Notes: Update time, and it's been a shorter wait than expected, or maybe not soon enough to the liking of anyone who is reading. Is anyone reading over here?
As always, any swearing has been edited for this site. Not much of it to begin with, but for the sake of this site, it has been changed to more appropriate adult language.
So if you've been waiting to read it, and I doubt anyone has been on here, well... here it is.
Pushing the bed so it moved a few inches to clear the area he needed, Dean then began lifting up the notched floor board. He pulled up three loose boards up in total, and upon having a look inside the spot, was a little surprised to see a medium-sized fireproof metal lock box hidden in there.
Lifting it out, he set the box on the floor next to him and sat on the floor to do this a little more comfortably. The box required a key, but he wasn't exactly sweating it. Manda probably had the key on her, but he suspected there was spare one somewhere in this room just in case she lost hers. If not, it wasn't like picking the lock would exactly be difficult for him.
Dean reached for his glass again and downed what was left, unsure he actually wanted to know what he was about to find. Manda had never said what she kept hidden up here, but he figured this was where whatever keepsakes which meant the most to her that she didn't want to lose out on the road were.
Feeling a little guilty now about going through her stuff, he got up and poured another drink while he worked out where the key might be. Knowing everything he knew about her and how she was, it took just a few minutes to figure it out as he looked around the bedroom. Shaking his head then, he hoped he was right and wrong.
Walking back over to the dresser, Dean picked up the picture of them and turned it around. He quickly removed the backing from the frame, and then let out a chuckle when he saw the key there.
Taking it, he could almost hear her joke about letting him have the key to her heart, but knew this was just her way of saying she trusted him to look at whatever it was in that box and if she had left him anything only he was supposed to see then it would be in there.
Dean tipped his glass at her in their photo before he drank most of what was in it. The whiskey was now starting to hit and numbing a portion of his worry as he put the glass back down.
He got back down on the floor and unlocked the box. Popping open the lid to see what was in inside, there were two books like that looked like journals to him. Taking them out, and looking through one briefly, he saw it was filled with notes on all things hunting, and had definitely been put together probably before her teen years. He put them both aside, not needing to see how she had progressed when he knew what kind of hunter she was these days.
Next was a small jewellery box that he lifted out and opened. Inside was her charm bracelet Bobby had mentioned, and he smiled to see it was here. Manda might not wear it, but from the look on her when Bobby had mentioned it, he knew she wouldn't have left it behind if she never planned on coming back. There were also a few loose pieces of jewellery. Some chains, pendants he'd never seen her wear before, a handmade string bracelet, and a pair of matching rings that were tied together. He pulled those out for a closer look since he'd never seen them before and was able to see they belonged to her grandparents based on the inscriptions.
Closing the jewellery box and putting it on the floor, there was only a large and somewhat thick envelope left on the bottom of the lock box. There was no name on it, and no indication of what might be inside. Taking it out, he hesitated, holding it in his hands. Then Dean just opened it up, reminding himself that Manda not only trusted him to be here and to be looking through this, but with her life when it came down to it.
Now looking at documents in his hands that was clearly a copy of everything to do with the Chambers family trust from eleven years ago when she had lost her parents and inherited everything, he was scanning over the papers quickly out of curiosity. After a few minutes and a few pages in, his eyes widened as it became clear Manda and any other Chambers that would have come after her would be looked after for years to come. Except as Dean knew it – she was the last one, and he didn't think it was likely there would be any others at this rate.
One late night conversation they'd had in bed about being the kids of hunters and growing up the way they both had, the subject of having their own kids and families had been broached and somewhat joked about. Manda hadn't exactly said she didn't want all that, just that she wasn't sure bringing a child in to the odd hunter life one day was what she wanted to do. Same went with giving up hunting for at least a few years, because becoming a mom meant that had to happen when there was a baby to look after.
Dean had somewhat agreed with her reasons at the time, but also downplayed how he felt deep down about it. He often wondered it might be like to have his own family one day. It weighed on him at times. That need for what he never really had for long as a kid, wondering if he could have that bit of a normal life as an adult, and if he was missing out on something by not having it.
