Chapter 1 Paradise with Problems

"Booyacowbungala"Mikey yelled as he swan dove into the lake. Turtles were born to fly he thought as he continued to cut through the air like a bird. Turtles were also born to swim he thought as he splashed into the water below. For the first time in ages, he felt free and happy and he had his family back which was super awesome.

"Look at all that green"Mira pointed out as the stone ruin overlooked Oasis, she saw the tops of what the turtles called trees. She never knew what the world was like before, full of life and tranquility. She only remembered desert and death, now she found the mythical Oasis as her people had promised her, she was here at last. She was safe and she was happy.

"It really is an Oasis" Donnie said with a tone of content in his voice. They had found the mythical Oasis, a remnant of what Earth was before. Now it was coming back, for years Earth had been a desert apocalyptic wasteland. They had found sanctuary, clean water, and acres of forest. There was so much green, plants and trees full of life. Now he was standing atop a stone ruin with his brothers and their meerkat friend Mira.

"Not bad"Raph remarked with a slight smile on his face. His memories were coming back to home and now he had his entire family back to support him. He didn't have to worry about desert wasteland survival anymore.

"Family, we're home"Leo announced with a feeling of joy that he hadn't felt in a long time. His brothers pulled him out of his angry and destructive state. They had found him and reminded him that he was Leonardo. Leo couldn't wait to put his time as Maximus Kong behind him.

"We are home"Raph agreed as they stood atop the stone ruin and watched their youngest brother humming cheerfully as he backstroked. Finally, no more desert wasteland, it was just paradise. Maybe now they could all rest and heal and make up for lost time.

All of them had settled in the Oasis, making it their home and marveled at the natural wonder. Donnie's metal feet stood on real living grass and he was surrounded by real trees. The sensation of being able to feel the grass beneath his feet was amazing. It felt unreal as he slowly moved his mechanical leg to feel the cold tingling squishy mud below his feet and the dewy blades of grass. He almost cried with joy over being able to feel. Of course it could be the sensors he built into Metalhead's hardware and the sensory code he put into Metalhead's software but he hoped it was more than that. He missed being flesh and blood, he missed being a mutant. He'd look at his robot body and sigh in defeat. Feeling overwhelming pain and sadness at the loss of his humanity or more accurately 'turtlemanity'. Donnie was leaning against a tree at the edge of the lake, sparkling when sunlight hits the water. He secretly liked to call it the twinkling lake of starry water. He desperately wanted to dip his feet in the water, longing for the cold soothing sensation of water washing over his feet. He was gears and wires now, if he touched water he would short-circuit. He stared forlornly at his reflection in the clear blue water. What was he? He wasn't a turtle, he was a monstrosity, a technological monstrosity. When the mutagen bomb went off he remembered Leo standing there with tears in his ears choking and sobbing as he said I love you and was caught in the blast. Donnie remembered being thrown back as New York burned around him. He remembered being in intense excruciating pain and seeing that his broken body was beyond repair. He had no choice but to transfer his subconscious mind into Metalhead.

It was early in the morning, Donnie was watching the sunrise. It was beautiful, the blue of the water was lit up with reds and oranges of the sun. He was often alone in the early mornings, sometimes Leo got up early to train and meditate(somethings never change). But not as often as when they were younger because there was no larger enemy to battle, now there was an Oasis. They had no more reason to fight, now they were just living. Being alone allowed him to reflect on a lot of things, like who he was now. He thought about it in his first years of being a robot but he never allowed himself to dwell on it because he and Raph had been too busy trying to survive. Raph was dealing with his inner turmoil over his lost memory and Donnie was there to comfort him. Raph didn't need to hear his problems about being inorganic. His robot body was extremely durable, he didn't need to eat or drink. Raph didn't need to hear him complain about his problems, when he had an easier time of surviving. So why did he feel sad?

Mikey woke up to the sound of metal clanking and knew Donnie must be up. Mikey noticed Donnie leaning against his tree, looking extremely glum as he stared into the sparkling water. It was his favorite spot in the Oasis. Everyone knew it was Donnie's spot, no one dared go near it. Everyone had their respective favorite spots. Leo's favorite spot was the Hill surrounded by cherry blossoms, he'd sit on the hill and meditate. Raph loved this spot on the mountain nearby and Mira loved this fresh spring at the base of the mountain. Mikey was fond of this meadow filled with wildflowers.

"Hey D how's it hanging"Mikey greeted cheerfully, sporting a huge happy grin on his face. He had been alone for a few years with only Chompy and Ice cream kitty for companionship. He thought his brothers dead and gone forever, and now the turtle bros are back! He was so happy not to feel alone for once. They should be happy they were together again, so why did Donnie look so glum?

