Given how 2020 is turning, I thought I would update this story and actually finish it this time! Hope you enjoy the new concept of an old idea. This time this will be through Bella's POV
Summary: Edward's aggressive behaviour and explosive personality brought him to Forks' mental institution. There, he meets Bella, a patient suffering from a multiple personality disorder. AH, OOC.
AU/OOC/AH
Mature audience only! Sexual and destructive behavior.
CHAPTER ONE
I could never remember a day where I felt complete freedom. While most teenagers my age prepped for college and fell in love for the first time, I prepped for the endless rounds of medication that helped keep me stable. Sadly, life is not what you hoped it would be. I have never driven a car, cooked a meal all on my own, or even kissed anyone. As far as I could remember, my life was this, being one of the longest residents here, at McGibbons Institution of the Adolescent Youth. This has been my home for the past ten years. This was everything I knew. I lived my whole informative years in a controlled environment. Where I endure endless rounds of medication and therapy sessions to help me become "normal" or some semblance of such. The only thing is that I can never be normal… I mean, want to be. God, do I wish I were normal, but that will be near impossible for someone like me. Let's be frank when you are dealing with multi-personalities. Normal is the unachievable dream that plagues my life.
The place I call home, McGibbons Intuition of the Adolescent Youth, was founded by this radically new-age physician that wanted to create an environment for us "troubled" youths. Of course, his treatment center and techniques had made this facility all the rage amongst the upper class. The facility was built on a secluded private beach, where isolation was the key to their success. The irony is that many of the people were here because they wanted attention or just needed a break from their daily lives. The facility catered towards each individual patient, with around the clock treatment, four-star amenities and a private chef that previously worked at a famous boutique restaurant. Heck, even down to the Egyptian cotton, I knew from a young age that my life here was something beyond what most would or ever experienced. The money allowed me this luxury, but it could never fix what happened to me in my past. Nor could it fix the issue occurring in my brain.
Since the age of eight, this has been my home. Despite the notoriety of what occurred to me, I was blessed that I was allowed to grow up in this type of environment despite my misfortune. That and having a hefty trust fund and "status quota" also helped me become a permanent resident here. The cause of my mental breakdown occurred when I was eight years old, when my father murdered my mother and tried to do so to me, as well. After he assumed I was dead, he later killed himself. My father was famed international businessman Charlie Swan. His claimed fortune was setting up business ventures for foreign markets. His success had brought him and his family many luxuries.
My family outside of my deceased parents never visited due to my father's gruesomeness and the shame he brought upon the family name. Of course, my inheritance was what they sought after, and after my catatonic state I lived in after their deaths. They shipped me in here due to the "severity" of my mental state. The first couple of years here were brutal due to the loneliness I felt. I suffered and still suffer from survives guilt since I should have been killed. I was the youngest patient here in this facility when I first entered, and I was privileged enough to receive private tutoring to continue my education. After my breakdown, I lost grasp of reality and soon developed dissociative identity disorder as a coping mechanism.
I have three personalities, which broke down into these three categories (through my ten years here, I kind of broke it down to this). My first personality was Catherine, from the novel Wuthering Heights. Now, this character and story changes, depending upon what I had seen or watched. However, these character traits represent desperation for love and attention. After the horrific incident ten years ago, I had completely shut myself off during my informative years. I avoided any semblance of emotions and became a shell of a person. She popped up, or the "character" came off to provide me with a sense of love for others. Of course, it was with characters that met a tragic demise—Catherine, Juliet from Romeo & Juliet, etc. Catherine's personality was that. She sought after love and never truly got her happy ending. Love was living in a way, so I just held on to that motion and imagined that my Heathcliff would return to me. Pathetic, yes, but look where I'm at.
The second personality was E. She represented the more aggressive/protector side. She had no filter and had the attitude to go with it. She said, and did whatever she wanted, where I am more analytical and never broke the rules. E. did things her own way, which caused her to take over the majority of the time. After my breakdown, I had no one and felt I had no one to protect me. She became that person for me. With her hard exterior and her no BS attitude, she allowed others not to walk over her/me. In some twisted way, I was grateful for her to some degree. E. had a way of getting myself into certain situations that I would never have done so myself. Of course, not all of the time were they good.
TThe third personality that would come out was Isabella, my full name that I no longer go by. She was my natural, most innocent side, and she was the one that scared me the most. She was the eight years old version of myself that day. Isabella was scared and would lash out but not towards others but towards herself/me. Isabella lacked any proper communication, which caused her to go into these frantic fits that steered her towards violent outbursts. She never caused anyone but me any physical harm, but her damage was still evident by the scars that ran up and down my arm. She was the only "person" that tried on numerous occasions to kill herself or me.