More than he should have at times, he had thought about how it would be to do that with Manda. How easy it might be to have a family with someone who knew all about his messed up and crazy life, and was also someone who had spent their own life hunting the same evil supernatural things he did. He knew she was also good for him in so many ways he could admit to and others he didn't want to, and that he loved her even before learning they were apparently soul mates. So it made sense to him that things would work out that way for them eventually.
But the whole idea of having a family was just part of some other life, one he wasn't going to get to have. Given his current problems of being who he was and needing to save the world or die trying, he was just a little thankful for that. Dean didn't know what the hell he would do if he and Manda had a kid or two to worry about in all this. Her unexpected and current missing status was more than enough to deal with on top of everything else.
Letting out a sigh and shoving down his mixed emotions about all of it, he stuck the documents back in the envelope. Then he put everything back in the lock box as it had been, and put the box back in floor. He put the floor boards back in place, moved the bed back over to cover the hiding spot, went and put the key behind the picture of him and Manda again, and then placed the picture back on the dresser.
Dean turned on the stereo that was there, now needing the background noise as a distraction. Too much was on his mind still and it was just too quiet up here in Manda's bedroom. A local rock station was on and hearing Poison's Life Goes On start to play, he smirked with slight amusement. Someone out there was sharing his sentiment, and missing the hell out of Manda now, he downed another shot before started to go through the dresser drawers.
There wasn't much to find, just clothes she didn't have out on the road with her. He was literally rifling through her panty drawer hoping to find the drawer had a false bottom when he heard Sam scoff from somewhere behind him. "What?" he asked, turning around with some skimpy lace panties in his hand and a readable thought on his face.
Catching his brother with Manda's panties in his hand, seeing the empty glass on the dresser, and the look on his face, Sam's eyes widened with disbelief. "Dude, I know you're lonely, but…"
"Shut it, Sammy," Dean harshly responded, looking at the underwear in his hand and then just shoving it back in the drawer behind him. "I'm not that lonely or that kind of creep. Just looking for anything she might have hidden. Not my fault you walked in right now."
Sam's expression was comical as he shook his head. Then he noticed the ring on Dean's finger, and heard the song on the stereo. "Yeah, you're not that lonely, Dean."
Dean just shot his brother a hard look, glanced down at the ring on his own hand and shrugged. He was now half drunk, feeling lonely and a little more wounded by Manda's absence and the way she hadn't even bothered to call him to say she was going underground or whatever it was she was doing before just vanishing on everyone. "What do you want, Sam?" The question came out hard and annoyed.
Hearing the shortness in Dean's tone, Sam just looked back at him knowing what he had to tell Dean was going to add to his stress level right now as he held up the journal in his hand. "Found something interesting in Eliot's journal. Apparently a few years after Manda was born, this psychic they knew saw a bunch of things about her that didn't make sense at the time. She warned Eliot that there might be a day when angels would come after his granddaughter and that she would need protection against them. It worried him, and he started looking for a way to do that. We know the house is warded, so he eventually found out how to turn this place into an angel free zone that would be safe for her if that day came."
Dean sobered up completely as he listened to Sam. Some things were starting to make sense if that was the case, like her phone records being deleted. He was almost completely convinced in this moment that whatever had happened to her was because of her connection to him, and that meant this was down to the angels. Crap, Chuck was right… we're soul mates. And now she's probably running to keep them off my ass, not just hers because of it. I knew having Cass hide her was the right call. "A day when angels would come after her? There's no mention of us… or at least me in there? Because there's no other reason for them to come after her that we know of, just me. Those jackoffs wanted that demon to kill her because of what it would do to me at the time. That wasn't exactly them coming after her… not like that, they have no problem doing their own dirty work, so whatever that's about wasn't what they let happen that night."
Sam tipped his head knowingly. Dean had a good point with all that. "No names mentioned yet, but one of the other things the psychic told Eliot was that when Manda was older she would lose the man she loved."
"The boyfriend, Tyler." Dean paced the floor a little now, feeling a little more worried again, and wondering what else was in that journal. "Her parents wanted her to stop seeing him, maybe for that reason. She didn't, and we know how that ended. But Manda also told me her dad made her promise to stay away from you and me if she ever met us… think maybe they knew something else?"
