"Mom… Why don't we ever visit your home?"
Ben asked in a soft voice, his gaze shifting to his mother. A young Leia was looking out on the stars of a late night from the rails of a balcony that looked upon a vast, calm lake. The distant sound of waterfalls surrounded them in the night air. Ben, age 5, was standing on the base of the rails, his arms wrapped over the edge, trying his best to reach his mother's height. Staring at the stars with her, it occurred to him that they had never visited her home, despite visiting his late grandparents'. He understood why they never visited his dad's, but his mom spoke of so many wonderful stories about her home; he simply couldn't understand it.
Leia, who had fixated on a single spot in the sky, drew in a deep breath. Pursing her lips into a sad smile, she finally looked down into the face of her son. Placing a gentle hand on his head, sweeping back his shaggy black hair as she did so, she pondered his question for a long moment.
"Good question…" She trailed off, drawing in a deep breath. Reaching down, she scooped up her child and placed him delicately on the top of the rail, a hand behind his back, careful not to let him fall, "It's not a happy story…" she started.
"Please tell me." Ben pleaded lightly, though something inside him told him to be cautious. It was as if he could feel pain radiating off of his mother.
It took her a moment before she responded, "Alright," she began, shifting slightly on her feet as she gripped her son tenderly, "Long ago, I had something very valuable. You know how your father and I fought against the Empire?" This warranted an enthusiastic nod from Ben.
"Mmm hmm! Like how you and dad used to fight a lot, but you say that's just because he's always been stubborn, but that's how you knew you loved him!" He declared with a proud smile. This warranted a small amused breath from her.
"Yes that's right," she assured, "Well…" her tone got a bit more serious, "The Empire was evil. They wanted this thing I had so desperately, they were willing to punish a whole planet. You see..." her eyes looked back up to the sky. Ben, who was confused by this action, looked up with her though he didn't stare anywhere in particular, "The Empire had a very big and very bad weapon. It could destroy whole planets," this warranted a gasp from Ben as a hand clumsily flew to his mouth, something he'd seen shocked people do. Staring at the sky, her eyes started to sting, "Yes… Well, they used that weapon and destroyed my home planet," Leia finished solemnly.
Ben, who wasn't quite sure of the gravity of such a statement, understood that it certainly wasn't good. Through the bond he felt with his mother, he could feel her pain. Staring at her, he saw a single tear roll down her cheek and glisten in the moonlight. With a small 'eep', he quickly wrapped his arms around her neck and hugged her tightly. His mother blinked a few times, eyes shifting from the dot in the sky and down to her son. Slowly, she wrapped her arms around the boy and hugged him in return, rubbing his back gently as she enjoyed their embrace.
"I'm sorry, mama." The boy said gently into her clothes. She smiled sadly as she pressed a kiss into his temple before leaning back to look at him. Reaching a small hand up, he placed it on the cheek where the tear had trailed and wiped away the leftover wetness. Taking his small hand in hers, she kissed it gently before placing it in between them.
"It's alright, my sweet boy. I have your father, your uncles, and you. I have everything I need." Leia assured gently, causing Ben to give a wide smile. After a moment of silence, he glanced at the sky before looking back to her.
"Will you still tell me stories about your home?" He asked gently, looking at her hopefully.
Smiling genuinely at him now, she nodded, "Of course I will." She pressed another kiss to the boy's face, this time on his forehead, after brushing away some of his hair.
"Dinner's ready, you two!" A voice suddenly called from behind them. Both Ben and Leia turned to look at the same time to see Han Solo standing in the archway that led them back inside the tan colored building. He held a cloth in his hands, which he wiped them on, as he looked at the pair with a familiar, soft smirk.
Refocusing her attention back to Ben, Leia gave him another admiring look, before she picked him up and set him on the ground. The boy, now focused on getting food, ran off without her and to his father. He hadn't noticed her final look back at the sky before she joined them; the family walked inside the warm home together, smelling something good…..
Sighing softly, Ben's eyes fluttered open. Night had come and gone, and today was the day he was supposed to be getting on the Falcon to fly off and confront the man he still held responsible for his betrayal. Closing his eyes once more, turning over with a groan and pulling the blankets tight above his shoulder, he tried to go back to sleep. The dream he had been having was overly pleasant, more like a memory than a dream, and he wanted nothing more than to return to it.
