A/N: This is the first ever fic that I dared to write and now it has come to an end. It has been quite the journey writing for this beloved pair. Bear with me, I'm emotional right now.
Anyone who read this story and especially Meredith, Gina and the rest of you who very kindly shared your thoughts with me I'm forever grateful. Thank you and hopefully I'll see you again. đź’ś
Their apartment revels in the calm serenity of the afternoon. As Derek sits down on the couch after the shower and looks through Netflix for a particular film, he realises how perfect the weather is. It's neither too hot nor too cold. Although even if there was a blazing sun outside or a freezing cold had enveloped the city, the day wouldn't have been any less magnificent. Somehow, through the ups and downs of the new arrangements, the changes in the schedules, the complete turnaround of his messy life in the last couple of weeks since Casey moved in, there still has been a sense of profound undefined peace in this home that he has never felt before. Even with Casey constantly badgering him to get his chores done correctly, even with their disagreements over various little things they have found a common ground that has kept them looped around each other in awe, in love.
A little while later, Casey joins him on the couch with a towel wrapped around her hair. Coincidentally, they have both chosen to wear pajama bottoms after the bath, though much to Derek's dismay Casey has put on a tank top rather than remaining shirtless like him. He is about to pout and complain but just as she sits beside him and her cool soft arm touches his, any complaint that he could make evaporates immediately.
One leg propped up on top of Derek's, Casey sits back against the couch, the feeling of calm settling down in her mind. It's strange how often in the past she had taken time off from work, sat down to watch tv in her old apartment, keeping her phone and paperwork away, trying to detoxify her life. Yet the underlying current of anxiety had constantly poked at her, reminding her of deadlines, of her barely existing social life, of her own crippling existence. No matter the effort she had put to relax, the uneasiness had kept coming back to gnaw at her.
She feels Derek's arm wrap around her shoulder and the realisation hits her that now her mind is just free, liberated from all the expectations of work and life she was mounting on herself for so long. Telling herself that she needed no one and always being there for others when they needed her was more taxing than she had ever realised before. The visits to her therapist have helped her immensely but nothing compares to the touch of a human that belongs to her. He has the uncanny ability to immediately pacify all her stress and let her focus on her self-care. For the past year she has been working on getting Derek better, yet all this time she has needed to heal herself.
She snuggles against his chest, taking in the familiar scent of his body and directs her attention to the film which is oddly enough a documentary. Casey for the life of her can't think of a reason why he'd choose to watch an informational film on water pollution.
Peeking at him, trying to read his mind, she eventually asks, "What's going on here?"
"What?"
"Why are we watching an environmental documentary, Derek?"
"Oh, you don't like it? I thought you would. Alright, give me a sec to find something again."
"No, that's not what…" Casey interjects him, "Of course, I like it, but why are we watching it?"
"Because you just admitted you like it?" he says, pretending to be puzzled at her reaction.
"But you find these kinds of stuff supremely boring," Casey points out the obvious.
"Not when I get to hear you blabber about how good the film is for hours on end afterwards."
She simply rolls her eyes and turns her attention to the film, puffing, her arms crossed. The documentary in fact is taking a rather interesting turn and she has to give it to him for remembering the very kind of films she has been interested in lately. Oh, she couldn't even be frustrated with him in peace.
Noticing that she has finally accepted the film choice for the day, Derek relaxes as well, patting himself on the back for researching what she'd enjoy watching and also for being able to keep the ploy that it was not something he had pre-planned.
He then whispers in her ear to stop her from fretting, "Next time we'll watch something that only I like, to even it out."
"Fine," she mutters, feigning arrogance.
Placing a light kiss on her earlobe, he sets about to properly appreciate the documentary as well. Surprisingly enough it turns out to be quite an intriguing watch and he silently thanks the lady in his arms for the umpteenth time for inspiring him to dive into new things that he has been missing out on, just on the assumption that they might not be worth his interest. The process of erasing all the silly standards of being cool he had put up for himself over the years humbles him every damn time. He unlearns and relearns so many nuances of life just by being around Casey that he often loses count of how much wisdom she effortlessly brings into his realm.
A discordant string of emotions starts prancing around in Casey's mind as time passes by. She can feel the time flowing yet cannot sense its existence at all. In a pool of sweet reverie, all that remains are two people staring at a flat-screen simply engaging in gathering knowledge, in spending precious time together, in exploring different facets of each other.
The film eventually comes to an end, leaving behind a fulfilled Casey, wiser, stronger and more grateful than ever before, for this beautiful earth, its resources and for its kind people like her Derek that she has had the opportunity to know and cherish.
Casey stretches her arms before turning to Derek and wraps them around his neck, "You look cute... in pajamas," she runs her fingers through his hair, "When did your hair get so long? Come on, I'll make a bun out of it for you."
Derek furrows his brows at her oddly sweet voice but god help him, he can't say no to her. As he drops to the floor on cue, Casey opens up her legs and he sits between them, his back turned to her. She then starts gathering his hair in her palm which is barely reaching his shoulder. Both of them know he definitely doesn't have enough hair to make a ponytail, but they go through with it anyway. Taking a rubber band out of her pajama pocket, she twists it around the edge of his hair.
"Oh, you look cuter now!" She reaches around and squishes his cheeks with her palms.
"Cute, adorable and all that," he says, turning his face upwards and grabbing her head to pull it down towards him, "Don't think you can rile me up with those."
"I wasn't trying…" their mouths crash into one another before she can finish her sentence.
This is undoubtedly one of Derek's favourite positions to kiss and be kissed since both of them can taste the other's bottom lip simultaneously. His senses start getting consumed by another tinkering fire as they keep kissing moments after moments. However, he soon realises the meaning behind Casey's sugary voice as her hand starts travelling down his body towards a rather dangerous area.
"Woah!" He seizes her wrist just in time, "Who is sneaky now, huh?"
Casey tries to wiggle her wrist out of his grip but in vain.
Derek speaks again, "I actually have something up my sleeve to make you keep your paws off of me."
"What thing?" she barks at him.
Unperturbed, Derek gives her a smug smile before bringing out a pendrive from the cabinet and putting it into the TV's drive. Sitting back down between her legs, he offers one joystick to a confused Casey and takes one himself.
