"Hold still."
A gruff masculine voice instructed Ben as they tightly wrapped a bandage around his midsection, maybe a little too tight. The resistance physician, a human man, was just finishing Ben's treatment. Solo, who sat awkwardly on the medical bed, did his best to do as he was told. However, he winced as the physician secured the bandaged tightly, no doubt taking out some sort of revenge on him. Stepping away from Ben now, the man went to clean up. Sighing, Ben slumped with relaxation, head hanging and hands in his lap. He looked to the spot Leia had been standing in just moments ago before she was summoned out on resistance business, leaving them alone. It wasn't until she was gone did the physician get more rough with Ben, and despite wanting to be mad about it, Ben knew he deserved it.
Once the physician was done cleaning up, he strode out of the room without a word. Ben watched him as he left before releasing a deep breath he hadn't even realized he'd been holding. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he sat alone for the first time since he had woken up that morning on Starkiller base. The silence was deafening and cold, allowing his mind to wander.
Drawing in a deep breath, Ben resisted the dark internal thoughts that crept forward. Thoughts that questioned why he was here, that questioned his betrayal, both of the First Order and the Jedi, thoughts that called him a failure and a disappointment in more ways than one. Uncomfortable by his thoughts, Ben tried to shift his attention to something a little more physical. Glancing around the room, he took in the stark contrast of this medical bay to the First Order standard. It was all extremely jarring, especially having another living being work on him. The First Order offloaded what they saw as menial tasks, such as medicine, to droids. Not to mention the lack of sterilization of this room in comparison to any First Order med bays. The Resistance's rooms felt used, showing the wear of many different beings. The First Order pretended they were perfect, as if no one had to ever use the med bays.
Shivering gently from the cold memories, he glanced down at his bare torso. Sighing, he slowly moved to grab the white shirt which had been discarded a little bit ago when the medical examination process began, and he groaned as he put it on. Pain still seared through his side despite the fact the hole in him was repaired, and his head still ached gently from the trauma to his nose, as well as the cut that ran along his face; all staunch reminders of everything that had happened.
Suddenly the loneliness he felt in the mostly cleanly room was lifted. He was joined by another, though the door to the room hadn't opened at all. Swinging his head around to see what the disturbance was, his eyes rested on a translucent blue figure that had appeared in the center of the room. Seeing the man made his heart sink. Quickly, Ben looked down at his lap.
"I failed you, Grandfather…" He said gently, feeling a lump rise in his throat. The guilt from his failure suddenly filled his being, though he tried desperately not to cry again. The force ghost of Anakin Skywalker sighed softly, shrugging a bit.
"I figured you would." Anakin responded plainly.
This caused Ben's head to snap back up and look at his grandfather, "You what?" he asked, confusion lacing his voice as he raised one eyebrow. This was definitely an unexpected answer.
"I mean, after everything you have done, I sincerely didn't expect you to be able to talk to her." Skywalker explained simply. This caused a flare of annoyance to rise in Ben's chest.
"But you were very clear that I needed to get through to her." Ben blinked as he stared at his grandfather, brows furrowing as anger and frustration began to rise in him.
"Yes, well. I was serious about that. But despite that, I didn't expect you to succeed-"
"So you set me up for failure?" Ben interrupted with a snap. Anakin tsked at this.
"Possibly," Skywalker answered abruptly with a glare, his tone clear and authoritative. This caused Ben to shrink a bit, "You can't expect me to do everything for you. This is your burden to bear and your problem to fix. I helped you by telling you what you needed to know. I can guide you, but I can't hold your hand. You're grown, Ben. You're to deal with the consequences of your past and save the future. Not just for you, but for everyone." Anakin's words felt like a lecture, and they very much were. By the time Anakin had finished, Ben had looked down at the ground. He knew he had committed too many atrocities as Kylo Ren to be coddled by anyone. Especially when it came to the force ghost of his grandfather, who had no true bearing on this world anymore.
"I….understand…" he muttered through gritted teeth.