But instead of sleep, he found himself pondering on the dream. This was the second one he'd had that didn't result in him waking up in cold sweat, or full of hatred and sorrow. His dreams had started to become pleasant again, which certainly wasn't something he was going to complain about. It had been so long since his sleep was filled with such peace; he felt more rested than ever.
Slowly though, Ben's thoughts drifted away as he began to think about the day ahead. Yesterday had been tough enough between betraying the First Order, seeing his mother for the first time, and volunteering himself for the mission. Now, he was expected to co-pilot the Millennium Falcon and end up face-to-face with the man who had tipped him to the dark side. With a heavy groan, Ben pulled the blankets up and over his head in dread.
A few soft knocks on the door to his bedroom finally pulled him from his thoughts. Hearing this made him freeze, heart clenching with nervousness as to who could be behind the door. Ben thought about staying still and pretending to still be asleep, but it wasn't until the second round of knocks came did he let out a heavy sigh.
Drawing himself up slowly with a groan, his wounds of yesterday tugging tightly at him, he stood and walked to the door. Pressing a button on the panel next to it, the door unlocked and slid open. In front of him stood Leia, one hand outstretched to knock again, the other holding a tray with what Ben presumed to be his breakfast. Seeing her flooded his senses again with the reminder that this was all really happening.
"Oh," Leia said gently, lowering her hand to hold the tray with both while looking up at her son. "Good. You're awake," she stated with a flash of a smile before pushing past Ben and into the room. Pursing his lips, he stepped aside for her to shuffle by before following her, "I brought you some breakfast," she began, placing the tray on a small table that sat near a corner of the room. "Hot cakes, some fruit, bread, some tea and some water," she itemized out loud, pointing to each thing as she spoke, before turning to look at him, "Is that alright?" She asked. There was a sense of caution in her tone, the cause of which Ben did not know.
"Yes!" He stated quickly before gulping softly, "Yes, that's fine…that's good. Thank you… Mother." He blurted awkwardly, taking a few steps towards her then pausing, almost unsure of what to do with himself. Looking down at her, he was reminded of just how big he was in comparison to her, and it made him feel all the more uncomfortable. She pursed her lips into an understanding smile before looking back to the food.
"Of course. And you? How're you feeling?" She asked quickly, looking back to him as she clasped her hands gently in front of her.
"Fine… Better than yesterday." He shrugged gently.
"Good, good." She nodded.
There they stood in silence, both staring off in separate directions. The air that surrounded them was tense. They could feel the gravity of so many lost years weighing down upon them, and each felt guilty in their own respective ways; Ben for betraying the light, and Leia for letting Ben fall into the dark.
Leia cleared her throat softly, finally looking back up at Ben, "So, Ben… Big day, huh?" She tried, though she felt herself cringe a bit. The general was frustrated that she was finding it so difficult to talk to her own son.
Ben, who had looked over at her throat being cleared, gave a small nod, "Yeah, I suppose it is..." He affirmed before his words trailed off a bit. His eyes proceeded to flick down to the floor, as he wasn't sure what else to say. The silence surrounded them once more like the morning fog, before they both gained the courage to speak at the exact same time.
"You don't have to-"
"I never got a chance-"
Both of them paused, pursuing their lips as they looked at one another before Leia smiled gently.
"You go first." Leia gestured with a small chuckle.
Feeling a bit flustered and embarrassed, Ben shook his head, "N-No, it's okay. You go first." He insisted, nodding his head slightly and motioning his hand a bit towards her.
Nodding, Leia conceded, "What I was going to say was; you don't have to do this, you know?" Suddenly, her smile faded and her tone became much softer and more serious. This took Ben aback as he clenched his hands at his sides gently, staring down at her with a confused and apprehensive look, "Ben.." she began, reaching forward and taking his hands in hers. Giving them a gentle squeeze, she stared up at him, "I know this is going to be hard on you, and I don't-"
"I have to go," Ben interrupted gently, though his tone was firm, "I-" he pursed his lips together, swallowing back the guilt that was rushing forward, "I need to do this. I know I've done a lot of… bad things..." his voice trailed as his teeth gritted gently. He found himself being desperate not to get choked up as he voiced his thoughts, "I need to start making amends for everything I've done. I have to do this for you, for your resistance, for D-" he paused, blinking away the feeling that had begun to sting in his eyes. "-For Han..." He still couldn't bring himself to call his father by anything but his name. Ben didn't think he deserved it.
Leia, who stared up at him with a look that could only be described as washed in sorrow and pride, gave a small nod and another squeeze to his hands. Slowly, she released one and brought her free hand up into his slightly bruised cheek; the one Poe had slammed his fist into just the day before. Ben flinched ever so slightly. A reflex, as he truly wasn't used to touch like this, let alone from someone he didn't think he deserved it from.
"My son..." She spoke gently, and her words made him weak. There was silence now as they gazed at one another, Leia's thumb gently stroking at his cheek. Tears welled up in her eyes. Despite the fear, despite the pain and the suffering, her son was wise enough to take the mission on. It made her head sweep with pride, despite not wanting to see him go again. But he had a job to do, and so did she. When this was all over, they would be able to truly experience mother and son once more.
Until then, she gave her son's cheek a gentle squeeze before releasing him. All the while, Ben had been looking at her with determination. He was eager, despite his fears, to prove to her that he had left the dark side; anxious to prove his worth, and to make up for everything he'd done. He couldn't help but relish in her gentle touch, however, and was almost sad to see it go. Leia turned to gesture to the food she'd brought in, about to say something else when Ben reached out and gently grabbed her forearm, refocusing her attention to him.
"M-Mom," he hesitated, voice cracking slightly as he stared down at her. Raising her brows softly, Leia peered back with a gentle look of questioning, "I am… so sorry." Shifting her posture back to face her son, Leia's expression turned up as her lips pursed gently. Ben had paused in his words, wanting to say more, wishing there was more to say. When there was nothing else, and the silent space between them stretched out, Leia pushed a gentle smile onto her expression.
The apology was comforting to hear, and she could feel the desire to say more coming from her son, but she understood all too well why everything happened the way it did. A thousand apologies from either of them could never undo the mistakes of the past, and that seemed like an idea they both understood. Explanations were unnecessary, and her mind echoed with Ben's words: "I need to start making amends for everything I've done." While true to Ben, they were true to her as well. Neither were without fault, both wanted redemption in the other's eyes.
"I understand, Ben," Leia comforted. The silence returned for a moment before she drew in a breath and looked over to the food, "Enough talk for now. You've got to get your strength and head out soon," At this, Ben let her forearm go, giving an awkward nod.
"You're leaving too, right? Everyone? I have absolutely no doubt in my mind the First Order knows exactly where you are and are on their way." Ben voiced gently as if he was scared to play any kind of authority around her, though a worried tone laced his words.
"Yes. Things are being packed and loaded as we speak. Some transports have already taken off. We're well underway, especially with your insight from yesterday," Leia assured, referring to the influx of insider knowledge Ben had spilled to her the previous evening. Suddenly she put up a finger as if she just remembered something, "Oh! This is for you," She dug into a pocket on the vest she was wearing. After a moment, she pulled out a small bracelet; a small metal disc with a glowing blue circle in the center attached. Offering it to him, she said, "Take this. It's a cloaked binary beacon. I have the other," she flashed her wrist slightly to reveal an identical bracelet upon it, "When you're ready to find us, this will light your way home." She assured before gently taking Ben's hand and placing it on his palm.
Ben, who had been listening to her intently, closed his fingers around the beacon bracelet, "Thank you." He said gently before slipping it onto his wrist and tightening the band, making sure it was as secure as possible.
"Now that all that's out of the way, you should eat and regain your strength. No doubt Chewie will want to head off as soon as possible," She reminded softly, glancing at the food. Ben, who glanced along with her, gave a small nod.
"Right." He said, before moving over to the tray.
"I better get going. A lot to do if we're to be out of here by midday." Leia said, and Ben turned to face her.
