Hi, I'd like to take a moment to thank everyone for your interest in my work. The Muse has a tendency to be non-linear, so there are later chapters finished before earlier ones. I find this to be annoying, but I've managed to tame it to the point where this chapter and the next few are finished. I'm posting this one now as it is appropriate to the season.
Hellidays – New Year's
"Ah, Florida!" Tony stretched and drank in the sunshine after he dropped the final suitcase into the back of the rental car. Practically skipping, he made his way to the driver's seat and started the engine. "A week and a half of nothing but surf, sun, and fun; what do you say, family!" he said, hoping for an enthusiastic response from said family. Angela, seated next to him in the front rose to the occasion by putting on her sunglasses and smiling, almost causing Tony to forget to put the car into gear. Mona brought him back to earth by grumping, "yeah, yeah, just get the show on the road." Her attitude was probably caused by their delayed flight and lack of good looking men to flirt with during the wait.
"Get a move on, dad, we lost prime tanning time," came his daughter's voice.
"Yes, ma'am," he acknowledged, "you ready, Jonathan?" Jonathan only waved in response as his nose was buried in a guide book for the Kennedy Space Center. Sun may be the focus for some family members, but they would be spending a day at the Cape and he wanted to make sure he knew all the insider tips for touring.
Getting the go ahead, Tony announced, "next stop, the Amelia Island Ritz-Carlton!"
After checking in, arriving at their room, and the departure of the bellman, five tired travelers sank into the sumptuous couches of their suite, Tony actually verbalized an, "aaaah." The Florida sun was beckoning through the windows. Angela heeded the call and made her way to the sliding glass door out to the private balcony. She took a very deep breath, closing her eyes and luxuriating in the feel of the sun on her, the aroma of the flowers, and the sound of the ocean hitting the sand. She sighed in contentment.
The rest of the family saw this and looked at Tony. He took the hint and dragged himself off the couch to join Angela on the balcony.
"Wow, what a view," he said as he stepped outside.
"It's gorgeous," Angela languidly agreed.
"I was talking about you enjoying the sun."
Angela actually blushed; confused, she turned away, searching for any safe topic, as always food was her savior, she called inside, "who's hungry?"
Everyone inside answered in the affirmative. Angela rushed back in, unable to face Tony or his compliment. Tony stayed on the balcony for a couple of moments, also confused, but he realized he may have crossed a line that Angela wasn't able to cross. He tucked that information away and walked back inside to join the family.
A late lunch was devoured on a terrace with another glorious view of the ocean. Afterward, the whole family made a break for the beach, enjoying it for the rest of the day, then watched in awe as the day turned into night and the sky met the ocean in a swirl of pink, purple, blue, and orange. It was the perfect end to their first day of vacation.
The rest of the week was spent golfing, touring Kennedy Space Center, shopping, more dipping their toes into the surf, and more shopping. A highlight for Angela was St. Augustine. Tony noted that it wasn't the fort or the Lightner Museum, it was, as always, the food, specifically the 1905 salad at the Columbia restaurant. He made a mental note to recreate that salad at home, because anything that made Angela that happy was something he wanted to provide. Angela was having a great time, which in turn meant the rest of the family was also having a great time. Laughter and togetherness were once again daily routine.
New Year's Eve was quickly approaching and one of the reasons Angela chose this particular hotel was for its party; a formal event with fireworks on the beach at midnight. She hoped the fireworks would mark the end of this year of tribulation and start a new year of joy.
As the final day of 1991 dawned, Angela quietly managed to make herself a cup of coffee without burning down the hotel and slipped out to the balcony as the rest of the family slept. As she sat, she pulled her cuddly hotel supplied bathrobe a little tighter, both for the comfort and the fact that even in Florida a December morning could be a little chilly. The sky was painted with pastel pigments, granting her the serenity she needed at this moment. The contrast between this environment and that which normally surrounded her in Manhattan could not be more distinct. There she was inundated with tall buildings, noise, and people, and though most of the time she found the crowd invigorating, today she was glad to be at peace without the constant honking of horns, instead she enjoyed the honking of birds. The view was doing its best to distract her from her reason for coming out here; she wanted the private time to find the strength to make the resolutions she had to make to meet the challenges of the coming year. As each wave crested she felt her resolve strengthen, as they receded, it ebbed. She was starting to question the brightness of this idea; but managed to resolve to be strong.