"Good," Anakin replied quickly and plainly, "You've got a destiny to fulfill, and you certainly aren't helping by moping about the past," this caused Ben to look up in protest, "Don't try to hide it. I can feel your torment," Ben shut his mouth quickly, lips pursing as he gulped. He could feel his eyes begin to sting, "Your failures will make you stronger. You must learn from them, do not let them control you."
"Yes, grandfather…" Ben answered softly with a sigh as his shoulders relaxed. What Anakin was suggesting was difficult. Years of pain and torment from the dark side, and he was just supposed to move on? He was supposed to draw strength from his failure to speak to the scavenger, undoubtedly leading her to the dark side? It was terribly confusing how, instead of using the pain from such things, he was supposed to use them as inspiration to do better next time. It felt like his ideals did a complete 180.
"Ben," Anakin spoke up again, drawing the man's attention back to him, "I believe in you. Your mother believes in you. You have to bring balance back to the force, as I did. You're capable of fulfilling your destiny," and before Solo had a chance to answer, his grandfather was gone. Glancing around the room, he let out a heavy sigh as he hunched.
"Destiny…" Ben muttered to himself with a scoff. Rubbing his temples slightly, he thought on what Anakin had said. Was he really fated to bring balance to the force? It seemed far-fetched, especially after everything Kylo had done. Unfortunately, he wouldn't get much time to ponder on this idea, as the door to the medical room he sat in slid open.
"Oh, good. You're finally all patched up." Leia's voice rang softly. Looking up, Ben's heart clenched. She was dressed in her usual attire, something bland and official-looking, with a braid somewhere in her greying hair. In her hands was a large cup of what was probably water, and a plate with some sliced fruit and bread. Wearing a soft smile on her lips, the general approached her son.
"Yeah…" was his weak response, as he forced an awkward smile on his lips. Once near, she offered up the plate and the cup to him, which he didn't hesitate in accepting. It wasn't until this moment that Ben realized how hungry and thirsty he was. First, it was the water. He downed at least half the cup in a moment before sighing softly, satisfied. Placing the cup on a small table next to the bed, he turned his attention to the plate. Leia, who took solace in seeing her son taken care of, sat delicately next to him.
"So...how're you feeling?" The words were almost awkward. There was an air of lost time that hung about their heads, not having had a domestic conversation for at least a decade. Ben, who had shoved a piece of bread into his mouth, looked to her with a worried expression. Quickly swallowing what he had bitten, he nodded a bit before answering.
"I'm okay," he started, quickly changing his gaze back to his plate as he felt weird keeping eye contact with her for too long, "Hurts still...but it's better," this time, he tore a much smaller piece of the remaining bun and popped it in his mouth.
"Good. Good," the general responded with a nod, letting her gaze travel around the room now. The moment of silence that followed was uncomfortable to say the least. Neither of them would look at the other, and Ben just kept eating quietly, "So.." Leia finally broke the silence after a moment that seemed to last a millenium, "Want to tell me what happened?" She asked cautiously, glancing at him. He had frozen at the question, eyes locked on a piece of fruit, hands gripping the plate tightly. For a moment, she thought about backing away from this question, but she realized she needed to know and the sooner the better.
"I…" Ben finally muttered, drawing a shaky breath, "I don't even know where to begin…" he responded, sniffing lightly as tears stung at his eyes. Leia, sensing the guilt and torment, gently put a hand on the small of his back. He drew in a quick breath and held it at her touch. It was so foreign.
"Maybe you could start with what happened on Starkiller base?" She suggested delicately, raising a soft eyebrow as she looked up at him. Glancing to her, he blinked a few times before nodding slightly. Relaxing a bit, he let his breath go slowly out of his nose. Taking one of the sliced fruit pieces, he ate it as he pondered what to say.