"Oh. Yes, of course. Thank you for the food." Ben said awkwardly, offering her a gentle smile. In return, she gave a nod.
"Of course. Eat up. I'll be there to see you off." And with that, Leia turned and exited the room.
Watching her go, Ben let out a sigh once he was alone. A tightness in his chest released, making him realize that he had been holding onto his breath the whole time she was with him. He felt his shoulders relax as the silence of the bedchamber surrounded him. Truthfully, being alone was the most comforting thing. No resistance members trying to murder him with their eyes, no mother to induce his guilt, and especially no force ghosts to remind him of some vague destiny. Just a space for him to feel like himself. Drawing in a deep breath, Ben turned and pulled out the small stool that rested under the table and took a seat, pulling the tray towards him gently.
He started to eat, taking small sips at first and gentle bites, but it didn't take him long before he felt himself scarfing down the food. The decadent taste of the vibrant variety caused him to want a constant stream on his taste buds. He relished in it, it serving as yet another reminder of how warm and comforting this place was despite everything. The ice cold shadow of the First Order that still lingered over him receded more and more with every bite. Ben couldn't even remember the last time he'd tasted food this good, let alone had something that wasn't just slop full of the necessary nutrients to survive.
The warmth of the hot cakes, the juice of the fruits, the flake of the bread, all of it caused his senses to soar, even the gentle bitterness of the tea. Though he knew the general was too busy to have made this meal, his mind couldn't help but wander back to when he was a kid. When Leia would cook for him, meal after meal. Meals from Alderaan, from Naboo, Coruscant; recipes passed down through generations of family, culminating on his plates. And despite this meal not actually being nearly as good as any of Leia's, to Ben it sure felt like they were now.
Finally, when all plates were clean and both cups were empty, Ben leaned back gently on his stool. He let his eyes close, breathing gently as he basked in the afterglow of a glorious breakfast. His mind felt empty for once, and he took solace in it. No thoughts of Snoke's, the First Order, of guilt or pain. There was just peace in this brief moment. Before long though, he decided to get up and start his preparation.
Standing, he stretched upwards a bit, but careful not to distress his healing wounds. With a heavy satisfied sigh out, Ben moved over to his bed. On the floor at the end of the bed was a pile of fresh clothes that had been given to him by Leia yesterday, before she had said goodnight to him. Picking them up now, he tossed each piece on the bed, taking inventory. A clean pair of black pants, a fresh off-white shirt, and a warm black leather jacket with a few pockets here and there. To top it off was a belt with a blaster holster that rested on the side of his thigh, and a clip for the lightsaber to sit on the opposite hip.
Taking a moment to peel himself out of the ripped blood-stained pants, and the dirty shirt he had nicked from the Falcon, Ben dressed himself accordingly. Tucking his shirt into his trousers, his pants into his boots, putting on the belt, and finally pulling the jacket on, he was decidedly dressed and ready to go.
Moving to the bedside table, he gently picked up the lightsaber and inspected it. He could see that it had been through its fair share of hardships. Small nicks and scratches sprinkled the metal handle, no doubt from its years and years of assistance. Simply holding it now, Ben could feel the history within. The force pulsed with memories, the weapon's kyber crystal filled with the energy of his ancestors. Pursing his lips, Ben was overwhelmed with the sense that he didn't deserve to be holding it, let alone to wield it. At least not yet, anyways.
Closing his eyes to push his inner thoughts away, Ben clipped the saber to his belt. Leaving the darkness behind, he moved to leave the room. Pausing at the door, he gave it one final glance over before stepping forward and letting the door in front of him slide up to let him out.
The hallway was bustling, and no one seemed to notice the door open or even see him. Resistance members pushed up and down the hallway, dodging and weaving in between one another like a colony of ants. They all carried supply crates or bags full of stuff, clearly undergoing their evacuation. Beings of all shapes and sizes rushed past him, and Ben grimaced slightly at the thought of getting mixed in with the crowd. Seeing no other option, he stepped out into the hallway and began moving with the flow of traffic.