Angela quickly glanced toward the room to make sure no one was around, then whispered, "resolved: one; enjoy my time left with Tony. Two: say goodbye to him without any regrets. Three: find the Angela my family knows and be her again. Four: be grateful for all the memories, especially from this week, as I may need them to sustain me. Five..."
The sound of another cup of coffee being poured saved Angela from having to make any further resolutions, for which she was relieved because she wasn't sure she would be able to carry out the vows she had made.
Tony's sotto voce, "good morning," told Angela that she and Tony were the only ones awake. Putting on her game face she turned around, smiled and said, "good morning," back to him. Sensing that his presence would be welcomed, or that at least Angela would tolerate him enough to not throw him off the balcony, he ventured out to the rail and leaned against the wall. He too was wrapped in a hotel bathrobe, although the cold didn't seem to bother him as much as the top of his robe was nonchalantly draped open. Whether Tony meant to expose as much of his chest to her or not was something Angela did not wish to dwell on; nor did she wish to dwell on how good he looked in that robe, so she immediately directed her gaze toward the beach.
"Beautiful morning," Tony tried to start a conversation.
Angela clutched her coffee cup, "yes," was her only answer. She wanted to continue the conversation, but couldn't find anything to say.
Realizing this was going to be more difficult than he thought Tony moved on to another topic, "last day of nineteen ninety-one, can you believe it?"
"No, I can't; I don't know where the time has gone."
"It's flying by, next spring I'll be a college graduate. Me; Tony Micelli, Bachelor of Science," he grinned.
How could he have known he picked the one topic that Angela could not discuss? He sensed the change in her instantly; the joy she had been radiating vanished leaving a darkness he could not understand.
"Excuse me, Tony, it's getting late, I should get dressed." With that she left the balcony before Tony could even register that she had vacated her chair.
Bewildered, Tony replayed the past minute back in his mind but couldn't come up with a reason for Angela's sudden change of mood.
Angela rushed to her room so quickly that she didn't see her mother lurking by the coffee maker. Mona let her go and went out to the balcony. "I take it the two of you out here in bathrobes wasn't a morning after tete a tete?" she said with obvious regret.
"Mona," Tony gave her a look that said, "don't try to be funny."
She dropped the attempts at comedy and asked, "so, what happened?" instead.
"No idea, we were enjoying the sun and then she was gone."
"Topics of conversation?"
"Not much, all I did was mention graduation and she was gone."
"Graduation? Why would that bother her? She knows you've been going to graduate for four years now."
"Dunno," Tony shook his head. He looked at the coffee in his cup and decided the rest of the liquid wasn't worth the bother, he shrugged, looked at Mona, and they both went back inside. Tony immediately threw the rest of his coffee down the sink in disgust over its taste and his failure to communicate with Angela. He glanced at her shut, and presumed locked, door and hoped that this morning was just a quick lapse and that Angela would go back to being the fun loving Angela she'd been so far on this trip.
He turned and looked at Mona and by silent agreement they came to the conclusion that they would do their best to keep an eye on her throughout the day, then they went their separate ways to prepare for whatever the day would bring.
The family spent a relaxed day on the beach then prepared for the final party of the year. Tony and Jonathan both wore tuxedos, adding their own elegance to the ladies they were escorting. Mona wore a form fitting red satin strapless gown. Angela had chosen classic black. As per her usual style, the gown was cut low in the back. Beading trimmed the neckline and the dropped waist. The skirt was constructed with eight panels, narrow at the top, becoming fuller toward the floor. It would flare out beautifully while dancing. Samantha chose short and sparkly. Her dress was an homage to flapper style, a champagne hued sheath that landed mid-thigh in a scalloped hem, and beaded almost everywhere in a floral pattern.
After exchanging pleasantries concerning how good everyone looked, the party made their way down to the ballroom to attend the gala.
The long side of the room, opposite their entrance, was made up of glass doors which were opened to a long veranda with stairs leading down to the beach. This let in the starlight and the sound of the surf. The room itself was draped with garlands of gold balloons twined with pearl balloons. Round tables were decorated dramatically with black tablecloths topped with a large gold lame square which dipped off the edge of the table. Tall clear vases filled with gold and silver stalks; some of which ended in a corkscrew and others fan-shaped served as centerpieces. Gathered around the base were various sparkly paper hats and tiaras all saying, "Happy New Year!" A noisemaker was placed at each setting. A bar took up the width of the room to their left; at the opposite end was a dance floor with a swing band ready to play in the new year.