And I'm Bella, the host of all these personalities. Since my first attack occurred, I now live my life in a constant state of fear. I have no memory of when they take over, just stories of what they have done. For years, I had locked myself up and closed all my emotions to prohibit these attacks. However, I'd learned that no matter what, no matter how much I would try and stop this, they would always be a part of me. So, I had to learn to accept this part of me. I had to admit to the fact that I could never be normal or do the things that most people my age have already done. I just needed to control this part of me before it officially controlled my life… and at this point, I am not sure who was winning.
Despite all that madness, that was not the craziest thing that occurred in my life. The strangest part of it all was that I was able to see them sometimes, well, two of them to be exact. It depended upon the situation, but I could actually hear or see them like they were these separate peoples in certain cases. I had never heard or met Isabella but the others. I had seen them on numerous occasions. Catherine and E. looked exactly like me but dressed and acted differently. They looked as though we were triplets in a sort of demented way. When I first saw them, I was terrified that I had officially lost any kind of sanity. However, as the year's progress, this comfort level of seeing them helped me. They made me feel as though I wasn't alone, as though I had someone to look out for me. They also provided me with the comfort that they would never leave me… that I wouldn't be all alone.
I sometimes pondered the idea of leaving this facility. To explore the outside world and try it out to see what could happen. The possibility was not unreal, as I just recently turned eighteen. I had the legal option to leave, but I felt as though it would be best for everyone if I continued my treatment here due to my disorder and anxiety. Maybe one day, I would become adventurous enough to explore the real world since I have not seen it in over ten years. Truthfully, the real world scares me. All I have known was this routine, was this place. Plus, having no control over my personality or how others would perceive me was not something I looked forward to. Despite my private tutors and high education strives, I had made. I lack any "real world" experience. Everything I knew was from books, television, or conversations with others. The thought of the outside world scared me enough to keep me in, where at least I had a routine, where I felt somewhat normal.
Even though this facility is the top-rated and liberal Institute for "us" mentally disturbed youths, we were still held to a structure. Every morning, except for Sunday, all the patients were required to wake up at six am to get ready for the day. Sunday's, we were permitted to sleep in that extra hour. By seven am, all patients would need to be out of their rooms and either be at the nurse's station for their daily medication or the dining hall for a nutritious meal. We had one hour to eat our breakfast, which is all farm to table, organic, and followed our strict dietary functions.
After breakfast, depending on your group and individual sessions, you pretty much had the time to "reconnect" with yourself or with other patients. Of course, minors were required to take educational courses. The group sessions and one-on-one occurred every day, which was designed to focus on your individual issues with others and with your lead therapist. Lunch took place at noon, and dinner was provided at five. Everyday repeated the same, nothing new, just the same repeat ordered. We would have the new patients come in throughout the weeks, and old patients come out. Some would stay for a couple of days, where others like me would wait longer. Soon after a while, you just become used to the system and the routine that followed. It was dependable, and sometimes some people needed that control. They craved a set routine, where a person didn't have to make the decision but focus on themselves.
"Rise and Shine, Ladies" A voice awakens me up from my dreamless slumber. I cracked open my eyes to have the blaring sun reign heavily upon me. I groaned internally to myself as I wished for another hour of slumber to rest my stiff body.
From the corner, I could hear my roommate and best friend Alice follow the suite and release a loud moan in compliance. I rubbed my hands over my face to help wake me up, as I turned my head to see Alice sit on top of her bed. "She gets a real sick pleasure waking us up so damn early." I chuckled at Alice's response. Alice grabbed her day clothes and headed towards our private bathroom on my side of the room. The water sounds helped get me to move more as I prepared myself to get ready.
My bones started to crack as I stretched my achy body. I pulled my dark hair into a messy bun on top of my head, with my fly always cascading down my face. Though you get used to the routine, the waking up aspect was still dreadful. I grabbed my gray robe that laid across my chair and waited for Alice to finish up in the bathroom. All Patience's here were required to share a room with a fellow patient of the same sex. This was to provide a comfort level and allow patients not to feel alone/trap. The room was rather spacious with our own private bathroom and big open windows that peer out to the ocean. We were provided with one bed, dresser, desk with chair, and other approved items (bookshelf, music, etc.). Of course, anything that could be harmful, like a mirror, would have to be of a special kind. We were allowed to bring in additional items to make it feel more like home, of course, at an extra expense.