"Maybe." Sam was taken by surprise at that, it was the first he'd heard about that. Thinking it over for a moment, something made some sense quickly. Something Bobby had said stuck out in his mind. "Or maybe it was just because her dad didn't like ours and he didn't want her messing around with us… well, you, at least. If you met a chick around your age and like us back then, you would've been all over that. But, I also think one of them should have told her about what they knew if they did know, or that she probably read this at some point."
"True enough." Dean looked a little sheepish because he definitely would have hooked up with her back when they'd been teenagers. Even then she would have been his type, and her being a hunter still would have helped him fall hard even back then. "But look, we know a demon killed her parents, not how the rest of her family died. From what I saw on their headstones, all of them bit the dust in a three year span. So who was going to tell her what? Dad knew whatever he did about you and never said a word. He only told me what he did because he made that deal and knew he was dying that day. So maybe they were going to wait to tell her once she hit eighteen or something, but they all died before that."
Seeing Dean's point, Sam couldn't quite argue with any of it. Their dad had known all along that he was different and that one day he might have to be stopped, but had kept it to himself for who knew how long. John had only laid it on Dean without much explanation as some sort of dying confession, and at that point both Sam and Dean were already in the twenties. "And you think Manda never read through this, Dean?"
"I think she had other things to worry about. She lost three people she loved in nearly one shot. I don't know what that's like, neither do you, but I do know she went through hell because of it. So no, I don't think she read any of that. She never read what her parents had on that demon at that time and still hadn't up until it was already back for her ten years later. Manda just tried to stuff all that stuff down and keep going, same as us, because what choice does a good hunter really have? But she was totally alone, not legal for another year, and blamed herself for their deaths. She still hates being in this house, Sammy, because it reminds her of what she still thinks is her fault."
Sam's face registered a note of surprise. Even though he'd seen and heard things between them for that short time they had dated, and had read about some of the moments they had that Chuck had written about, it still amazed him at times how much Dean seemed to know about Manda or vice versa. Or that they had deeper conversations beyond the usual flirty banter and smartass remarks they often used in front of everyone else. It was one of the reasons why he still liked her for his older brother. They were good for each other that way. "You guys talked about that?"
Dean looked at Sam like he had asked a stupid question. "Not that you need to know what we talk about, but yeah, it came up once. And Manda's just… well, she's Manda. You know how she is."
The younger Winchester chuckled faintly. "She's a lot like you, even described you the same way once or twice." He rolled his eyes as he quoted her, "Dean's just… well, he's Dean. You know how he is."
His expression was a little funny then because he knew she probably had said that to his brother a few times. "Hey, she's still more of a chick than I'll ever be, and I don't just mean the boobs." Dean grinned, put out his hand, and then wiggled his fingers expectantly at Sam. "Now let me read through the rest of that while you go look through a different one, see if we got a hit yet, or catch a few hours of shut-eye. Do whatever you want. I'll let you know if there's anything else."
[ - ]
Pulling over on the side of the road a few hundred feet from her driveway, Manda tossed her Chevelle in park and turned it off. Not able to turn in now that she was here, she just sat there for a minute, and then did the only thing she felt she could do now – she leaned her head against the steering wheel and cried a few silent tears.
Along the drive she had gone back and forth on it in her head. She had thought she could do this, thought she could waltz in to her own house, see Dean, and just say those few words she knew she had to tell him – I'm pregnant, it's yours. But now that she was this close to him, her nerve to go through with it was gone.
She lifted her head, staring out the windshield towards her driveway, thankful the street was lined with trees. The house sat too far back from the road for her to see or to been seen from. With a deep breath, she tried to find that nerve again but only came up with despair. How the hell do I tell you, Dean? Just drop this bombshell that comes at the worst time it could happen and tell you not to worry about it? Because there's no time to play house and I'm not asking you to. You'll think I'm crazy for doing this, and you'll be so torn up over it, because you don't want to just be a dead-beat dad. We talked about having kids, having that whole family deal just once, and I saw the look on your face, Winchester. Saw how much you want it and still fear it for what it means. Well here it is, but you can't do it right now... and that'll hurt you way worse than me disappearing on you for a little will.
Manda closed her eyes briefly and wiped away another soundless tear. Knowing it didn't seem to matter which way she went about, whether she told him yet or not, Dean was bound to end up with the kind of heartache she didn't exactly want to cause him. Because how would it not cause him heartache? To know he was going to have something he wanted and never thought he'd get to have only to not be able to be around for it would break him in a way he just didn't need. Hell, he had barely been hanging on the last time she saw him, and this news wouldn't exactly tip the scale in the other direction for him.
