So recently I watched the movie What's your number (arguably the worst and most unfunny rom com ever) and I thought, hey? What if the Avengers themselves decided to watch it?
"So what movie are we watchin' tonight?" asked Tony, flipping through the titles on his high-tech TV.
"Just not another plotless action flick, we all want to avoid reliving our previous experience with that," said Natasha, now with the disturbing memories coming back.
"Can we watch Batman?" asked Thor enthusiastically. The Dark Knight trilogy were the first movies he'd ever watched, and now he had trouble hiding his ever-growing obsession with the caped crusader. He was wearing with favorite Batman shirt, in his Batman socks, with nothing else except for his favorite Batman boxers.
"NO!" said everyone in unison.
"I don't think I could take another watch, I swear I'm memorizing the fucking lines," said Clint, visibly annoyed.
Thor pouted and hugged his Batman plush even tighter.
"Well, I've heard of this great new documentary on dams!" said Bruce brightening up.
"Yeah, no. How 'bout I pick something from my personal collection," suggested Tony, a mischievous smirk on his face matching the glint in his eyes.
"We are not going to watch one of your numerous sex tapes," Natasha stated firmly.
"Yeah well you're just jealous that you aren't in any of them!"
"Guys, come on. Tony we aren't watching your disgusting sexual encounters nor are we watching a man in a bat suit fight crime," said Steve, trying his best to sound mature.
"Let's get Jarvis to choose one randomly ." Tony agreed and called for his AI.
"Hey, Jarvis, will ya do that for us?"
"Of course, sir." said the accented voice out of nowhere.
"Whatever it chooses, we're watching, okay?" Clint asked no one in particular, mumbles of agreement was followed from the rest of the group.
They ended up watching What's your number, a romantic comedy that doesn't deserve to be entitled as romantic or a comedy. It as watchable though, but only enjoyed by Thor, who could've literally been watching anything, even Tony's personal tapes, and be enthralled by the 'little people on the magic rectangle'.
"Well, that was the biggest fucking waste of time I've ever been through," Natasha said disappointed.
"My little homemade movies aren't lookin' too bad now, are they?" Tony said grinning from ear to ear, only to be discouraged by Natasha's cold glare.
"I liked it! I want to watch it again!" Thor screamed. Everyone ignored the poor guy.
"I liked the main guy, he was very handsome, I must admit," said Steve matter-of-factly. Everyone else rolled their eyes.
"I thought it was cool how they did that thing with writing the number of those you slept with on the papers, then guessed which one was which," Clint said, seemingly offering a suggestion.
"It does sound kind of fun," added Bruce, egging him on.
"You wanna...do it?" asked Natasha.
"Hehe, 'do it'" Tony chuckled softly, then again given a dirty look from her.
It was settled, and soon enough they all had a piece of paper, a pen, and a jar to put them in.
"Aaaannnd GO!" said Clint.
Tony noticed that Steve was blushing as he wrote his. God, what a fucking cunt.
Thor was the first to put his in the jar, and was turning red after he noticed he went first. Steve tried his best to not get noticed as he put his in, glancing at everyone else as he did so. Clint went second, expressionless, and was followed shortly by Bruce. Natasha put hers after thinking for a while, looking rather amused. The only person left was Tony.
"Tony, finished?" asked Bruce.
"Um. yeah, hold on, um..." he quickly scribbled something on his paper then put it in the jar.
Steve took it and shook it up.
"Ok," he said, and glanced at everyone, "who'll pick first?"
"I'll go," Clint volunteered, and grabbed a piece of paper from the jar.
"0," he read. Everyone nervously looked at Steve who looked down, blushing. Except for Tony.
"That's obviously Steve, the biggest fag in the group," Tony stated nonchalantly, "Next?"
No one offered.
"I guess it'll be me," said Tony, once again grinning widely.
"0.5...?"
"What?" Natasha grabbed the paper out of his hand.
"Ooh ooh that's mine!" Thor said, grabbing it.
"What do you mean '0.5'? Was it just oral or something?" Tony said curiously.
"No, it had nothing to do with our teeth. And we didn't really have it but..."
"Who's at the other end of that 'we'?" Bruce asked, amused.
"Brucey..."
Everyone stared at the doctor.
"Bruce, as in, Banner?" asked Tony.
"No! Bruce WAYNE!' said Thor as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
A silent agreement surpassed the heroes, who didn't dare question it.
"I'll go now.." said Bruce, Bruce Banner, that is.
"2," he said, and didn't tear his eyes away from the paper.
Natasha eyed him suspiciously.
"Bruce, is that yours?" she asked, a smile creeping up on her face.
"Maybe..."
Tony sighed, looking a bit scared. Clint was about to ask, but ignored the urge.
"I'll take one. It can only be Stark, Natasha, or Clint now," Steve said, and sighed as he took one of the papers.
"7."
"That's way too low for Stark," said Clint.
"OK, so, Natasha or Clint?" asked Steve.
"Well, Natasha is a smoking hot assassin, while Clint is...well...Clint," said Tony," So it has to be him."
"Fine, you're right. But I'm not that bad!" Clint pouted. Tony gave him his best "bitch, please" look.
"MY TURN! ME! ME!" said Thor, raising his hands up high and flailing them crazily.
Steve gave him the jar and he took it eagerly.
"15!" he shouted with joy, "Did I win?!"
They all smiled and shook their heads, leave it to Thor to be completely clueless.
"Well, once again, I think that's way too low for Stark, he gets like 15 a day," said Clint.
"I guess you're 15, Natasha," said Bruce, giving her the paper.
"That leaves Tony. May I?" She said, pointing to the last paper in the jar. Steve signaled for her to take it.
"130+?" She read, and looked at Tony in disgust.
"At least," he said, blushing.
"Actually, counting the sexual encounters you've had in your house in Malibu, and the Avengers tower, it adds up to exactly 738," Jarvis cut in.
"Hehe, Jarvis, you didn't need to say that," said Tony, nervously.
"And I don't think you want to know how many outside your estates," added the AI.
Hello! I hope you enjoyed my crappy little story. I'm gunna keep it as a one-shot, so yeah, leave reviews if ya want! And knowing that Tony's probably had a girl or two nearly every night for a good 10 years, 738 is an understatement.
so bye!
bless your face ;)
ANYONE IS WELCOME TO IM ME WITH NEW ONE-SHOT OR POSSIBLY STORY IDEAS.
IMMA GO GET SOME DIXON CIDER NOW