"Oh hey Mikey"Donnie replied, in a dull tone trying to remain emotionless so he didn't reveal his true feelings. Donnie often bottled up his feelings, he didn't feel comfortable sharing his feelings with anyone. It's not like his brothers cared, it wasn't a huge problem, he was alive that was all that mattered right. So why did something feel missing? like a piece of himself was gone.

"I remember the cool cave with all the crystals you showed me Donnie you were talking about geography"Mikey mentioned suddenly with a jolt of inspiration. Donnie loved talking about sciency stuff, that dude was so smart, a lot of the time nobody knew what he was talking about. Donnie had a habit of talking in big words. Whenever Donnie was talking about his latest experiment or newest invention he got super excited, he got that crazy mad scientist look, with that gleam in his eyes. But today there was none of that usual passion

Donnie just seemed to feel dull. Donnie was fascinated by that cave though. And Mikey was right, as soon as Donnie was given a chance to talk brainy his back straightened and his eyes brightened but he didn't seem completely happy yet.

"Geology"Donnie corrected bored, usually he was patient with Mikey's slowness. Today though, he was not in a good mood to deal with anything. But talking about earth science might provide a good distraction from his current mood.

"And you were talking about Ignayus, Sentimental, and Metamorph rocks"Mikey continued, he was relieved he actually somewhat remembered whatever sciency stuff Donnie told him. Usually he didn't have such a good memory and he forgot what someone told him because he was easily distracted and had a short attention span.

"You mean the Igneous, Sedimentary, and Metamorphic rock formations"Donnie corrected again but without the irritation he usually displayed when dealing with Mikey's intellect. He was just tired and he barely noticed Mikey trying to cheer him up. Now he had the chance to rest, he was tired of his time spending all his energy toward survival. Now he was tired of being conflicted, am I organic or inorganic? Am I still a turtle or am I just a robot wannabe turtle? Questions like these slammed inside his brain and whispered self-doubt and insecurities in him.

"So doesn't the Lavender smell nice?"Mikey asked cheerily, hoping this would help break the ice. Donnie looked so sad, he didn't want to unintentionally hurt his big brother's feelings.

Hearing these words, Donnie's mood turned dark and stormy. The visor that functioned as Donnie's robot eyes flashed with anger, turning from the radiant bright purple to a dark plum color. The tail ends on his metal head shot straight up in shock. There were bushes of lavender in Donnie's favorite spot that Donnie was fond of. He found that Lavender had a calming scent except he didn't have olfactory senses anymore. He couldn't even freaking smell anymore and everyone here took their senses for granted. It was a miracle he could still feel somewhat, in a weird robot way. It was probably due to his organic subconscious, his brain is used to being able to feel and now his brain is trying to make up for the missing sensual data. Was it even real? Donnie thought, and even if it isn't...I don't want it to go away. A biological mind in an inorganic system, confusing and oftentimes difficult to navigate.

"Yeah, I'm sure you think it smells nice"Donnie answered sarcastically, his tone suddenly toxic. How could Mikey be so insensitive? But it was Mikey, Mikey was sometimes cruel without meaning to be. He'd say things that were hurtful and he wouldn't realize it. Mikey wasn't very bright, he had childish, immature, naive tendencies. But he had a big heart and an optimistic attitude. He knew Mikey didn't mean to be cruel but it hurt his mechanical heart. He didn't even have a heart anymore so it was ok to hurt him right? Though technically the heart is an organ that pumps blood to the rest of the body and the brain is where emotions are.

Mikey frowned in confusion on why Donnie looked so insulted. Was it something he said? His brothers often berated him for being stupid as Raph so kindly put it. Mikey usually missed the obvious but even he could hear Donnie's tone was laced thickly with bitterness. Then Mikey's eyes widened as he came to a sudden realization.

"Oh D, oh man I didn't mean to"Mikey had started to apologize but Donnie held up his hand to stop him from continuing. Donnie didn't want a false apology, he didn't want their pity. Mikey was starting to sweat nervously, he felt like he messed up big time.

"It's fine, just make fun of the robot right?"Donnie answered brokenhearted. Mikey really had no idea how lucky he was. He'd give anything to be a turtle again to feel flesh to have biological systems. "I don't even have basic olfactory senses anymore but who cares right?"Donnie continued in that same sad, dejected voice, his head drooping and he dropped his arms into his lap. Another reminder of what he had lost when the mutagen bomb went off.

Mikey didn't know what olfactory meant but it seemed thst Donnie was getting more and more upset. Maybe he should answer Donnie's questions, but maybe they were rhetoric or was it rhetorical? Mikey concluded that he should probably tell the truth.

"I forgot that you aren't a turtle anymore, not like us"Mikey said , hoping this might defuse the situation. He just forgot, honest mistake, and he would be forgiven.

"So I'm not a turtle, I don't belong with you guys anymore?"Donnie cried out in disbelief over Mikey's harsh words. Once again, Mikey was just sometimes cruel without meaning to be. He was right though Donnie wasn't like his brothers anymore so what was he?

