Reflection

She had not been in the familiar ranges in a couple of waking-cycles, which was exciting in its own way. It had been a long time since she flew somewhere just to see new ranges. The ranges here were cold and filled with much ice, so at least that was familiar.

There were also other kinds of kin. Big-mouth-roarers and hot-water-spitters swam in these waters. She greeted the kin, shared thought-images of deep waters, and let them go on their swims before continuing on her flight.

Having no responsibilities to anyone else or any duties to a pack at the moment was a welcome change, though that freedom was not the biggest reason for her flight.

She was curious to learn about what she feared the most. Nothing immediately flew to mind for what that fear might be. Would it be something about her hidden powers? Most likely the fear would have something to do with how she had been bad to her sire-father or her former friends to make them lose interest in her. Learning about that bad in the past would probably hurt a lot, but it might help… somehow.

There was also the question of what kin-type Reflection was. Life-Fire-Speaker-Gatherer did not give any details except that Reflection was very different from a light wing, so there was also an element of mystery around the kin.

After a pawful of waking-cycles of much searching and wandering, she found a massive range which was much, much bigger than any which Ice-Water-Pack flew in. This one was also far greener. A large waterfall crashed down into a river on a lower level. Many types of prey scurried about in the trees and on the ground. Flocks of tiny-wing flower-drinkers flew from glowing tree to glowing tree. The light-rocks were deeper purple and blue the further she flew into the range.

But she had a nibbling feeling of being watched and followed. Large, purple tails whipped around trees and mushrooms below. There were kin in the range, but they were hiding and not showing themselves.

The flight-guiding she was given said that she must fly though a range with the strange crashing-light-eater kin before she could find Reflection's range. Maybe these were those crashing-light-eater kin, whatever that name came from, but why would they be keeping their distance? Perhaps they were very skittish kin.

A flash of motion from wings caught her attention as several kin eventually came into view. They looked almost like light wings in size but were different in several ways. They had no forelegs, had differently shaped heads, and were purple in color. This was a type of kin she had never seen before.

One of the larger ones, probably a male fighter or maybe a flight-leader, approached while the others kept distance.

She started in surprise when streams of light began dancing on the kin's scales and hide.

'Wrong bad leave!' the kin commanded.

She touched down on the nearest light-rock and folded her wings away to show no threat-signs while greeting this kin.

'No, I am not here to-' she began.

'Leave!' the kin roared.

What was this kin's problem? Why was it being so angry and threatening when she had not done anything bad or threatening to it?

'No!' she huffed, very annoyed with this kin's attitude.

The kin roared, and a flash of burning light jumped from the kin's opened maw.

Louder and hotter than anything heard before. Hotter than any fire ever felt before. A power and strength she did not have.

A hungry neediness deep within reaching out for power.

The bright flash of light dimmed from vision while the heat dancing on her scales faded.

She slowly stretched her glowing wings wide while glaring at the kin hovering above. It was not doing anything aggressive anymore. Its fear, confusion, and surprise were evident. Good! Let it fear her! It should be afraid after it attacked first!

What had it actually done? There was no flame, but something had been very hot. The crash of light it had made was almost like fire and-

So these are crashing-light-eaters.

The crashing-light-eater turned tail and winged away, keeping its distance from her while another, bigger crashing-light-eater kin flew closer to her. This one was also burning with the crackling light on its back and wings. The air was filled with a faint buzzing sound.

The large crashing-light-eater landed on the light-rock with her, used its wings to balance, and stared at her in surprise but no open hostility. Its dark eyes had glowing veins of white-blue.

'Fear what this kin what? Kin light eater thrower yes no confusion strange.'

She snapped her teeth and stretched her wings in display at this large male.

'Are you the Alpha?' she growled.

'Alpha yes,' it answered.

'I did not threaten you, but your packmate attacked me! Bad! Wrong!'

The Alpha shuffled in place, using its wings like limbs. The crackling light dancing on its hide and scales faded slightly.