"I was just heading to the launch bay…The girl had escaped somehow-" Ben started. Leia looked questioningly for a moment before making the connection that he must be referring to Finn's friend, "And… As I was making my way to my ship, Da-" his voice was cut off by the lump in his throat. Regaining himself and gulping it back down, he tried again, "H-Han...he called out to me.." grimacing at the memory, he hung his head gently. He couldn't go through with calling Han his father just yet. Not after what he'd done. He didn't deserve it. Leia understood the turmoil, she felt it just from his recollection.
Rubbing his back gently now, she assured, "It's alright, Ben, take your time." As much as part of her wanted to back off and let him tell this story later, she needed this information to know how the resistance should proceed. Clenching his jaw from her comfort, he took in another shaky breath before nodding slowly.
"He...told me to come home and I- I wanted to…" Ben started up again, though this time his words seemed more pained and forced, as if everything inside him was telling him to stay silent, to hide. The tears that pricked at his eyes finally made their appearance as a few began to slip silently down his gaunt cheeks. "B-but...something...something came over me and I-" Ben cut himself off as a hand lifted to his mouth to stifle a small sob that managed to slip through. Leia, who was listening intently to this with brows turned up in sorrow, gripped his shirt gently as if to steady him.
"I understand.." her voice rang delicately through the air as if allowing him to skip the details. Leia could feel her own pain in her chest at the grief she felt over the loss, and hearing out loud that Kylo was in fact the reason for her husband's death made it even worse. But she tried to remain strong and unbiased, though seeing how destroyed and torn to bits Ben was over his actions gave her some sort of solace, as much as she didn't want it to. She was glad he was suffering just as she was, better yet even more than she was. Despite a part of her wanting to comfort her son, tell him that everything was alright, her grief held her back. Actions had consequences, after all.
Gulping in a quick yet deep breath to steady himself, Ben drew his hand down his chin before letting it fall back to holding the plate. "After he….I felt so torn.." he began once more, "A decision I was made to believe would ease my pain ripped me in two and I-" he gasped lightly as he held back another sob, "The wound in my side...Chewbacca fired on me after I had-" he was aware his story was jumping a bit here and there, but it was the best he could do as he recounted his trauma, "I tried to push through the pain, I had every intention to find the girl and convince her to stay, but..." he trailed off again, his eyes glancing up to where Anakin had stood only a little bit ago. He pushed a small, yet weird and twisted look, onto his lips, "I'm going to sound insane."
"I'm sure it's fine." Leia encouraged softly, raising an eyebrow in question. If Ben had had the courage to look back at her, he would've seen the glint of where a tear or two had slid down her cheek.
"I...I saw my grandfather," he muttered as if he didn't truly believe what he was saying. He could feel the hand on his back clench even tighter. Quickly, he corrected himself, "N-No...I- It wasn't- it was Anakin Skywalker." he cleared up, glancing to her for a moment. Leia seemed to relax at this. Ben was aware of everything Darth Vader had done to her, as well as the fact she never met Anakin Skywalker, and often questioned how Luke could've had so much hope in such a dark man.
"A force ghost." She muttered lightly, pondering his words. The term rang a bell in his memory. He recalled a lesson Luke had taught him about elevating one's self in the force that they could even master death.
Despite his recognition, he only gave a weak nod and a shrug at it before continuing, "I had never seen him until now. I had just heard him...well, heard Vader.." his words trailed off with a small sigh, "But it was with his help that I gained the courage to...come home.." Ben came to rest in his words now. Slowly and timidly, he reached for his water, taking a sip as if to sneak a break in; his parched throat surely thanked him for it. Nodding slowly, Leia was trying to piece it all together.
"What did he say?" She asked cautiously, as if the wrong words might break the delicate tension that hovered in the air around them. Ben, who had finished his small water break, set the cup back where it was before returning his gaze to the center of the room, as if looking to Anakin once more.
"He told me the truth, Mom," Ben gulped lightly, jaw clenching gently as he finally looked over to the older woman sitting patiently next to him. The look in his eyes ran straight to her heart. He looked terrified, like a young child experiencing their first traumatic experience and finding out the world isn't as harmless as it seemed, "He's back…..Palpatine..." The words ran through her like a freezing blade as she felt her heart rate speed up. The name rang through her head as if it were inside a bell, and she suddenly felt very weak.
