Someday, I Won't Have to Wait For You

by Thewayshelooksatme

**Formerly known as 'Her'** What happens in Paris, should stay in Paris. But, can these two women successfully forget their shared night and move on, or will their hearts and feelings for each other make them collide again? Because if you can't stop thinking about HER, even after moving to another country or getting married, don't you think she's worth trying for?

1. Chapter 1

Hi! Long time no see! I'm back with a new story. This is the first chapter, not sure how long this one will be but I am determined to see it through! I'm currently in the process of writing the second chapter and the chapters following, so I don't know when the next update will be.

Huge shoutout to Tezera ( ) for listening to me complain and talk about my issues/concerns/ideas for this story.

And to Cici, (cici-nicole14 on tumblr) for being the most amazing beta ever and not complaining about how long this chapter is!

Anyway, hope you all enjoy. Let me know what you guys think!

JJ opened her eyes, blinking a few times as she adjusted to her surroundings. The plane had hit an air pocket, making it bump and jolt her awake. Not that she was actually asleep, but in more of a daze with her eyes shut, attempting to sleep. Usually, she's great at sleeping on flights, but that's also usually after a particularly exhausting case. And it's also when the whole team is with her so there are people surrounding her, making her feel comfortable. She wasn't uncomfortable with Emily sitting across from her, but her body was more focused on how close Emily was and how alone they were rather than allowing her to sleep. So, she opened her eyes fully and stretched her arms, yawning, then tried to reposition herself without much effect. There was no way she was going to get comfortable on this couch.

What she really wanted to do was crawl across the uncomfortable seat and curl into Emily's warm, inviting side. She wanted the older woman to wrap her arm around her torso or to place her head in the brunette's lap and have Emily run her long fingers through her hair. But with the wounds the brunette was still healing, she knew she should just stay on her side of the couch, especially when she doesn't know what or how Emily feels for her. So instead of moving over to the other woman, so brought her hand to her mouth and began biting at her nails, staring at the ground with a blank expression on her face.

It took JJ a second to realize that Emily was watching her during this process, smiling slightly when their eyes met. Both of them were looking worse for wear, but Emily was obviously more haggard than JJ, considering she had been stabbed and left to bleed to death a few weeks ago. There were dark circles under eyes and she felt horrible as the realization of where she was headed and why was slowly dawning on her. But she was sitting across from the gorgeous blue-eyed woman and even with how tired she was from everything, her heart still pounded slightly faster when they made eye contact.

Somehow, even after everything that happened, she felt at ease. It was as if the universe had finally decided to give her a break for once or leave her alone entirely because from the moment she sat down on the plane and looked into JJ's eyes, a calm feeling washed over her. Yes, she looked awful. Yes, every part of her body dully ached. And yes, she realized she was, in fact, lucky to be alive. But, watching the tired younger woman smile at her while they chatted made a shiver shoot up her spine, and that made her feel more alive than ever before.

She felt bolder, more confident about everything when she was around the blonde like she could actually take over the world if she so chose too. Or, maybe, just take over the younger woman's heart, although that thought scared her more than having to face Doyle again. However, this new found bravery could also be because while getting on the plane, JJ had mentioned that she and Will were no longer seeing each other. This meant that the days of JJ flying to and from New Orleans were in the past. And, for whatever reason, this tidbit of information had sent Emily's sore and black heart soring. Maybe it was because she felt she had a chance now, and that got the tired muscle glowing again, even though they were currently flying to another country so she could hide out and pretend to be dead until they found a way for her to safely come back. If they ever find a way at all.

However, that didn't stop Emily from intensely looking at the woman in front of her now. Which, she had a right to, considering three weeks ago she did, of course, almost die. So the fact she was being upfront with herself about her feelings for JJ didn't surprise her at all. Facing the dark nothingness could really change your mindset on things, and shutting yourself out of love because you fear that your feelings won't be reciprocated is one of those things she just didn't have time for anymore. Enjoying the calming silence between them, she did have time for, and rather preferred it on some level because then she could just relax, but forcing herself to ignore what was going on in her head and heart was no longer part of her priorities.

For the past two hours she has been trying her best to open her mouth and start a conversation with JJ about these "uncovered" feelings, but the one time she actually did open her mouth and speak, she happened to be rubbing the brand on her chest, grimacing at the pain the scar caused. "The first thing I'm doing when I get to Paris is having this removed."

Her own words had startled her, and they made JJ look at her with concern filled in those deep blue eyes.

Now that she brought the topic up, she couldn't just change it or leave the sentence there, it opened too many doors for JJ to walk through. So she filled in her own question to direct the conversation in a journey she felt a little more comfortable and in control of. "How can a brand hurt more than getting staked?"