'Apologies. Fear strange different you yes us not. Strong you us like some yes much light strong good yes,' he grumbled.

'What? Explain!' she chuffed.

The other aloft crashing-light-eaters kept flying around the light-rock at a respectful distance without doing anything dangerous. None of them were approaching to interrupt her meeting with their Alpha.

The Alpha bent his head while looking away.

'You different fear us have strange kin threat maybe apologies. Different kin and not-kin fly past range here ours strange disturbing wondering,' he huffed.

None of that made any sense.

'I am searching for a kin around here. A dangerous kin. Do you know where it is?' she asked.

'Hunter! Bad some hunter liver maybe yes maybe no. Safe us others keep we here stay.'

He must be thinking of the same kin: the one that could be a hunter but chose not to be, or something like that.

'Where is it. I must find it.'

'Needing hunting knowing you? Searching finding safe trap place hidden yes.'

'Trap? Why is it hidden in a trap?'

'Danger hunter kin maybe. Us reason here range safe protect keep trap safe. Command from great one hunter keep here safe. Others here fly learn much past.'

The kin she was looking for was being kept in a trap? Why? The kin was surely not dangerous, if what she had heard about it was true.

'Where should I fly?'

'Dangerous.'

'I know. Where?'

'Range through fly you go us stop not,' he answered and pointed with his tail.

She purred in thanks, relieved that he was far more welcoming and helpful than his packmate had been. The Alpha spun away and jumped from the light-rock, dragging a trail of crashing-light behind him as he flew. Even now he had the sparkling, jumping lines of light all over his scales and hide. He and the other crashing-light-eaters flew off in peace, leaving her alone.

That was twisted.

She took flight and flew the direction he had indicated. First, she flew to the waters and, remembering Life-Fire-Speaker-Gatherer's suggestion, caught a fish-gift.

She could not help but wonder what the Alpha meant in his confusing words. He had suggested strange kin and not-kin had visited his pack recently. What could that mean? Perhaps those other kin also came to meet with Reflection. That had lift.

The passageway became much narrower, so narrow that she had to land and walk instead of fly. The light-rocks were more infrequent, which left entire stretches of the passage very dark. Oddly, the river water glowed very faintly with a pale green light.

Curious, she touched the water and found it very warm. Warm water was not so common in the ranges she knew. The water also glowed faintly.

Every step and click of her claws echoed in the dark. The only sounds were those of the flowing water at her side, her steps, and her breath.

A hop up a slope followed, and she walked up the gentle stream as a new chamber came into view.

The chamber was filled with a pale green glow and mist which blocked vision of distant parts of the chamber. Dim light-rocks glowed with blue and green. Visible patches of glowing mushrooms also grew all throughout while a large lake, only visible because of its glowing green water, filled what looked like half the chamber.

She considered roaring to announce herself, but that might not be a kind way to greet a new kin in its own range.

Carefully and cautiously, she strode from the water onto land. There was nothing twisted or wrong, such as bones of kin, anywhere to suggest actual threats. Nothing alive was moving, and total silence filled the air.

She blinked and yawned. Maybe she had not been resting enough recently, but there was a weariness over her. Maybe the darkness of the chamber contributed to being tired and wanting sleep. That explanation had lift.

She closed her eyes and tried to look around with life-fire sight, but something was different... and wrong... and not happening. The familiar sensation of seeing something or nothing was not there this time. Rather, the unseen-seeing did not feel like it was doing anything. There was no-

'Have you come to kill me?'

She froze and wildly looked around for the source of the thought-voice. She could not see anything.

The thought-voice felt different from any she had heard before. It was that of a female kin, that much was certain. The thought-voice also came from everywhere and nowhere. On the other paw, it felt more structured and like her own than those of other kin like the crashing-light-eaters.

But why was this kin afraid that she wanted to hurt it?

'No, where are you?'

The faint mist swirled and rolled over her back, all while she looked around for any sign of the kin. Seeing no moving life or signs of any kin was very chilling.

'Near.'

'What are you?' she asked.

A long pause of thought-speak silence followed.

'A reflection. A struggle unending.'

'Are you the kin who can help with fears and wants?' she eagerly asked.

'Yes, some would say that.'

She purred in relief, though remaining wary since she could not see the kin yet. At least she knew that she found the kin she was looking for.

'I flew here to speak with you and hear your advice. You can show yourself to me.'

'And you will not try to kill me?'

What was this fear of the kin's? Why was it afraid of showing itself to her? Even if it was a hunter-kin of some kind, like a stinging-tail hunter-kin, that alone was not reason to kill or fight. This kin had thought-voice, so it was strong-thinking.

'Why would I? You have not hurt me or done any bad,' she declared.

'Truly?'

'What do you want me to say? I will judge you for what you do, not what you are. What kin-kind are you? Show yourself. Please.'

The mist before her parted as a darkness moved closer. The shape was indistinguishable at first, and then she saw more of the kin approaching on paw through the mist.

The kin was slightly larger than a light wing and different in shape. The narrow body had scales that consumed the faint light in the chamber and had no glare or reflection from the surrounding light-rocks. Dark wings were now folded against its side, and its tail had short wing-fins running down its length.

Chillingly, the kin's forelimbs had curved claws longer than a spine-tail's spines, and its head had sharp spikes which were much stronger than her own. Its intense gaze almost tried to reach out, take hold of thoughts, and pull.

But that pull was not too strong.

She stepped back a pace, holding in the growl of warning as she more clearly saw the kin. Everything about its appearance, its lean shape, large claws, and apparent strength, spoke with warning. This kin was a hunter and extremely dangerous.

But it was calm in her presence: not growling, crouching to pounce, or flashing any teeth or claws in display. It was doing nothing that a hunter-kin would do.

It glanced at the fish in her jaws.

'What think you now? Am I a monster or not?'

How do answer truthfully when she was not sure? Reflection was very dangerous and strange. Starting with fact and truth only was probably a good place to begin.

'You are Reflection. That is your name. Yes?'

'True, that is my name. What is your name?'

'I am Skadi.' she purred.

Reflection blinked, her appearance almost completely vanished in the darkness when her eyes were shrouded.

'I know not that name. You have flown here to speak and hear my words and flight-guiding? Who spoke of me to you?'

'A light wing named Life-Fire-Speaker-Gatherer. She lives in a pack near mine.'

Reflection chuffed, 'Did you bring that fish for me?'

After a wingbeat of consideration, she decided that she could trust for now. She would remain wary and careful around this new kin, but there was no reason to be violent and biting toward one who had not tried to hurt her. Reflection had interacted with light wings peacefully in the past.

'I did.'

She tossed the fish, and Reflection snapped it from the air. Reflection's jaws had long and sharp teeth that curved inward. Reflection purred in a very deep purr that shivered her tailfins. But just as before, Reflection did not move paw or claw, making no threat-signs of any kind.

'What are you as a kin-kind?' she asked.

Oddly, Reflection looked away, staring out into the darkness that she could so easily fade into.

'I am the only of my mixed kin-kind now. So are you, if I am not wrong about what you are. My kin-kind was the great hunter-killer of dark and light, but dark more than light. That need was greater because of… a command, as I understand it. My kind lived to hunt and kill out of cleansing need without thought.'

'But you do not. Why not? Why are you different?'

Reflection slowly started walking, so she followed a couple pounces away for safety. Where Reflection was walking to did not matter.

'I was taken in my egg. The female who took my egg, sat it, sang to me, hatched me, and raised me taught me a different life-way from what my liver-thinking-wishes had. She... was one who saw a new way by teaching me to think and feel the pain and wants of others. How could I want to hurt others whose scales and life-flights I have lived in myself?'

She could understand that much. Sympathy, feeling for others and knowing their pains as if those were one's own, was a very powerful feeling which helped trusting and bonding.

Reflection continued, 'I know that I could be a monster to kin, but I have never hunted a strong-thinking kin. I wait here in this range alone in peace.'

'Why do you stay alone? You should be free to fly beyond.'

Reflection turned and stared at her. The faint light from a blue light-rock drifted over her and made her shape more visible as an absence of light.

'What would the first kin who sees me beyond here do when they see me?'

The question was soft and mild, but touched with liver-chill. It was obvious why, and she purred sadly, looking down to her paws.

'They would fear you and see you as a monster.'

'Yes, they would turn tail in fear, or they would fight. Nothing I can do can help with that problem. So I must stay here where only few know I am hiding. The sky-light-eaters beyond keep me safe here and keep others safe from me unless they seek me out.'

'The others bring you fish-gifts, and you give them help with their thoughts or life-problems?' she asked.

'That is the trade. Some of those light wings left for packs where they could help others with liver-thinking problems.'

'How can you help them?'

'One of my hunting-powers is that I can make another see great fears, enough that it can make others freeze and not react. That would make it easy for me to hunt them. On the other paw, seeing those great fears can help them see what is rotting their life-flight or chilling their liver.'

That explained how Life-Fire-Speaker-Gatherer was so twisted and different. The elder light wing of Lone-Tree-Pack must have learned from Reflection many life-cycles ago, and now used the mushrooms to do something like what Reflection could do with her hunting-power. It was very twisted that something naturally used to hunt prey and kill kin could be used for good as Reflection apparently did with her hunting-power.

'That is what you are here for? You want to see your great fear?' Reflection asked.

'If that will help me learn and see my life better, yes.'

Reflection chuffed, 'There is no certainty about that. Is truth good to know?'

'Yes, it is.'

'What if the truth would destroy you?'

She paused to consider that, and quickly discounted the possibility.

'It will not. Truth is only good.'

Reflection kept walking up a slope with her following. They stopped on top of a hill ringed with glowing mushrooms. Reflection turned to face her, her eyes still glowing with dim light within.

'You must trust me and not resist the hunting-power, if you want this. Can you trust me?'

'I must.'

'Must is not enough. With other kin I have more power, but your strength-resisting is greater because of your sire-father.'

She blinked in surprise, 'How do you know about him?'

Reflection sighed and lay down in place, 'I met him once and can feel his power in you. He came to kill me when he learned of my living, but I showed him that I am not what he believed I was. After he heard my life-story and touched my life-fire, he let me remain here with the sky-light-eaters guarding me all my life.'

So her sire-father knew about Reflection and allowed her to live here while the sky-light-eaters guarded her or kept her here. That explained why the sky-light-eaters or crashing-light-eaters were keeping her here. Reflection had mentioned something else that was twisting.

'What do you mean by I have more strength-resisting than other kin?'

'Being around me stops other kin from using any life-will-powers other than thought-speak. You have more life-will-power than I do. Shall we begin? Do you trust me?'

She had heard more than enough from Reflection. Something about the way this not-hunter behaved, combined with her words and what had been said of her was enough reassurance.

'I do trust you. You are not a monster.'

Reflection deeply purred while turning to face her, 'Then look into my eyes, do not resist, and you will see what you must. You will know what you most fear.'

'Will you see what I see?'

'No, only you can see what hides in the dark of your life-fire.'

She sat down and stared into Reflection's eyes which glowed from inside with pale light. Just as before, those eyes felt like they reached out to touch, to hold, to guide, to lead, and...

The chamber was much brighter and ringed with flowing dark mist all around. The ground was flat rock: smooth, dark, and uniform in all directions out to the distant mist.

There was no one visibly there.

Nothing happened.

She got to her paws and walked long, looking around for anything different or anyone nearby. Nothing about the range changed.

"Hello! Is anyone there?" she roared.

The flowing mist answered with silence.

She was alone in this... wherever she was. She was used to being alone. But where was her pack? Where was anything? What had happened?

She remembered. Reflection made her see this as a test of whatever she most feared.

Twisted. There is nothing here!

There were no big hunter-kin with sharp teeth or other monsters. There was no vision of a terrible future. Nothing was dangerous here at all. There was no threat.

She was safe here. She was alone.

Peacefully alone.

Alone? Isolated?

Unwanted?

There was motion out in the flowing mist as it drew closer. Four light wings walked out of the mist and calmly approached her.

"Not like me. Not for me," Blue huffed.

"What?" she whined.

"Yes, we had our time back then," Green said.

"We do not need you anymore. We have each other now," Yellow purred.

"I won the game. What do you have?" Red chuckled.

There was no time to react before all four light wings dashed away from her and vanished in the mist.

Had they truly been here and just left her life-flight, or was this only her seeing how she feared or regretted the end of their shared-life?

Cold filled her liver at the reminder of how she had drifted away from them. That parting of life-flights was her fault, was it not? She had failed them as friends, somehow. She had not given them enough bonding, time, or something else.

Or was that parting necessary and what could not have been any other way? Must all who know each other as fledglings part life-flights when they grow up? Why bother at all if that was what must happen?

Another light wing strode through the dark shadows of mist.

Alpha stared calmly at her, "You did a good thing for me, so I must make you an offer to be fair. I do not truly want you, but I can do this out of fairness and duty, if you want it."

Then he walked off and slipped into the mist while she watched him leave.

It was cold truth, but she knew that already. His interest and offer only came after she helped him keep his status. His offer was only out of duty or some idea of fairness, not true care or love. He could not be wronged for thinking that way which was necessary for him as an Alpha.

Her breath and thought itself failed her when a pure white kin and a light wing with purple and blue wings walked out of the mist. Both of the liver-known kin strode up to her and calmly stared at her.

She wanted to speak, but no words could come.

"You were my way out. You are not mine anymore. You are grown and gone," dam-mother calmly said.

"Dam-mother..." she whined.

Sire-father whispered, "What has happened to you, little one? Why are you so small in your life-fire? You could be great like I was."

Could the liver itself go so cold as to break or die? Fires could die if they went small enough or had nothing to feed on.

"Unwanted..." dam-mother muttered.

"Not good enough..." sire-father grumbled.

"Unneeded…" dam-mother shrugged.

"Disappointed…" sire-father hissed.

She closed her eyes and whined freely as the cold words bit deep with the truth. Whatever else the visions or life-fires or whispers said could not matter. Nothing could hurt the life-fire more.

Rejected even by her own sire-father and dam-mother, though neither of them had wanted to hurt her.

The whining and trembling eventually stopped, letting her look around at the empty, aloneness of the world.

Everyone she knew went away in the end.

No one was there with her in the dark.

Abandoned by everyone.

Unwanted by any.

Always rejected.

Alone forever.

Cold.

The encircling mist flowed even closer, almost touching her. The mist also looked darker as it formed together, almost like something she remembered from-

She flew to her paws, bared her teeth, and flared her glowing wings at the shadow-thing hovering before her. Even now there were whispers echoing on the faint wind and countless voices calling from out of clear hearing.

The shadow hovered there just out of reach, unable or unwilling to approach closer. Impossible though it must be, there was a life-fire inside the shadow and barely hidden. But the life-fire was like and unlike, known and foreign, and smaller and greater.

"Who are you, shadow? Are you Reflection?" she growled.

'We are nameless,' the shadow hissed.

The hissing words echoed with many united voices, echoing from the shadows.

The light wings in the packs had names for their pack-roles, and they had personal names which they kept secret, known only by their closest kin. To be nameless was to have no meaning, no identity, and no importance in the eyes of any who would give a name.

Being nameless was to be alone and unwanted. That at least was a feeling she could relate to since she felt it almost every waking-cycle now. Maybe this shadow was almost like her.

'We know what you fear. You fear being unwanted, rejected, useless, and alone in the dark.'

How did the shadow know that about her? Everything it said was true. Everyone she had ever come to hold to her liver had either died, left her life out of choice or necessity, or was only offering to fulfill a duty. None of that care was freely given as a gift without wanting anything in return.