Angela looked around the room and gasped; she was used to nice parties, but they were usually work related, she was glad that at this one she would be free from any networking obligations.
"Shall we?" Tony extended his arm to her. Angela smiled and curled her arm around his elbow. Jonathan walked in behind them with Samantha on one arm and his grandmother on the other. They found their table and a waiter soon came by to fill the adult glasses with champagne and ginger ale for the younger set.
Angela just sat for a moment and drank in the atmosphere of the room; she realized she felt something she hadn't felt in a long time...contentment.
Tony stood up and picked up his glass, "a toast to note the passing of the old year and to the potential of the new; salut!" He clinked glasses with Angela, then the rest of the family joined in, creating a cacophony of crystal as they toasted each other. As they sipped, the band started playing, the singer started singing, "couple of jiggers of moonlight and it'll start, pour in the blue of a June night and one guitar, mix in a couple of dreamers and there you are; lovers hail the moonlight cocktail..." Remembering how well Angela liked to dance to music of this era, and seeing a dreamy look in her eyes, Tony decided to once again be bold. He held out his hand to Angela, "dance?" Angela surprised him with a full out grin and by grasping his hand. They made their way to the dance floor.
"That's encouraging," said Sam.
"Better than expected," said Jonathan between bites of a shrimp appetizer.
"Something I thought I'd never see again," Mona said with an air that hinted she was glad to be wrong.
What surprised them even more was that Tony and Angela stayed out on the floor for more than one dance.
Angela herself was surprised by that; she wasn't sure how she would handle dancing with Tony again. Dancing had always been an activity that connected them; but it had been so long, she wasn't sure she would be able to find the steps again. Her fears were unfounded, as she only felt herself at home again. She was genuinely happy. Sensing Angela's happiness, Tony just concentrated on dancing, he didn't try to initiate any conversation, and he didn't pull Angela too close. After finishing Moonlight Cocktail, the band then played Stardust and The Nearness of You. Ironically, it was only when the band went up tempo that the dancing slowed down between Tony and Angela. The first notes sounded and Angela was instantly transported back to the first Christmas she had shared with Tony because the song playing was In the Mood.
Angela pulled away from Tony's arms. How could the sweet friendship of that first Christmas have turned so sad? "Could you excuse me Tony, I have to go...powder my nose." And with that Angela was on her way out of the ballroom; without even bothering to stop by the table and pick up her purse.
Bewildered, Tony made his way back to the table. He knew all three sets of eyes had been on them on the dance floor and he would have questions to answer. "Your guess is as good as mine," was the only answer he had to the expectant looks. He sat down and drank more champagne.
"Grandma, as a woman with a degree in psychology what do you think is wrong with mom?"
"Kiddo, I am leaving the diagnosis to some one with years more experience in the topic, I am more concerned with a maternal point of view." The family looked expectantly at the door through which Angela should be returning, but the door remained Angela-less.
In the parlor of the bathroom, Angela barely noticed the fine settees and amenities. She was more concerned with keeping herself from hyperventilating and trying to gird herself into going back to the ballroom. She was pacing, which was disconcerting as she continually saw her distress reflected in the room length mirror above the vanity. Her thoughts were jumbled, would all the joy she'd shared with Tony throughout the years turn to dust once he was gone? Her resolutions faltered; would all the memories bring pain instead of sustenance? She couldn't even make it through a dance, how was she going to cope a year from now? Visual moments flooded her mind; a dance in the living room, a pool game in Brooklyn, finishing her list in Tony's old van. A silent scream pushed them away, she knew she had to get back to the party before someone came looking for her, she figured they'd probably send Sam. She looked in the mirror, shrugged and took a deep breath. She squared her shoulders and walked out...to a bar set up in the hallway for a very quick drink.
Almost back to the ballroom, she saw Sam. She was right. Angela forced herself into over-cheeriness and pretended to be happy to see her. Sam just looked relieved at finding Angela. She was dreading the task she'd volunteered for, seeing Angela already on her way back made her night that much easier. Angela made a big show of hugging Sam and they walked back to the rest of the family arm in arm. Sam didn't even notice the alcohol on Angela's breath.
