THE CLEARWATER'S
CHAPTER 46
SAVANNAH P.O.V
30 weeks pregnant
Carlisle was concerned about how swollen my ankles and hands were. My wedding rings no longer fit on my hands. I couldn't get any shoes on my feet. I was extremely uncomfortable and hot all the time no matter how cold the house was.
I had weekly appointments to check on the baby. Last week my blood pressure was high. It wasn't high enough that Carlisle was concerned but if it was still high today, we could be in trouble. Last week there was a mention of preeclampsia. The only way to get rid of it, is to deliver which means that the baby would have to be in the NICU.
Sue and Grandpa were watching the boys for us while we went to this appointment. We brought all of our overnight bags just in case. I had a feeling that we would be having a baby girl today. It terrified me. I cried the entire ride from Charlie's to the hospital. So of course when I got to Carlisle's office I looked like a mess.
After seeing Carlisle, I was sent up to Labor and Delivery where they checked my vitals for a few hours. I hadn't been admitted yet but when Carlisle came in with one of OB's, I knew it wasn't good news. Seth held my hand as they told me that I would need to deliver today. They had done a stress test on the baby and she was under too much stress. My body was under too much stress. They had decided that delivering today would be best.
Seth stepped out to call his mom making sure it was okay if the boys stayed the night. If not Esme could go pick them up. Carlisle tried to calm me down. I was terrified. I knew that most babies born at 30 weeks survived but she was going to be tiny and she would be in the hospital for a long time.
"We're going to have to do an emergency c-section." This wasn't my first rodeo in needing an emergency c-section. I just knew that the recovery was going to be much harder. It was going to be hard having two toddler's at home and my newborn in the hospital. I called my mom and told her what was going on. She said she would make some meals so that Seth could easily heat things up for us while I was still recovering.
I think the worst part of this whole thing was that I was going to have to leave the hospital without my baby. I could see how stressed Seth was. Could feel it. I knew he was trying to stay calm for me. I knew it wasn't going to be easy for him. He wasn't involved in the first c-section I had so he had no idea what to expect.
They prepped me for surgery within an hour. They wheeled me into the delivery room as Seth changed into a blue gown and a hair net. I laughed as soon as I saw him.
"You look so cute." I giggled. I could feel the doctors rubbing something over my stomach. I was pretty numb and couldn't feel a thing. Seth sat beside me the entire time. It felt like time stood still. I felt like the entire weight of the world was sitting on my chest. I was terrified of what was going to happen. There were so many nurses in here. They had introduced me to the Neonatologist. Two of the nurses were from the NICU and there were two other labor and delivery nurses.
I felt a pressure then suddenly it was gone. It was not painful but I knew that she was out. Seth watched carefully as they carried her over to a warmer and right away got her on oxygen. I couldn't help the tears that flowed my eyes. She wasn't crying. The doctors worked to care for me while also working with Tayenn.
"Is she okay?" I asked as they wheeled her out of the room. I wanted Seth to follow them but he refused. He was going to let them stabilize her and stay here with me while they stitched me up.
"She's having trouble breathing on her own." One of the nurses said.
Within an hour I was in a recovery room. At some point I was so hysterical that the nurse had to come in and help Seth relax me. Usually just his touch would be able to calm me down but not when my baby was sick and I couldn't even get out of the bed to see her.
I pumped as much as I possibly could but delivering this early meant that my milk hadn't come in yet. I breastfed with both of the boys and it was so difficult that I wasn't going to be able to do the same with her. They had inserted a feeding tube and she was also on oxygen. She was having a difficult time keeping her temperature up. She was the most human out of all of my babies and I was terrified.
I was finally able to eat after I calmed down enough. My nurse came in two hours later and helped me up out of bed. She helped me to the bathroom before getting me a wheelchair so we could go down to see Tayenn.
I didn't realize just how hard it was going to be to see her tiny little body hooked up to so many machines. I cried as I rubbed my finger over her hand. She was so small. She was sleeping and seeing her chest rise and fall made me cry even more. Seth was right there comforting me. I could see other parents sitting with their babies and knew we weren't alone.
Seth took some pictures before Tayenn's nurse came over and introduced herself. She went over some things with us.
"Would you like to try some skin to skin?" She asked. I nodded right away. She moved the curtain to give us some privacy. I opened the gown I was wearing and she placed her on my chest. I couldn't help but cry. I rested my hand on her back and put the other against my forehead.
