Author's Note: Originally, this story wasn't supposed to portray Cas as he is in this chapter, but the story got away from me and decided to write itself instead, so this is what I ended up with. This is the breaking point. It is still a happy ending, that isn't all that far away.

When Dean walked down to the basement to meet with Cas and take him home, an empty desk awaited him and he looked over to Charlie for explanation. She seemed really uncomfortable as she let out a deep sigh, glancing his way but not meeting his eyes. "Red?"

"He went back to your place." She hurried to say, probably trying to ease Dean's concerns at least by a little bit. It had very little effect, because clearly something happened and the worst of all, he was not told. He figured Cas could do something like this, leave without him, without telling him, because the man still didn't fully trust him, but he expected more from his friend.

"Don't freak out, okay?" She said and Dean frowned, throwing her a look filled with disbelief, before he bulged out his eyes at her in an obvious attempt to tell her to spill the fucking beans already. "He was re-writing some old stuff and about two hours ago, he came across one of your articles. I could see something was upsetting him, and when I came over I saw it was the Sandover story." Charlie spoke, her eyes so apologetic.

"He kept shaking his head, saying 'It couldn't be'. I had no idea what he was talking about.When I asked him what was wrong, he was so startled by me he jumped out of his seat and I saw he was pale and shaking." The more she spoke, the more anger and confusion grew inside of Dean. If Cas was that affected by something, how could she just let him leave? And without telling Dean?!

"I swear, my first thought was to call you, but he started asking me about the article, about whether you really went undercover, he kept shooting questions and I tried to answer them all, to calm him down, and eventually I told him that the bastard was behind bars. I swear, it was like someone flipped a switch, he instantly relaxed and took a few deep breaths. I gave him some water and then he asked if there was a chance he could be excused for the rest of the day."

"He said he was sorry, and that he hoped it wouldn't reflect badly on his work, which was ridiculous, of course, and that he needed a bit of time to 'collect himself'. I told him it was fine, that he can take all the time he needed, but when I said I would call you to take him home, he begged me not to. He said he needed time to figure something out and that he would talk to you when you get home."

"And… And you think… You think he really went back to my place?" Dean asked, the fear of Cas walking out on him greater than the anger he felt moments ago.

"He promised me he would. I even threw in the sad look, but those baby blues are way outta my league. Look, whatever it was that set him off, it changed after, he seemed calmer and… Determined? Maybe even a little less burdened? That's the only reason I went along and did as he asked. You know I would have told you if I thought something bad was up." Dean just nodded, pretending it was fine, but deep down, he felt a bit hurt that Charlie, his best friend, would keep something like this from him. If Cas needed time or space, Dean would have given him anything and waited patiently for him, there was no need to keep him in the dark.

He excused himself, his words cut off, his voice showing he was upset and he turned to leave when Charlie's sad voice made him pause. "I'm sorry, Dean."

"Is alright, Red. Talk to you later, okay." He said it, and meant it. He would talk to her and try to understand why she kept this from him. Right now, he needed to get to Cas, make sure he was alright.

Dean tried to breathe as he drove, but some gut feeling was telling him that he should hurry up. Could be just his nerves, or could be that Cas reacted badly over something he wrote, and that this might deeply affect them. Scared that Cas might even leave, Dean pressed the gas pedal a bit harder, wishing he was already in his apartment.

Truth was, he knew Cas had issues. Big issues. Stuff he couldn't deal with on his own, no matter how much he tried. Love and comfort and support can't fix this with a wave of a magic wand, he knew that, and he was considering talking to a therapist about it, maybe, hopefully, one day even get Cas to talk to one. Whatever upset him now must have been something major for him to freak out like that, and Dean had no idea how he would handle it, how Cas would react or what he might do. And it scared the hell out of him.

"Cas?" Dean asked as soon as he opened his door, finding the extra key he had stashed in the loose door frame board missing and knowing Cas must have used it.

"In here." Cas called back from his room, and Dean let out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding. Cas was still here. And surprisingly, he sounded okay.