Dinner commenced and no one thought it unusual that Angela had a drink with her meal. The food was delicious, but the conversation was not as sparkling as the family was used to. Once again finding a topic for discussion proved difficult. At least this time Tony knew to stay away from graduation. They talked of the lovely Florida weather instead. Post dinner dancing commenced. Tony offered his hand to Mona as the matriarch of the family, she accepted with a flourish and off they went. Being out on the dance floor would give Mona a chance to scope out the crowd for any interesting New Year's paramour, but the crowd didn't seem to favor single men. Jonathan would even dance with his quasi-sister during the evening, but first he danced with his mother. This left Sam alone at the table, which gave her good point of view to observe Angela, who, at the moment, seemed fine.
The table became home base while everyone came and went during the dancing, which became convenient for Angela as she could take more sips of champagne while the others danced. If the waiters were expertly efficient in refilling her glass, who was she to argue? Angela concluded her dancing for the night after the five of them managed a dance together. It was fun, but the dessert buffet table had appeared and bliss awaited there. While everyone else danced, Angela found the alcohol infused chocolates. They were a great cover for her. And if she happened to pick up a piece of tiramisu and another glass of champagne, what was the harm in that? The rest of the family eventually followed and picked out their own desserts, but then went back to the dance floor. It was during that time that they noticed Angela was no longer alone at the table. And it wasn't just the chocolate that was currently her companion. There was a man seated next to her. The family on the dance floor stopped dancing. From their distance Angela seemed to be delightedly chatting with this man. There may not have been many single men at this shindig, but there was at least one, at least they hoped he was single.
A waiter appeared with the drink this man had ordered for Angela. Angela delightfully accepted this drink and the two of them toasted something. The family may have missed how much Angela had imbibed by this point, but this man hadn't. Four people, without words, and without even looking at each other, decided that dancing was over.
Tony didn't even have to arrive at the table to form an instant dislike of this guy, his overly saturated cologne did it for him. At least the cologne complimented the rest of this guy's look. If someone was looking for a Miami Vice reject he was seated across from Angela. This only added to his loathing; although Tony did concede that he had the look down. His slicked back hair was the perfect style for the pink blazer and cream linen pants he wore. He'd barely bothered to button his shirt, which, in Tony's opinion, was laughable if he was trying to show off his chest, but it did show off his gold chain. Tony couldn't be sure, due to the skin so tanned it was just short of being leather and the capped teeth, but he guessed the guy's age to be around 45. If all that weren't enough, he'd completed his ensemble with a pinky ring; a gold ring with a deep blood red stone. Tony didn't know whether to laugh or gag.
All of this was secondary to the look this stranger was giving Angela. It was obvious that he expected to be ringing in the new year with this delectable morsel. Tony wanted to make sure that Angela wasn't go to do any ringing with anyone, although he was certain she'd have a nice ringing in her head tomorrow with the hangover she was bound to have.
Mona, having invoked that look often enough, wanted her daughter far away from the lech. The kids were also instantly protective.
Tony, Mona, Jonathan, and Samantha formed a phalanx around Angela.
"It seems we have company," the stranger noted.
Angela leaned into him conspiratorially, "I'll ignore them if you will." She laughed and that's when everyone heard the effect of the alcohol.
"Angela, are you going to introduce us?" Tony stated while staring daggers at this man.
"Hmm, no," she giggled as she popped another alcohol infused chocolate into her mouth.
The stranger stared back at Tony. He then glanced at the rest of the group, lingering over the young lady in the short, beaded dress. Samantha glared back at him and crossed her arms. Tony saw this as well, which only increased his barely contained fury, but he knew Sam could handle herself, he wasn't so sure about Angela at the moment.
"Angela," he said as he put his hand on her shoulder, and went back to glaring at the stranger, "I think you've had enough...chocolate." If she managed not to tear his hand off for that, he might be able to salvage this whole situation. Stating that she had had more than enough alcohol would put Angela in a weaker position and he didn't want that.
Angela brushed his hand off her shoulder. She tried her best Wicked Witch voice, "be gone, Tony, you have no auth...auth…," she giggled at being unable to say authority. "Stop trying to boss me around, I'm the boss."
"Boss?" queried the stranger.
"Oh sure, Tony's my overbearing housekeeper."
The stranger's eyebrows shot up and he asked the same question everyone always asked, "you go on vacation with your housekeeper?"