I began to zone out but soon snapped back to reality once I saw Alice exit the bathroom. She looked freshly done with her long dark hair pulled back into a side braid. Alice has Anorexia Nervosa with Body Dysmorphic Disorder. At a young age, her mother signed her up for modeling, and even though she wasn't the typical runway model, her height, looks, and body type helped her break into the industry. As Alice aged, to maintain the thin rail look, she developed Anorexia. Her beauty put all of us to shame. She had a perfect complexion and had that European look to her. She earned exclusive deals with designers and a multi-million dollar deal with a cosmetic line before she was sixteen.
Despite what most would have assumed, Alice's personality was infectious and bright. She was the perfect catch, with brains, beauty, and charm. Despite her beautiful character, most female patients and some workers here were cruel to her due to their jealousy and personal insecurities. Alice prided herself on perfection, which caused her to see herself in a negative light. She never positively viewed herself and what she saw in the mirror was different from what everyone saw. Body Dysmorphic Disorder is painful to witness. Despite everything that was told and shown, she can never fully believe it. Alice is not looking for someone to complement her look regularly. That does not help. In the end, it is her mind that distorts her reality.
Alice was the first person actually to talk to me and was not afraid to. Although this facility is one of the more "Liberal" types, the social and racial hierarchy was very much prominent. Even though my trust fund was more than anyone else here. But still they treated me like I was a mutant. They were here by default. What they saw was merely the propaganda that the new portrayed, and, unfortunately, it will follow me for the rest of my life.
Alice and I met about two years ago when we were both sixteen. She was forced to enter this facility after she passed out on the runway, and health concerns had brought her to the brink. It was a harsh awakening, but her disorder was the primary issue that haunted her. Being her friend had allowed me to become more open and allowed me to feel somewhat normal. Alice taught me to become more confident in myself and to really strive to help with my health. Without her, I was a shell of a person that did not open up, well, maybe to my therapist. Alice became my family, my sister, in some way, and for that, I was eternally grateful to her.
The irony was she could guide someone to assist in their recovery but had issues when someone tried to provide the same guidance to her. I had made it my mission to help her break that habit or at least try and make her feel more okay with herself. I was one of the rare people to look into her sketchbook to see the images she saw about herself. Those images were grisly and dark, but she always found a way to mask her inner turmoil.
"I'm going to head to the breakfast hall. I'll see you in a bit." Alice said brightly as she exited the room. I waved her goodbye and headed off to the bathroom to freshen up, as well. I jumped in the shower to wake my body. I allowed the warm water to crease my tired limbs. After a quick rinse, I hopped out and redressed in the typical lounge attire, another positive benefit. I walked over to the mirror and wiped the steam away from the glass. I looked into the reflection and noticed my pale skin looked a bit more vibrant today. I did a quick dap of liquid concealer and proceeded to brush my teeth. I redid my hair and allowed my locks to fall down past my shoulders. My bangs had grown longer, so I placed them behind my ear and made a mental note to get them redone.
I glanced at the time and saw that I allowed time to escape me. I began to proceed down the familiar hallway that I have grown accustomed to. Since my disorder was a high-security factor, I was placed down here on the lower level. Think of it as old folks home rather than One Bird over the Cuckoo's Nest. The patients here usually have some sort of depression or multi-personality disorder without being violent towards themselves and/or towards others. Of course, if violence did occur, then that individual would be brought up to the second level and so forth. Thankfully, all I have known was this level, well, sometimes the others if my personality acted up.
I rounded the corner and bumped into Jasper, who has been here for about eight months. When he first arrived, he barely spoke for the first two months. As time progressed, he would say a couple of words here or there. Jasper was still on the brink when he first came here. Little by little, I would try and get him to open up to me. I didn't do this to make myself feel better but to make Jasper know that he was not alone in here. That was the scariest part of being in this facility. It was the sense of abandonment and loss. Jasper was pretty much the contrast to Alice. Alice was this petite brunette beauty. Jasper was tall, athletically built, with blonde wavy hair with more dominant features. He was attractive, but you knew not to mess with him.
However, I did notice the way Jasper watched over Alice. He was pretty good at hiding it from others, but I quickly picked up the subtle hints. Though I didn't want to overstep my boundary and wanted things to occur naturally, I always helped wherever I could. Jasper was not the type to really step up and vocalize it, so I just had to set it up in a way where they both saw each other in the same light. "Hey, Jasper, good morning." I politely said.
Jasper looked over and gave me a small smile, "Morning." His voice was no higher than a mouse. We walked together in silence as we grabbed our medications. It was shocking how much the human body can take in drugs. While most people my age dabbled in weed and alcohol as a coping mechanism, I need the following just to keep me sane.
8mg of Risperdal, my antipsyhocotic medication.
50mg of Seraline, my antidepressant medication.
0.5mg of Xanax, my anxiety medication.
