("I love everything
Fire's spreading all around my room
My world's so bright
It's hard to breathe but that's alright
Hush."

"I wanna taste your content
Hold your breath and feel the tension
Devils hide behind redemption
Honesty is a one-way gate to hell
I wanna taste consumption
Breathe faster to waste oxygen
Hear the children sing aloud
It's music 'till the wick burns out
Hush.")

- Sub Urban, "Cradles"

February, 2017

4th year, Age 17

"I don't see how this is relevant, nor necessary," Riley complained nervously. She bit her lip, and Lucas glanced over to see her playing with the ends of her hair.

"Your hair is down," he noticed, trying to remember if he had ever seen it not in braids or a ponytail. It fell in loose, dark princess curls down over her shoulders, completely free of anything that may hold it back. It looked soft; Lucas resisted the urge to reach out and touch it. His eyes flicked down to the ground when he realized he'd been staring at her hair for longer than was normal.

"I thought I was going to sleep," Riley said, blushing. "I was going to sleep. It's like 11pm."

"I didn't know this was happening until a few hours ago," Lucas apologized.

"What about Maya?" Riley asked, pulling the long sleeve of her sweatshirt down further to cover her hands as they walked down the halls towards the entryway of the girls' dorms. "And Josh? Are they coming?"

"Why couldn't you tell us this before we went to bed?" Maya asked crossly, as she and Josh joined them, answering Riley's question for her. "I wouldn't have changed if I had known."

"Because I wanted to wake you up and make you miserable," Josh said sarcastically. "Obviously we didn't know a few hours ago."

"Who even told you this?" Maya questioned. "And where are we going?"

"A sixth year guy in the gym, and we're going to the top of the main operations building," Josh answered. "Now shush."

"Don't shush me," Maya said crossly, swatting his hand away.

"I don't understand why this is necessary," Riley repeated, turning back to Lucas, her eyebrows creasing.

"Because apparently, it's a tradition, and we need to have some fun," Lucas suggested. "Come on, you never have fun."

"I have fun," Riley contradicted.

"No you don't," Josh agreed with Lucas, and Maya nodded in agreement.

"I'm going to go back to my dorm," Riley frowned as she turned around.

"Come on," Maya grabbed her arm, dragging her along with them. "We're just messing around."

"You're insulting me," Riley argued.

"I'm sorry," Lucas said. He caught her gaze, and marveled at how deep he could see into her brown eyes. "Just come with us. For me?"

She pursed her lips, but stopped fighting Maya and hugged her arms around her body as she walked.

It was this sort of body language that Lucas had been taught to recognize - and he knew Riley had been taught to avoid. So why was she doing it? Was it a subconscious cry for help? Was it a conscious cry for help?

As the four teens crossed the dark campus, skirting supervisors, Lucas felt his heart speeding up in anticipation. He had barely spent any time with his mainstream peers - or, really, done anything that wasn't focused on his elite program. He had no idea what he was expecting as they followed their team leader blindly into the building, hurrying up the stairs to the roof. Josh knocked on the door that led out, and a voice on the other side muttered: "Code word."

"Spearhead," Josh returned, and the door opened just enough for the four of them to slip in, one after another.

As Lucas came out onto the roof, his eyes adjusted to the dim lights from lanterns hanging above them. It was a fight club party.

There were three rings on opposite sides of the roof - which was about the size of an entire block - and on the fourth side, several tables with different snacks and alcoholic drinks, with the middle being a loose dance floor. The lip that ringed around the edges of the roof was only about a foot high, and Lucas was a little nervous about fight rings where they could fall off of a ten story building, but all of them were a good twenty or thirty feet from any edges. After all, they were operations students; living for the rush of danger.

As Maya and Josh split from the group to head towards a fight ring, Lucas realized that one ring was female on female, one was male on male, and the last was female on male. It was probably an elimination game.

"Lucas," Lucas turned to see Riley rubbing the bridge of her nose, "what am I doing here?"

He smiled. "Having fun," he suggested. "You never have fun."

"Oh please," Riley sighed, crossing her arms and tipping her head. "I have lots of fun."

"Come on, Riles," Lucas grabbed her arm and tugged her towards him, "prove it. Dance with me."

"Lucas," Riley groaned, although he could see her struggling to say no.

He winked, pulling her towards the center of the roof, where teens moved in waves of dancing. Reluctantly, Riley followed him, and he pulled her close to him and moved her hands up around the back of his neck, as he placed his hands at her hips.

"Reminds me of the emotional disconnection unit," he said, smiling a little.

"Reminds me of the ballroom dance unit," Riley countered, flicking her head a little to get some of her hair out of her eyes. She really wasn't used to having her hair down.

"You liked both," Lucas reminded her, and Riley bit her lip.

"Not the way you think," she admitted.

"Then how?" Lucas asked, when she didn't elaborate after a few moments.

Riley stayed silent, looking down at their feet. Then she looked up, and her face fell. "Oh great."

Lucas turned to follow her line of vision, and spotted Maya in the female on female fight ring, sizing up an opponent. "She'll be fine."

"Yeah, but the other girl won't," Riley predicted, her eyes not leaving the ring as the fight began.