"...what?" She murmured, eyes locked on her son in disbelief. Ben reached a hand out and gripped her wrist gently as if to steady her now, an action he did purely on instinct. The only other thing he could offer was a pitiful nod. The fear he clearly radiated washed harshly over her as they shared this emotion. She was utterly flabbergasted. The stakes of this whole scenario raised tenfold as the First Order suddenly felt even more like the Empire than it had before.
"And the girl..." Ben started up again, breaking the silence. This time he didn't move, gaze still locked on Leia, "She was strong with the Force, stronger than she could ever comprehend and I didn't know why...but Anakin, he revealed-" Ben drew in a trembling breath, "Mom, that girl, she's a Palpatine. She's his granddaughter." Leia blinked a few times, now almost in confusion. She hadn't even met this girl, only heard fleeting stories from an ex-stormtrooper, and now she was learning this mysterious woman was the heir to the Palpatine? It was a lot to handle, her head spinning with the information. After a long moment of contemplation, she finally found the courage to speak up.
"We have to find Luke." Her words echoed in him like raiders in a tomb. Pain flared up in his chest and his breath noticeably hitched as he finally broke eye contact with her. While both his parents aided in his turn to the dark side, Luke was the final nail in the coffin that drove him over and caused him so much lasting pain. To hear the urgency in his mother's voice almost angered him. They shouldn't need Luke Skywalker to solve all their problems.
Leia, noticing this change, furrowed her brows softly. She understood what happened, at least from how Luke told the story to her after the fateful night, and understood how Ben was reacting. Slowly taking the plate from her son, who didn't even seem to notice, she set it down on the bed on the other side of her. Suddenly, she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him in close. Almost as limp as a doll, Ben followed her pull and rested in her arms though he felt himself begin to dissociate from the situation.
"I'm sorry, Ben," Leia spoke softly, holding her son tightly in her arms. Tears began to well back up in her eyes and drip down her cheeks as if the words opened a floodgate. Hearing Luke say time after time that Ben turning was all his fault was never the whole truth. While Luke may have been the tip of the iceberg, Leia had so many years to come to terms with her role in all of it, "We never should've sent you away..." After all, it was his parent's decision to ship him off when he was only ten in hopes to curb the dark side within him. Leia was all too aware now that if they had only just surrounded him with love and warmth, let Ben decide his own destiny, and not have treated him like a dog whose behavioral issues needed correcting, this whole mess could've been avoided. Essentially, it was her fault too.
Ben, who had absolutely never been apologized to in recent memory, aside from First Order subordinates squabbling about something or other, was absolutely unsure of what to do. Never in a million light years would he have expected to hear such a specific apology for something so traumatic in his life. Something that started his path to pain and suffering and loneliness which lasted for so many years. The light amount of tears he had been experiencing from the whole conversation suddenly overflowed as he quickly wrapped his arms around her and buried his head into her shoulder. Sobs escaped him now as the pure rush of his emotions ran through him, breaths quick and short as the pain of years of torment flooded his senses and spilled out into the open.
They existed like this for a long while, Ben sobbing while Leia held him tight, both grieving over years past and old mistakes. Suddenly a knock at the door caused them both to jump slightly. Who knows how long they would've stayed like this otherwise. Ben, hearing this, pulled himself away and shifted his position so that his back was towards the door. He quickly used the sleeve of his clean white shirt to wipe at his face. Leia, using her own sleeve, dabbed gently at her cheeks before shifting and standing up. She moved silently towards the door and as it slid open, she used her body to occupy as much of the Resistance member's eyeline as possible in an attempt to keep Ben's privacy intact.
"General Organa," a masculine voice of a human broke the silence as he stood at the door at attention. Leia nodded at him softly as if allowing him to speak. It seemed she wasn't ready to use her own voice just yet, "Your presence has been requested on the command deck," he informed her. Drawing in a deep breath, she glanced back at Ben before nodding.