"Hey… What's… What's up?" Dean asked with a voice so filled with uncertainty and fear, it cracked on the first word. Cas was there, sitting on his bed, holding two pieces of paper in his hands and looking down at them. As soon as Dean spoke, he looked up, his eyes rim red and puffy, filled with yet hushed tears. Dean rushed to his side, feeling as if someone ripped his lungs out of his chest, but stopped short, not sure what to do. He wanted so badly to hug him, hold him, comfort him, but he had no idea if his touch would be welcomed. Thankfully, Cas reached, took Dean's hand and beckoned him to sit down,then lifted said hand to rub his cheek against it before planting a small kiss into the palm. Another small wave of relief washed over Dean as Cas allowed, even sought out Dean's comfort, but he was still upset and Dean felt compelled to try and fix it.

"Cas…" He started, but Cas hummed, a small, pleased, happy even, smile appeared on his lips as his eyes slipped closed for a second, basking in something he was feeling. Dean didn't know what it was, but he knew Cas was okay for now and it eased some of his worry.

"I'm good. I'm… I'm good now." He said, his eyes still closed, Dean's palm still pressed against his cheek. He took a deep breath before opening them and Dean was hit with unbelievably blue eyes, mixed with tears they seemed like a perfect water stream. Cas breathed in and out, slowly, as if he was letting go of some invisible burden that had been on his shoulders for way too long.

"I was married once." He said. Out of all the things Dean expected, he hadn't seen that coming. He didn't say a word, because Cas obviously had more to tell, so he figured he let him, at whatever pace he was comfortable. "I was... It was like an arranged marriage… My family, they were very religious, went to church… And I was young. Daphne was young too, and I thought I had to, you know… Even if I knew I was different. That I wasn't… Into women." Cas laughed at a memory that must have played in his mind, but once he kept going, it wasn't really a funny, happy one. He huffed more laughs as he talked .

"When she found out, she was okay with it, she understood. Or at least she thought she was, before she just snapped one day during a sermon and literally pointed a finger at me and… She said I had sinful desires and that I will burn in Hell for them. She told everyone."

"Oh, Jesus, Cas…" Dean's heart ached for Cas and for the worst kind of discrimation he went through.

"It's alright, Dean. Really. It was… It was more liberating than anything. Made me realize I didn't care what all those people thought and when Daphne had our marriage annulled, I was actually happy. Excited to go out into the world and explore who I wanted to be." Cas said with a nostalgic smile on his face and a very distant look in his eyes. He took another breath, deep on this time, as if he desperately needed air,

"I met a man. A man that was fascinated by me, by my blue eyes. He said they were so bright and beautiful like my soul…" Cas's smile slowly faded from his face as his eyes slipped on the papers in his lap. Slowly, he opened them and Dean saw it was his Sandover article, complete with the dramatic heading and a picture of the building. He didn't understand what Cas' story had to do with the article, yet some deep feeling of dread filled him, as if his subconscious made the connection before his mind was able to.

"He was so nice and sweet and would shower me with attention and gifts and told me I was the prettiest thing he had ever seen. I was young and adventurous and… so blind." He smiled again, more to himself and his mistake, whatever it was, than at the fondness of the memory. "We were only dating a couple of weeks when he asked me to move in with him, and I foolishly jumped at the chance to spend more time with him. I made the mistake of selling my apartment and giving him all my money… I was so happy and I didn't see what he was doing."

"Sometimes he would come home with his collar covered in lipstick or smelling of a woman's perfume and when I asked him about those at first, he said there were a few women that were throwing themselves at him, but that he only had eyes for me… Last time I asked, he yelled at me to stop being such a whiny brat and stopped asking…"

"I can't really remember if something specific happened overnight or if it was a gradual thing… But he became more… Controlling. He wouldn't let me leave the house without him, checked my phone calls and accompanied me to the store, things like that. He didn't like it when I did something on my own, so I just… Stopped. I stayed in, cooked, cleaned…" Cas huffed another laugh, and Dean had no idea why he was smiling, because it was bad, what happened to him. Dean listened, not saying anything, barely breathing and just staring at Cas. His chest ached and tears gathered in his eyes, but he didn't want to interrupt him, Cas was finally opening up and it seemed to be helping him in some way. What was hearing about it, when Cas actually lived it.