"A way to kick your butt." Just as Derek says it, the cover of Babe Raider flashes on the screen.
"Where the hell did you get it?" she exclaims, not being able to hide her glee at seeing that particular video game. She hasn't played it since she was a teenager but it used to be one hell of a game. That even led to her risqué clothes once upon a time. The game brings back several memories of her good old days of high school, of home and the early phase of her bond with Derek.
"I have my sources," he smirks, though Casey can't see it.
The game begins soon after and captures their attention at once. Curse words flow out of their mouths incessantly as they try to beat each other at every turn. As soon as Derek gets ahead, Casey grazes her toe along his torso to distract him but Derek knows better than to fall for her traps while playing the game. He keeps his focus intact to the best of his ability, declaring time and time again how badly he would defeat her and she would be left alone to lick her wounds. Retorting right back at him, she puts one explosion after another on his way. They often get up from their seats, Derek blocks her view in excitement and gets slapped on the back for it. As the level draws to a close, Derek wins just marginally, wishing her luck for the next time and getting hit for it again. He responds to it by pulling Casey to the floor with him and getting on top of her to bring a merciless attack of tickles on her.
Having exploded each other enough times for the day, Casey feels a familiar itch in her body. She needs to stretch, especially after having spent the last several hours in front of the screen.
"I'm going to exercise for a bit," she informs Derek with a kiss on his shoulder.
"Uh-huh," comes his response while his eyes are still stuck on the screen attempting to win a few more levels.
The open balcony of their home has become her favourite place to exercise ever since she moved in. The stretch of hazed blue sky, Newyork skyline through the glass railing and the mild breeze after the sunset sets the perfect mood for her session. She doesn't get this time to stretch on the balcony except on weekends. Hence this day feels even more inspiring. Sitting on her beloved solar-flare designed mat, preparing herself for the next hour, Casey closes her eyes and takes a deep breath in. Her mind feels as though it's floating in a beautiful abyss.
When she opens her eyes, she does a double-take at the sight beside her. That is the oddest thing she has seen in a very very long time. Gaping at the scene, she forgets to move for a long while until the strange creature moves towards her to whisper in her ear.
"I will follow your lead," Derek freaking Venturi says, sitting on a freaking moon-phase styled black yoga mat, his legs placed under his hips, freaking mimicking her position. Casey wonders for a second if the moon mat is in contrast to her solar one. But the fact that he has bought a yoga mat for himself after they had spent hours arguing whether yoga is as effective for their bodies as weight training, makes her head feel dizzy, filling it with a sense of content so mighty that she is barely able to wrap her mind around all of it.
In a bid to not get swallowed into her own euphoria, Casey immerses herself in her daily routine, starting with Sun Salutation. Standing up and proceeding with the movements, she shows him the subtle moves, the right angles and the necessity of keeping his breathing normal at all times. To her surprise, he follows her instructions quite well. It does something to her, seeing him bending backwards, his bare chest stretched, arching over her hand. It stirs up a delicious fire in her veins. Damn Derek for turning her on in the middle of a supposedly peaceful yoga session.
Never in his dreams had Derek imagined that stretching on a mat would be this enticing. As Casey glides effortlessly on the mat, touching him now and then to move his body to proper positions, synchronising their moves, Derek feels a familiar pang to draw her into his arms and kiss her, staying glued to her body for hours. Yet he cannot bring himself to break the beautiful aureole around her as she continues her manoeuvres, sweat beads glistening on her body, her chest expanding and contracting in a steady rhythm.
An hour passes by and neither of them notices it. As they take the last several minutes to just sit in silence, breathing in and breathing out, without a hurry in the world, somehow both of them feel as though the pull between them has grown stronger in the stillness of that moment. That quiet moment of bonding cleanses their souls, bringing them alive to feel all the love enveloping them, overflowing with their passion for each other.
When Casey opens her eyes this time, dusk has settled around them. She turns to Derek, her eyes burning with desire and asks, "Do you think anyone can see us here?"
He doesn't quite understand the premise, "I don't think so? It's already pretty dark…"
The words die down in his mouth looking at her face. It is as though she's on a vicious mission. That look sends an immediate shiver down his spine and he licks his lips in anticipation.
The only word Casey utters is 'Good' before pouncing on him, crashing her mouth against his. She lands on him with such force that Derek bends over backwards, with her on top of him. However, she doesn't let go of his mouth for one second. Kissing him, biting and licking every inch of his neck that she can reach. As she nibbles her way down his chest, Derek tries to grab her head back to kiss her again. But no way in hell is she going to let him stop her advances once again.
"Just lay back and enjoy, would you?" Casey dictates before pulling his pants off of him and freeing his already hard member.
Clearly not in the mood to take no for an answer, she grips his length in her hand as soon as the pants are thrown to the side. She moves her hand up and down, increasing the pressure each time.
"Oh, Case.." he tries to conjecture some more words as he looks her in the eye, trying hard to keep his breathing even but all that comes out of his mouth in a puff is, "Oh, fuck Case.. oh fuck…"
Her expert hand slides along his length tantalisingly slow one moment, painstakingly fast in another. As she reaches his base and puts an added amount of pressure, murmuring, "I like that look on you", Derek throws his head back, his mouth going dry all of a sudden. The air around him grows steadily hotter, constricting his lungs, yet filling it with endless unfiltered pleasure, his senses heightened and sending his heart racing.
Casey presses her lips together, licking it afterwards. Whatever is said about drooling after a boy is true. She definitely likes that flustered look on his face, his hair tousled, breathing ragged, chest heaving, his hard member throbbing in her hand. Continuing her handiwork on him, she doesn't let go of a single moment to gaze at the beautiful sight in front of her, the opportunity to see Derek with his defences down, vulnerable both emotionally and physically and leaving himself completely at her mercy.
Derek opens his eyes just in time to see her bending her head while staring straight at him. A coy smile plays on her lips as she takes all her hair in her left hand and ever so slowly puts her mouth on the tip of his dick, sucking gently at first and then swirling her tongue around it, giving numerous broad slobbery licks around his length. In the semi-darkness of the balcony, she looks nothing short of a mythical creature, one that has taken a particular interest in offering pleasure to him and oh, was he grateful for that!