"Yes, alright," her tone was strong yet gentle, as it reflected the sorrow she had just experienced. Refocusing her attention to her son for a moment, she smiled sadly in his direction despite his back towards her, "Join us when you're ready?" The princess asked him lightly. She only got a small sniff and a slight nod from the figure of her son. Pursing her lips and looking back to the man at the door, she drew in a breath. She knew that was all she would be getting out of her son in that moment, "Lead the way." Leia instructed with a small gesture. And with that, Ben was left alone once more.
Hearing the door slide shut caused another shutter of a sob to escape from Ben as he clasped a hand against his mouth. He couldn't comprehend the fact that his mother had apologized to him. A huge part of him wanted to tell her it was okay, that she shouldn't apologize, that everything that happened was all his fault. He instinctively wanted to take the blame, clump it in with every other bad thing he'd done in the past decade. But another, stronger part of him knew that the apology was more important than he could possibly ever comprehend. He knew he wasn't a victim, that ultimately his actions were his alone. But it felt nice for Leia to recognize the mistakes she had made.
It felt like a while as he sat there alone, sobbing quietly to himself. Finally, when his chest ached and his nose stung, did his sobs stop. He took to breathing deeply, eyes staring off into the distance with slack shoulders. He was recovering from his hyperventilating sobs and his painful memories, trying to take his time in doing so. Leia's invitation to join her, the threat of facing the Resistance again, loomed over him like a vulture. He knew he had to go out there, knew he had to face them all in whatever capacity he must in order to start his path towards redemption. For a fleeting moment, he thought of leaving this place of running and hiding back in the dark. It would be so much easier to do so.
Shaking this thought away, he stood slowly, drawing in a deep breath as pain streaked through him. Swallowing his fear, he grabbed the cup of water and finished the rest. The cool liquid rushing down his sore throat soothed the ache in his chest, filling him with a sense that everything just might be okay.
Looking to the door now, he sighed. He supposed it was time. Taking one final glance around the room, his eyes fell on Anakin's lightsaber, which had been placed on a table off to the side. Pondering for a moment, he decided to take it with him, as if again using it as a sign of who he was now and of who he had left behind. Drawing in a deep breath, he picked it up, moved to the door and exited the medical bay.
Standing in the hallway now, he was starkly aware of how much he had no idea where he was, especially where the Command Deck was in comparison. Glancing awkwardly down each side of the hallway, he started down one of them in hopes of finding it. For the moment, the stretch of hallway he was in was deserted, though he could hear scarce voices behind some of the doors he passed as he walked. Ben moved with a small hunch, as if this was his attempt at making himself smaller, arms glued to his sides. He was suddenly aware of just how big of a man he was.
Reaching the next junction in the hallway, he heard much more chatter coming from one direction. He paused to listen for a moment, as if waiting to hear his mother. And sure enough, there it was, though faint and unintelligible and gone quicker than it came as other voices drowned it out. Gulping lightly, he started his way down the hallway. Despite the nerves that made him nearly nauseous, he was grateful that he didn't have to encounter any resistance members alone, and soon enough he would be under the protective gaze of his mother. His footsteps echoed a little quicker as he just wanted to reach the command deck.
Just as he was about to be at the entrance to the room, a figure emerged from the door. Ben froze wide-eyed, like a deer in headlights, gaze falling upon the shorter man who had appeared. Unfortunately, Ben recognized the other as the pilot he'd captured on Jakku only a mere rotation or two ago. Poe Dameron's eyes widened at first, before quickly changing to harbor a rage Ben could only understand all too well.
"You," Poe growled out as he rounded on who he still perceived as Kylo Ren. Poe approached with purpose, backing Ben up against the closest wall then grabbing at the collars of the larger man's clean white shirt. Ben stared down at the other with a sort of nervousness and fear. The pilot tightened his grip on the ex-sith's shirt as he forced the man's upper body into the wall. Ben winced as his head hit the concrete, blinking a few times in pain as his free hand came up to grab one of Poe's wrists defensively. Ben knew he definitely deserved this, "You are so God-damn lucky, you don't even know. If it weren't for Leia, I'd kill you right where you stand. For every single thing you've done. You have no idea the hurt and pain you've caused."