"It was good because… We fit, you know? We were good together and he… He showed me some amazing things…" The smile faltered after that, but Cas kept talking. "I thought I was in love. I thought that was what love was. And when he started doing things I didn't like, I… I let him. I thought… I thought - he worked so hard all day, every day, he deserved to enjoy himself…"

"It wasn't until the police knocked on our door that I finally realized…" Cas trailed off, the words getting stuck in his throat. Dean felt his heart pounding like crazy and he tried so damn hard to control his anger and just be there for Cas, because Cas didn't need him to yell, he didn't need him to burst in an angry fit, he needed comfort. He didn't even realize he had his arm around Cas, and he didn't remember when it wound up there, but he tightened the grip, his free hand slotting in with Cas', needing to show him he was there and that Cas was safe. He hoped his touch wasn't unwelcomed, and when Cas leaned into his embrace, Dean took a deep breath, feeling some of his anger dissipate.

"Nobody even knew I existed. Nobody in his company, none of his friends, not even the police. I packed what I had, took some cash he had lying around and I just… Took off." Cas let out a heavy breath, a few more tears rolling down his cheek, but there was a smile on his face, a sort of relief and calm showing on his face.

"Cas…" Dean desperately wanted to say something, to ease it all anyway he knew how, but when he saw the expression on Cas' face, he was confused. "Cas?"

"It was you… It was you even then…" Cas said and lifted the papers he was holding. Dean's heart nearly stopped when he made the connection. Zachariah Adler, the Head CEO and the abuser of the employees of Sandover, he was with Cas, he and… Dean tried to take more deep breaths, feeling a stabbing sensation in his chest, something cutting off his air supply. Zachariah, the most vile man Dean had ever met in his life, the man that tried to blackmail Dean into keeping his job (fake job) by making him provide sexual favours was with Cas at the time? Half a dozen women sued him for sexual abuse and rape after the artcile came out, but Dean was certain there were a few men that were just too embarrassed to step forward. And Cas, he was…

"It was you." Cas repeated, leaning on Dean's shoulder and snuggling closer, making Dean's thoughts screech to a halt. "Even then, it was you. You pulled me out. You helped me see the way I was living was… So much less… Just like you did… Just like now… You…" Cas' speech was a bit slurred, but Dean understood what he wanted to say. He glanced down at the drained and tired man that was slowly slipping into sleep, reached and cupped his jaw, caressing the cheek with his thumb for a minute before he moved to set a small peck on his lips.

Cas actually hummed happily and Dean smiled, coming to the conclusion that it was all that mattered. That Cas was happy. Dean didn't delude himself that the man in his arms was okay, he knew better than that. But he was happy and he was safe and he was doing a little bit better day by day. There was a lot of trauma, things Cas seemed to just seemingly get over, but if the nightmares were any indication, he didn't work through them. Dean would definitely try and talk to him about it all, and hopefully, try and get him to talk to someone else, a professional.

But right now, Cas was falling asleep in his arms, so Dean just pecked his lips once more before he gently lowered him to the bed. "I'll go make some dinner, you take a nap and I'll wake you, okay?"

"Thank you, Dean." He said dazed and already drifting into sleep. "It is you." He whispered and even if it wasn't a live confession, it still warmed Dean's heart. Cas felt safe with him, he felt safe and cared for.

It was about an hour later that Dean woke Cas up with a smell of MacCheese in the air around him, and Dean smiled when Cas took the printout of Dean's article, crumpled it up and threw it in the trash. They ate, talking about random things and Dean couldn't believe how lighter Cas seemed. He smiled more, talked more, even cracked a few jokes. He ate a second serving, and Dean was pleased, almost preening on the inside for being able to do this for him.

"You deserved so much more." The words slipped out of his mouth unbeckoned, but still very truthful. Cas paused, looking up at him and meeting Dean's gaze before he lowered the fork, but still held onto it.

"Maybe." He replied carefully, and Dean just had to speak up.

"No, Cas. You did… You do deserve better."

"I just want you." As soon as he said it, Cas blushed so deeply and averted his eyes, that the sight made Dean go all gooey inside. He smiled as wide as he could, unable to reel it in, and reached to set his hand over Cas' from across the table.