Derek gulps, short of breath yet again and whispers, "And I absolutely.." he has to exhale a shaky breath before continuing, "Absolutely love that look on your face."
Casey takes her mouth off of him with a pop. Her chest rises and falls with the exhilaration of it all and she knows Derek is watching every little movement of her body, jotting them down in his mind. Suddenly grabbing his dick again she takes him deeper in her mouth this time, not letting him have a moment to discern the various sensations blazing up inside him all of a sudden, but giving him ample time afterwards to settle down and swoon in the bliss of that moment. A loud gasp that leaves his mouth fuels Casey to take him in further, maintaining the pressure with her hand. She goes back and forth, the feel of his length scraping on the roof of her mouth sending her in frenzied exultation.
He tries so hard to keep looking at her gorgeous face doing all those mighty things to his body but he fails miserably to even keep his eyes open. As he closes his eyelids this time, he feels her teeth grazing the downside of his dick for a fraction of a second and every rational thought leaves his mind in that instant. Howsoever his life had appeared to be before this, he was sure nothing could've prepared him for having Casey's mouth bringing so many delicious tingles to his body. He feels this way every goddamn time she puts her tongue around his dick, yet not ever does the amazement reduce even by a single notch. He grips her hair in a desperate attempt to find a semblance of control and the first thing he does, despite his best attempts not to, is bucking up his hip to push his length further into her mouth.
Casey accepts the push with vigour and she angles her mouth in a way that doesn't make her gag. Her body starts tingling with the anticipation to have him cum. She comes up for air for a moment before taking him in again with all her might, moving her mouth up and down, building pressure and this time adding her other hand to massage his balls.
"Holy shit. Oh god," he exclaims as she starts rubbing him, the thrill almost making him tip over the edge of his ecstasy. His muscles tighten making him aware of the mounting delight, he seeks a way to connect with her, to feel her in a way more than their joined body parts. He finds exactly that when he tangles his fingers in her hair again amidst the peaking tension in his abdomen and gently tugs to have her look at him. When their eyes meet, their want to gratify each other permeates into a want to be united, to feel as exhilarated as the other with the joy of a release and Casey simply nods.
Derek lets go immediately with a loud cry that sounds foreign even to his ears, grabbing the yoga mat, his legs shaking. The blaze spreads across all his veins, it makes him feel so lightheaded, yet so charged up with the want to hold her now, to feel her heartbeats synchronize with him. His eyes hooded, he opens his arms beckoning her to join him.
The warm liquid rejuvenates her tired mouth as she licks the remainder of it from her lips. The reward feels as fulfilling as the act itself. When she falls into his open arms, her lips finding his, all that she can think of is the beautiful moment when he came undone for her, mumbling incoherent words, his face alight with bliss. Even in that dimly lit balcony, she could see his features clearly, so robust in his candour, so majestic in his vulnerability. She places pecks all over his face before returning to his mouth, in a bid to let him know how she cherishes him for being a person that can be soft and strong simultaneously.
Derek smiles fondly when she kisses his nose, his cheeks, his temples, the taste of his own cum still lingering on his mouth from their kiss. She could never possibly cease to astonish him with her ability to touch him, both his penis and his soul. As she sinks into his side, kissing him, hugging him, their limbs tangled around each other he realises he doesn't even feel surprised with it anymore. She has always had a way with his heart, an undefined mysterious way, one that always inevitably breaks down his illusory barriers, letting him feel free to lay down all his carefully hidden cards in front of her, letting him be himself with all his scars and edges and still feel as beautiful and whole as ever.
Eventually making their way to the kitchen, they spend a while deciding what to eat for dinner. Though brisket is chosen as their meal for the night, Derek flat out refuses to accept any assistance from her, remarking he doesn't trust her around an oven.
"Well, I don't trust you around a dishwasher either," Casey scowls at him.
"You taught me just this morning, so I think I'm good," grinning he says, "Go to our bedroom and you'll find some treasure for you. You know, art papers and stuff like that."
When she comes back, her arms full of stationery, she looks like a kid who has just been to a candy store. Overjoyed with the materials, she puts them down on the kitchen top, appearing unsure of what to do or where to begin with so many lovely things. Derek comes to her rescue once again.
"I thought you might like to make charts to divide our chores, our bathroom schedules and so on. You know your typical nerdy stuff."
Casey is so absorbed in admiring the supplies that she forgets to even get offended by his 'nerdy' comment. Still trying to wrap her head around it, she asks, "This is all for me?"
"It is," he grins. The unfiltered joy on her face warms up his heart.
Derek goes back to cooking their meal as Casey gets down to business, country songs playing on the speakers once again. The papers spread out over the counter, she draws lines after lines with the ruler, making tiny adjustments here and there. She ponders for some time what schedule needs more priority over the others, then writes Derek's and her names in large fonts on each side of the line, marking their individual time on the armchair, who gets to prank who first and how many times a month pranks are permissible, how long a make-out session needs to be after nasty fights and so on. She giggles silently, knowing what a pleasant surprise all these quirky themes would be for Derek who must have expected another dishwashing schedule.
Looking up at him, she sees him swaying his ass to the music while sauteing the vegetables. Damn, his ass looks hot even in pajamas, even when he is cooking a regular meal. Picking up her phone from the counter, she starts recording his sexy moves to the music. He keeps shaking his back, completely unaware of her prying eyes on him. The phone in one hand, she puts her chin on her other palm, savouring each beautiful back and forth of his booty, trying her best to ignore the urge to go over there and squeeze one of his cheeks.
When the meal is almost done, Derek puts the lid on the pan to let it cook on its own for a while. As he turns around, he finds Casey hunched over her charts, but for some reason, she seems unfocused. Going around the counter, he sneaks a hand around her waist and makes her spin around to the music. Though gasping at the sudden movement, she catches up to his lead in no time and they start tapping around in the kitchen, in an unsynchronised, fumbling dance, feeling as if they were teenagers again.
"You seemed... distracted?" Derek asks eventually, huffing a little.
"Yeah, distracted by your ass," she answers, bouncing around in small circles with him.
Derek doesn't quite believe her and grabs her waist again to get into some sort of rhythm with her, but they remain as uncoordinated as ever, yet laughing and singing along to the songs, her eyes watering from all the laughter.