There was a moment of silence now as the two men stared at one another. It was clear by the look in his eyes that Poe was expecting Kylo Ren to retaliate, to still be filled with spite and anguish. Poe was at least expecting him to resist, and Ben could see it clear as day. However, Solo could never dream of doing so now, despite the small bit of frustration that nipped at him, especially as he believed he deserved everything that was happening to him.
"You're right." Ben muttered out as he broke the silence. It didn't take a genius to understand the amount of pain and horror Kylo Ren had caused. He knew from this point on he would be coming to terms with that fact. Though it seemed Poe didn't like this, his face twisting in anger. It was as if Kylo's admittance to his treachery made it all worse. Ben could feel the shorter man's hands tighten on his collar.
Then suddenly Poe's grip disappeared as the pilot let go and took a step back. Poe drew in a deep breath as if to steady himself from the rage that flared in his chest. Turning on his heels, he made to leave. Ben, in this moment, relaxed a bit away from the wall as he re-adjusted his shirt cautiously, as if almost afraid to move too much. Abruptly, Poe whipped back around and before Ben could understand why, he felt the others fist collide with his cheek. The momentum of the unexpected movement caused him to stumble, his free hand clapped to his cheek in shock as pain and rage rippled through him.
"That's for hurting Finn." Poe snarled over his shoulder before he strode off down the hallway and out of sight. Ben, who hadn't turned or even moved from his hunched position, huffed lightly as tears stung at his eyes. This time he wasn't tearing up because of emotions, but from pain. He was sure this would leave another bruise on his already wound-ridden face. Reflecting on the moment, it felt deserved, despite the anger that had flared inside him when it happened. Slowly, he straightened out with a groan, the wound in his side gnawing at him from being torqued so abruptly.
Drawing in a breath, he rubbed at his cheek gently, grateful the attack didn't come in contact with the cut on his other cheek. Though, he was a bit disgruntled that now both sides of his face were damaged. Sighing a bit, he approached the door to the command deck. From the chatter he could hear through the steel, it seemed his little altercation with the hot-headed pilot hadn't affected whatever conversations were happening inside. He was definitely grateful for that, as he figured now he could just slip inside and no one would notice. Pressing a button on the panel next to the door, it slid up quickly with a soft sound.
Suddenly all the conversations in the room came to a stop. Ben, who was hoping he could've just snuck in, was now the center of attention to a room full of beings who most likely wanted him dead. He felt his heart drop to his stomach as he held his breath, feeling once again like a creature caught in a sudden bright light. His chest pounded as he froze, completely unsure what to say or do. Brown eyes sweeping from face to face, the crowd held a mixture of pain, hatred, confusion, and anger. It made sense why, but their gazes felt like a million blaster charges ripping right through him.
"Ben." The soft voice of Leia Organa broke the silent stare. It seemed as though everyone's attention focused back to her, as she offered a gentle smile. She of course felt the tension in the air, and knew she was the only one with the power to make this transition easier. Gently reaching out an open palm, the general invited her son over to her side.
Blinking a few times, Ben gave a glance around the room. The daggers that had been stared into him were now sparse. The resistance members either kept their attention on Leia, each other, or the ground. Only a few still looked at Ben. Gulping lightly, he drew in a breath and slowly made his way over to his mother, head hung and shoulders hunched as he made himself as small as possible. He tucked the saber in his hand as casually as possible behind his back and out of view.
"Good of you to join us." Leia said softly as Ben arrived at her side. He didn't take her hand but she didn't really expect him to as it had already lowered by the time he got there. Ben, who only nodded at her words, positioned himself semi-behind her, still trying to make himself as least threatening as possible.