"And I want you. Exactly as you are."

"Even… Even if I freak out sometimes and mess things up and… "

"Just as you are. You are smart and funny - when you want to be - and with the biggest heart, and I just… I care so much about you Cas."

"Me too." Cas said, so shyly and barely audible, but he did say it.

"I… um…" Dean tried, closing his eyes for a brief second and taking a deep breath. "I hate what that asshole did to you. I worked for him for a bit over a month and I know what he was like, so I can only imagine what… But that isn't important. I meanheisn't important. You are. So I am here for you, Cas. For whatever you need." Squeezing his hand to get his point across, Dean locked eyes with Cas, offering everything he had, nearly rendering Cas to tears.

His eyes were watery again, but he had such a happy smile on his face, with so many other emotions like gratitude, respect and admiration written in his eyes. He stood up, slowly, and rounded the table to get to Dean. He set his hands on Dean's face and pulled him in a deep kiss, pouring all of his feelings in it and conveying them when he couldn't use his words.

The next few days were great. They would wake up at the same time, go to work, spend lunch together, and meet up after the job was done. They kissed a lot, holding hands and leaning in the other one's space, but nothing more than that, both content with just being close.

It was about a week after Cas told him about Zachariah, a Thursday, and the day started off as any other. They met up in the kitchen, Cas already brewing the coffee and Dean threw him a thankful smile when he reached in the fridge to grab some ham and make some sandwiches for breakfast. He didn't see Cas standing there, waiting to hand Dean his mug and turned, bumping into him. The hot liquid splashed all over Dean's undershirt, the mug dropping down to the ground and breaking into million pieces. Cas gasped at the same time Dean hissed at the burn, his chest already turning red. He quickly discarded the shirt with the hot coffee on it to minimize the damage and in the process took a wrong step, his foot dropping on the mug shards and imbedding into this sock. He cursed up a storm, but stopped short when he saw Cas on his knees, collecting the shards with shaky hands.

"Hey, hey…" He said, reaching down to grab his hands, to stop him from getting unnecessary cuts and to help him up. "... It's okay, Cas. It's okay. It was an accident." He said, trying to sooth him, to chase away the fear and the shock written in his eyes.Cas apologized over and over and Dean told him it would be okay, the burn would heal, he didn't cut his foot and the mug can be replaced, then hugged him tight. Cas seemed alright after a few minutes, but it was only a start.

Cas seemed to be having a really bad day that consisted of physically hurting Dean, all by accident. He hit him in the hip with a drawer, hit him in the head with the cupboard door, tripped and pushed Dean backwards into the front door, the knob embedding itself in his lower back. Accidental bumps happened three times during lunch and one when they got off work, and each time, Dean waved it off, smiling and telling Cas it wasn't a big deal. He wouldn't even notice it was happening so often if Cas hadn't started overreacting so much. Cas started pulling back, not seeking Dean's touch in fear of hurting him and it was absurd, really.

It all culminated when they were in the shelter, helping with the clean up and Balth called Cas, making him snap back to see what he wanted, sending soap that was on his hands all over the kitchen, right under Dean's next step. Dean sipped, almost did a somersault and landed heavily on his back with a very loud thud. Everyone rushed to him and eventually helped him up, but when Dean looked up, Cas was the only one that held his distance, standing in a corner looking scared and pale.

Cas stayed away during dinner and even sat on a chair while they were supposed to be relaxing and watching TV, and no matter what Dean did or said could persuade him to come closer. Dean didn't want to push and try and pull him into his embrace when it obviously wasn't welcomed, and he had no idea what else to do, fearing that any move he could make could backfire. So instead of letting Cas sit on an uncomfortable chair, he offered him the couch, and Dean would take a shower and retire to bed. Once he was finished with the bathroom, he told Cas it was free and went to bed. He tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep, thinking about Cas and all the bad luck that followed him around. Dean wanted to help him, to support him and be there for him, but it just seemed like one bad thing after another kept trying to bring them down. Still, Dean was nothing if not persistent. He would fight for Cas for as long as he had to.