After dinner is over and the plates have been put on the dishwasher, they make their way to the open balcony with two mugs of cocoa and a blanket. Derek had told Casey a few weeks earlier that she doesn't need to stop having alcohol in the house just because Derek can't drink but Casey had flat out refused to give him any kind of trigger just for her indulgence.
Sitting down on the balcony floor, their backs against the railings, they huddle together under the blanket. The night sky twinkles with scattered stars all over it. The city skyline doesn't always showcase many stars but luck is on their side tonight. A chilly air breeze past them, making them sit even closer together, arms intertwined.
Derek kisses the side of Casey's forehead and says, "It was a good day today. One of the best."
"Mm-hmm," she responds, smiling, taking a sip of her cocoa, levitating in a sense of bliss she has never felt before, "I like it when you cook for me.."
"I always cook for you, Case."
The stars shine in mystical patterns, torn clouds weaving around them; Casey gazes at those dainty stars, wanting to give a speech about their names and coordinates but being unable to form words looking at their beauty.
Derek only has eyes for her, the moonlight shining on her face, giving her a beamy glow. The face of an angel he concurs once again, like he does every time she is being caressed by nature. He follows her eye line to the sky, starting to count them but losing track too many times. The congregation of those stars feels like a wide arrangement of fairy-lights as Casey and he celebrate their conjoined lives. The love and commitment of two tiny creatures on earth being memorialized by the sky, by the stars, by the air feels nothing but an irrefutable indication of the fact that they were always meant to be together.
Always.
Casey shifts her eyes to his face, to the light and shadow playing in beautiful motifs on him. They have come so far together, overcoming so many obstacles, breaking down so many hurdles to finally allow themselves to freely love one another, without guilt, without premonition. Closing the gap between them, she kisses him, acknowledging that there never was and never will be a bigger truth than Derek and her lives merging into one, their passion for each other growing and expanding with every passing moment.
When they part, he touches his forehead against hers and asks her in a whisper before he can change his mind, "Do you want to get married?"
Shocked, surprised, uncertain with the sudden question, she draws away from him, "I… you… what? Is this… Are you…?"
Derek comes clear, "Case, no. I'm not proposing to you right now."
"Well then..." she releases a shaky breath and asks, flailing her arm around, "What's with that question out of the blue? Huh?"
"It was an innocent question, Spacey. How would I know that it'd freak the hell out of you?"
"Der-ek! You don't ask that and expect people to be… normal."
"Okay, hear me out," he braces himself to get the words right and not give her a seizure again, "I thought about what you said earlier. That we need to tell our fam about us which I agree with by the way. But how do you think they'd react if they've to consider it as a serious relationship and not just a passing fling? I'm a divorced guy after all… Why would Nora even trust me?"
"Because she knows you better than that," Casey says as if there is nothing to argue about there.
This conversation now seems more complicated than Derek had imagined it in his head. Can't she just say 'yes' to his question and they can move on? But he knows that wouldn't feel right and they wouldn't be married for the right reasons. In hindsight, the stereotypical right reasons to get married do not appear to be very objective to him anymore either.
Derek tries to be assertive, "You need to be neutral on this and not just project on Nora what you feel."
"Isn't that what is important though?" She peers at him, "..what do I feel?"
"Of course it is. You know it is. But you can't deny that Nora's feelings matter just as much to you and all I want is for the fam to know that we're in it for the long run, that we're in it for life."
"There are other ways of divulging that. We don't need to get married for them to know how serious we are," she counters.
Not understanding why she is behaving so appalled at the idea of marriage and not wanting to assume the worst either, he asks her directly, "Why are you so against it? You don't want to get married to me? I mean I always thought you'd jump at the chance of a wedding."
She can't help it when an ironic smile appears on her face at the realisation of how much she has changed since she was a teen, how her ideas and concepts of life and relationships have changed and how much these ideas keep evolving every day still. At some point in her life, a wedding did seem to be a fascinating thing to experience, it felt like a hope of a sweeter life, filled with love and cuddles every day. In her late twenties though, she knows better.
When Derek had gotten married to Justin, she spent several nights following it dreaming about a perfect flower-clad wedding with someone like Derek, with all smiles and too much champagne. The wedding in her dreams was a bit too similar to the one Derek and Justin had and then their marriage fell apart like a house of cards, all hopes shattered, leaving only scars and bitterness behind. She was a first-row audience to all that and none of it had made her feel very good about marriages.
"I am not that girl anymore, Der. Please know that I don't blame you for anything but I changed a lot during the time you were married. Your marriage in fact played a part in it."
Always quick in catching up to her words, Derek responds in one breath, "You mean my failed marriage? You don't want to get married because my first marriage was such a shitty one? God, Casey, look at Dad and Nora and how happy they are!"
"I see them and I know they are happy. I am not opposed to marriage as an institution."
"So you're just against marrying me? Because according to you I suck at it?"
"What? No. Fuck," Casey starts getting frustrated but reminds herself just in time that there's no point yelling at him when he doesn't even know her views. In a slightly calmer voice, she resumes speaking, "You do not suck at marriage and I'll fight anyone to death if they contradict it, alright? That said, I had a lot to reflect upon witnessing the marriage of someone as close as you. I learnt firsthand how marriages do not really indicate love or similar interests or even compatibility. They stipulate absolutely nothing except two signatures on a fucking piece of paper."
"So… you're telling me you never imagined yourself getting married?"
"Oh, I did. I even had the dress, the location and the decor planned. But," she smiles at him, a wry smile, "To me, what matters now are the little things. What matters is that you wake up every day and choose to be with me, through the good and the bad, when I am a good partner and especially on the days when I am not, when I am being difficult and moody. You choose it because that's what you want and not because a piece of paper instructed you to. What matters is that I reciprocate all of that."
With a shaky voice Derek says, "If… if you and I are in it for the... uhm.. long run… then shouldn't you at least have the choice of experiencing a marriage like I had?"
"See, it's true that I haven't lost my faith in marriages. I see Mom and George and my heart swells up. But I do not think of it as a testament to our commitment anymore. So I'm not going to have any FOMO if I don't get married. Ever," she laughs, a genuine one this time before sobering up, "Okay, since all that's cleared up now, do you want to get married?"