Once he was moving, this was when Resistance members started to notice him. His tall stature, his long black hair, and his more than noticeable scar made him stick out like a sore thumb. People closest to him would change their posture, some uncomfortable and some downright tense with anger. Others glared at him as he moved, and Ben could feel himself shrink and hang his head, trying to blend in as much as possible as he struggled to get to his destination. He was headed outside, towards the Falcon to see if Chewbacca needed help or was ready. Despite the feelings of joy to be away from the First Order, he was eager to be away from the Resistance, too.
As he was stumbling through the hallway, trying hard not to bump into anyone or step on any toes, a sudden firm grip grabbed his upper arm and yanked him to his right. Wincing as the grip agitated the wound on his shoulder, Ben felt himself being pulled into a small closet-like room just off the hallway. Brows furrowing, he turned to face his kidnapper with an angered expression. His eyes fell upon FN2187, who stared up at him with a flurry of emotions he couldn't quite place. Ben felt his demeanor soften as he took a small step back, the change from anger to confusion extremely noticeable.
Finn, who sort of didn't think he'd get this far, stared up a bit perplexed himself. This was along with a flurry of anger, sadness, fear, and worry. Blinking a few times, he realized it was up to him to say something first. After all, he was the one who had kidnapped Ben in the first place.
"Where is Rey?" Finn asked finally with desperation in his voice after the awkward silence was too much to bear.
Ben's brows furrowed and he gave a small shake of his head. "I-I don't know."
"How can you not know?" Finn retorted, "You were the last one to see her, right? Did you kill her?"
"No!" Ben snapped back before shrinking a bit, pursing his lips tightly almost as if he was embarrassed by his defensiveness.
"Then where is she?!"
"I really don't know. I was just trying to talk to her, and she was trying to kill me-"
"As she should!" Finn interrupted with a glare. Ben paused in his words, brows turning up a bit, though he knew FN2187 was right.
"...and the ground split us apart," Ben continued, trying to push past the comment, "Then she ran off into the woods…'' Finn's demeanor seemed to falter. The fear that she could have exploded on Starkiller base started to consume him. Ben could see it, "B-But!" he added quickly, "I felt her presence leave before the planet exploded. There was a TIE in the woods. She must have taken that." Finn perked back up at this.
"She's alive! Wait… Feel her?" The small burst of excitement was undercut by confusion.
Ben's face twisted awkwardly and he nodded, "Yeah… Like, through the force"
Seemingly satisfied by this answer, Finn continued with the excited tone returning to his voice, "Can you feel her now? Where is she?" Finn asked, taking a small step closer to Ben, who in turn took another step back, hand feeling a shelf that was behind him now.
"N-No. I don't know," he answered quickly with an uncomfortable gulp, "I haven't felt her since. But, to be fair, I've been dealing with a lot…"
"Yeah, and who's fault is that?" Finn scoffed, turning from Ben with frustration across his expression. To hear that she was alive eased his troubled mind, but the fear that she could be hurt or in trouble and he had no idea where she was, was consuming him.
Ben, on the other hand, hung his head at FN2187's words. Again, he was right. Part of Ben wanted to lash out, to yell at the ex-storm trooper the way he'd yell at any First Order subordinate. But they were both First Order traitors now, and he had no authority over FN2187 anymore. Any hatred he felt towards the other was from the shadows of Kylo Ren. As the two stood in the closet together, Finn turned away in contemplation. Ben, staring at him awkwardly, took it upon himself this time to say something.
"For what it's worth," Solo began gently, "I'm sorry. For everything, FN21-"
"DON'T-" and suddenly, Finn's fists were grabbing Ben's jacket tightly, slamming him into the shelf behind him. Ben, who didn't see this coming, gasped and winced as his back collided with the uncomfortable surface,"-YOU DARE CALL ME THAT!" Finn shouted at him, teeth bared and anger flushing his features. Ben had his hands up, staring down with wide eyed fear,"You don't get to call me that! I'm not just some number you get to dismiss! I'm a human being, and I have a name!" Finn roared, slamming Ben back into the shelves once more, "My name is Finn. And you have no authority over me anymore. You have no authority at all. Get that through your head." And with that, he let Ben go and took a step back, drawing in a few heavy breaths as he tried to control his anger.
