THE CLEARWATER'S
CHAPTER 48
SAVANNAH P.O.V
I don't know why I was crying. I really don't. We had decided that we would be going home for the weekend to see the boys. We spoke with the nurses and they all agreed that it would be a great idea to head home for the weekend and they promised to keep the camera on at all times so we could still see Tayenn.
My anxiety lately felt crippling. I had never had it with the boys so now having it, I was crying a lot. Seth of course was trying to be understanding, but the man really just wanted a burger while I was sitting in the car crying.
He ran into Five Guys once we left the hospital. I left one of my shirts for her but I was still worried that something would happen while we were gone. I was able to leave a bunch of breast milk for the nurses but also gave them permission to use formula if they ran out.
I was already watching her on the camera's. She was just laying there, perfectly asleep, her little chest rising and falling. She was finally 5 pounds. She had come a long way in the last 6 weeks. She still had at least another month of being in the NICU.
We were leaving on a Friday and we wouldn't be back until Monday. We planned to stay home with the boys the entire time. My mom was at home making us dinner and then we would all get together tomorrow for dinner. Ryder would be bringing his girlfriend along too. I was excited to see everyone but I was already missing my little girl.
We made the long trip home and I could hear the boys laughter as soon as we pulled in the driveway. I had missed them so much. I raced into the house, into the chaos that had become my main living area.
"Mommy!" Koda shouted running and jumping into my arms. I held him tight as I sunk to the floor so I could wrap Kuba in my other arm.
"I missed you both so much." I held them tight. Seth stepped in behind me. Finn came over and jumped into his arms. Kuba whined, wanting to see Seth. Mom came over to greet us and to get Finn out of the way so we could see the boys.
"How is she doing?" She asked once things calmed down.
"We're getting there. Hopefully she'll be home within a month." I sighed sitting down on the couch. The boys had gone back to playing.
"I tried to keep this place clean. I'm sorry it's a mess." She frowned. "Ryder was here with Jett too so things are a little crazy." She added.
"It's fine. It's just toys." I shrugged. Of course in my anxious mind, I was screaming. I headed up the stairs to see her room. It hadn't been touched since the last time I looked at it. All of her things were put away and in their spot.
"Ryder was gonna come over with Quinn and Jett if that's okay?" Mom asked coming into the room.
"Yeah, of course." I smiled. I step out of the room and closed the door behind me.
"Edwards wants to come see you too." She smiled.
"Okay." I was always close with Edward. We went back downstairs and the boys decided they wanted to go play outside. We headed out the back door. I sat in one of the chairs before a breeze blew my hair back. "Hi, Edward." I smiled.
"Savannah." He kissed the top of my head before sitting next to me. "How are you?" He asked.
"Good." I smiled setting my feet up. I was fully recovered after delivering her. I was finally feeling like myself. Beside's the crippling anxiety I felt at all times. I looked forward to sleeping in my own bed tonight. And taking a shower in my own shower. Where the water pressure was set perfectly and the water got hotter than 101.
"How's Tayenn?" He asked.
"She's getting stronger every day." Seth came outside and handed me a glass of wine before leaving us on our own again.
"You can ask." He commented.
"How come you let mom go so easily?" I blurted. It was a question that was on the tip of my tongue every single time I saw him. Of course I knew of the story. I knew all about the love triangle. Somehow dad had come out on top.
"I never wanted her to be what I am." He answered. "If there was a chance of her living a normal life. A human life. I would step away." He looked at the kids as they ran by. "When she admitted to me that she loved him, I knew." He looked over at me. "I wanted her to be happy. If there was a chance of that happening with him, I was going to let it. And if she decided years later that she wasn't happy anymore, I was here."
"Is that why you guys are still around?" He chuckled a little.
"Partly. We wanted to be around to see you kids grow up. If things went to crap with her and Jacob I was here." I smiled a little. "I just wanted her to be happy. He gave her things that I wouldn't be able to give her."
"Was there ever a time she came to you?" I asked. He hesitated but nodded. "When?" I asked.
"A few months before they got married. They didn't break up or anything, but she came to me. Freaking out. You know how she is." He laughed. "She came to me one night, in the middle of the night. Questioning if she had made a mistake." I quietly listened as he talked. "I of course told her no. There wasn't a better person for her than him."
"She loved you both." I commented.
"Yes, she did. And that's okay." He commented. "Where is this coming from? Are you in love with someone else?" He asked.
"Hell no." I laughed. "Just wanted to know more I guess. I don't know if I would stick around if I wasn't the one she chose."
"I have no hard feelings. Like I said, I wanted her to be happy. I watched her do things that she would never be able to do with me. The wedding, the sex, the children. She never talked about kids with me. She did with Jacob." I nodded. "I remember when she found out she was pregnant, she told me first. Right after Jacob. Even though we had moved on from each other, we still loved each other." I smiled. "And I got to watch her become a mom. Something I knew she wouldn't experience with me. It was well worth it." I was close with all of the Cullen's. I couldn't imagine growing up without them. "If she asked me to go, I would go. But she never did."