The truth is if Casey wants to get married, Derek can come up with a hundred reasons why they should but as the question has just been reverted back to him, he realises he now has all that he has ever wanted. He was a fool for not knowing it sooner, for all those years before he got married to Justin when he could just reach out to her in the bedroom beside his and let her know what she meant to him but he never had the courage to. Now, sitting here, with the stars as their witnesses, there is no question in his heart that Casey is his partner and he hers, for life, no matter what other labels like girlfriend-boyfriend or husband-wife that may be put on it. They are the truth, the reality, the true force of nature.
Taking her hand in his once again, he meets her gaze and says, "I won't say that I don't want to get married but if marriage means choosing to spend each day of the rest of my life with you, without regrets, without takebacks, then you, my Nutcase, don't you think we're already pretty married?"
"I do, Derek Venturi. I do," she says with her signature dazzling grin followed by a wink, "And now you may kiss the bride."
Laughing, his heart full of admiration for her, he cradles her face and kisses her, tears of joy spilling on his cheeks. Casey returns his kisses with equal enthusiasm, grateful for his ability to adapt to her wishes, for his compassion and his appreciation for her. Her arms around his neck, she deepens the kiss by sucking his tongue, drawing out a moan from him.
Their way to the bedroom is full of stumbling over furniture and taking off each other's clothes in a hurry as if they are two horny newlyweds. Pretending to be drunk, even though neither of them had a pint of alcohol, they complain how they shouldn't have gotten so wasted.
Casey leans on him for support, her needy mouth all over him, "I cannot walk, honey. That last glass of champagne was too much. Carry me, please."
"I am the one who needs to be carried," he whines, roaming his hands over each nook and cranny of her body that he can reach, "I drank way more than you, my beloved. If you don't carry me I'll throw up anytime now."
"In the bathroom, please, Derek and don't forget to flush," Casey can't imagine vomit all over their carpet even while pretending, "I'll hold your ponytail though."
She grins like a fool then, clinging to him further, batting her eyelashes and Derek sees no other option than to pick her right up and reach their bed in long strides. As her back hits the mattress, she knows she is ready to take him in at that instant, Derek puts his finger inside her to check nonetheless. The moments next to it get blurred in their minds, not knowing or caring about decorum and diving into their unified madness together. One moment she sighs in pleasure, in another she cries out in ecstasy; one moment he moans into her shoulder, in the next he calls out her name as waves and waves of thrill hits his body continually.
Exhausted with the intensity of their releases, they lay on their bed in an entangled mess, neither left with the energy to speak. Their chests heaving, breathing frayed, the tiredness from all through the day's works and the climactic sex just now cloud over them, making their eyelids heavy.
Casey mumbles, fighting her sleep, "Hey.." she pokes his arm, "Weren't you supposed to give me a present today? Hey?"
"Was I?" Derek's voice is hardly above a whisper as he shifts closer to her, wrapping his arms around her waist, "I guess the present got…"
And they both fall asleep before he can finish his sentence.
The smell of bacon and omelettes invades Casesy's senses as she stretches out in bed but her trance doesn't last very long. As soon as she settles down to relax, trying to soak in the fresh feeling of the morning sun Derek barges through the door, shouting, wagging a spatula at her.
"Casey McDonald, this is your final warning! Get up or else..." Derek looks around the room to find leverage but ends up saying, "Or else I'll drop a bucket of water on you."
Casey only whimpers and snuggles more against the blanket.
"It's 10.30, Casey. Do you really want to be late for that title declaration hearing?" Derek tries the oldest trick in the book and it has the intended effect.
Immediately sitting up in bed, Casey looks around for her phone before being swarmed with kisses from Derek, leaning across the bed, the spatula still in his hand. The anxiety of being late dissipating from her mind at that very instant, she tries to pull him into bed with her. Unsuccessfully, of course.
"Woah, woah, woah. You are still getting late even though it isn't really 10.30," he warns with a wink, backing away from her.
He is followed by an infuriated Casey for waking her up with a cheap ploy but at least now she is out of bed. That is a win in his book. Derek pushes her to get showered alone, suppressing the temptation to join her. They had their share of shower sex yesterday and now they'd have to wait for the weekend or just until tonight to sneak in another one of those. Smiling to himself, his head giddy, already looking forward to having her all to him, he goes about making their bed and cooking up the breakfast.
After they are both showered, dressed in their two pieces, they spend a few precious moments at the breakfast table, eating toasts in a hurry yet finding ways to touch each other. The time slows down as their fingers graze against each other while passing the jug, as Derek brushes crumbs away from her lap, as she gets up from her chair and gives him a thorough kiss for the perfect breakfast.
When they break apart, Derek plays with their intertwined fingers and mumbles, "Hey Case…"
Smiling, swooning in the morning bliss, she observes their joined fingers in a haze, "Yeah?"
"Uhm.." he clears his throat and the next time he speaks, his voice sounds grave, "I fucked up and didn't use condoms yesterday even after we had a talk about it. I totally understand if you're mad about it."
Casey frowns at his amusing assumptions, waiting for him to finish.
He flinches at his next words, "Do you want to take a 'morning after' pill for it?"
There was one time when a friend from his firm had confided in him that she had taken a pill after a one night stand. He had stayed by her side all throughout that day, helping her out with her mood swings and dizziness, bringing her comfort foods and calming her down every time she had an urge to throw up even on an empty stomach. At the end of that day, he could only wonder how much she had to go through, if Derek himself was feeling utterly exhausted. Derek meets Casey's eyes hesitantly, not having the courage to see her go through that much pain and fatigue, simply because he hadn't put on that damn condom.
Pressing her back against the counter, she looks at him with a steady gaze, his hands firmly held in hers, "No," she says.
Relief, concern or further guilt, Derek doesn't know which one he should be feeling, but when she squeezes his hand, he lets some air into his lungs while listening to her next words.
"I really don't want to go through the side effects of that pill today, or any day for that matter. I checked my periods tracking app this morning and it showed that I'm not fertile at the moment which considerably lowers the risk. But, of course, there's nothing written on stone. If we do end up getting… pregnant… because of yesterday's slip-ups, I believe someone said that we'd make a good team as parents, huh?"
A small smile breaks out on his face witnessing a wink from her, he knows he is blushing. It's bizarre how effortlessly she can make him blush these days. He asks in a hopeful tone, "So.. you aren't mad at me?"
Ruffling the top of his hair, Casey responds, "I sure am not. I could have insisted you wear a condom too. Both of us got caught up in the moment," she winks at him again before adding, "We're going to be careful from now on though."
"Definitely. For sure. We hundred per cent will be," Derek says, relieved from his churning guilt. He stands up from his chair to draw a beaming Casey into his arms and kisses her through her laughter.
It's utter chaos again as they run back and forth to collect their files and briefcases and coats and keys before they go out the door. At the garage, however, as they are about to head their separate ways, Derek grabs her elbow and draws her in for a quick kiss, several quick kisses.
"It's business time, baby," he says, hovering over her lips.
Standing on her tiptoes, Casey plants one last kiss on his mouth for that morning and utters, "It's business time!"
The first half of the day goes by in a blur for Casey. Missing a single day's work brings forth a workload so heavy that she doesn't get one moment to spare all morning. Calls and meetings and files and more meetings keep her on her toes. As a man makes a joke about how privileged a woman is in a big firm, she puts him to his place at that very instant, all while appreciating Derek in her mind for never even daring to think all that she has gotten at her work is not anything she hasn't fucking earned.
At lunchtime, finally, she gets a chance to breathe and flops down behind her desk. Her stomach growls reminding her she hasn't had anything since breakfast and had even forgotten to pack any food before she left that morning in a hurry. There isn't even any time to get her secretary to order her something. Casey scrambles in her bag to get a spare mint or something similar when she finds a brown bag inside it.
Bringing it out of the purse, she recognises Derek's handwriting on it.
Of course.
An inevitable grin spreads on her face.
'You've to eat to stay in business, McDonald.' He has written. That smug bastard.
Inside the bag, there is a bacon sandwich with mayo and a tiny box. Frowning, she opens it to find a singular peanut. Her frown deepens, not understanding why he would think Casey needs to take a peanut after her sandwich. It is only after she has finished her food and her brain starts working again at its regular pace that it clicks in her mind.
It's a nut. A nut in a box, also known as a case. A nutcase. His Nutcase. Her partner claims to not be corny while he is the epitome of a dorky, corny man she has ever known. Casey starts giggling all alone in her office, holding that small box close to her heart.
Her glee is short-lived as her secretary soon knocks on her door to inform her that Casey has to attend a crucial meeting that she had no prior notice of. Casey has worked in that firm for several years now and is one of the best lawyers that place has. Yet that news out of the blue makes her feel suffocated. She is a methodical person, she carefully plans everything ahead of time, every word, every tactic. It has always been that way. Her ears start buzzing. The meeting is critical to the firm and she doesn't want to be the reason it fails, she doesn't want to make a fool out of herself, she doesn't want to be a lawyer who can't even think on her feet.
Dialling Derek's number, she waits for him to pick up, every ring feeling like a lifetime, her unease peaking, her palms getting sweaty. She starts pacing back and forth in her office, trying to even out her breathing. As the phone keeps ringing, the knot in her stomach tightens, dreading the upcoming automated voice directing her to his voicemail. She doesn't want to hear some stupid robotic voice right now and is just about to throw her phone across the room when his voice comes through.
"Hey sorry! Couldn't pick up sooner. Was hung up with some last-minute purchase finalisation and…"
"Derek.." she mumbles, interrupting him, her body tensing with fright.
"You okay?"
Casey is only able to shake her head in response, the fear of letting herself down starting to take over her.
He must have heard her shallow breathing, as he asks again, agitated, "What happened, Casey?"
"I.. I.. have to go to a meeting."
"Uhm… Isn't that like something that you always kick butts in? You love meetings. Am I missing something here?"
"I didn't know about this one until now. One of the partners called in sick and I have to step in. I only know the basic facts of the case. I haven't prepared anything. No notes, no counter-argument, no anecdotes, not even a fucking strategy. It's going to start any time now and I am sweating and…"
"Hey, hey, Casey… Casey… listen to me…" Derek cajoles her and she hangs on to his soothing voice, "You can do it. Yeah, yeah, I know you don't think so. But I'm sure of it. I know you are ready. You have strength beyond your pre-planned strategies that you just haven't tapped yet."
"No, you can't be sure of any of that," her voice chokes, "The opposition will grind me in no time. All the other partners will think I'm a fucking loser."
"But I am positive about all that I said." His voice doesn't waver as he says, "You are gonna go in there to rock that damn meeting and you're gonna do it yourself, not to prove anything to anybody else. But just to yourself. You can do so much great stuff and people will still try to make you feel low. So screw 'em. You need to look in the mirror and utter you are the best because you are, no matter which way the meeting goes. Alright?"
Her heartbeat slowing down, she replies in her shaky voice, "Alright…"
"Louder."
"Alright!" she says, this time actually believing it.
"Go. Get them."
Hanging up the call, Casey straightens her shirt and arranges her papers before heading out to the conference room, letting no stray thought cloud her brain and only chanting 'I am the best. I am the best' like a mantra in her mind.
The sidewalk outside Casey's office building is bustling with corporate people leaving for the day as Derek parks his car there. The day has been another demanding one and he is so ready to hug her until tomorrow, until he has to go back to work again. No doubt he loves his business, but that is nowhere as exciting as when he is with her. Maybe at some point in his life work, career, ambition meant to him more than love but back then he had not acknowledged his love for Casey. That changed everything. That has made love a priority, labour a second. That has made his life with her an ambition, his work just a means to keep him motivated and to basically pay his bills.
He spots her figure coming out of the building with a lot of her colleagues. Derek has been apprehensive about her meeting ever since she had that meltdown over the phone. Hopping off the car, he slowly walks over to Casey, recognising a few of the colleagues that he has hung out with once or twice in the last few weeks. Surprising as it might be, he has liked those corporate people. They wave at him as he comes nearer.
It's only then that Casey realises that Derek is here. The grin that breaks out on her face has the ability to kill him over a million times. Instantly throwing her arms around his neck, she hugs him tight in front of everyone, jumping and laughing in his arms. Slightly out of balance from the force of her hug, Derek takes a step back while hanging on to her to steady them both.