He took a moment to survey the room. It was quite expansive looking at it now, and the resistance members that were there certainly weren't filling it. They made a semi-circle around a hologram that was being projected in the space in front of them. The hologram was of a circular map with a yellow line streaking itself from point to point inside it. Looking down to see what was projecting the hologram, his eyes fell on an all-too familiar droid. R2-D2, who was only now realizing Ben had joined them, turned off the projection.
Suddenly, the droid's tools popped out as he let out a binary scream, racing towards Ben. This caused Ben to take a defensive step back with wide eyes. But before anything could come from the droid's fury, Leia stepped in between. R2 slowed and stopped in front of her with a series of questioning beeps in protest. No doubt he remembered what Ben had done.
"Woah, R2," Leia spoke calmly as she squatted in front of the droid. She realized now she hadn't updated him on the persuasions of her son and how it had changed. To be fair, the astro-mech had just woken up, "It's alright. He's come home to us. He's returned to the light."
Hearing Leia speak those words felt like a blazing knife twisting itself into Ben's heart. On one hand, it was good to hear them. He never expected in so many years that she would accept him back after everything he'd done. On the other hand, after everything he'd done, he didn't deserve her praise nor her help. He deserved to be zapped and prodded at by R2 until he couldn't stand. He deserved to be tossed aside by every single rebel in the room, especially his mother. But instead she stood up for him, protected him and believed in him and he couldn't for the life of him understand how she could.
R2-D2 let out another series of confused boops before his attention turned up to look at Solo. This caused Ben to purse his lips tightly and give a small yet very awkward wave. Turning his attention back to Leia, he let out another series of noises before turning and going back to the center to project the map once more.
"I'm sure you do have your eyes on him," Leia responded with a soft chuckle before she stood back up. It seemed as though R2 was satisfied for now, as the map took up the space in front of them once more. Leia, who now stepped aside a bit and took Ben's forearm to guide him over, pointed at the spot the yellow line ended at, "There. That's where Luke is. An uncharted planet called Ach To," this caused Ben to tense as his eyes fixated on the dot, "R2 has been in low-power mode ever since he left. He found the rest of the map in his databank and now..." she grinned at the map, eyes shimmering with its blue glow, "Now we can finally find him."
Ben wasn't sure how to feel about this. He could see the hope in his mother's eyes, but deep inside he knew that Luke wouldn't be able to fix things. She desperately wanted Luke to be the savior of the rebellion, but one man could never do it alone. Ben knew that, by finding Luke, he would just disappoint everyone like he disappointed his nephew. But the ex-sith said nothing, did nothing as he let his personal pain and anger brood deep inside him.
"Now that we have the map-" a feminine voice spoke up, a tall older purple-haired woman taking a step forward towards Leia, "-who will go retrieve him?" She asked kindly yet with an almost nervous expression in her eyes. Leia paused a moment, looking to her in thought.
"I will, I suppose. Chewbacca and I will take the Falcon." She proclaimed with a small nod, though her words seemed unsure.
"With all due respect, General, I don't think you should leave us now," the purple-haired woman spoke cautiously, "No doubt the First Order will find our location soon, we'll have to start moving. We can't do that without your leadership." Leia pondered this for a moment before nodding slowly.
"I suppose you're right..." her words trailed off as she seemed disappointed at the truth. In the moments that followed, the two older women began naming possible names of resistance members Ben had never heard of as they discussed who would be their errand-boy.
Ben, now glancing around the room a bit again, realized the chatter had started up again, though it was of a much lower level. Tuning into a few conversations, he could tell the resistance members were also trying to pinpoint who should go. Looking down at his feet now, he drew in a heavy breath.
The force was tugging at him, and he wasn't sure why. But he could feel it pull at his senses, moving his eyes back to look at the map again. The yellow line amongst the blue hologram seared itself into his brain as if screaming at him to follow it. Tightening his one hand on the saber and clenching the other into a fist, he felt the world drown away as his mind became silent to the ambiance around him. A lump in his throat began to rise as the realization that he knew what he had to do was dawning on him. Part of him begged desperately to stay quiet, to recluse back into himself and hide away from the world and its judgment. The other part screamed at him to speak, knowing there was only one way to be redeemed in the eyes of those who mattered, and that way was with action. Swallowing his emotions back as best he could, he suddenly turned to his mother.