"Donnie no I didn't mean it like that"Mikey amended, shaking his head no and waving his hands profusely to indicate that was not what he meant at all. Mikey was full on panicking, he just made the situation worse.

"I'm barely hanging onto a thin thread between robot and a living thing"Donnie informed him bitterly, his tone not betraying the sadness he felt. Mikey didn't understand what it was like to feel like you are no longer a living thing.

"I don't have a heart or more accurately a brain so I don't even have feelings!"Donnie suddenly shouted in this illogical anger he felt. The world was so unfair, taking away one of the things he was sure of would always be there. He thought he had a heart and soul and now that heart and soul belonged to wires and gears. Donnie supposed his angry behavior was irrational but nothing about what he was feeling inside was rational.

"No I'm not saying that, I just said you're not a turtle anymore like who cares a robot is so cool"Mikey said once again trying to fix his mistakes. D was a dope robot now, he had an awesome metal body, obviously highlighting Metalhead's awesomeness should defuse the situation. Unfortunately Mikey did not have dumb luck on his side. Donnie was fuming and then he shakily stood up, trembling with rage but mostly he was hurt.

"D?"Mikey said, trembling with regret, was D mad at him? He didn't mean to make D angry, he was just trying to put a smile on his face.

Donnie raised his arm toward Mikey's face preparing to launch the rocket fist. The memory of them before the mutagen bomb training with metalhead and metalhead grabbing Mikey's face almost brought a smile to his face.

"What are you doing?"Mikey asked nervously, he remembered all the times Metalhead grabbed his face and flung him around. He didn't really hate it, Metalhead's fist was soft for a robot but still he didn't want to be flung around like a rag doll.

Now Donnie regretted what happened but he wasn't thinking clearly, he wasn't thinking at all. Donnie shot his rocket fist at Mikey and it grabbed his face. It shot off of Donnie's arms and slammed into his target. Mikey bore a wide eyed look of surprise when it swept him off ground.

"Woaaaaahh, ahhhhhhhhhhh!"Mikey screamed as he was flailing around in the air as the flying rocket fist zoomed around the oasis. He was flapping his arms wildly as if it would help stop his uncontrollable flight.

Leo and Raph came out of their respective rooms in the Oasis and saw a screaming mikey flying around the Oasis with Donnie's rocket fist attached to his face. They exchanged looks of apprehension and ran to the owner of the fist.

"Donnie what are you doing? shut it off now!"Leo ordered Donnie sternly, arms folded across his chest. His voice had that I'm the leader tone that they especially Raph hated growing up. When they were separated Donnie would've given anything to hear it again, and now he almost missed it.

"Wait just a bit longer I'm enjoying the show"Raph wheezed as he watched Mikey screaming and flailing. Raph was laughing so hard his sides had started hurting. He clutched at his sides and had trouble talking because he was laughing too much. This was hilarious, he vaguely remembered this from when they were teens, it's not clear but he remembered it enough to laugh at Mikey now. Though Donnie listened to Leo and reattached his rocket fist to his arm while Mikey fell on the soft ground next to them.

"Ow dudes I totally have PTCD from when Metalhead grabbed my face back when we were teens"Mikey groaned and complained as he rubbed his face from where metalhead grabbed him. Mikey was sure that his chin was put up his nose, of course it didn't really hurt but still.

"PTSD"Donnie corrected as his anger was receding and shame had taken it's place. He had let his emotions get the better of him, this behavior was more befitting of Raph than him. He tried to apologize to Mikey to tell him he didn't mean to, he was just emotionally conflicted but his voice failed him. He hung his head and looked down at the ground in shame and guilt.

"What were you thinking? I expected this from Raph not you"Leo scolded him enraged and shocked at such a display of violence. Leo shouldn't have been lecturing his younger brother right now. Donnie was certainly not a violent turtle, even when he was angry he usually just verbally abused them.

"I lost control"Donnie answered ashamed, what was wrong with him? He certainly wouldn't have gone physical on Mikey and now he wondered if being a robot had changed for the worse.What happened to the calm and collected turtle he always was? Even with all that had changed his personality had stayed the same. It was this confusion about his humanity that was driving him insane making him act it out it wasn't like him.

"What's going on with you Donnie!?"Leo asked in a softer tone, looking at Donnie as if he was a fragile vase. Leo didn't know what was happening, Donnie was still the same turtle inside if not outside. So what if raging inside that brilliant mind of his? Donnie didn't like how worried Leo was looking as if Donnie needed to be treated like a child who doesn't know anybetter.

"You wouldn't know!"Donnie screamed at them distraught, building a barrier between him and his brothers. At that moment he felt completely and utterly alone. On the outside this place might look like a paradise, but the inhabitants have their problems.