"True, I fear that."

The shadow floated closer, 'You are not alone. Only in darkness the light.'

"I do not understand."

'We are always with you in the dark.'

Somehow, there was only a little warmth and comfort in that reassurance. This kin, if it even was one, had no body, none like hers anyway. This thing was too different from her.

'And we offer you power. You can be greater than he was. You can change the world forever and right many wrongs.'

"What wrongs? How?"

'Monsters are real. You must know them and destroy them.'

Why did that feel so true and real, as if that was a life-rule deep in the liver? Maybe that is what drove her to act and keep the peace in the pack. Being a protector was a good life-flight.

"What must I do?"

'Embrace us. Know us. Let us give you power.'

The last time she had seen this shadow-thing was in the twisted-vision after eating the blue mushroom. The shadow-thing had reached out to her and tried to influence her thoughts or life-fire.

This thing felt very dangerous.

"No, I am not you. Leave me alone," she hissed.

The shadow retreated slightly, hovering in dense mist above and before her.

'We are with you always. We will be waiting for you when the time is right: when you need our help, are alone, and need a reason to be.'

That was doubtful. Whatever this shadow-life was, it was not something she wanted anywhere near her life-fire.

"Just leave me!" she roared.

The shadow faded back into the encircling mist and vanished. That normal mist then closed on her like the spray at the base of waterfalls. This was far more comforting and reassuring, a good place to rest and sleep.

Alone in life, even in the middle of a pack that outwardly accepted her. But it was not enough to just be accepted generally by others in a pack. Being wanted and accepted by at least one other person on their own after that other knew her life-fire and liver would be so much more liver-warming and true than general pack-acceptance.

Perhaps worst was that there was no clear answer. She was different from all light wings. Maybe she could not be wanted by others as she hoped for. Maybe all of the problems would hurt less in the future. Hopefully.

Sleep was all she wanted now. Maybe she could sleep forever and never feel the pain and rejection again. Just be not. That might help.

'Skadi! Wake now!'

She groaned as she got to her paws, stretched, and looked around. All around her was dark, but she could see the bright mushrooms, pale light-rocks, and glowing waters. This was the dark and mysterious range she had fallen asleep in.

Standing beside her was a dark shape that consumed light. The spikes on Reflection's head loomed before her in the same wingbeat she saw the long claws on Reflection's paws.

The slight lean away from Reflection happened without any thought or intent.

She winced, immediately knowing what she had done without even thinking about it. Reflection had seen her reaction, because Reflection sighed and looked away.

'Reflection, I am sorry!'

'Sorry? Do not be false. I am a hunter monster even to you.'

She hopped to her paws, intending to nuzzle Reflection's neck in bonding, except Reflection stepped back and kept distance from her.

'No! Sorry! I... I do not want to think like that, to fear you.'

'But it is fair of you to fear me. It is a normal response. You see now why I cannot live beyond here.'

That was another terrible truth which felt wrong and twisted, but was regardless how life truly was. Reflection would always be seen as a monster by any kin. If even she herself had shown that deep fear after trusting Reflection with that influence over her, other kin would be capable of far less trust of a natural hunter.

It was as if there was one her that was awake and aware, but there was another one underneath all the thoughts, never showing itself but always nudging her or pushing her to act without her even knowing it.

She hung her head and stared at her paws, 'I do understand. Sorry.'

'Do not be sorry. Being sorry changes nothing. Did you learn what you needed?'

'Maybe. I know my problem, but what is fouling my life-flight is not what I can control.'

'What is the problem, if you do not mind telling me?' Reflection asked.

'I do not want to be alone. I fear being unwanted and rejected by all.'

The irony and twistedness of that struck her. Reflection probably understood that fear better than she did.

Sure enough, Reflection chuffed and stared at the nearest light-rock, 'Being alone brings both peace and fear. All you can do is make yourself one others should want and not reject. What they do is not in your power.'