"I'll go." The words sounded much louder than they actually were as they escaped his lips, seemingly against his will. Again, the whole room silenced and looked to him in shock, even his mother. Ben felt the weight of his decision come crashing down on him. His breath hitched in his chest as he gulped once more, the same lump creeping its way back up again. His gaze rested solely on his mother who looked to him with wide eyes. He could see a hesitation in her eyes and it made him want to take his words back, however he stood his ground. There was a long moment of silence as everyone in the room waited not so patiently for the general to speak.
"B-Ben…" finally came her cracked words as she turned her body to face him. It was clear now how she was feeling. She was overly hesitant, not because she didn't trust him, but because she didn't want to lose him again. The fear was sprinkled in her gaze and in her slightly trembling hands as she reached them out and placed them on his forearms. With his one free hand, he returned the grip though his hands didn't shake. It was a steady and strong grip yet confronting and reassuring.
"I will come home." Ben spoke softly, his tone so light that only Leia could hear it. This caused her brows to raise softly as tears started to show in her eyes. She took to staring now, weighing the risks and the options. Something inside her though told her this was right. Despite Ben needing to redeem himself, Luke needed to understand the mistakes of his past shouldn't define his future. Part of her understood that without confronting the fact that Ben Solo was alive and well, Luke may never leave himself enough to be of any help to the resistance.
"Alright…" Leia finally said, raising a hand now and pressing it to his cheek. Stroking it softly with her thumb, she added a small nod, "Alright," drawing in a deep breath, she released him and turned to face her resistance. The general proclaimed; "My son, Ben Solo, will retrieve Luke."
The air became more still than before as all eyes stared wide at their leader. It was clear that everyone in the room didn't think this was a good idea. It was amplified by the purple-haired woman stepping forward a bit.
"Again, with all due respect General Organa," she started even more hesitantly, "You can't expect us to trust him blindly. How do we know he won't just kill Luke upon reaching him?"
The words struck Ben like a bolt of lightning. Suddenly, his desire to disappear was stronger than ever before. She was right. How was he supposed to convince everyone in the room that he would fulfil his mission and wouldn't just betray the light again? He could feel the guilt crush inwards on him as he hung his head, unsure of what to say as dozens of eyes stared at him.
"Yeah! How can we trust Kylo Ren after everything!?" A resistance member had shouted as they stepped forward, clearly angry for a plethora of reasons. This persuaded other members to step forward as well, their voices echoing the first's sentiment. Ben took a small step back, hanging his head lower as his whole body tensed up.
"Enough," Leia barked out, to which all the voices in the room immediately silenced. Rounding on the older woman once more, she drew in a breath, "Admiral Holdo, I understand your concerns-" she looked back to the crowd, "-All of your concerns. But my decision is final. R2-D2 and Chewbacca will accompany him," Leia paused as she sighed softly. She knew all too well she could command them and they would listen, but she hated seeming unreasonable, "My brother," she began, "he's banished himself because he believed he was responsible for Kylo Ren," the name coming from her mouth caused Ben to shudder, "Without Ben going, without confronting the past and how it's been reconciled, we may never receive his help."
Finishing her speech, the resistance members looked at one another, some whispered opinions before looking to her seemingly satisfied. The older woman, Holdo, drew in a deep breath before nodding. It seemed what Leia had said had resonated with everyone in the room and no one had any reasonable complaints unaired at this point. They all understood Chewbacca was capable of protecting Luke if need be, but Ben had to go. Taking her son's forearm now, she drew him forward to her side. Moving as if he lost his own agency, Ben looked up and across the room. The hostility was still there, no doubt, but the addition of acceptance was surely noticeable.
"It's decided then," Leia spoke clearly and with authority, "Ben Solo will retrieve Luke Skywalker."