"Ddd… Dean…" Cas' whispered voice called out to him from somewhere away and Dean instinctively turned towards the source, his entire being reaching until his mind caught up to the situation and he opened his eyes to see a very shaking Cas standing by his bed.

"Cas…" He called out, still reaching for him, sliding his hand in the man's and instantly feeling better.

"Dean. Dean, please…" Cas begged, reluctant to be pulled in, but still setting his knee on the bed. The sound of Cas' voice made him more awake.

"What… What's up, Cas?" Dean asked, still pulling him until Cas was sitting next to him. Dean propped himself up and blinked a few times to clear his vision. Cas was clearly shaking, his eyes wide and shining in the pale moonlight, his lower lip caught between his teeth, and it was obvious that he had a nightmare.

"You… I… I'm not like him, right? Please tell me I'm not… It was an accident, you said so, they were all just…" The more he spoke, the more riled up he got and Dean sat up, drew him closer and started running his hands up and down Cas' arms.

"Yeah, Cas, they were just accidents, you're not like him, God! You could never be like him, he enjoyed hurting others, enjoyed feeling superior, but that was because he wasn't. He was a pathetic little man and you are so much greater and better than he was, you gotta know that." Dean said, figuring Cas drew all of this from his nightmare. He felt a little guilty that he didn't hear him, especially after he realized he hadn't left the door ajar like he always did.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" Cas whispered, finally leaning into his remembrance, bringing his forehead to rest on Dean's shoulder.

"It's okay, Cas, it's alright. Shit happens, you know. And you're not him, you could never be like him, you're sweet and kind… Try imagining Zachariah working in the shelter on his own free will? Yeah? Not happening." Dean spoke and smiled when Cas huffed an ironic laugh at Dean's comparison. But then he lifted his head and looked at Dean, some strange emotions swirling in his teary eyes.

"Kiss me." Cas whispered and Dean's lips twitched into a brief smile before he did just that. God it felt like it was ages ago that he had a chance to kiss him, to feel those plush lips against his, moving, sliding, caressing, dear God, how he missed it. Cas' hand came up to cup Dean's cheek, and he felt himself lean into the warm touch that spread this incredibly nice feeling all through his system.

They kissed, long and tender, just enjoying the simplest brush of lips and the closeness of one another. At the same time, they pulled apart, and Dean looked at the man before him knowing in this exact moment, he would give everything he had for him.

"I'm sorry I woke you." Cas said blushing a bit, ducking his head and shifting where he sat on Dean's bed. Dean reached and lifted his chin, wanting to look into those ocean blue eyes and make them see the truth he carried in his.

"Don't ever be sorry for needing and wanting comfort, not from me. I care so much about you, Cas, and it makes me so happy that you let me help you through moments like this. I would do anything for you. All you gotta do is tell me what you need." Cas seemed to be in awe of him, his eyes wide and so happy, his smile small, but knky because Cas obviously wanted to say something, but didn't know what. "Just tell me what you need, Cas, and it's yours."

"You. All I need… All I want is you." He said, making Dean the happiest son of a bitch alive to hear those words. He leaned in a captured Cas's lips again, cupping his cheek this time and brushing a tear that dared to roll down. They kissed, lips slotting and working together perfectly for a few moments. And when Dean tried to pull away, Cas followed, reaching for him and deepening their kiss.

Cas' tongue shyly prodded inside and Dean just opened up for him, tasting the mint of their toothpaste and feeling the swirl of Cas' tongue against his own. Cas' hand settled on Dean's shoulder, staying there for a few minutes, before it started sliding up and down his arm, and Dean hummed into the kiss, melting under Cas' touch. Slowly but surely, their kiss became more and more charged, Dean feeling lightheaded with oxygen deprivation and arousal cruising through his body. He broke the kiss, gasping for air, but the motion made Cas' hand fall on his chest and the man tightened his fist into it and yanked Dean back, kissing him with so much more desire it made Dean's skin feel hot and tingly.