"Of course; we've been lots of places, Mexico, spring break, although that was more to chaperone Sam…"
"Sam?" the stranger rudely interrupted.
"My daughter," Tony said in a not at all veiled threatening voice. Sam sarcastically smirked and waved. The stranger tried to suppress a gulp, he grinned, "how nice that you are all so close."
"Ha!" Angela was back in the conversation, "boss, employee, that's it. We are not close." Nope, never close, never shared a moment's happiness, never rooted for each other to achieve their dreams, never raised each other's kid as their own. The alcohol was doing a good job of dulling Angela's mind.
Jonathan was watching all this, inwardly seething, but also embarrassed. However, the embarrassment did not weaken his resolve to put into use the boxing tactics Tony had taught him should the situation devolve to that point. So far, no one else in the ballroom had noticed the discussion at their table and he preferred to keep it that way.
Tony ignored the humiliation of being spoken about in such a detached manner. He knew reason was a long shot, but he tried to break through the alcohol anyway, in a deliberate, low voice he said, "Angela, as your friend I ask you to…"
He never had a chance to finish that sentence as Angela interrupted him to say, "oh, as my friend? Well, friend, here's your answer." Angela then performed a very Italian gesture, not usually performed by a staid business owner.
"Angela!" a shocked Tony responded. He wondered where she had picked that up, he certainly hadn't taught it to her.
"That's enough, Angela," Mona broke in. The high hopes she had over the past week were dashed. Angela had reverted to her pre-Christmas self. It seemed the truce was over.
"Fine time you pick to act like my mother."
"If you are going to behave like this, you're lucky I don't put you over my knee and spank you."
"I'll volunteer for that."
"Oh," Angela giggled at the stranger, "promise?"
It took every ounce of Tony's self restraint and a look from Mona to keep Tony from knocking this guy halfway to Antarctica; but in a bout of Angela's needs versus a night in jail with a pending assault charge, Angela's needs won. So instead, he channeled the rage into a positive and reverted to his fireman's training. He picked Angela up and in an instant she was over his shoulder. Angela demanded Tony put her down. The situation Jonathan wanted to avoid had been created, other guests started noticing the commotion at their table.
"You'll thank me for this in the morning, Angela," was Tony's only response.
The rest of the party-goers, misinterpreting this, cheered the "happy couple" on their way.
Mona smirked at the stranger, "happy New Year, Bub," as she followed her daughter upstairs.
The defeated stranger took one more look at Sam, "housekeeper's daughter, eh? I could give you a world beyond your imagining."
"I can create my own world," was her response. She didn't even look at him as she gathered up the purses left behind by Angela and Mona.
"Leave," was Jonathan's sole oral contribution to the event, but it worked. The stranger picked up the remains of his drink, raised it in salute to Angela and slunk away. Jonathan continued to glare at him as he disappeared into the crowd. When he was no longer in sight, he turned to Sam, picked up a noise-maker from the table, give it a half-hearted spin, and quipped, "happy new year," in the most sarcastic tone ever, before dropping the toy back onto the table.
Sam gave him a half smile back, and said, "come on, kiddo, let's go see how we can help mom."
"Tonight will be a unique memory...I hope." Because he certainly didn't want to go through anything like this again.
"She'll be ok, Jonathan." At his dubious look, she added, "I promise." He shrugged and they left the party behind, making their way back to the suite.
At midnight, fireworks were launched from the beach, Jonathan and Samantha gave them a cursory glance. Tony mentally noted that they were happening, but his thoughts were not on such frivolity, they were with Mona as she watched over Angela. Angela slept through the fireworks and the night.
New Year's Day dawned. Angela slowly, and groggily, became conscious. She opened her eyes and instantly regretted it. She closed them again quickly but not before catching a glimpse of her mother seated in a plush chair next to the bed, sleeping.
Unbidden, an image from the last time she felt this bad flashed through her memory. Her birthday. Flour in the kitchen. Flour on Tony. Tony. Suddenly feeling even more unwell, Angela dragged herself out of bed and ran into the bathroom with surprising quickness for someone in her condition. She christened the new year with the remnants of last year's revelry. She tried to keep the room from spinning by gripping the toilet, but the room continued to spin. "Happy New Year, Angela," she mumbled, "you're starting it off great." She'd made a vow to never do this to herself again, she should have stuck to it.
With a mother's instinct, Mona had awoken. She'd followed Angela into the bathroom and without speaking handed her daughter a cool, damp washcloth.
Angela had sensed her presence so was spared the shock of the appearance of the cloth, "thanks," she mumbled out, "sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."
"I wasn't sleeping that well."
"Sorry, again."
"It's nothing to be sorry about, Angela. I'm ordering breakfast."
"I'm definitely not hungry."
"I am."
Angela would have nodded, but the effort was too great.
"Are you up to getting back to bed?"
Angela involuntarily nodded and stopped halfway through. The room was still spinning. Her mother produced a couple of aspirin and Angela pulled herself up to the counter and gratefully downed them. An inadvertent glance in the mirror, from which she instantly recoiled, made her take stock of her life. She decided changes were necessary as forgetting Tony through alcohol obviously wasn't the answer.
Trouble was, she still didn't know any techniques to fall out of love with someone, after all, who did? No matter what, she certainly wasn't in any shape currently to give the situation any productive thought.
Her thoughts were brought back to practicality as she heard the toilet flush. She splashed some water on her face and rinsed out her mouth. Her mother then guided her back to bed where she tucked her in and watched as Angela fell into a blissful sleep.
It was a quiet day, with Mona taking over the mother hen role. She kept the Florida sun at bay for once by keeping the drapes closed. This gave the room a gray cast that depressed her. She kept seeing the grayness as a pall cast over her daughter's life and all she wanted to do was shake away the mist from both their lives, but she did not know how.
Every once in a while there would be a soft knock on the door as various family members checked in. They all tried to exchange places with Mona, but she would have none of it. She wasn't sure how Angela would react if she woke up and Tony was seated there instead of her, and she definitely didn't want to burden the kids with having to deal with an Angela coming out of the state she was in. She tried to read, she tried to do crossword puzzles, but couldn't concentrate on anything. Her only concern was Angela; her only thoughts, how to help her daughter.
Angela finally woke up again; still feeling not great, but much better than she had that morning. This time she at least made it to the shower, although Mona stationed herself nearby. Angela was both annoyed and comforted by the concern. Part of her knew she was an adult, but another part wanted to cry into her mother's arms. Other thoughts occurred; she remembered last night, not all of it, but she remembered how she treated Tony. Shame at her behavior infiltrated her mind. It wasn't bad enough that she'd been rude to her family, but she'd been downright mean to Tony. Suddenly, the shower was no longer washing away last night, she was surprised to find that she was crying. She begged herself to stop, still hating crying in the shower, but she could not control the tears. Worse, she didn't dare leave the shower for a tissue because her mother was nearby and she refused to share this vulnerability with her. So she wiped away her tears and stayed under the water longer than necessary. Those California raisins had nothing on Angela by the time she was finished.
Mona allowed Angela to get dressed by herself and Angela emerged from her room to face her family. It took all she had to leave her sanctuary, but the people who cared about her the most were waiting for her and she didn't want to let them down any more than she already had.
Four people greeted her with smiles. Tony and the kids were glad to see her after having spent the day trying to distract themselves from worrying about Angela.
Angela smiled back. "So, looks like it's been an interesting day," she said as she noted the empty pizza boxes and playing cards strewn on the table.
Three people desperately tried to come up with a response. How would they categorize this day? They didn't want to make it seem like they'd had fun without out her, because, truthfully, they hadn't, but they didn't want Angela to think that she'd ruined the day for them, either.
Tony came to the rescue, "watched a lot of football." What he didn't tell her was that he was never really focused on the games. His day was spent in worry mixed with sadness. His thoughts had been all over the place. Did Angela really not consider him a friend? Was "in vino, veritas" actually true? Should he move out before the semester was even over? But if he did that, where was he going to get a job for the next few months? And did he really want to leave Angela, Jonathan, and Mona? No, he didn't. They were his family just as much as Sam was. His perceived place in Angela's life had taken several hits over the past few months, but last night felt like the knock out punch.
She'd hurt him, she could see it in his eyes. She'd hurt everyone, she could see it in their faces. All of them had a walking on eggshells look. It was her fault, she knew. "I am so sorry about last night. I ruined the party. I ruined New Year's. Please, forgive me."
"Angela," Sam started, "everything is fine, there is nothing to forgive."
"Yeah, mom, everything's ok."
"Everything's fine, Angela," Tony contributed. The three of them said these things close to simultaneously; almost a little too quickly, Angela noted. She had more ground to cover to make things up to them, she knew that, especially since her mother hadn't bothered with a platitude. Angela knew it was time for Happy Christmas Angela to return. Food was once again her healing method of choice.
"Well, the pizza looks cold, so how about I take everyone out to eat now?" Angela offered.
Various assents were given, whether they were hungry or not, as they wanted to do what they could to help Angela. They made their way down to the terrace for another meal overlooking the ocean. The sea breeze was once again working its magic, but Angela noticed something. Last night Tony had been seated next to her, now he was across the table, as far away from her as he could get. It hurt, but she knew she only had herself to blame. She put on a brave face and refrained from any alcohol during the meal.
Later that night Angela found she couldn't sleep. The reason was obvious, she had to talk to Tony, she hadn't apologized to him specifically and she needed to. She threw back the covers and put on the bathrobe. She tiptoed to Tony's door, but was then overcome with indecision, she'd already hurt him, did she really want to wake him up and add to that? Plus, he was sharing a room with Jonathan, what if she woke him up instead? She took a few worried paces and then backed away. Tony's apology would have to wait until tomorrow. She made herself a cup of tea and went to her favorite spot, the balcony.
The darkness of the night soothed her conscience. The surf sounded louder at night, and she lost herself in its serene cadence. She managed to put the disasters of the past day out of her mind. Her reverie was interrupted by a noise inside. She got up to see Tony getting himself some water. He was just as surprised to see her as she was to see him. She had no excuse not to apologize to him now.
"Do you have a moment?" she asked.
He shrugged, "not doing much of anything else." She smiled at that, as it was kind of a silly question.
"Please, come out on the balcony." Her mind played a trick on her again as another moment from their past flashed through. There they were, out on the balcony in Brooklyn. Their place to talk; if only for that one time, but that one time meant a lot to her. It was literally a dream come true for her then. She reflected that that happy memory was also now going to have a dark side because this talk on the balcony was going to be much more difficult.
They stood at the rail, looking out over the water. Tony knew Angela was trying to find something to say, he could practically hear her thinking. He stayed quiet.
Finally, Angela took a deep breath and said, "Tony, I am so very sorry for what I said and how I behaved last night."
She braved a glance at him and he turned to her. "Forget about it, Angela, you were drunk."
"It's no excuse."
He was at a loss. They had had difficult conversations before, but this one had an estrangement mixed in and he didn't know how to bridge the gap.
Still needing to say more, she continued, "I do thank you for getting me out of there. Tony, you are always looking after me, I don't know what I am going to do without you."
Tony heard all of this, but it was the "without you" that really struck him. That was it then, he decided, she didn't want him around.
He tried to cover the pain in a joke, "ay oh, it's all a part of the service." Then he winced as the word service only reminded him that the friendship was gone.
"Tony, please tell me how I can make this up to you."
He smiled and shrugged, "everything's fine, Angela. Time to move on. We still have days of vacation to enjoy, and we will enjoy them," he said, almost as if he was reassuring himself. "The Florida sun will rise and shine, and we should get some sleep so we can do the same. At least this time I didn't wind up with flour all over me."
The second he said it, he knew it was a mistake. Another bad attempt at humor and they were both back in the kitchen so long ago. There'd been a conversation then, too. Conversation, and a friendship that might have momentarily crossed a line, but still, one that could be built upon. Their current relationship was demolished. He could see that Angela was shaken by his words. "Guess it's my turn to apologize now," he said.
"It's fine, Tony," she lied, and he knew it, "but you're right, we should get some sleep. Good night." And with that she was gone before he could even respond. He watched the door of her room close and wondered if they were ever going to find their way back from this rift. That nagging thought came back; their relationship had never been repaired, and it was only in the past few months that the effects became apparent. He needed to talk this out with Angela, but how to bring that about when she barely even acknowledged his presence? He looked out over the surf, but he did not find solace in it; only anger. Anger at himself, anger with his situation, anger over the past. He stayed outside for a while, but knew the answers he was looking for were not to be found here. He gave up, went back to bed to an unsettled night's sleep.
The rift was there throughout the rest of the vacation. Everyone did their best to pretend it wasn't, but there was almost a sense of relief when it was time to board the plane back to the frozen north. At least at home they wouldn't be cooped up in the same room together. Angela would be able to pour herself back into work and Tony could concern himself with his studies.