"She's never going to." I whispered.
"Then I'll stay. In any way she needs me." He looked over his shoulder then back at me. "She's happy. That's all that matters." We sat in silence for a while. "There's nothing wrong with loving two people you know."
"I know." I smiled. "I always had a crush on you first." Before I realized that I had feelings for Seth, I had a major crush on him. He was always around, how could I not? He was charming.
"I know. And now Peyton has a crush on me."
"I know." I laughed. "What are you gonna do about that?"
"Same thing I did with you. She'll grow out of it." He commented. I sipped my wine. I had a feeling she wouldn't be growing out of it any time soon. He was going to regret sticking around. "I'll never regret it. You grew out of it. She'll grow out of it." I chuckled. The backdoor slid open and mom poked her head out.
"Dinner's ready. Ryder and Quinn just got here." I stood up, Edward gathered the kids and we headed inside.
"Hey!" Quinn greeted me. Apparently her and Ryder had been spending a lot of time with the boys. Koda was still weary of Ryder. He rarely talked to him, never made eye contact with Ryder, and never touched him and went near him if he didn't have to. I had never told the boys what had happened, they were too young to understand but I wonder if there was something going in Koda's brain that he wasn't telling us. I looked at Edward who pretended like he wasn't reading my thoughts.
"Hey." I smiled. "How are you doing?" I asked. Her and Ryder had been together for a few months and seemed happy. I had never seen him this happy actually.
"Good. How are you? How's the baby?" She asked.
"She's doing good." I smiled. I hadn't checked the camera in a while. Edward made me a plate while I grabbed my phone to check the cameras. When I opened it up, there was a note where she was laying that said 'I'm being fed! Back soon.' I chuckled at the note but put my phone down. This was the first dinner that I was having with my boys in a long time. They both sat as close as they possibly could to me and Seth. I didn't mind at all.
Once we were done eating, Koda moved to sit on my lap. I had both of my arms around him as we talked.
"Are you gonna be home for good now?" He asked.
"Just until Monday. On Monday we're gonna go back to the hospital with baby sister." I confirmed. I knew how difficult it was being away. There was nothing more I wanted than to be home with them. I wanted to be the one who did bedtime with them. I wanted to be the one who made them breakfast and stayed home with them all day. It killed me that it was Esme and Rosalie who were doing those things.
I hadn't realized I was crying until Seth pulled me against his chest and kissed my cheek.
"It's okay." He whispered rubbing my back. I tried to relax myself and couldn't. Edward quickly took Koda off my lap while I clutched my chest. I had no idea where it came from but I couldn't breathe.
"Call Jasper." Was all I heard. People were moving around me but all I could see was Seth. He was sitting right in front of me. I could see his lips moving but I couldn't hear anything he was saying.
My chest was rising and falling and I could feel my temperature rising. I couldn't stop it as I panicked. I heard the front door slam and my body began to relax. Once I was relaxed enough, Seth got me into bed. Mom stayed just long to get the boy into the bath and into new pjs. Seth then got them into bed with me. I wrapped my arms around both of them and set the camera up so that we could see Tayenn.
Seth showered and laid behind me, holding me as tight as he could.
"Edward and Jasper are still here just in case." He whispered. I nodded.
"Thanks, Jasper." I whispered. Both boys were fast asleep, cuddled into each other. Seth held me all night as we watched the camera. Seth's hand rubbed my back all night until I fell asleep.
And when I woke up in the morning, I was still exhausted.
The boys insisted on going out to breakfast. I showered and got myself ready before going to pick out their clothes for the day. Seth was passed out on the couch when I walked by to get the boys shoes.
"Babe." I whispered getting close to his face. I kissed his lips once before he pulled me into him. "The boys are ready to go. Are you ready?" I asked. He nodded but didn't open his eyes and made no moves to get off the couch.
"Mon!" Kuba said standing beside the couch pulling on my hand.
"C'mon, daddy." I smiled getting up. Seth groaned but rolled off the couch. He grabbed his keys before we all headed out the car. He got Koda in while I got Kuba in. He drove to the diner, thankfully without killing us. Each of the boys wanted pancakes with m and m's. I immediately got a coffee and knew I would most likely need another one before nap time today.
"You kids looked exhausted." Grandpa was standing there holding a coffee. I looked up at him.
"You think?" He chuckled before grabbing hold on the bun on my head and shaking my head. "We'll see you tonight." He commented.
"What's happening tonight?" I asked.
"Your mom invited us all to their place for dinner. Are you not going?" He asked.
"No I am. I didn't know she invited everyone." I answered. Anything for a free meal I guess. He said bye to the boys before he headed on his way. Mom had been begging him to retire for years. Within the next few weeks he would finally retire so mom was planning a huge party. I was hoping that Tayenn would be home by then.
