs, he had the sudden realization that he was starving to death. Therefore, before going home, he made his way to the fanciest restaurant in Bikini Bottom. It had a French name, I'm sure, but there wasn't much point in including French in this fanfiction as French would probably die as a language in a little over ten years of writing this fanfiction.