CHAPTER ONE: SOHM AL

The Myath hadn't proved to be difficult, but as the structure around them collapsed, Saoirse and Estinien found themselves separated from the rest of the party. Saoirse was certain that Alphinaud and the others would manage until they could reconvene, but she wasn't so sure about herself. She'd conquered dozens of dungeons, defeated Primals the size of nightmares, and taken on hordes of enemies without so much as batting an eye but being alone with Estinien was another beast entirely. Or at least…it was now. Now that she understood her feelings.

She wasn't quite sure when it happened exactly, but at some point, during their time together, she fell for him. She questioned it at first, unsure of how she could possibly love anyone so infuriating, but then she realized that he only irritated her because she cared and that she appreciated their bickering. He challenged her in ways others failed to. He respected her role as the Warrior of Light, but he didn't put her on a pedestal like so many others did. He called her on her mistakes. He teased her relentlessly and didn't blindly follow everything she said…and at times, though rare as they were, he was kind. It was vulnerability he showed few, but he let her in and that touched her. But since realizing how she felt, she struggled to be around him. She found herself lost in thought, nervous, or over analyzing every word, every action. At least with the others around there was buffer between them. She could focus.

"Hey, are you listening?" Estinien flicked Saoirse's forehead, snapping her back to reality.

"Ow." She rubbed the tender skin just beneath her bangs. "I'm listening, I'm listening."

"Then hurry up. Should we follow our current path, then we can rendezvous with the others on the other side." Estinien grabbed her hand and pulled her along. "But should we continue at your pace it will be a new Astral Era by then."

Saoirse yanked her arm back and crossed them over her chest. "Yeah, yeah. I'm not a child, I don't need you to hold my hand."

"Hmph. May well have deceived me." Estinien shrugged and continued forward. "Do not presume to scream to me then should you fall off the cliffside."

"Please, I know how to walk." Saoirse was too busy turning her nose up at him to notice that Estinien walked around a certain patch of rock on the path and instead of following his path, she stepped right on it. The earth beneath her foot gave way, but before she could plummet to her death Estinien caught her wrist.

He pulled her back up on to the mountainside, but he did not release her once she was on her feet. "I know you are capable of basic motor functions, but you are also maladroit, so no more of this obstinacy." His voice was commanding, but there was softness to his eyes beneath his Dragoon armor. "Just do as I ask. Should something befall you while on my watch…I could not live with myself."

Saoirse's face felt hot. She looked at the ground, embarrassed both by her arrogance and her clumsiness. "Fine…lead the way." She let him continue to hold her hand and watched his feet as he led her along. Sure, he could have approached the issue a different way in the beginning that would have made her less likely to reject his help, but that's all he'd wanted…was to help. He just had a weird way of telling her.

Once around the mountainside Estinien released Saoirse's hand. She would need it to cast her spells when they encountered an enemy…and they would. Far more than one. The first few wyrms were easy enough to handle on their own, but as they neared Tioman's location, not only did the number of dragons increase, but more powerful foes appeared. Saoirse wasn't equipped to deal out massive amounts of damage. She was a White Mage, her gifts were in healing, not fighting, but even as gifted as Estinien was, he couldn't take them on alone.

By the time only two dragons remained, Saoirse's stamina was running thin. She was amid casting Stone against a cryodragon when the pyrodragon Estinien had been occupying redirected his attention and turned to attack her.

"Saoirse!" Estinien tossed his lance, driving it through the pyrodragon and cryodragon as he jumped to push Saoirse out of the way of the pyrodragon's attack. He grabbed her and they both tumbled to the ground. Once their bodies came to a stop, Estinien sat back on his heels and looked down at Saoirse who laid with her eyes closed. The right sleeve of her robe was gone, and from the side of her neck all the way down her arm were burn marks. "Saoirse?" Estinien removed his helmet and placed his ear to her chest. Her heart still beat, and her breathing was soft. "Please, Saoirse, open your eyes." He placed his hand to her cheek. "By the Fury…make me not plead further." He waited in anxious silence until she finally moved.

Saoirse's left hand gently touched his and she opened her eyes slowly. "Estinien?" She went to sit up and felt a sharp sting in her right arm.

"Stay still. You are injured. Let me dress the wound." He reached into the pocket of Saoirse's robe startling her. "You keep potions on you, yes?" She nodded and he removed two small vials, one with a soft lilac liquid and the other a bright yellow. He dabbed droplets of the yellow liquid along her burns. "This should help with the pain, until the mega-potion can take full effect."

It was a paralyzing potion. She wouldn't be able to use her right arm for a short period of time, but it wasn't like it was any good to her at the moment anyway. "Thank you."