That was probably good flight-guiding, but it also felt empty. No matter how much she tried to see flaws and mistakes in her friendship with the fledglings, there was no clear rot in her actions, nothing she could pin easily. It was entirely possible to do no wrong and to still be hurt.

Being one who should be wanted was not enough if the others reject anyway, for whatever their reasons may be, or are forced away by necessity.

It was just like how Reflection could not be accepted by other kin for what she was in her life-fire. The other kin would always see her only as a kin-hunter.

'What if that is not enough? What if I am as different as you and none will truly want me?'

Reflection answered, 'Then you find a purpose-flight to lose yourself in. Mine is the thought-helping I do for the light wings who fly to me for help. Through doing that I can help change and make better the world, just as my dam helped me.'

'But how does that help you be wanted?'

'It might not help me directly, but it helps those who meet me and fly beyond. I never again see many of those I help. They fly away to return to their lives. Learning that their lives are better does help me feel… warmer. Some of them tell others of me and have them fly to me for help, as has happened with you.'

Maybe there was good about that dedication to one purpose that made the world better. Living such a life might not help her be accepted and truly wanted by anyone else, but living life for others was probably the best someone could do in that situation. Perhaps it was brave to face that unchanging problem, accept it as part of her life-flight always, and live for the better despite it. Maybe living for the good of others, for the greater good so that they can be warmer, was the only answer and way to keep living with any warmth of her own.

'I think I understand. I should go.'

Reflection stepped back and turned away while she herself stretched her wings and limbs, getting ready to fly.

'Skadi, your fear is not special. All who have not been held and tended or nuzzled well as little ones have that fear,' Reflection added.

'Maybe so, but that does not make it less chilling.'

Reflection yawned, 'Truly, but there are worse life-problems you could have. Having more potential is both good and bad.'

'What do you mean?'

'You, me, and the light wings are not like the other kin. We can touch the oneness without being bound in it.'

'Oneness? What is that?'

Reflection hummed in thought before answering, 'A great oneness-likeness burns in the life-fires of all kin. That fire gives life-will-power, which is different in the many types of kin.'

'What do you mean we can touch the oneness?' she asked.

'You and I are touching it now when we share thought-wishes. Light wings do not share thought-wishes with their own kind, not unless they are a very close life-fire-bound pair or have power-light and command.'

She thought she knew what Reflection meant, but there was something else Reflection had mentioned which she was very curious about.

'You said your dam took your egg, so she was not like you. What was she?'

Oddly, Reflection slowly approached, stopped before her, and paused, as if considering what to say, 'She was like your sire-father.'

'What?' she barked, startled by this news.

'Her name was She-Who-Sees. She had life-will-powers and told me about her former mate, your sire-father.'

She had no words for this revelation. Her sire-father had not been the only one of his kin-kind? Apparently not. But that meant there had been a female of his kind, and they had been mates once. Did that mean she might have… half-nestmates somewhere? He had never told her about anyone else.

'I always thought my sire-father was the only of his kind. What else did she say? Why did she take you? Did she have any eggs and young of her own? What can you tell me?'

Reflection lay down by a brighter light-rock and she eagerly joined her there, 'She and your sire-father had a fight which broke them apart as mates. She could not make eggs of her own, but she wanted to raise a hatchling and make a point at the same time. She found where my kind lived, stole my egg, and took me to the world above. We lived in a valley with a pond, far away from any other life. She taught me how to fight my wants and use my powers to help others. Once I was grown she told me to return to these ranges and find a place I could live in peace. I found this range, your sire-father eventually found me, learned where I came from, and let me live as long as I stay here.'

'Did she tell you where more of your kind are?'

'She said they are or were in the deeper and darker ranges. I will never go there. It would be too dangerous.'

Still stunned by the connection between herself and Reflection, she considered what this meant for them.

'This is amazing. I did not know you are… almost related to me. Not in life-water, true, but in another way. Almost-nestmates?'

Reflection shrugged, 'Like almost-nestmates? I wish that were true, but I have no idea what that relation is like.'