"It's alright, honey." Seth commented kissing my head and placing it in my neck. He was able to calm me down enough to get pictures. Once we were back in our room so the nurses could take care of Tayenn, we announced to our families that she was here.
I pumped again hoping I would get more. Anything.
Carlisle came in not long after to check on us. I was finally calm enough to get some rest. I fell asleep holding Seth's hand. I didn't wake up until my nurse came in to give me some pain meds and to check my vitals. Thankfully my blood pressure returned to normal but my feet and hands were still swollen.
Later that night, after dinner, Sue brought the boys to see me. I was able to walk better so we all slowly made the walk down to see Tayenn. Sue held Kuba and Seth held Koda while they both looked over at her.
"Small." Koda said.
"Yeah she's really small. She's gonna be in here for a while." Seth explained. We didn't stay long as the boys were getting antsy so we went back to my room. My parents came not long after with food. Mom helped me to the bathroom. Once everyone left, I pumped again. I just want everything to be okay.
The next few days went by way too fast. I cried as we packed our things. I was being discharged within the hour and even though I had prepared myself for how hard it was going to be to leave without her, I felt like a part of my heart was missing. Seth carried everything down to the car before coming back.
The nurses agreed to let us stay until after dinner but after that we needed to leave so that they could get the room cleaned for another mother.
We went to see Tayenn until 6pm but after that the nurses said it was time to go. The nurses who were coming in for the next shift didn't want parents in. They said to go home and get some rest and to come back tomorrow. I planned to come in as soon as possibly could. They said any time after 7am would be best.
The boys were very excited to have us home. Seth had gone home last night to spend it with them and today they were with my parents. Sue was also there and was making everyone dinner.
"How is she doing?" Sue asked. Seth answered but I burst into tears. He helped me to our bedroom where he calmed me down.
"I wanna take a shower." I said.
"I'll help you." He answered helping me to the bathroom. Thankfully with my body healing so quickly, my stitches were nearly healed and Carlisle said he could come over to remove them. Seth got the shower on and then turned to help me undress. I gasped when he took my shirt off and my bra was wet.
"My milk!" I shouted scaring him. "Go get the pump!" I shouted. He rushed off to our bedroom and grabbed the handheld pump I got. He came back as I was taking my bra off and handed the pump to me. I quickly got it on and pumped it myself. I was very excited when I was able to pump a little less than one ounce with both breasts. Once I was done, he got it into a bag and put it in the freezer so we could take it to her tomorrow.
Then I showered. It felt nice to finally be able to sleep in my own bed. It also felt nice that my big huge belly wasn't getting in the way and I was actually able to get comfortable.
After everyone left, Seth did bath time and let the boys lay with me while they watched a show. I had missed them so much so getting to hold them in my arms felt wonderful. But I was exhausted. In the hospital you don't get much sleep with all the nurses coming in and out and filling out birth certificates and signing paperwork.
I fell asleep rather quickly but woke up around midnight to pump. I put it in the freezer before heading back to bed. I slept until Kuba woke up the next morning around 7:15. I wasn't going to rush into the hospital. The boys also needed their mother. I got Kuba up, changed his diaper, and we headed downstairs to make breakfast. Seth was up a few minutes later and entertained Kuba while I cooked. Koda came down the stairs by himself.
"I was thinking I could head into the hospital for a few hours while you watch the boys. Then we could switch off." I answered.
"Well actually, Leah is here for a few weeks. She offered to watch the boys for us today."
"Oh. Alright." I smiled. Leah came over with Sue to visit with the boys while we headed to the hospital. We stayed past lunch. Not much was going on. Seth was finally able to hold her. She was still having trouble breathing on her own. They were scheduling an ECHO sometime in the next few days.
After visiting with our girl, we headed home to have dinner with our boys.
For the next week we fell into routine. Every morning we got up with the boys and had breakfast together before either one of the Cullen's or one of our moms came over to watch them so that we could go see Tayenn. Her condition hadn't changed much. She was still on the feeding tube and on oxygen.
The nurses had been amazing and we were always giving us updates. I was slowly getting to know all of them. Carlisle came on his every shift to check on us and Tayenn. Each night we went home and left our baby there. It never seemed to get easier.