Cas fell back on the bed and pulled Dean on top, but their new position made it almost impossible to kiss, because Dean's face was at Cas' chest level, his head tilted way up, barely reaching the man's chin, so Cas kept tugging at Dean's shirt until Dean shifted up. Feeling Cas' erection slide down his stomach as he moved up caused goosebumps to rise on his skin and he shuddered, his breath hitching and finally, his eyes falling closed as they slotted perfectly.

"I want you… I need you, Dean. Please." Cas begged for him, and Dean wasted no time, leaning in to trace soft kisses over his jaw, behind his ear and then down his neck. Cas' hands hooked in Dean's pyjama pantsandhis underwear and started tugging down, so Dean lifted his hips to allow it. His dick caught in the waistband, but it was only a second of discomfort before he felt the warmth of Cas' hand all around him. He groaned, rutting into it for a few moments before he realized his eyes slipped closed and he opened them. The sight of those blue eyes, the pupils dilated and the hungry look in them almost made him come, so he paused, taking a few deep breaths.

"Cas… Cas are you…" he was going to ask if he was sure he wanted to do this, whatever it was, a jerk off, a blow job, or just rutting against one another, this intimacy, but Cas cut him off by grabbing him by the neck and pulling him into a searing kiss. His hands flew down to Dean's hips and he yanked Dean's shirt off, breaking the kiss for only a split second before tugging him down for more. It wasn't until he tried to rid himself of his own shirt that he finally said something.

"I need you, Dean, I need you. I need to feel you, I want… God, I want you. Badly." He said pressing his hands on Dean's cheeks and making their foreheads connect, the two of them breathing into each other's mouths as Cas whispered. "I want you to fuck me."

Dean choked on Cas' breath, instantly pulling away and looking down at him completely surprised. "Are you… Are you su…"

"Please…" Cas begged, then tried to pull him down for another kiss.

"Cas…"

"Please, Dean, please. I need you, I need to feel you, I need… Please. Kiss me. Kiss me, Dean. Kiss me and take me, make me yours, please. I don't… I don't want to belong to him anymore."

Dean had no idea what to do.

He couldn't say no, he couldn't reject him, but he also thought that this wasn't what Cas really needed. He knew for sure Cas needed something to break this spell he was under, to break free of Zachariah, but he wasn't sure if this was it.

"Please, Dean… You said anything I need and I need this… I need you…" And how could he say no to those puppy eyes? Dean made a mistake of leaning down to kiss Cas again and got completely swept away by everything the man did after that, kissing him with so much passion, gliding his hands all over Dean's skin and grabbing his ass to urge him to keep rutting.

He gasped and moaned so beautifully when Dean's lips left wet trails down his neck and over his exposed chest, lifting his hips and removing his own pyjamas, then pulling Dean down on himself and letting him cover his body completely. In retrospect, Dean understood that this was a way for Cas to feel safe, secure and not vulnerable, because he thought Dean would not, could not ever be like Zachariah, but he still wasn't one hundred percent there yet and that was what caused everything to fall apart.

One second he was opening him up, gasping and moaning as Cas' hand kept stroking him, and in the next he was positioning himself,withouta condom, because Cas wanted to feel him. The head of his cock kissed that quivering hole and it felt so good, heavenly, the heat of it, the sweet anticipation of knowing he was about to sink in, sink in deep and feel Cas welcome him in, both literally and metaphorically. But then Cas froze and tensed up, and locked up and started crying and begging him to stop.

Dean's heart stopped beating at the sight of a man so broken, a man he cared deeply about, but when he tried to comfort him, when he reached out to him, it only caused Cas to cry out, and curl into himself and start sobbing, so Dean did the only thing he could.

"It's gonna be alright, Cas." He said slowly moving away from him. "It's gonna be alright, I won't touch you." Cas clearly wasn't all there, but at least he calmed down a fraction as Dean retreated further away. "I'll be right here, Cas, I am here, but I won't touch you." He repeated and sank down to the floor, leaning on the bed with his upper body and staying in Cas' visual range, not that Cas had his eyes open at that moment. He sat his hand on the bed, close so that Cas could reach if he needed to, and set his head down on the mattress.

"I'm right here Cas, okay? I'll stay right here if you need me, okay? It's going to be alright… It'll all be okay. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere."