Notes:
This chapter wasn't easy to get done, but here it is. I had a bunch of ideas way back in 2010 on how this chapter should go, but none of it ever felt it. And years later it still didn't, so it took a lot blending between old ideas and new ones to craft it.
Had issues with writing Dean's frame of mind, so I hope it worked out. Then there were some dialogue issues. Swapped a lot of lines back and forth and in and out, and then back in again, and got tired of editing everything. So it stands as it is in what follows this note.
As always, anyone here who prefers to read it with the actual explicit language {what little always does pop up in every chapter} can do so over on ao3. The chapters go up there a day or two or more early there as well.

Slamming Bobby's front door a bit too forcefully behind him on the way out, Dean stormed off towards the Impala with the whiskey bottle he'd grabbed off the older hunter's desk in hand.

Getting to his car, he debated hopping in and leaving, but knew that wouldn't change what had just happened inside. It wouldn't solve much either, so he headed for back of the car and then leaned against the trunk with his back to Bobby's house.

In shock, devastated, and fuming with his old favourites – guilt and anger – everything he felt and more was now sinking in worse than it had inside, and he was struggling to accept it.

Everything in him just didn't even want to believe it. But the truth was Manda was pregnant with his baby, and deep down the only thing Dean could feel about it was gutted.

Learning he had fathered a child and was going to be a dad in the middle of the Apocalypse hit like an unexpected blow to the solar plexus. It hurt like hell and it had knocked the wind out of him at first, but now it felt a hell of lot more like he'd just had his heart ripped out and the rest of his body had yet to catch on. It stung worse than the punch Manda had thrown at him, wounded him even more than the way she had refused to even look at him before she'd walked away, and it barely touched upon the pain he felt in knowing she probably wouldn't even have bothered to tell him at all if she hadn't seen him here.

So Dean couldn't understand it, couldn't understand why right now this had to happen to him, to her, and most of all to a child that was just as surely to be doomed as much as both of them had always been. If that child even got to be born, because everything in him figured that wasn't likely just because that baby had the unfortunate luck of being his.

His guilt kicked into overdrive over that, and with everything he felt about it, he really didn't know how to handle this, didn't know if he could or that he even wanted to right now. Because part of Dean would have given anything to jump in the Impala right then, take off as fast as he could and forget he'd ever set eyes on, never mind known, Manda Chambers. Only that was completely wishful thinking, because he knew without any doubt at all that no matter how far he went, he wouldn't be able forget her. Not before this news and certainly not after it. Short of a complete mind wipe there wasn't anything that could make him forget her if he was honest about it. He just loved her too much for that.

The other part of him was aching to be able to go back inside and tell her it was okay, that they'd figure it all out somehow, and then make sure her and the baby really were doing okay. Except that nothing was okay and there wasn't much to figure out. He still cared how she was doing, but he was beyond angry with her at the moment. Angry for letting this happen, for not telling him sooner, for worrying the hell out of him for the last two and half months, and for giving him the one thing he wanted most at the worst time possible.

So Dean wasn't sure what he was supposed to do now or how to keep going. Especially when he knew that his child, one he couldn't even find a glimmer of happiness to have about right now, already had odds worse than his own just by being conceived in the midst of the end of the world. He had no illusions, knew his own odds were incredibly thin when he was the one who was either fighting in the Apocalypse or stopping it, so his kid probably didn't even stand a chance. That was just the truth of it. Neither did Manda. It wouldn't make a difference which side got to her first, the angels or the demons would simply kill her the moment they knew she was pregnant with a Winchester just to get at him. The guilt that came with that threatened to crush him as he thought about it, never mind what it might do when that actually happened. Dean wasn't about to fool himself with even thinking it wouldn't either.

Dean took a deep gulp from the whiskey bottle before looking up at the sky then. What more are you gonna ask of me, huh? Like I haven't given you enough already… but now you want this too.

He felt the tears welling up in his eyes and then a single one silently rolled down his cheek. The heartbreak coursing through him was overwhelming, because he didn't know what he should do or just how much more he was supposed to take. Everything that God or the angels or fate or whatever the hell it was that had already demanded so much of him and kept on demanding more and more from him was long past being far too much. It now felt like this was the breaking point.

Giving me what I've wanted for so long right when I'm trying to save the goddamn world from the mess your kids made because Daddy flew the coop and left them behind to party? Why? What's the catch? Give in to Michael and you'll let Manda and my kid live? Without me? Hell no. Screw that. That's my family if I want it… and I-I… he stopped the thought, because even in his mind he choked on the words he couldn't quite say.

A few more soundless tears rolled down Dean's cheeks then. He barely wiped them away before taking another generous gulp from the bottle in his hand. "I want it, okay," he admitted out loud then. "I want my family, you hear me? Not like I'm gonna get it, though. Manda won't make it through this, neither will our kid… hell, I won't because you're a sorry son of a bitch who won't get involved," he kept talking to the sky then. Because maybe, just maybe whoever was supposed to be listening up there, like the God that had stood by and let him be put through the ringer for his entire life would actually hear him just once. "And you're supposed to, goddamn it. But you don't give one damn about any of us, do you?"

Closing his eyes, he sighed heavily knowing there was no use. This was a one-sided conversation no one was listening to. No one was going to answer him either.

Finding himself in a spot he'd been too many times, between a rock and a hard place as usual – Dean knew the squeeze had just gotten tighter on him with this news.

What he wanted didn't matter. If he was honest about it, the dream of having his own family was supposed to stay that way no matter how much he wanted it. He didn't really feel like he was exactly father material, and his life had never really been shaped to accommodate a kid. There wasn't room for a kid in his life on a good day, never mind right now or even in the next few months or years. Because even if he wasn't in the middle of trying to fight off both heaven and hell from destroying the world, the simple truth was that most hunters with kids either got killed on the job or inflicted a lifestyle that nobody should on their kids. Which only made him wonder then if Manda would do that to their child, because that was the last thing he wanted for that kid. If by some small miracle she managed to make it through the next few months, if she actually got to have that baby, Dean silently wished right then that she would just use it as her out. To give up the hunter life that had already cost her so much, the same kind of hunter life that was now costing him even more. Their child would be one more thing he was losing to it, one more thing he wasn't going to get to have, and he knew that meant one way or another he was also losing the one woman out there he couldn't afford to.

Trying to process everything, his mind jumped to thinking about how all of this wasn't a mistake at all. With him and Manda being soul mates, the weird warning she had been given over four months ago when they'd been here along with the ones her granddad had gotten about her years ago added in with what he also now knew about his own parents, and how him and Sam had always been destined to be and end up here – he was sure this had to be down to fate, and all along they had played their parts unknowingly.

Dean just didn't know how to handle this at all. Needing to put more space between himself and the house right then so that nobody felt like coming out to give him more grief he wasn't ready to hear and also to find a way to stuff all of this down, he stood up straight and walked away from the Impala then.

[ - ]

Finding Manda awhile later down in Bobby's panic room, Sam saw her sitting on the cot with her head in her hands. This wasn't exactly his job, but he needed to do some damage control and make sure she was okay physically and emotionally after how upset she'd gotten upstairs. Dean should have been the one coming to find her to do that, but his brother clearly wasn't ready to deal with anything yet. And they all knew Manda's pregnancy was one more thing Dean didn't quite need on his plate these days, so that left only the younger Winchester to check on her and his soon-to-be niece or nephew until the older one was ready to do it himself.

As he quietly stood by at the door for a moment watching her, Sam didn't quite know how he felt about the Winchester family expanding with a brand new flesh and blood member. They were cursed, or something close to it at the best of times it seemed, so it seemed a little crazy that even knowing what she did about them Manda still wanted to have his brother's child now. But in some weird way, knowing there would be a new Winchester in a few more months gave him a flicker of hope for the battle he and Dean were fighting against even though to him it felt like they were losing it a little more every day.

It was just that with the more he had learned about his family recently, and what he already knew of Manda's, the more he now wondered just how much free will actually existed here. Manda and Dean were too alike for this to be coincidence, Chuck had written that they were soul mates, and with what a cupid had told him and Dean about John and Mary on a case weeks ago, the more this seemed likely to somewhat be a repeat of history. All of it made him wonder if Dean and Manda had really fallen for each other or if their bloodlines had just been fated to be mixed like his parents supposedly had. Even if that was the case, Sam was almost entirely sure that whether that child was a boy or a girl, they would end up following in their parents' footsteps – being a hunter was definitely in their bloodlines and the family business on both sides, so it was basically their birthright.

He walked through the open doorway then. "Manda?"

Manda straightened up at hearing the younger Winchester's voice. She had heard footsteps coming down the stairs and knew there was no way in hell it was Dean, and Bobby wasn't walking down those stairs anytime soon. But she had hoped Sam would have the sense to leave her alone still. "What?" She looked at him, wondering what he wanted.

Sam approached her with a mug of herbal tea and the sandwich Bobby had made him bring her. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, Sam. I'm okay," she lied, taking both the mug and the plate from him. At the moment she was far from okay. Actually, she'd been far from okay from the moment she'd found out she was pregnant. And now here she was sitting in the room she still felt certain was the scene of the crime, where the life that was now growing inside her had been made, trying hard to feel like this wasn't a mistake now. "But what's this? Bobby's concerned I'm not only not sleeping enough but also not eating enough now?" she asked with a sarcastic tone.

Sam gave her a look that said she had guessed right before he sat down beside her. "He thought you might be hungry. But look, Bobby's worried about you, the baby, and how stressed out you might be right now, Manda. So am I actually. Getting that upset can't be good for either of you."

She set the plate on her knee and looked at the tab hanging down the side mug from a string. "So chamomile tea and a sandwich are supposed to help reduce my stress level?" She laughed and then took a sip from the mug. "God, I'd kill for caffeine or something alcoholic to drown in. That'd cut some of the stress."

Tipping his head to the side with an expression that said he really couldn't disagree, Sam laughed a little. "Hitting Dean didn't help with that at all? That was some punch."

"Did you see his face? He couldn't believe I punched him, or that I knocked him down with one shot. Like he didn't deserve it," she replied, taking a bite out of the sandwich, unable to resist it since she was hungry.

Chuckling, Sam looked at her oddly. She had just taken a big bite of the sandwich and it reminded him so much of how Dean would choose a moment like this to do the same. And then when she moaned softly like it hit the spot, he shook his head even though her similarity to his brother caused him to smirk. "He did. I'm sure he knows it too."

Manda took another bite and then put the sandwich back on the plate before setting it down on the empty space still left on the cot next to her. She then raised a brow towards Sam. "You're happy I hit him?"

"A little…" he confessed. He saw her look at him funny then. "What? Don't get me wrong, Dean's my brother and I love him and all, but sometimes… well, you know how he can be. Sometimes he's an ass. I've hit him a few times for that myself."

She laughed softly and then sighed. "I'm not sorry I punched him, but I feel terrible about it, Sam. Dean's got every right to be angry with me for not telling him sooner, but he kept pushing and I'm a raging ball of hormones these days. What did he think? That I'd just stand there and let him say that to me without getting upset?"

Sam's expression was a little surprised. She'd just admitted to feeling awful about punching Dean, and he believed it. And her hormones were definitely all over the place, because she just went from looking like she was about to break into tears straight to being pissed off. "I know how that last part sounded, Manda, but we both know he didn't mean it like that."

She nodded. Deep down she knew Dean hadn't meant it that way, but he had still said it. He probably somewhat felt that way too. She had at first, so it wasn't like she could hold that against him even though it had felt like he'd ripped out her heart with that word – mistake. Silent tears fell down her cheeks then. "A part of him does. I should know. Felt that way myself when I first found out. So…" her voice broke slightly, and then she took a deep breath. "Maybe he's an ass for saying it, but who can blame him? This is… well the timing is great, huh?"

Not knowing what to say after hearing that kind of admission from her, he just sat there for a moment watching as she wiped away tears before she put her hand on her stomach and tapped her thumb on it softly. It was very apparent to Sam right then that Manda had struggled with what to do, and that she obviously knew the stakes in doing this. So he could kind of see why she hadn't been in a hurry to tell Dean either. But he could also see she loved his brother and their unborn child regardless of what it might do to her, so he wondered why apparently Dean couldn't. He chortled softly and shrugged. "No, but it could be worse… I think."

Manda chuckled a little wryly and looked at Sam, not believing he was trying to lighten things up for her sake. "Yeah… try telling Dean that. Can't get any worse from his point of view, or mine most days."

Sam gave her a sympathetic look as he saw her eyes well up again. He didn't want to admit that the timing probably couldn't actually get any worse. She was a hunter and knew it was as bad as it could get, and it still hadn't stopped her from doing this even when carrying his niece or nephew put her in an incredibly vulnerable position during the Apocalypse. He hesitated briefly, wondering if she would punch him for it, and then put his arm behind her shoulders in sort of a half supportive hug. "I know we don't really do this kind of thing, so don't hit me for it, okay?"

The wrong brother had come to look after her right now, but she needed it, so Manda leaned into the half hug for a moment, giving in to a few harder tears and then and let out a small chuckle. "No we don't. But, Sam, I'm not gonna hit you for being the Winchester who thought he should clean up some of the mess and felt like he should check on me right now." She took a deep breath and then had another sip of the tea.

"I'm not… okay, I am, a little," he said when she gave him a sidelong glance that reminded him of the one Dean would give him that said to cut the crap as she straightened up from the hug. He removed his arm from around her shoulders then. "But all this can't be easy for you either. It's not an ideal time or situation. We all know that… and I'm not gonna make excuses for Dean here, but give him a minute to get over the initial shock, Manda. He's been looking for you for the last two and a half months, spent that whole time thinking you were dead. That either you died on a job somewhere or that the angels got a hold of you. So he's been worried he lost one of the few people he's got left… and he won't get over it if he does. I know my brother. So do you. He's definitely upset and pissed, but Dean still loves you."

With a slow nod, Manda struggled with rising tears again. "Doesn't change anything. He's still him, and this just adds to the mess he's barely staying afloat in. I wanted to tell him sooner, I did, but I didn't want to push his head under. And now it feels like I did just that. But I'm only trying to give my family a chance… this kid is mine, and Dean's, and that makes it yours too, Uncle Sam."

Knowing it was true, there wasn't much Sam could say to that. But he also heard the pain in her voice. Sometimes you're a real class act, Dean. Manda's falling apart over this, he told his brother in his mind, but he'd also heard her say something that was such a Dean thing to say. "Sorry, that's going to take some getting used to. But you're right, we're family. Wow, so I'm really gonna be an uncle," he stated, a bit dumbfounded.

"Uh huh… for the first time that you know of anyway," she chuckled dryly, trying to resort to a joke that felt more like a cheap shot at Dean.

He chortled knowingly at the comment. She had a point, but she'd always known his brother wasn't a saint, and he had only heard her call Dean out on it once or twice before. But now he knew they needed to have a different talk, and that he had to tread carefully here while they did. "True, but with what we learned a few weeks ago, I think it's safe to say this is probably Dean's first and only. Which is… um, a wonder, really."

Manda nodded in agreement. "Yeah… well, way to be cryptic about it, Sam. So how do you figure this is his only kid?"

Shrugging at first, he looked at her and knew she needed to hear some things she didn't know about. So Sam took a deep breath and then bit the bullet, telling her about his parents first. How John and Mary had been brought together with a little help from above, that they were meant to be, because Sam and Dean themselves had always been meant to be just for being the hosts of Lucifer and Michael. After that he told her what they had learned all about what her own grandfather had done for her and why he'd done it.

When he was finished, for one second he could read her the way he could usually read Dean when something was wrong. She had stayed quiet on him, but the look on her face was unmistakable – Manda was completely angry and heartbroken at the same time.

Manda sat there silently, trying to process all the things Sam had told her. The revelation about the Winchester family was one thing, but the one about her own was harder to digest. It sounded so much in line with the warning she had gotten from that random woman over four months ago and what she had also discovered more recently. Closing her eyes, as hard as she tried then, the hormones wouldn't let her fight off anything this time. The tears came out with a bit of a muffled sob, and then she placed her arm protectively over her stomach, feeling an even deeper sense of horror about everything. Her child was no mistake, not an accident either, just a product of fate – her own and Dean's.

Looking to Sam then, she sighed heavily and then started to talk, first telling him how in one split second everything had changed, including her resolve.

[ - ]

Wheeling himself around outside to find Dean, Bobby spotted him sitting on the picnic table out by his garage. He shook his head at the sight of the kid who was clearing moping with the whiskey bottle in his hand. The good news was that bottle still looked fuller than he'd thought it would be by now since Dean had been out here for about two hours now. Hell of a mess these Winchesters land themselves in time and time again, and just about everyone they know gets hurt for it. Wish to hell I'd never met John Winchester some days. Aw, Christ, who am I kidding? I love his boys like they're my own, but that poor girl's got nobody on her side right now… and she's still a pain in the ass, he's still an idjit, and they still love each other.

Taking a drink from the bottle, Dean was just sitting there silently. There was so much going on his head, so much that felt like it was crushing him now, and he wasn't anywhere near ready to stuff it down and keep going yet.

"Done feeling sorry for yourself?" Bobby's rough voice pulled him from his thoughts.

Turning to see the man that was like a dad to him since his own had died, Dean just stared at him with a hard expression. "No." He turned back to staring at the yard, not wanting Bobby to see how broken and helpless he actually felt right now. He let the anger he felt take over instead.

"Get over it." Bobby wheeled himself closer then. "But are you gonna drink all my whiskey before or after you talk to her?" His tone was gruff, and he scowled as he eyed the older Winchester now taking another sip.

Dean gave Bobby a look that said he had to be kidding right now, because did it really matter either way? "Before. Whatever I have to say right now won't be anything she wants to hear anyway."

"Can't get any worse than what you already said, can it? And she already decked you for that," Bobby replied after a few seconds of silence. "So it ain't ideal, I get that, but it is what is, Dean. Woman's made her choice."

"Some choice," he scoffed harshly. The look on his face then told the older hunter to leave him alone now as he lifted the bottle to his lips again and downed another sip.

Bobby shook his head, not believing Dean was just acting like he was the only one hurt or angry or completely afraid. "Your girl's scared about it, and you're a bigger idjit than I thought if you can't tell that much."

And I'm not? Dean thought as he closed his eyes and held on to the anger even though he knew Bobby was right. He'd seen that himself. "She's scared?" he snapped with a hard tone. "That why she wasn't going to tell me? Because I think she was just fine with keeping it from me for who the hell knows how long and not even bothering to let me know that I've got a freakin' kid out there, Bobby," he said in a loud outburst.

Rubbing a hand over his beard, Bobby wasn't sure who Dean was actually mad at right now – himself or Manda. So he felt for Dean then, he really did. The boy was hurt and angry, and he looked heartbroken about it too, not that he'd admit it to him. But like it or not, he was still going to be a father. "She didn't know how to tell you, and I don't blame her. You couldn't have taken that news better, and now you're out here having a pity party for one and drinking to numb how you feel about it. Boohoo. So you're a father. Hell, maybe you'll even get to be that baby's dad. But you won't get to be it like this. Got a world to save first and then maybe if you're lucky, there's a woman and a kid waiting for you when you've done that."

Looking like Bobby had just smacked him, Dean grimaced at him, then shook his head and hopped off the table to his feet. "Lucky? That ain't happening, Bobby. Manda's as good as dead the moment this gets out to either side. The angels won't stop gunning for her once they know, and the demons… well, next time they come for her, she won't be able to fight them, will she?"

Meeting the younger hunter's eyes with a glare, Bobby took the opportunity to snatch the whiskey bottle out of Dean's hand. Maybe Dean was right about that, and he hoped he wasn't, but it was the most likely outcome and they all knew it. "She knows that. Still didn't stop her from making her choice, did it? And you won't change her mind now. If there's one thing I know about Manda it's that she's so friggin' stubborn and a complete pain in the ass that there ain't a human, demon, or angel out there that'll get far with telling her different once she's made up her mind. I'm sure you know that by now too."

Dean looked at his feet just as the start of a smirk began to form as he thought about how right that was. "You got that right. Can get any more stubborn or be a bigger pain in the ass for it."

Bobby saw it. The way Dean had softened for a second had shown. "Told you to stop making goo-goo eyes at each other that day, didn't I?"

"Yeah… yeah, you did." Dean stood there looking at Bobby with an odd look, knowing that wouldn't have changed anything. Bobby had to have known that. "But just what the hell am I supposed to do now, Bobby?"

"Grow a pair and go talk to your soul mate. What else, Sherlock? Because if you let her leave here thinking you hate her and she dies out there with that bun still in the oven, you won't get over it." That was just the hard truth of it, and Bobby had no problem saying it.

Dean sighed hard and turned around then, not able to deal with how Bobby was looking at him just then. But the older hunter had it almost completely right. He knew he'd never get over that regardless of whether she knew he still loved her or thought he hated her, and whether their child was born or not.

Bobby took his own sip from the whiskey bottle then. He knew all too well that there were some things you just never got over. "You love that girl still? Want that baby?"

Folding his arms in front of him, Dean closed his eyes and didn't answer. When he turned around he gave the older hunter a look that said it all.

"Yeah, that's what I thought… so you make sure she knows it before you leave here. Because if neither of you morons manage to get yourselves killed by the time this crapfest is over, then you both get the hell out of hunting when it's done and be a family, Dean. After everything else, you two deserve that much… and so does that kid. If not, then it looks like there's a new hunter to raise that comes from two of the best damned ones I know." Bobby started wheeling away then. He had nothing more to say. "Now suck it up, buttercup, and figure out how you're going to do that before bring your sorry ass back inside."

He made a sour expression, but knew the older hunter was just being harsh and giving him grief that was wrapped in tough love. The point had been made, Dean just didn't know if he was ready to do any of that yet, or that he would ever get to be so lucky.

Notes:
So that's how this one went. It seems a little slow to me, but that's okay. I might not be entirely happy with how it turned out, but that's nothing new.
Dean needed to be able to breakdown for a moment on his own. I hope I did that part right by how he should be feeling and thinking at this point. It didn't seem to me that he'd be able to just get over his anger or the shock he's in so easily or quickly. Big news at a bad time, right?
I liked the idea of having Sam check on Manda and letting them have a bit of a moment. Maybe he should have been checking on Dean, but not just yet. You know Manda needed to fess up a little to a few things, but maybe not what she should be or to the right person as of now.
It also seemed right to have Sam tell her about what she doesn't know about her own family. Or does she? Who knows... there's more than one idea I've been flirting with writing for what comes soon.
Lastly, having Bobby check on Dean and giving him some tough love and fatherly advice in a way felt right here.
Hope it all worked out, and that you enjoyed it!
Thanks for reading! Comments/feedback always welcome. Don't be shy, readers. Well, I think there's a few around...?