Two weeks later Tayenn's oxygen dropped so low she turned blue. It took them only five minutes to get her breathing back to normal but it seemed like hours. I was terrified watching them care for her. Doctors and nurses surrounded her while they got her stable.
Once things calmed down and she was back to her normal color, the doctors came over to us.
"We are going to transfer her to Seattle's Children Hospital. With a spell like that she needs to be monitored 24/7. We believe they would be able to keep her stable." I nodded listening to their words. At this point I just wanted to make sure that my baby was taken care of. "One of our nurses will travel with her by ambulance. The ambulance will be here in an hour for her. We understand that you have to get your accommodations together." I nodded. We would need a babysitter for our boys while we traveled to Seattle. We needed to pack. I was already stressed. We watched as they prepared her before the EMT's came in. They introduced themselves and promised to keep her safe.
As they took her away we gathered her things before rushing out the door and to home. Esme of course was more than willing to stay with the boys while we were gone. I was shoving random clothes into a bag and quickly grabbed some deodorant and toothbrush and paste before rushing out to the car.
I was terrified as we made the trip to Seattle. I had no idea what we were going to be walking into. The trip seemed to take forever but as soon as we got there we rushed inside.
"Hi, our daughter was just brought in from Forks Hospital." I said to the person at the front desk.
"What's her name?"
"Tayenn Clearwater." I said and spelled it out.
"Let me call up there and see if it's okay for you to be there. I'm assuming yes but sometimes they wanna get the baby settled." I nodded as she called. "We're just gonna have someone escort you up there." She smiled calling for someone else. When we got up there she was being fed by one of the nurses who introduced herself. We met a whole team of new doctors.
"Is this your first?" One of the nurses asked.
"No. Third. We have two little boys at home." I answered placing my bag down and sitting down.
"Oh! The first girl." I smiled. "So far she's been stable. Her oxygen dropped once in the ambulance but they said it didn't drop nearly as low as it was before. And she never turned blue. Her vitals are good. Temp is still low so that's why we have her under the heater. We are going to monitor her here for a few days and then we'll move her into a separate room."
"Is she going to be okay?" Seth asked.
"We're going to do our best to make sure of it. She was born very early. She's going to be here for a while." We stayed for as long as we possibly could before the nurses kicked us out. They were going to be doing testing over night as she slept to see if she had any underlying health conditions that made her stop breathing. Right now they were assuming that it was sleep apnea but we could get a sure diagnosis with the testing.
We got a hotel room for the night and no matter how hard I tried to sleep, I couldn't. The next morning before we left to see her, we went to breakfast. I updated our families while we were eating.
"The hospital bill is going to be huge."
"That's what we get for living in America." I answered as we headed into the hospital.
"This could be our last kid. Might have to sell our house." Seth joked.
"My parents would never let us be homeless." I answered. "Gonna miss the boys while we're here." The nurses were very understanding that we lived no where near this hospital and that we were staying in a hotel close by. They understood that we had two toddler's at home. We had a ton of family support but it was still extremely difficult to leave our boys at home. Kuba was having a very difficult time and as much as he loved Esme and Emmett, even they couldn't calm him down.
The day with Tayenn was uneventful. We mostly just held her and fed her and changed her. The nurses showed us how to give her a sponge bath but said that it mostly likely wasn't going to be needed again. She had only gained two ounces since her birth and even though she was three weeks old, it was concerning.
We were eating dinner in our hotel room. We hadn't talked in a while but I wanted to ask Seth how he was handling everything. I wish my grandpa was here. At just the thought of him, I burst into tears. I kept my face in my hands as Seth hugged me. I knew that if he was her he would able to give me advice and tell me that everything was going to be okay. At this point I wasn't sure things were going to be okay.
We held each other for a while. I calmed down enough that when Esme called so we could facetime with the boys, I was relaxed. I was more than exhausted. I was still waking up every few hours so that I could pump. My milk was finally in and I was able to store it in the mini fridge and bring it in daily for Tay.
"Come home." Kuba immediately said into the phone. Emmett was holding him and trying to braid his hair. If only Kuba knew how badly I wasn't to be at home being the one to comfort him.
"When baby sister gets better we'll come home okay?" I knew how difficult this was going to be. I knew that I was going to have to split my time between my kids when she was born. I just never knew that I would have to be hundreds of miles away from two of them just praying that we would be coming home with a health baby girl.