She exhaled, 'Neither do I.'

'Have you learned what you came here for?'

'As much as I can.'

Reflection got to her paws and stepped back from her, 'Good. Please tell none about me unless you believe they can meet me in peace and need my help.'

'I understand. I will tell none unless they need you. It is still chilling that you must stay here. Are you sure you do not want to leave this trap?'

Reflection hummed, 'It is what it is. I am safe here, whatever else this place may be to me. Warm flights, Skadi.'

Reflection spun around and dashed into the darkness away from the light-rocks.

No sooner had Reflection left her than she felt some relief at the departure. The heavy weight in the air and on her senses faded entirely. Her life-fire sight returned and revealed a dark shape, an absence, walking away from her up the slope. Reflection had been correct that merely being around her could be weakening.

She spun away and glided down the slope before hopping alongside the stream that flowed into the long passageway.

She had no further interest in exploring more ranges. Being around the light wings of her pack, even if none of them were as close as she wanted, was still liver-warming in its own way. At least it was familiar. There was plenty to think about on the pawful of waking-cycles needed to get back to her pack.

Whatever else may come of this meeting, it was warming to have learned that there was some distant kinship between her and Reflection. At least they appeared to have some similar problems.

The water gently rolled against the rock in the water-range. She had only stopped here for hunting and rest, but sleep was not flying to her despite the calming roll of the water and the warmed rocks against her belly.

Was she any closer to knowing what was best for her? Was accepting Alpha's offer so she would have a mate and not be alone a good decision? How to even decide? Her first try by trusting her liver and speaking to Blue had failed terribly.

She rearranged her tailfins over her head. Her tailfins, just like her wings, were a mix of blue and purple, just like her dam-mother's wings and shine.

The thought of her dam-mother made a cold truth very clear. Dam-mother used making her egg as a way to get out of a bad pack. Love, whatever that felt like, was not part of that offer.

True acceptance by another, by a warm-livered male who loved her and wanted her, would be far better than only use and convenience. However, no light wings could want her, just because she was different.

Accepting that her Alpha's offer would be too much of just a trade without true wanting. Being with him was like something Red would do and had done with Second-Fighter. Alpha was a good leader for the pack, but he was not a mate for her, nor just a male to use for any purpose.

At least I learned something from this flight.

The familiar ranges of Ice-Water-Pack came into view. Several packmates roared in greeting, and she roared back to them. There was comfort in being back in these ranges she knew in her liver and among kin she knew and could trust somewhat.

First, she flew to Alpha's light-rock, saw he was not there, and flew to the warmer chamber. He was there and was busy playing with his fledgling.

"Alpha!"

He paused in the playing and bounded over to her, "Skadi! Welcome back!"

"I am warmed to be back. Do not let me foul your play-time with your fledgling. I can tell you of my flight when you have time later."

"Our thanks. Good to have you back safely," he purred.

He spun away to resume playing with his fledgling. She watched him play-fighting for a while, until she wandered away, lost in her thoughts. He would likely be interested to learn about the far packs she had heard about, and also probably about the crashing-light-eater kin in the far range.

The truth of what Reflection was would be kept a secret though. All he and any others needed to hear was that she had met with a strong-thinking kin who helped her learn about her fears.

All along her flight back to this range, something about the meeting with Reflection had felt twisted, as if she had been blind to an important detail. She was certain that Reflection had not done anything to her other than using the fear-vision-making power as they had agreed. There were no touches of another life-fire on her now, and there were no twisted-whispers following her or fouling her sleep.

But there had been that shadow-thing that had appeared in both her blue mushroom sleep-vision and in this fear-vision. There must be a similarity there.

The meeting with Reflection had been a good one, all considered. She had learned more clearly what her deepest fear and life-problem was: being unwanted. Learning about that was progress, though it felt like she had known that all along, deep in her liver. She still had no idea if there was a permanent answer or way to fix that problem. Maybe the answer would fly to her in time, but it was unlikely the solution would be found in Ice-Water-Pack.