"I did it, Der. I did it," she shrieks, "I got the case settled all by myself."
"Casey was on fire in today's meeting," Sandra, whom Derek knew as Casey's close colleague, chips in. The rest of them hoot and clap in assent, partly to cheer her and partly witnessing their hug.
Derek hugs her tighter, lifting her from the ground, not caring about their teases. Setting her back down on the ground, he says with his heart swelling in pride, "That's the Casey I know. Never settling down herself," he winks at her, "Yet making the enemy settle."
The group declares that they have to have a group dinner to celebrate this win. A restaurant not too far away is chosen. After Derek whispers in Casey's ear that the two of them could walk to that place and meet the bunch there, he throws his keys to one of the guys and Casey gives hers to Sandra. Some of the group whistle and tease them again but Derek simply blushes and grins, unaffected by any of it, only looking forward to the walk with Casey.
With her arm around his, they start walking on the sidewalk, the bustle of the office fading away behind them. Street lamps illuminate their path. They take a longer route to the restaurant, one that is somewhat deserted and with much less traffic.
There is a kind of solace in walking alongside Derek that Casey just cannot put into words. It's peaceful, it's warm and also so exciting. It has a charm of its own. She smiles to herself as butterflies flutter in her stomach by just being with him at this moment, her stress and worries from the workday dispersing. Her whole universe converges into each step she takes in that walk, in a whirlwind of joy and bliss.
She tilts her neck to peer at him, his beautiful face, his freckles and messy hair, the bounce in his walk, the hint of a smile never leaving his lips. She asks him, "How was your day?"
When Derek meets Casey's eyes, they shine with such elation that he cannot help but smile in response, "It was a mix," he shrugs, "The good and the bad, you know?"
"Care to elaborate?"
He chuckles at that, realising how he has taught himself to give a vague idea to people whenever they ask him how he is or how has his day been. It's easier that way. The person asking doesn't have to deal with the not so flattering parts of his day. But he had forgotten Casey is never going to be satisfied with that answer. It's something that he admires about her, she takes interest in him, his words, his interest and aspirations. There's no halfway with her. It's all in or nothing. If she's invested in his life, she is invested with her whole heart and well... ears.
"The raw material suppliers were late in sending their shipment yet again which makes it hard for me to keep up with my deadline. It was a whole scene when I called their manager and he kept making stupid excuses. Like I'm new in this business!" he snorts, "After I cleared that one up there was the news that one of the plumbing instalments in a new project had fallen apart. I had to rush to the site, calm down the clients and order a new installation from my pocket."
"I'm so sorry to hear that, Der," she rubs her palm over his arm, trying to soothe him, "That must be quite the hit to your profit."
"It is. It is. But it's part of the process. At least several of my designs of new structures got approved and I got rave reviews on some previous work that's already underway. It felt good to have some work affirmation today. I was so confident about those designs and these reviews just proved that I was right."
"Your designs are stellar! No doubt there."
Her beaming face fuels his spirit to tell her about a dream that he hadn't gathered the courage to admit to anyone until then, "Case… I want to start building an architecture firm from scratch. For that, I'd have to let go of the current house renovation aspect of my brand and frankly speaking I wasn't ever really interested in that anyway."
Casey feels a sense of pride as she sees a Derek she had missed seeing when they weren't together, a driven, determined, wishful Derek. Her smile only widens as she says, "That's… that's great . It's amazing actually that you want to build something all by yourself."
"Yeah," Derek says, his heart starting to beat faster, imagining his visions might soon come true, "I have wanted that for so long. I'd let go of the current office and buy a place where I can set up my design studio. It's alright if it's small but I need a place dedicated solely to my planning and designing which would be separate from other financial and administrative works. I'd probably even need a small team to help me out, two people would be enough to get me started."
As Derek keeps listing all the things that need to be done Casey tries to comprehend the situation by looking at it from a practical point of view, "But if you're letting go of your current brand and starting afresh, you'll need a lot of capital to make your mark as a new firm."
Breathless from excitement, Derek replies, "Don't ya worry! I already have my pitch ready for a bank loan. It's a PowerPoint presentation and stuff, baby. But I only needed your thumbs up before I took a concrete step."
"My thumbs up? Why?"
"Because we are a team, Spacey. Duh," he slows down his bouncy steps and encases his arm around her shoulder, "I needed to know that you're alright with me tearing up my business and basically remain unemployed for a while."
"You've already made enough money for that," she jokes but sobers up soon enough, "Listen, Der, you do not need my approval to let go of something that doesn't excite you anymore. I fucking love that you told me before you went forward with it but you get to make your own decisions about your career. Period."
He kisses the top of her head, his eyes moistening. He had expected nothing less of her.
"One more thing," Casey continues, "I'd like to chip in with the capital. Bank loans can be vicious with their interests. I'd prefer if your new business didn't get stuck with such a huge responsibility."
"What?" he looks at her stunned, "What? No. No way I am taking your hard-earned money for a business that might fall apart if I make any stupid mistake in my calculations."
"Stop being so stuck up," she rolls her eyes, "And stop calling it my money. It's our money. We're 'married' , remember?"
He pokes his tongue in his cheek, not believing how coyly she used that label to trap him. There is no way he could back out from this now without sounding like a sexist pig, "But… what if…"
"If you fail, my dear partner, we face the consequences together," she puts her hand on his chest, "As long as you put your heart into your work, I think we are good. So I insist you take it."
"I'll think about it and get back to you, Sir," Derek kisses her hair again.
Casey had hoped to draw out a yes from him but she concurs that he deserves to make a choice as well. She cannot force him to accept her help all the time.
Pulling her closer into his side, Derek asks her, "And what about your promotion? You let go of it because I stopped you at the airport. Do not think I forgot that."
"I didn't go to L.A. because I love you," She kisses the side of his neck before resuming her walk.
Though it's a harmless confession it still makes him wince. It's a reminder yet again of how much she has sacrificed for him. Her career, years of her life that she could have spent partying around or in her case, in libraries, years when she could have dated and met great people, years when she could have explored the world. Instead, she had to spend all her energy into not being emotionally hurt witnessing him marry another person and then seeing him wallow when it ended. She spent all her time and effort on him that she could have spent on herself.
