Chapter XXII - The One
"Goodbye, old friend"
2 years before the tragedy
It was the beginning of a warm night. Above their heads, the cloudless sky was covered with stars. Erik looked up at them, lying on his back with his hands clasped under his head. A portable chess board with scattered pawns lay next to him. The air smelt of the lake and the forest. The silence would only be occasionally broken by the sound of steadily flowing water and the distant sounds of animals strolling or flying among the trees.
When Erik looked slightly to the side, at Charles seated in his wheelchair, the first thing he felt was surprise. He always reacted this way to seeing him, even though they had been living together for two months now. He still could not get used to the fact that Charles was right there, that he slept just over the wall, that he would be there every morning when Erik headed to the kitchen for breakfast.
Being so close to Charles, seeing him so often was a new experience, a surprisingly amazing one. It was just like at the beginning of their friendship, when they lived together in his old house and trained other mutants. But it was also different. After all, they were both different people. Maybe it was even better.
They spent most of their time together. Granted, there were a lot of mutants living in Genosha, but there were only the two of them living in Erik's house, a house so big it would hold at least ten people. It had been easy for Erik to ignore his feelings when oceans and continents had separated them, when they had openly pitted against each other. Now it was no longer so easy to suppress what arose in his heart when he woke up in the morning to the sound of Charles bustling around the kitchen, when they played chess late into the night, or when they sat here in this moody place where time ceased to matter and there were just the two of them, old friends.
Erik did not miss the fighting, the hiding, the killing, the losing of all the people he loved. For the past month, all he had done was go for walks and play chess, and that was completely enough for him. He was surprised to admit to himself that he was happy. Peace had never been an option, he had once told Charles, but now that he had truly found peace, he did not want to get rid of it at all.
He glanced at Charles, wondering if the man was prying into his thoughts, if he knew what was going on in his heart. Erik himself did not understand it, could not name it. Or maybe he knew perfectly well, had always known, but never wanted to admit it to himself, because the people he loved tended to end up dying in his arms, and he could not lose Charles. Not now, not ever.
"Thank you."
Erik was so absorbed in his own thoughts that it took him a moment to realize that Charles had spoken. They had been sitting in silence for many minutes, since their last chess game, and Erik began to worry that Charles had looked into his head and hence his words. He looked at him, but Charles was staring somewhere further away, at the horizon invisible in the darkness, and his eyes seemed too bright, though still beautiful.
"For what?"
"For saving me and for providing me with home."
Two months before, when Erik had found out that Charles had left the school, he had not hesitated for a second. He had found him in Paris and suggested that they live together. Erik was still wondering when the idea had popped into his head. Maybe it had always existed there, and he had been just waiting for a convenient moment. Maybe he had always wanted to live with Charles, but had always been held back by that stupid school.
"I did the same thing you had done for me when we had first met," Erik explained, closing his eyes. "The difference is that you helped a total stranger, and I helped an old friend."
There was silence again for a moment and Erik thought he might fall asleep here. It was quiet, warm, and pleasant. He would not mind if Charles lay next to him. Maybe he would sleep better than in the bed in his room, where he had to be alone all night. Charles lived with him, yet he was near and far at the same time.
When Charles spoke again, Erik's heart stopped beating. "Am I only a friend to you or am I more?"
Erik got up and looked at his companion, who had a mysterious smile on his lips. Was this really happening? Was this some kind of test? Had Charles read his thoughts and drawn the right conclusions?
"Do you want to be more?" Erik heard himself ask but he barely recognized his own voice.
"I think you want it, Erik. And I think you want to kiss me."
Erik did not even realize he was looking a tad too long at his friend's mouth until Charles called him out. Of course he wanted to kiss him. He realized that he had wanted to do that for a long time, maybe from the very beginning of their friendship, but he had never allowed himself to do so. He had never been brave enough or stupid enough, depending on how you looked at it. And he did not think Charles knew it.