After breakfast and partly into lunch, we did a little food shopping and got the boys favorite snacks so we could watch a movie tonight. Thankfully it was nap time when we got home. We each took a boy to get him to sleep. I laid Kuba down as gently as possible and put the sound machine on before nearly racing to our bedroom. I stripped my pants off and got into bed. Seth climbed in behind me and wrapped his arms around me.
When we woke up from our nap, the boys were playing together in Kuba's room. I checked the camera to make sure that Tayenn was okay. She was getting her diaper changed and was very fussy but I noticed that her feeding tube was gone. I called them as quickly as I could. They explained to me that she had pulled it out so they were going to try to do her feeds without it.
I was excited. It meant that she was making progress.
I cleaned up the house with the boys help before getting everyone ready for dinner. I was exhausted and ready to head home the second we left. It was nothing against my family, I loved spending time with them, but they were a lot.
I did look forward to see Sue. We hadn't seen her in a while. I didn't ask if we should bring anything but the boys insisted that we bring the cookies they bought. I wasn't going to fight with them.
Thankfully my parents house wasn't far from ours. That way we could stay until we were tired and would only have to drive 10 minutes. Once Seth was parking the boys jumped out. I had tried to teach them over and over that they needed to wait for us. At least when we go somewhere they don't know they wait.
We headed inside. It was already crazy. Ashton and Peyton were fighting over something and dad was yelling at them. I groaned as I helped the boys get their shoes off.
"Knock it off!" Dad shouted. I remember fighting with Ryder like that. Pulling each other's hair and punching each other. It wasn't so fun when my sons were watching it. And knowing that those years were approaching fast.
"Jacob." Mom scolded him.
"Bells, are you kidding me?" He asked. I rubbed my head the second I sat down. The boys ran right to the play room and started building blocks. Finn joined them not long later. I sat watching dad holding Peyton and Ashton apart. "Can someone help me?" I held my hands up but Seth pushed Peyton back.
"Go cool off." The last thing we needed was him phasing in the living room.
"Oh fuck off, Seth."
"Watch your mouth!" Mom shouted at him as he stormed up the stairs. "Every day we're getting closer." She mumbled.
"To what?"
"Losing my god damn mind." She answered. I chuckled. "You won't be laughing in a few years." She said. Charlie and Sue came in the door with Ryder, Jett, and Quinn behind them. Quinn was holding Jett but he wiggled out of her arms the second he saw Koda and Kuba playing with blocks.
I greeted all of them before going to moms bedroom to find something to take for my headache. That's when I noticed that my room, was no longer empty. It had been for years. Every so often there would be a new piece of furniture in there that mom couldn't part with. At one point it was a guest bedroom.
"What the hell happened to my room?" It was a mess.
"First off, you haven't lived here in like what? 6 years?" Peyton said. "It's mine now. And that pisses Ashton off." She smiled.
"You need to be careful with him." I said trying to hint to the fact that things with him could get serious if she pissed him off.
"He won't hurt me."
"I know he won't hurt you. But he might hurt the house if he phases inside." Wouldn't be the first time one the wolves did.
"He'll be fine." Mom called us all down for dinner. I got the boys to wash their hands before helping them find a seat. I helped both of them get what they wanted before they started eating.
"Tayenn's feeding tube was removed today." I smiled. I was so excited for her. I couldn't wait for my family to meet her. There was only so far a facetime call could go.
"I'm holding her first when she comes home. I've been waiting a long time for a niece." Peyton said. "Can I babysit?" She asked. I wasn't sure if I would let her babysit all three kids but maybe she could watch Tayenn while I took a nap.
"We'll see."
"That's grownup talk for no." She said rolling her eyes. I chuckled a little. Once everyone finished dinner, I helped mom with the plates while Seth cleaned the boys up. Dad then got them relaxed on the couch watching a movie.
"So for grandpa's retirement party, I was going to get a hall and we'll get it catered. That way no one needs to worry." Mom started. "I figured we would wait until Tayenn came home."
"That would be nice." I smiled. As much as I loved my grandpa and was excited that he was finally able to retire, I wanted no part of planning this party. I was exhausted. Going from two to three kids has bene brutal. I didn't expect it to be this hard. I had a doctors appointment next week to get on birth control cause there was no way we were having another any time soon.
"Do you want us to keep the boys tonight? You look exhausted."
"No. I'm fine. We promised them a movie night with snacks." I said as I put the clean plates away. I knew I was going to fall asleep during this movie night. We stayed just long enough for mom to make the cookies and for kids to eat every single one of them. Dad carried them both to the car for me and got them in.
"Get some sleep guys. Call us if you need anything."
Once at home, I got the boys into their pj's. I wasn't going to bother with a bath until tomorrow. I then got them into my bed as Seth queued up a movie. I set my phone up so that we could see Tayenn. She was crying as one of the nurses was trying to change her diaper. She was not a happy camper. She hated being naked.
"Sisser." Kuba said pointing at my phone.
"Yeah. That's Tayenn. Can you say Tayenn?" I asked.
"Tay." He nodded. I smiled and played with his hair. I couldn't wait to have her home and have our family together.