Pounding a flat hand against the steering wheel a few times out of a mix of emotions at this whole situation, she winced as pain spread throughout her arm, and realized she had used the arm that still wasn't fully healed. Eyeing the sling she had tossed on the passenger seat over an hour earlier because it annoyed her, she didn't bother reaching for it then. The physical pain and her injured arm was a good reminder of the one thing she had fought like hell for – her child.
Placing her hand protectively on her stomach, rubbing her thumb back and forth, Manda stuffed down all the guilt and the pain, and thought of why keeping Dean in the dark for now was just easier. He would be without a doubt pissed at her for hiding this from him at first, but would understand eventually, because if this was one way to give their kid a shot in actually being born, she had to take it.
A few more weeks, she reasoned with herself, would give her time she needed to figure out a way to tell him without it tearing him apart. It would also help with finding out how to get the angels out of her dreams and off her ass, and that would give Dean one less thing to worry about once he knew. But it would also hopefully get her to the end of the first trimester without any other problems arising. She worried something else might go wrong before then, and it wasn't like it was that far off at this point. She might have only known for the last three, but she was already nine weeks along in her pregnancy. Her arm still needed another two or three weeks to finishing healing anyway, so waiting a little longer made more sense now that she thought about it. Because Dean would freak out on her for being not quite being able to protect herself properly right now.
Groaning then at the thought of how right he'd be about it because she wasn't in the best of shape to fight with her arm like this, Manda grabbed the sling off the seat and stuck it back on. She hated wearing the thing, but she needed her arm to heal as quickly as possible. Her baby needed it too when their life depended on her being able to protect and fight for them. And she would.
Still trying to get used to the fact that it was no longer just herself to look after now, the thought of actually being a mom unnerved her completely. But at the same time she already felt an overwhelming amount of love towards the boy or girl she was going to have. Her resolve to do whatever it took to make sure they made it was why she was going on the run, and it was also part of why she was reluctant to let Dean know. It would put him in an impossible spot the moment he knew, and she didn't want him to do something stupid just to save her and their kid, but feared he would. That wasn't an option, because if by one highly unwinnable odd she managed to see her pregnancy through to the end and had this baby, and Dean managed to stop the Apocalypse and save the world, and to still be alive at the end of it, then there was one family that not only needed to be together but deserved to be – theirs. Although, for right now they just couldn't be that, and she worried they never would get to be.
Manda took a deep breath, started up her car, and then got it back on to the road. Driving straight past her driveway, she uttered a silent apology to Dean, and was now heading for the one place where she might find a little comfort. With a stop to make in the nearby cemetery, she knew she could share her news with the very people who had loved her to no end and sacrificed their lives to save hers years ago – her parents. Her secret would be safe with them and the rest of the departed Chambers family. And then she was just going to disappear in the wind for the next few weeks, trying to give her now soon-to-be family a shot at possibly surviving the end of the world.
More notes: So that's where it went, and I hope you enjoyed it. It was shorter than I like it to be, but adding more just wasn't feeling right. It should have had another Dean bit after Manda's part, but I just couldn't get it to work there.
Dean might have found a little something, but nothing he might have actually hoped to – like anything that might help him to find Manda now. He really has no idea what is coming... Hoping I got his emotions just right in this one.
Sam was the one to find something a little more useful, but not enough. And the dialogue between Sam and Dean here was what I struggled with as I wrote the previous chapter, and is why it's now in this one. A little brotherly banter was included, and I hope it was fitting for the moment.
Now the explanation of the angel warding on the house might be a bit weak, but Dean still needs to read through that journal. I'm not sure how much more of an explanation there will be, but that's where it stands.
So maybe you were hoping to see the moment of reveal, but Manda chickened out, and you might hate her for it now. That moment will be coming in another chapter or two, and it was written back when I started this story. Wanting to keep it still, it just couldn't happen yet with where the story has gone as I picked it back up this many years later. If you're curious about how that's going to go down... we will get there soon. I swear it! And I hope it doesn't disappoint.
Will try to get the next one up soon. As always, thanks for reading! Hopefully you're still liking it if you are reading it.