Because of how sanctimonious Charles seemed, how he cared for others, how he fought for equality between humans and mutants, it was easy to forget that Charles had once flirted with the ease with which he breathed. Erik sometimes wished he had tried his tricks on him, but now that the situation finally arose for it, he almost began to panic.
"You promised not to read my mind, Charles."
"Did you just confirm that I'm right?" The smile on his lips would probably have swept Erik off his feet had he not been sitting on the planks of the pier. "I don't have to read your mind, my friend. I know what you feel because I feel the same way." He paused for a better effect, letting his words fully reach Erik. What a lovely asshole. "Are you going to make me wait longer for that kiss?"
Erik smiled, standing up. He tucked his hands in his pockets and looked out at the shimmering water, glad it was too dark for Charles to see the blush on his cheeks. The moment was too good to be true, but since Charles had agreed to live with him, maybe anything was possible. Maybe he loved him, too.
"What if I refuse?" Erik teased him. "Will you make me do it?"
Charles shrugged his shoulders, looking at him so intensely that Erik almost gave in right away.
"I'll wait. I've already waited for a long time. I can wait a little longer but I know you enough to know that if you want something, you take it. Tell me, Erik, do you want me as much as I want you?"
Two breaths later, Erik was sitting on Charles' lap, feeling his hands gliding up his back. He took Charles' face in his hands and kissed him the way he had always wanted to kiss him. The world and the past no longer mattered. There was only this moment. There were only their lips, so greedy, as if without another kiss they might die. There were Charles' hands on his warm skin. There were their breaths mingling together, their sighs and attempts to utter each other's names.
As Erik laid Charles on his bed an hour later and helped him remove his shirt, he could not help but marvel at how he had managed to keep from doing it all these years. As he kissed Charles' lips, and then his jaw, his neck, his chest, he did not understand how he could ever live without it. When Charles touched him in ways he had never been touched, he wondered how much more he had lost, too stubborn to let the feeling win.
"I love you," he whispered at one point, too tired to hide it, finally being honest with himself and with Charles. "I've always loved you."
"No more goodbyes, Erik," Charles said later as they lay tangled together in the sheets, their hearts beating in the same rhythm. "Promise me that you'll never leave again."
And as they promised each other everything and as they made love again and again, Erik knew that this time nothing would separate them. At some point, when he no longer knew who he was without Charles, he decided he wanted to marry him and never, ever part with him again.
A year before the tragedy
Erik and Charles held hands, looking into each other's eyes. Charles' wheelchair was on a large rise. In front of them stood the man marrying them, a mutant with nearly translucent skin. Only a few of the closest people accompanied them. They stood on the edge of the ocean, the wind lazily brushing their clothes.
When the time for their vows came, Erik thought back to all those evenings he had spent thinking up the right words. Then Charles would put his hand on his back and tell him that when the time came, Erik would just know what to say. What Charles did not know, however, was that despite all appearances, Erik could not put into sentences what he felt. He was still left speechless at the sight of Charles, speechless simply because he could not believe that Charles was really his. After all these years of waiting.
Erik knew how to appeal to his people. He knew how to encourage them to fight, to convince them of the rightness of their actions. He was a leader and never felt uncomfortable in that role, but this was not about fighting. This was about peace. About making more than an alliance. About doing more than laying down the weapons.
He was about to swear to always be there for Charles, and he truly wanted his soon-to-be husband to trust him. But he was afraid that after so many times when Erik and Charles had parted in mutually respectful disagreement or full of misunderstanding agreement, Charles would always expect him to run away. So many times Erik had left Charles behind, choosing his own beliefs instead. This was the first time he was going to choose Charles and continue to choose him for the rest of his life.