Ben, who was now released, gently adjusted his jacket as he peered at the other with remorse in his gaze, heart thumping in his chest from the sudden rush of adrenaline. "F-Finn..." he started gently, and his words caused Finn's gaze to snap up, "I am sorry..."
"I'll bet you are." Finn rolled his eyes before turning to exit. He was clearly done with this conversation, feeling defeated.
"Wait," Ben started, taking a step forward. Finn paused but he didn't turn around, "The girl, Rey… I'll do what I can," His promise was vague, but it was the best he could give in good faith. He wasn't sure exactly how he was going to get her back, but he understood what she meant to Finn, and what she meant to the balance of the universe.
Finn, upon hearing this, gave a small nod, "Thanks," was all he could mutter before making the door slide open. It wasn't much, and he recognized Ben's promise was unclear, but his conscience supposed it was better than nothing.
As soon as the door opened, Finn took a step into the hallway and paused in the doorway, eyes meeting someone else who stared back in confusion. Poe had been walking down the hallway when he noticed the door open and Finn step out. He'd stopped, an eyebrow raised with his head cocked to the side as his body language questioned Finn silently. Finn's expression, upon seeing the pilot, softened. After the conversation he'd just had, Poe was a welcome presence. Poe, who wanted to return the look, glanced behind Finn to see a rustled up looking Ben, who was smoothing his hair into place and turning to leave the closet. Confused at the lack of reciprocation, Finn glanced behind him before looking back, suddenly understanding what was going on.
"Poe-" Finn began as the pilot took a few steps closer through the few people still passing by them.
"Finn." He retorted suspiciously as Finn stepped a few steps towards him.
"It's not what it looks like." Finn added quickly.
Ben, who just wanted to be on his way, took the unblocked door as an opportunity to slip out. Pausing outside the door, his brows furrowed a bit. Giving one final look to the two of them, who stared back at him, Poe with a particularly unfriendly gaze, he added a small, "It really isn't," before he turned his back on them and headed off down the hallway. His posture shrunk as he walked, feeling the protective and hateful eyes of Poe Dameron searing into his back.
The hallway wasn't as crowded anymore, but Ben certainly felt himself tucking and weaving around beings as he desperately tried to make himself as small as possible. He was headed straight for outside, not wanting to have any rehashes of the encounter he had with Finn with any other resistance member. The last thing he wanted was some scrappy engineer or something trying to enact justice upon him.
Luckily for Ben, no one stopped him this time. Despite the glares and the whispers, his walk was relatively smooth and before he knew it, he was outside on the landing platform.
Squinting his eyes at the harsh contrast of light, Ben held up a hand to cast a shadow over them. Blinking a few times, he surveyed the scene. Somehow, outside was busier than the tight hallways inside. Resistance members darted back and forth between ships and cargo. It was clear the entire base was scrambling to get off this planet.
It wasn't long until his eyes fell upon the familiar outline of the Falcon, and seeing it again made his chest tighten. Soon enough, he'd have to help co-pilot the ship of the father he murdered to the uncle that started it all. Just thinking about it caused his stomach to churn. Drawing in a deep breath, Ben made a beeline straight for the ship, head hanging as usual as he attempted to slip by without causing a stir. Outside, it seemed a lot easier to go by unnoticed. The amount of stares he was receiving was halved at the least, as everyone outside was much too focused on their individual tasks. And with such an open area, there were less bodies for him to accidentally bump into.
Approaching the Falcon, he was just in time to catch Chewbacca and Leia headed down the boarding ramp. They were engaged in a conversation that stopped as soon as the two laid eyes on him. Ben had stopped a few feet from the end of the ramp, watching them with baited breath, and as soon as their attention was on him, he gave an awkward glance away. Leia, more understanding than he thought he deserved, gave a warm and gentle smile as she approached him. Chewbacca, on the other hand, turned and disappeared back into the Falcon.
Once at the end of the ramp, Leia paused and her eyes glanced over her son's figure. For a moment, she felt her breath hitch and her eyes sting at the sight of him. It was breathtaking how much Ben turned out to look like Han, and especially with clothes similar to what her husband would have worn when they first met, the resemblance was uncanny. Ben stood a bit awkward under her gaze, but decided to take a few steps closer to her until he stood before her. Her eyes followed him, resting finally on his face. Sniffing gently and drawing in a deep breath, she cleared her throat to speak.
"I've packed everything you'll need on board. Plenty of changes of clothes, plenty of food, some different types of coats in case you get cold," she listed, and Ben felt almost as if she were stalling. He never saw her eyes glance from him, not even once since she came off the Falcon. He could practically feel the hesitation in her being, "Plenty of medical supplies in case you get hurt, fresh blankets and-" pressing a gentle smile onto pursed lips, Ben raised one of his hands and placed it gently on her cheek. The rambling of her list went silent as she felt his large hand against the side of her face. It caused her eyes to widen, and her breath to catch in her chest and she held it. Leia could feel the sting of tears once more at her eyes as she stared up at him.
"Thank you, Mom." Ben said gently. At this, she smiled, melting into his touch as she raised her hand and placed it over his. Her grip tightened slightly as she relished in his touch, the world drowning out around them; the force surrounding them.
After a long pause, Leia spoke up, "Are you sure about this?" She asked delicately, a spark of hope in her tone almost hoping he'd back out and stay with her. Ben, despite having picked up on her tone, gave a gentle nod.
"I have to." He said simply, and she let out a small sigh.
"I know," she responded with a sad, yet proud, glint in her eyes, "I know you'll make me proud, Ben." He felt his lips purse and his chest tighten at these words. It was a lot of pressure, but pressure he had to accept if he had any real chance of redemption.
"I will do my best."
"And that's all I need." She said gently, now reached up to cup both his cheeks in her hands. Ben, who let go of her face once she let go, found himself leaning down from her guidance. Before he knew it, he felt her gentle lips on his forehead. They lingered, pressing a long awaited kiss against his skin. At this, he felt himself melt, all the tension he was holding releasing at once. The comfort he felt from this gesture was immense, and he honestly never wanted it to end. The warmth radiating off his mother for him was overwhelming, but in all the best ways.
As he was released, he stood a little straighter as he looked down at her, his smile just a bit wider now. Gently, Ben wrapped his arms around her and drew her in for a hug, burying his face in her shoulder as best he could from the height difference. Leia gladly accepted, wrapping her arms tightly around him doing her best to encompass him in her hug.
"Thank you for your forgiveness," Ben whispered softly, tightening his arms just a bit, "I don't deserve it yet… But it's not misplaced, I promise you."
At this, Leia stroked his back gently with a small hum, "I know it's not," She responded softly, "I believe in you. I always have." This made his heart swell and a knot tighten in his throat. For so many years he was convinced she'd never forgive him, that she'd lost faith in him; that he couldn't go home. He felt grief knowing he could have come home at any time, but relief at the fact he had had the courage to come home at all.
After what seemed like a while, they both pulled back simultaneously, each gently holding the other's forearms.
"You should get going." Leia suggested lightly, sniffing a bit. Looking over her features, Ben saw a few slightly damp patches on her cheeks. He only gave a small nod to her words, eyes glancing to the Falcon for a moment before refocusing on her. She stared up at him, her gaze glancing from facial feature to facial feature. She was attempting to commit it to memory, him and this whole moment. Leia didn't want to lose, and no matter what happened she wanted to cherish it forever. Fear gripped at her, yelling at her to never let go again. But she trusted in the Force, and she trusted in Ben. Everything was going to be okay.
Drawing in a deep breath, she gave Ben's arms a final squeeze before letting go. Moving to stand next to him, she looked up at the Millennium Falcon that sat ready for its next voyage. Leia took his hand in a tight grip, her freehand in a fist over her heart. She didn't look at him now, staring forward as if it would help her goodbye. Ben stared forward with her, mentally preparing himself to step back onto that ship.
"Come back home to me, Ben." Leia said softly, clenching her jaw slightly to try to stop the sting of tears. "Please."
"I will." He responded gently, taking a deep breath and giving her hand a final squeeze. It was time. Letting go, he began his assent up the boarding ramp. It was slow, each step harder than the last. As soon as he reached the top, he turned back around to see his mother standing where he left her.
"May the force be with you." Leia called, forcing a smile onto her face despite how sad and scared she was to see him go. Ben could feel his breath hitch in his chest, brows turning up softly.
"May… May the force be with you, too." The words were harder than he thought, and they fumbled out of his mouth as if they'd just been roused up out of a long slumber. But Leia didn't seem to mind. She seemed more than pleased with this, and gave him a small wave, taking a few steps back from the boarding ramp.
Ben, who took her in one last time, returned the small wave before slowly turning away. Taking a few steps into the ship, he pressed the button that caused the boarding ramp to close back up. This time, he didn't turn around. He waited until the familiar clunk of metal sounded before letting out a heavy sigh.
The weight of everything suddenly crushed down on him as the silence of the Falcon rang in his ears. Any inkling of the outside scramble was gone as the metal surrounded his senses. Balling his fists up at his sides, Ben gulped down his rising emotions. He had a job to do. There was plenty of time between here and Ach-To for him to brood over his feelings, to figure out what he was going to do when he got there. For now, there was no use in dwelling on it.
Ben proceeded into the Millennium Falcon, eyes running over the rusted floors and the dirty walls. Despite his father's love for this ship, it had been neglected for so long and it showed. Though Ben didn't know that Han had lost it, to be fair. Moving into the main hull, R2D2 rolled over to stop him, bumping right into his feet.
"Ow-" Ben hissed, picking up one of them after R2 ran into his toes, scrunching his nose.
R2 quickly let out a series of beeps at Ben, rattling as he spoke, clearly angry.
Ben rolled his eyes gently, "I get it, you've got your eyes on me. I'm not going to do anything." He assured, looking down at the droid.
Again the astromech beeped up at him, though it had a skeptical tone this time.
"I'm good now. Really!" Ben assured, brows furrowing gently as he didn't particularly want to have this conversation now.
"(R2, let him go. We have to be on our way.)" Chewbacca's roar turned both the human and the droid's attention over to the entrance of the hallway that led to the cockpit. Ben's brows turned up at the sight of him, almost apologetic for the hold up despite it not being his fault.
R2D2, looking back at Ben, let out a few more beeps before rolling away, almost as if he was grumbling. Ben, now free, took a few steps towards his uncle.
"(You remember how to co-pilot?)" The Wookie asked, turning and heading down the hallway, expecting Ben to follow.
He did, though hesitantly, and gave a soft shrug. "I can manage." It had been at least a decade since he'd even stepped foot in the ship, let alone had anything to do with the operation. But Ben prided himself on his piloting ability, it coming naturally no doubt as a result from his father.
Entering the cockpit itself, Chewbacca wasted no time getting into his seat, beginning to mess with the starting controls as the Falcon whirred to life. Ben, however, paused at the doorway. His hands gripped the doorframe gently, nervously, as he stared at the controls, at the seat next to Chewbacca that he was supposed to take. His heart clenched in his chest, and his jaw tightened as he tried to push down the fresh wave of emotions that tried to overcome him.
Glancing back to him, Chewbacca spoke impatiently. "(Well? Let's go. I need your help.)"
Ben, pursing his lips before drawing in a deep breath, gave a gentle nod. Pushing forward, he seated himself in the co-pilot's chair and stared at the controls. Almost as if on instinct, he began his duty. Pressing buttons, reaching overhead to flip switches, he worked to get the ship going. He powered through the sting in his eyes, and the lump in this throat as he treated this as his duty, and it was.
The Millennium Falcon jostled gently, it's engines warming up and it's hyperdrive coming online. Once everything was ready to go, he looked over the base one last time. The General had gone, and it was only the colony of ants working to get off the planet now. This all was really happening.
Looking to his nephew, and giving him a nod, Chewbacca began the lift off sequence. Pulling the ship off the ground, the two worked together to fly it up past the base, past the trees and the overhead mountains. They ascended through the clouds, then the atmosphere, until all they were privy to was the dark vastness of space.
Ben was taken by it, it looked strangely brighter than before, the distant stars twinkling with hope. And when it blurred into hyperspace, he felt the force surrounding him, and for once in a long time he thought; maybe everything would be alright.