"Can you sit up?"

"Yeah."

Estinien helped her into an upright position before he tore the left sleeve of her robe. He took the second vial and traced her right arm as he had done with first before he used her town sleeve the cover as much of the burns as possible until they healed. His eyes met hers. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, much better now. Thank you." She smiled to reassure him. "If it weren't for you that blast would have hit me dead on. I was careless, but you saved me…yet again." She laughed as she scratched the back of her head to somehow ease the tension.

"But I did not spare you from harm." Estinien's normally stern features softened and he looked at Saoirse sadly. He gently swept his fingers through her hair, pushing it back off her shoulder. "When you did not respond…I believed I had lost you." Estinien placed his hand to her cheek and leaned in slightly. "I realized then that I—" He paused at the sound of footsteps and quickly distanced himself before Alphinaud and the others rounded the corner.

"Estinien! Saoirse! Are you alright?" Alphinaud ran to their side and Estinien nodded as he grabbed his helmet and rose to his feet.

Saoirse watched as Estinien recounted the events to Alphinaud, but all she could think about was the warmth of Estinien's hand and the gentleness of his voice as he'd spoken to her, but more than anything, she couldn't help but wonder what Estinien would have said had the others not arrived when they did.

But with the moment gone, she feared she'd never know.

After defeating Tioman and returning to Ishgard Estinien seemed to avoid Saoirse, until he eventually departed for the Churning Mists on his own. She worried she'd upset him with her carelessness back at Sohm Al, or maybe there was something else keeping him from her. Either way, the thought was eating away at her, and the others were beginning to take notice.

Estinien had been gone for several days, and on the morning of his return Saoirse felt especially downhearted. She wanted to be hopeful of his return, but she feared he would only continue to avoid her until eventually the rift between them was too great. She felt foolish for wanting to be with Estinien when he so evidently had no interest in her. She was on her way to the kitchen when Alphinaud caught her moping.

"Good morning, Saoirse. How are you fairing?"

"Oh, hey, Alphinaud. I'm good. Just gonna grab some breakfast."

Alphinaud caught her wrist as she went to pass him. "Saoirse, pardon me for being brash, but are you certain you are alright? You seem upset as of late. Ever since we returned from Sohm Al your disposition has been…Well, gloomy if I may."

"That obvious?" She gave a half-hearted smile and leaned against the wall. She didn't want to worry the others or lower their spirits by proximity. But she didn't know what to do. She feared being honest with Estinien about how she felt would only push him further away, but not saying anything only left room for her feelings to grow until they were either returned or crushed. She wasn't sure she could keep waiting. "Alphinaud, I know it's not really your responsibility or anything, but can I be honest with you about something?"

"Certainly. We are not just comrades, Saoirse, we are friends. I am here for you, whatever it may be."

"I'm in love with Estinien."

Alphinaud's mouth parted slightly and there was pinkness in his cheeks. "Oh. Well, I…" Alphinaud seemed at lost for words, but Saoirse didn't blame him. She did just blurt out her feelings with no real build up.

"I know it's probably a lost cause, but I can't help it." Saoirse sank back against the wall and crouched, tracing the tiles of the floor with her finger. "I want to tell him, but he's been so distant lately that I worry…maybe he already knows and is trying to spare me. Or maybe he doesn't like me at all." She sighed and sat on the floor. "Ever since Sohm Al I have been more confused about how he feels, but I am afraid if I say something and my negative assumptions are correct then I'll ruin everything. Protecting Eorzea is more important, I know that, but what if I'm wrong. What if he cares and he's just waiting for me to say something and we miss our chance?"

Alphinaud knelt before Saoirse and placed his hand on hers. "I cannot say that matters of the heart are really my area of expertise…that may be something for Lord Haurchefant to aid in. That said, I do know this, you have a right to tell Estinien how you feel." Alphinaud smiled and patted Saoirse's hand. "Regardless of the outcome, I have faith that the bonds we have already made will maintain. Estinien is a proud man, but I do believe he cares for you. When we returned from Sohm Al Estinien seemed truly troubled that you'd come to harm in his care. I know you believe he was avoiding you for other reasons, but I think in truth, he was disappointed in himself and felt undeserving of your time."

"You think so?"

"I do." He nodded and stood, offering Saoirse his hand. "Be honest with Estinien when he returns. The sooner you are, the sooner your heart will know peace."

"Thank you, Alphinaud." Saoirse accepted his hand rose to her feet. "Perhaps you're right." She wanted to believe him. She had to. Hiding her feelings wasn't doing anyone any favors. She had to be honest with him. She had to tell him how she felt. And she was going to…as soon as he returned to Ishgard. She couldn't wait any longer.