"Long ago, when I was much more handsome and foolish, an unknown man pulled me out of the water and told me I was not alone. I don't think anyone has ever made such a good first impression on me." Erik joked, watching Charles smile slightly, tears glistening in his eyes. They had made each other cry so many times. At least this time these were tears of happiness. "Although we didn't always agree with each other, that good impression never went away. You were always someone I admired and held in high regard. And yet I couldn't appreciate everything you gave me, and you gave me a lot. More than anyone else.
"I hurt you so many times. Ironically, I've never hurt anyone or loved anyone as much as I have you. Sometimes I wake up at night and see you right next to me and wonder how come you're here, how come you can be here with me after everything I've done to you. I know I don't deserve you, Charles. I know I can't turn back time, erase the wrongs I've done. I know that all I can do is swear to never leave you again and to love you the way I always wanted to but I lacked the courage. You are the love of my life and I vow to prove it to you every day."
Charles slipped his hand out of his grasp for a moment to wipe away tears. Erik was crying too, but he did not care if others saw it. He could be both a fear-inducing powerful mutant and a loving husband.
In fact, no one mattered in that moment. None of the mutants who were looking at them. All that mattered to Erik was Charles, who grabbed his hands again and smiled, filling his heart with happiness. It was easy for him to become intoxicated, to believe that this was what his life could be like, that there really was no room for anger or sadness anymore. Only happiness brought to him by the man he loved.
"You have no idea how long I waited to hear such words from your mouth. How often I looked out the windows at my school, clinging to the hope that you would suddenly appear. And finally you came, years later, in Paris, and all that hope I had held for you turned out to be not so illusory after all." Erik listened like enchanted, getting lost in the blue eyes. "I realize that there was also a lot of my fault in all of this. I doubted you too soon, Erik, it was too easy for me to stop fighting for you. I was able to get through the years without your presence and although I missed you, I thought it was better that way. I suspect some part of me was afraid to love you despite your different view of the world, because if I did, I would betray my own beliefs, become a completely different person. But I always knew that fate had better plans for us, that our time would come. This is just the beginning, darling. The beginning of what we have been meant to be since we met, but to which we had to walk a long, winding road. I swear I will never let you go again and I will never stop loving you."
They put the rings on each other's fingers with trembling hands, and then Erik leaned over and kissed his husband. Holding Charles in his embrace, Erik felt he could forever say goodbye to the anger in his heart and welcome the love that could overcome anything. Erik did not need more than Charles to be happy. Charles was his everything. He was his family. He was the one.
Later, during a modest wedding reception at their home, Erik stood leaning against the window, took a sip of beer and watched as Charles was absorbed in a conversation with Hank and Scott. Erik wondered if Charles sometimes regretted ending up in Genosha with him instead of staying at the school, or if he missed his old life. He reflected, however, when Charles caught his gaze and smiled warmly at him. He should not doubt his love. Charles had chosen him, just as Erik had chosen Charles.
"You two make a cute couple," Peter noted, appearing out of nowhere. "You know, when I was still a student at Xavier's school, we used to make bets about whether you and Professor X had ever or would ever, you know, hook up."
Erik rolled his eyes, not for the first time trying to understand why Peter was even talking to him. The kid often tried to establish a thread of bond with him when he stayed at their place as an uninvited guest and Erik did not know what that was all about. Maybe Peter was a fan of his. Or Charles'. Or he just did not have any friends.
"I don't know why I'm telling you this, but nothing happened between me and Charles until we moved in together."
Peter sighed dramatically, searching for someone with his eyes.
"Damn it. I owe Ororo ten bucks. I really thought there was something going on between you two in the first few years you knew each other. This is disappointing, man."
"Tell me about it."
Erik realized he was smiling. Maybe it was because he recognized now how much time he had wasted. Maybe it was because this was the happiest day of his life and he just felt like laughing, smiling, and dancing. He should be pissed at Peter and the other kids who were making bets about his private life, but somehow he did not feel like getting mad. They had only been married for a few hours, and Charles had already turned him into a walking ray of sunshine.