And that was just listing the starters. My bloodstream was a white lab coat wet dream, but if it kept everything to a certain degree, I would gladly do it. Now that being said, I am not cured of my disease. The medication just helped me control the personalities and to help with the side effects associated with the changes. How I transition into one of my personalities can happen by certain triggers, like reliving a past memory or someone being aggressive towards me. It varied upon the situation, but basically, I became another person when my senses went into overload. The changes usually occurred when I was stressed or depressed.
While most confront their issues head-on, my body protects itself or myself from it, and someone else would take over. I never had any memory of these transitions. It was like waking up from a dream that you could not remember. The hardest part was how I handled myself during the changes. Now, most of the time, it was nothing too bad, but on occasion, it has reached that level where I feared for my own safety. That was what kept me here for so long. I was scared of what I would do to myself out in the real world with no one there to stop me.
As I grabbed my medication and tossed it back in one swig, the nurse came around and did her checks to make sure that I had swallowed the pills. The nurse gave me a pleasant smile as I walked over to the dining hall. Alice was already sitting at our usual spot as I went over and grabbed my breakfast. Alice was zoned out and playing around with her untouched food as I placed the tray down to awaken her from her zone. "So guess who was staring at you," I said brightly to liven up her mood.
Alice was instantly intrigued, as she loved the daily gossip that fluttered this facility all too often. I began to cut my eggs and set aside portions of food for Alice. It was a weird habit that she would pick at my food but won't touch hers. Luckily, the cook was aware of that and always provided me with an additional substance, but hey I would take anything at this point if it got her to eat anything. She eagerly leaned in and grabbed my low-fat milk from my tray, "Who?" she asked as she took a sip and placed it back on my plate. I started to peel the orange and smile at my small success, little things in life.
I plopped an orange slice into my mouth, "Jasper." I said as I crunched down on the liquid goodness. Alice looked over at Jasper, who sits quietly by herself. I tried on numerous occasions to get him to sit with us but with no such luck.
Alice leaned in, "Really? Do you think he likes me?" She pressed. I couldn't help but notice her energy shift to a giddy one. Jasper was loyal and cared deeply for those around him, which was what Alice needed in her life. I wanted Alice to be happy, and I could sense that Jasper would be a good and positive influence in her life. She needed to step away from her usual type and find someone that would care for her just in case I was not here.
"Maybe," I said with a cheeky tone as I plopped another orange slice into my mouth and handed one to Alice, as she looked over to Jasper once more. "Alice and Jasper sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g." I sang. Alice laughed as she threw the empty peel at me.
We continued to goof around as I started to become a bit sleepy from the medication. I snapped my hair tie on my wrist to help wake myself up. Another negative thing about here was that no caffeine was permitted for the residents. The hair tie snapping had come about when I felt myself slipping into another personality. The snap of the hair tie helped me regroup myself, along with waking myself out of my state. It was a silly habit, but one I could not quit. Anytime I felt anxious or felt myself become zoned, I would snap my band against my flesh. It helped source out what was real and what wasn't. The issue with doing so was during my more persistent moments of anxiety. I could easily bruise or cut myself.
"Get your fuckin' hands off me!" Everyone pretty much put their attention on the main doors to see what was going on. We watched as this new guy made his grand entrance. To say he was attractive would be like saying a bird could fly. I was stunned by his beauty. There stood the most gorgeous man I have ever seen. He was a cross between Jean Dean and Marlon Brando, and that was putting it lightly. His piercing eyes stared at me intensely. His hair was this bronze color that contrasted his perfect skin. The real killer was his chiseled jawline. He was made out of marble that even the Roman statues would have been envious of.
I felt my mouth gape open as I watched this perfection of a man argue with a couple of male attendants. "I didn't know drooling was a part of your side effects," Alice commented, which shook me out of my haze. My cheeks began to turn red after being caught by Alice. Despite our conversation before, I was completely smitten by this new guy.
I coughed and shook my head. "Yeah, I guess it's a new one," I muttered. I turned my gaze down to my now-cold breakfast. My mind was still on that new patient, never have I been so captivated by one person in my life. All I could think about was the intensity that his eyes had on me. Having new male patients was nothing new, but something about him kept lingering in my mind.
Alice continued to move around her food and said: "Well, let's just say this place just got a whole lot more interesting." She chuckled to herself as I nodded my head in agreement.
The commotion was still occurring, which I glanced back up and saw the new guy stare intensely at me. All of my appetite was gone, as I was captivated by him. He was quickly taken out of the room by a couple of attendants, with everything quickly going back to normal. "It sure has," I muttered to myself. A sense of change had filled me, and something inside of me told me that things would never be the same.