"That sucks," he utters, pursing his lips.
"That I love you?" Her face darkens in confusion.
"That you had to stop going to L.A. because you love me. That you had to put your life on hold because of me. Fuck! I ruined so much time of your life!"
"God! No. That's not what happened," Casey has always known that the time would come when Derek would blame himself for the years that he was not by her side but she so wishes that he wouldn't, that he'd understand that it never was his fault.
Halting her walk, she cups his cheeks, "You did not ruin any time of my life. Alright? I had a job I loved. I had great family support. I also had you just one phone call away. You were always there for me, always. Just because it wasn't romantic at that time doesn't make it any less significant. Even when you were married you cared for me so much, checked up on me and made me laugh whenever you could."
Derek gives her a tentative smile as he tries to believe her words, "You… you think so?"
"Hell yes. We were both too afraid to act on our feelings when we were younger. But as an adult I made conscious choices to support you and take care of you," as Casey says these words Derek turns his face to place a kiss on her palm, feeling the burden of that enormous guilt starting to lift from his chest.
She continues, "And as for the promotion, I am still a bit underqualified and inexperienced to hold the position of a manager. They were only offering it to me because of an emergency. I actually have set up a meeting with Jefferson and another partner to let me take a number of associates under my wing. It'd help me to take bigger, more complex cases. Who knows maybe someday I'll have my own firm too?"
"Damn!" He exclaims, "Is that what you want?"
"I sure do, eventually, when I've made enough contacts and gathered enough clients to build it. It'd be a huge task but I'm confident about shaping it up in my own way."
"Oh, fuck, Case. That's incredible. You are incredible!" In an ecstatic frenzy, he presses his mouth against her, cradling her head with both hands. She sways in her spot, returning his kiss with equal enthusiasm, lost in her own exhilaration.
Heaving from that over-excited kiss, Casey laces her fingers with his as they resume walking at a slow deliberate pace. She utters, "So there's no space here for you to mourn over my past. If anything, you inspire me to follow my dreams. That's the reason why I need you to stop tip-toeing around this relationship, to compensate for something that was my choice all along."
"You are right, of course. But I'm still sorry for being a jerk to you the day you decided to leave. I was out of my mind and had no idea what to do or what to say after our first kiss and fell back into old patterns just to avoid dealing with… my feelings for you… like I had avoided it all through my teenage years. I was a fucking fucking idiot."
"You were an idiot." She reaches out and ruffles his hair, "But now you know you were being an idiot, so that lessens the blow a great deal."
He only chuckles in response. Admitting his guilt to her feels like a reward, one that makes him feel so much lighter. The monstrous fear of losing her again starts dissolving as well.
"Wait, stop!" she orders, coming to a standstill, scowling at him, "How much longer do I have to wait for my present though? You said that the reason you're giving it is because you were a jerk to me that day. Now that we've cleared the air about it, where is my present?"
Initially worried at her sudden change of mood, Derek now relaxes as he hears her questions. Grinning, he walks back to where she has decided to stop and his grin only widens looking at her clearly frustrated adorable face. It is time to let her know. He can only wish she won't be disappointed or underwhelmed with it.
"It's here," he says, holding both her hands in his.
"Where?" Casey doesn't know what she is expecting at this point but she just can't wait to see it anymore.
"Here," he shrugs, making Casey's frown deepen.
"Is it going to appear out of thin air, Venturi? Because I can't see it so far," she hisses at him.
Derek looks at their joined hands and murmurs, "This is the present, Case. My present to you is our present. This moment in time. My present is that I will continue to make each day of the rest of our lives as nice as yesterday and today."
The last two days flash through Casey's mind. The breakfasts, wall painting, the serious conversations, video games, the yoga mat, her packed lunch, his notes…
Derek carries on, "I mean I hope they were nice. I couldn't think of any gift to give you that'd be good enough except each day that comes. I just promise to show up every day. Maybe through the phone sometimes. But I promise to never let you down again. Whether it's a day-off in the middle of the week or a full-on work day… I'll be here for you."
He will be there for her with all those silly little things that bring her joy. Casey bites her lip in a bid to stop herself from crying. Whatever her life looked like in the past, whatever her life will turn into in the future all fall short in front of this moment in the present.
The whole universe falls short in front of these two souls finally coming together to create a life worth living. The silent tears, the abundance of smiles, the united hands all solidify what has always been true, the one bond that was always meant to be. Derek and Casey.
Casey starts singing softly, "I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be everything that you need.."
Derek peers at her, partly overwhelmed, partly amused, "Does this mean you didn't totally despise my gift?"
She just keeps singing, smiling through her tears, "I love you more with every breath truly, madly, deeply…"
"I thought you didn't have a song?" He asks, fighting his own tears.
"That was when I didn't know that the most adorable smartass is my soulmate," she replies before taking out a water bottle from her purse to hold it like a mic and sings, "A new beginnin…"
Derek takes a position as if he has a guitar in his hand and sings along, "A reason for livin"
They sing together as if they were still playing for D-Rock.
"A deeper meaning, yeah…
I wanna stand with you on a mountain"
Derek keeps holding his imaginary guitar when he utters, "Oh that reminds me! We're going hiking this weekend and we've to wake up at 3 a.m. for that."
"3 a.m. on a Saturday morning? Are you kidding me?"
"It's non-negotiable. We can not miss the sunrise from the cliff." The truth is he just cannot miss the first rays of sunshine on her face while she admires the view.
"Yes, we can." Casey pleads with him.
Derek simply takes the bottle away from her hand and subtly picks her up off of the ground to kiss her and swing her around, "We'll see about that."
They kiss each other without any urgency, yet with such desperation that makes them both chuckle inwardly. He draws her even closer in his arms, her fingers are tangled in his hair. A gentle breeze soothes their nerves.
Their present is how their tomorrow would look like and the day after that and that is more than they could ever ask for. They have eternity to themselves, this present perpetuates into an infinite blissful existence.
His woody smell infiltrates her senses, her salty-sweet taste making him go insane. He traces his fingers along her back, making goosebumps appear on her skin. She kisses his neck, his stubble, the corner of his mouth before capturing his lips again.
Neither Casey nor Derek is sure if they would ever make it to the restaurant that night.