I do not own anything about Buffy the vampire slayer or the characters except for my OC Character and the story plot. Everything else belongs to Joss Whedon. Please review and please if you have nothing nice to say, then please do not comment or review. Please keep your comments to yourself. Thank you! Now then on to the story...

Bold - Text messages

italics - means thinking

Previously on Primal Evil - Wait I'm a ghoul can I turn others like vampires can? I shook the thought from my weary brain. Why the hell am I even thinking that for? What the hell is wrong with me? I thought.

What the hell am I gonna do now? I'm a monster. What the hell are my parent's gonna think? If they didn't care about me before what would make them think any differently now? I'm a damn blood sucking flesh eating zombie.

I felt a wave of emotion start to crush me as I blinked back the tears of regret. I had always wondered what it would be like to have super powers like Buffy or be able to control magic like Willow and Tara or even what it's like to be a vengeance demon like Anya. I had always wondered what it would be like to not be the only one out the group who's just seen as the handyman who fixes things that are broken when need repairing. The only one out of the group who's not being watched by a watcher. The only one out of the group who's human.

"How do you keep yourself from losing control?"

"It's not as easy as you might think Wanker." Spike said rolling his eyes in annoyance.

"Being a vampire is no walk in the park you know, it's very nasty business."

"Yeah, but how do you manage to stay in control all the time? I mean you've had plenty of chances to bite every one of us and turn us like Drusilla turned you and you've never done it not even once. Why?"

Spike thought about it for a moment before replying, "Why would I even tell you that for? It won't do you any good."

A sudden thought shot through my mind then and before I even had the courage or the strength to stop my self as I sat bolt right up in bed the thought formed into words and tumbled out of my mouth, "Then train me."

"I will do what I can to teach you to control your bloodlust at least but the other stuff will be challenging so we might have to call in reinforcements for that."

"Reinforcements?" I asked. "Like who?"

"I hate to say this I really hate to bloody flipping say this but..." Spike cut himself off for a moment as he regained his composure slowly returning to normal.

"We might have to call in Angel."

NOW...

Chapter 5 - Primal Urge

(XANDER'S POV)

The memories twisted violently in my head as I could feel the coppery taste of blood in my mouth flowing down my throat quenching a thirst I never wanted. The horrible sounds of the squealing pig that was once known as Herbert rang in my ears growing louder and louder until a felt a pair of strong hands shaking me.

"Xander wake up!" With sweat pouring down my face, I finally jolted awake staring into Spike's cold blue eyes gasping for air as though I was suffocating with the sounds of my old Principle Flutie screaming as I tore into his flesh rang in my ears, as I looked down at my hands to see them covered in what appeared to be blood.

"Oh god, oh god, oh god..." I murmured as I began to rock back and forth despite Spike's hand still holding tightly onto my shoulders.

"Calm down wanker. There's nothing there, your fine."

"Th-there's blood on my hands Spike. I got blood on my hands!" I cried out still barely able to catch my breath as I felt myself suddenly staring into Spike's eyes. Cold blue shifted to that of a blazing yellow and all at once I felt myself beginning to calm down.

I looked down at my hands again realizing it had been nothing but a hallucination but the actions of my past still haunted me including what I almost had down to Buffy. I drew in a deep shaky breath as Spike's eyes slowly returned to normal and he released his grip on my shoulders.

"Do you really think Angel will be able to help me get control of this thing?" I asked after a moment of silence.

Spike didn't say anything as I watched him walk over to where he kept his booze, and took a long swig from the bottle.

"Spike? I don't want to be a killer. I've already killed once and almost hurt Buffy. I-I don't want to do anything like that ever again. I just want to be human again."

I felt my body shaking at the memory of Buffy lying underneath me as I pinned her down while she begged me to stop as I tried but the spirit within me was much stronger as it overpowered my ability to think rationally.

"Sorry to burst your bubble Xander but now that you've been bitten by a ghoul, there's no way you can ever become human again."

My heart dropped low in my chest as tears sprang to my eyes threatening to spill over as I tried to blink them away to not show weakness in front of Spike but I couldn't as a hard lump began to form in my throat.

"But there might be a way you can control the primal urges within you so you won't be able to harm anymore innocent people." Spike finished upon seeing the look of despair on my face.

"What if there isn't?" I asked as the tears in my eyes finally spilled down my face. "What if I'm doomed to be this way forever?"

"You can't think like that." Spike said setting his bottle of booze down a nearby table.

"I mean I always wondered what it would be like to have super powers like Buffy or be able to control magic like Willow but not like this. I never wanted to be a killer." I stammered as a wave of fear coursed through me.

"Is this what the cruel hand of fate has dealt me? Is this what I'm supposed to be for the rest of my life? Maybe I should tell Buffy and have her put an end to my suffering."

"Don't make me hurt you for even thinking that Harris." Spike said rolling his eyes in annoyance. "You know Buffy would never hurt you no matter if your human or not. She may be the Slayer but it's not in her nature to hurt those she cares about."

"But that's just it Spike I'm a monster. I'm like the vampires Buffy slays every single night when she's on patrol. I'm blood sucking grave dwelling murderer!"

I felt my body trembling in fear and agony as a burst of pain suddenly shot through my shoulder causing me to wince as Spike's eyes flashed in my direction.

"Okay screw waiting another night. We need to go now." Spike said walking over to me grabbing me by the arm and pulling me to my feet.

"Go? Go where?" I asked wiping my tear stained face with my free hand.

"We need to go to LA." Spike replied still holding onto my arm as he pulled me out of his crypt.

"Angel will be waiting for us."

"I was so hoping you wouldn't have said that." I muttered as Spike let out a growl of irritation.

"Do you want me to help you or not?" He asked. " I mean really Xander, do you want to risk the possibility of you ever being able to gain the ability to become human again?"

"I thought you said there was no way that could ever happen again?" I said my mind barely wrapping around the information I was trying to grasp on to.

"If anyone knows more about what to do it would be Angel, now come on we're burning night-light and it will be dawn soon which means I'll possibly get fried by the damn bloody sun."

TOO BE CONTINUED...Will Angel be able to help Xander? or will the two vamps have to work together to end Xander's life before his killing urges drive him insane? Will Buffy ever discover the truth about what's going on? Tune in for Chapter 6 and find out as Chapter 6 will be up as soon as I can get it. Hope you enjoyed reading :)