"Maya doesn't fight dirty," Lucas pointed out, and Riley looked at him with a bizarre look on her face.

"She doesn't need to fight dirty to send that girl to the infirmary."

"Should we stop her?" He asked.

"You think we could?" Riley snorted. She glanced around. "That girl's only hope is Josh."

Lucas spotted the guy on the other side of the ring, watching the fight with a frown on his face. "It looks like he's endorsing it," he said, pointing to Josh as Riley's eyes fell on her brother.

"I knew I should have stayed in bed," she declared, rolling her eyes.

"You don't want to join the elimination rounds?" Lucas asked. "You're third in your class, you could probably make it through most of the fights."

"I don't fight for fun," Riley reminded him. She glanced up at his eyes, and Lucas tipped his head, a little frown between his brows.

"You-"

"I don't like hurting other people," Riley clarified. Her eyes went back to the fight, where Maya's opponent was limping away with the help of another girl. Maya caught Riley's gaze and flashed a grin at her. "If I could make it through my life without hitting another person, I would."

"Then what are you doing in an Operations academy?" Lucas asked.

"I didn't have a choice," Riley confessed, a little softly.

Lucas frowned deeper, confused, and he waited for Riley to elaborate again. But, just like last time, she didn't.

"I need a drink," Riley muttered, leaving Lucas on the dance floor as she headed towards the tables.

Interested to see Riley Matthews drink alcohol, Lucas followed. He took a drink of his own and watched Riley pour herself something and then down it in one gulp, and then cough.

"Who put tequila into a vodka bottle?" She asked crossly.

"You can tell the difference?" Lucas asked, amused. "I didn't know you drank."

"You don't know anything about me," Riley said, pouring herself another shot of the tequila-in-a-vodka-bottle. She downed it again and coughed again, setting the cup aside as she reached up to rub circles on her temples.

"How much do you weigh?" Lucas asked, trying to remember how to calculate levels of drunkenness.

"That's one question you never ask a woman," Riley said, and she pushed past him.

Lucas turned to watch her walk away, studying her body and the way she was walking just the tiniest bit off balance. She couldn't be more than 130 pounds, and she had just taken at least two shots of hard liquor. Her BAC had to be at least 0.1. And that meant that if she took another drink, she would be easily stumbling-drunk.

He sighed and followed her, determined to make sure she didn't do anything stupid.

"You never answered my question," Lucas reminded Riley as they sat on the floor next to the edge of the roof, the lights twinkling above them and the music muted behind them.

The elimination rounds were all but finished, and those who were invested were crowded around the last fights to see who would become champ. Riley and Lucas being on the other side of the roof, they could talk and hear each other easily.

"What question was that?" Riley asked, closing her eyes and lifting her face up to the sky.

"What are you doing in the Operations academy?"

Riley's face soured, but she didn't open her eyes or move her face. "My mother hates me."

Taken aback, Lucas assured her, "I'm sure that's not true."

"No," Riley insisted, opening her eyes. "It's true. I'm not what she wanted in a daughter and she's tried to make me into what she did want for my whole life. I would be much better in Communications. Or Administrations. But my mother forced me into Operations. And if I had a choice, I would have chosen public school."

"Really?" Lucas asked. He glanced at her face, still looking up at the sky.

"Nobody ever cared what I wanted," Riley whined, dropping her face.

She was definitely drunk.

"My mom hates me, and my dad and my brothers are scared of her," Riley said, sighing. "No one cared enough, and I stopped caring too. What the hell was I supposed to do?" She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. "Why did you have to show up?"

Lucas frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Not caring is easier after you get used to it," she said. "I don't want to care about you."

"You care about me?" Lucas asked, feeling his heart start to beat.

"You care about me," Riley said. "You're the only one. But I'm not supposed to care about you." She rested her forehead in her hands and stared down at the cement. "I was better at lonely."

Lucas considered what to say; he knew if Riley was outing all her secrets, she probably would not remember it tomorrow. This was probably the only time he could get a real, honest answer from her.

"If we were both normal kids, in normal public school," he asked, "what would you do right now?"

Riley raised her face and stared at him, and Lucas felt a jolt in his chest as he wondered if Riley really was drunk enough to answer a question that bold. They sat in silence, staring at each other for a few moments.

"I would eat a quesadilla," she finally said, bluntly, and Lucas smiled, resigned to not getting an answer.

"I could go for a quesadilla too."

A/N: I'm sorry I've left you guys hanging recently. I just got blocked and was focusing on finishing making edits to my novel before my sister leaves for college, and I ended up not updating this story in 2.5 months :(

I know this is a really short chapter, but I'm not very good at writing Lucas chapters, and I'm not quite ready to push forward the Rucas arc. They have a huge thing coming the summer after this year ends, probably ~3 chapters away. Joshaya has a really huge thing coming the end of next chapter I think. Sorry for the shippers who want fast Rucas and Joshaya; this just isn't that kind of story. But I promise, it's coming.

I'm also trying to figure out how to get from the next few chapters, to the time that the preface is set in. I know what I want to happen, but I don't want it to be in like 30 chapters. So plot line planning is hard.

I'm going to try to update Anecdoche too, if I can; even if it's just a quick chapter.

Review If you'd like :)

Kisses,

C