"Anyway, I'm really happy for you, man." Peter patted him on the shoulder. "For both of you."
And then he walked away, humming something under his breath, and Erik could not get over how strange this kid was, although at the same time there was something about him that made Erik actually like him. He shrugged his shoulders, puzzled by his own feelings, and turned to the window to look out at the lake. Charles came over to him and slid his hand into his, the gesture as natural as breathing.
"So…" Charles smiled, "from today, it's just you and me. No more goodbyes, Erik."
Erik nodded, smiling like a teenager in love.
"Just you and me. No more goodbyes, Charles."
They both believed their words, looking at the world in the same way, with their hearts beating in the same rhythm. There were no longer two sides, two perspectives. Now they were one. Charles and Erik stopped fighting and could rest, forever bound together. From that day and on, only death could do them part.
The moment of the tragedy
I would die for you, Erik. I'm afraid that if you continue to follow this path, you'll kill the world for me, but you'll kill me with it.
Charles' words, spoken barely three months ago, came back to him suddenly and attacked him with all their brutality. Erik struggled to catch a breath. His legs moved under him, but he could barely feel them. The world around him had just fallen to pieces, but now, in this moment, his world was actually ending.
When he reached his destination, his movements seemed sluggish, as if someone had slowed down time and trapped him in this place where nothing made sense anymore, where life was not a blessing but a curse. He knew he was taking Charles off the wheelchair and into his arms, and at the same time it felt like he was somewhere far away, and these horrible things were happening to someone else entirely.
Charles' chest was covered with three deep cuts made with an invisible weapon. Pine must have attacked when Erik had not been paying attention to him, too busy murdering his men. Before Pine died at Peter's hands, he had made sure Erik would suffer. That not only would he have to slaughter his own kind, but he would also lose the most important person to him, the only person he still lived for.
The world was frighteningly quiet. The air smelled of death. Erik felt his hands soaking in blood. Charles' blood. He held the body of his husband, the body from which life was escaping with each passing second. He looked into the beautiful eyes of his beloved, the eyes in which the light was beginning to fade. Blood flowed from Charles' mouth as he tried to say something.
"I'm so sorry," Erik whispered, choking on tears. "I'm so, so sorry."
Charles raised his hand, trembling fingers brushing Erik's wet cheek. It was like the damn beach in Cuba once again, but this time it was not Erik who was leaving. He wanted to ask Charles to stay, but his life was already ending, the light was fading before Erik's eyes, a scream gathering in his throat as he panted with despair.
"Wanda," he cried, in desperation clinging to the last hope. "Wanda, do something. Please."
He found a glimpse of his daughter, who was kneeling nearby, the tears on her face blending with the dirt and blood. Her shoulders were shaking with sobs and Erik knew that she would not help him, that there was nothing she could do.
Lorna and Peter took a step towards him and Erik looked away, shaking with despair and rage. He pressed Charles tighter against him, as if he could give him all his strength, as if he could die instead.
"Erik…" Charles touched his face again, his voice calm. "It's alright. I've found peace. G-goodbye, my love."
"No! You promised, Charles. You promised to never say it again. Charles?"
But he was already gone. The light in Charles' eyes was forever extinguished, but they remained open, staring into nothingness. His hand slipped from Erik's cheek, and he caught it and kissed it. Then he leaned down and closed his husband's eyes, leaving one last kiss on his forehead. For a moment he held him in his arms, silent tears streaming down his cheeks, his breath binding in his throat, his heart wanting to give up and join his beloved.
And then he tilted his head, looked up at the darkening sky and began to scream. He screamed until he ran out of breath in his lungs. He screamed until his throat was sore. He screamed until all his energy left him. He screamed until he forgot any feeling other than pain, which replaced even rage. He screamed until he felt Lorna hugging him from behind, Peter gently removing Charles from his arms, Wanda stroking his hair. He screamed until most of him died with Charles and he had no more hope left in him.