The blonde looked at the hand that Emily was using to rub the scar, frowning sympathetically. She shrugged slightly, eyebrows raising for a second. "Maybe it's a psychosomatic itch you're scratching?" When the older woman gave her a blank stare, JJ continued on with her explanation. "The brand left an emotional toll. Doyle establishes dominance over you by marking you as his. With the stake you overcame death. The ultimate victory over your foe…?" She shrugged again, looking at Emily in the eye rather than on the floor as she explained herself. But now their eyes locked and suddenly JJ felt a little shy as if she overstepped her boundaries with the way the brunette was looking at her so blankly. So she lowered her voice to an almost worrisome level and continued on. "Why suffer a pain you're proud of?"

The two women sat in silence again as Emily took in what the younger woman had said. The blonde could see the gears turning in her mind as she slowly understood what JJ was saying, and how plausible it could actually be. But, she didn't know how to respond to the intelligent, in-depth statement the smaller woman had made, so she just chose to look away until something else was said.

JJ noticed the hesitation coming from the other party on the couch, so she filled the void before it got too awkward from silence. "Or you could always get another tattoo."

"Oh," Emily laughed slightly, nodding her head as she considered the idea.

"You know, something transformative. Like a phoenix… or a blackbird." She used her hands to make it seem more magical, knowing full well the weariness Emily had about everything revolving the now permanent scar.

"I love the song." Emily nodded again. And it was true, she did have a fond memory associated with the Beatles song. One that she never cared to share, but always kept close to her heart.

But JJ mentioning the bird clicked something into place in her mind. Suddenly she noticed how detailed that explanation the blonde gave actually was. Something was different about the younger woman, and she couldn't quite put her finger on it. Her mind worked quickly, taking in the details of where they were, where they were headed, and how fast it was all put together. Almost as if JJ had some new friends in high places, higher than anyone Emily would know.

She squinted her eyes at the blonde, tilting her head as she carefully spoke her mind. "Something tells me I shouldn't tread in your waters." Now it was JJ's turn to stare blankly. "Come on JJ, something's obviously different about you. You commandeered an Interpol jet. You're profiling me. Why didn't you say your transfer was a backstop?"

In a matter of seconds, a handful of emotions and thoughts flashed over JJ's face. From confusion to hurt to anger and then to fear, she didn't know which one to settle on. All she knew was that she couldn't look at Emily anymore, she suddenly felt that the older woman could see right through her, know every thought she had running around in her mind. She couldn't just come out and say it, but she couldn't brush it off either. This was Emily she was trying to hide from, it was almost impossible to keep her thoughts to herself when the brunette was around. Either JJ gave herself away too easily, or Emily was just a fantastic profiler, which she was, of course, but the blonde always ended up spilling her guts to the other woman, whether she liked it or not. But this was not information she could willingly share with the brunette, she couldn't share that information with anyone, so she chose to stay quiet. Plus, what she was really currently thinking about was something completely different than her old mission. Something she would be way too embarrassed to say out loud to Emily, which is what the older woman was actually picking up on.

"Oh, I know that look. The 'I can't trust anyone but myself' look? I invented it." Emily said, trying to ease the blonde to confide in her.

Instead, the blonde sighed, shaking her head as she felt tears start to build up behind her eyes. "Do you ever feel like you're in way over your head?"

The quiet nature JJ had said it concerned Emily, but she nodded in silent understanding, allowing the other woman to sit and think about the way to approach the subject that hadn't come up yet. Emily herself was starting to feel lost. Her first instinct was that there was something off about the blonde, and she had been right. But it being her old mission was the part that she got wrong. She couldn't pinpoint any other reason JJ could be feeling distant and distracted, so eager to help Emily but then immediately barricade herself behind ten-foot steel walls as soon as something being wrong is hinted at.

But the silence was worse than anything else so she decided to take a shot in the dark and ask JJ the important question. "Why do you feel that you're way in over your head?'

The blonde sighed. She looked at Emily carefully before darting her eyes away and to the floor of the plane. She wanted to keep it to herself, but it was obvious Emily already knew something was wrong. Although she didn't know what was wrong, she didn't know what JJ was referring to, either. Was JJ ready to open that door though? If she did, it would change everything about their relationship. And that was something that scared her.

She smiled sheepishly, shrugging as she ran a hand through her golden hair. "Never mind."

Emily sighed, frustration seeping out of her from the younger woman trying to brush off her feelings. "Jay." She gave the woman a look, telling her to open up.

"Seriously, Em." She shrugged again, looking away from the brunette. "It's nothing okay?"

"If it was nothing you'd tell me what it is without worrying. So it's obviously not nothing." She was still staring the blonde down, like the way she stared at potential suspects while interrogating them, only this one was a softer, kinder stare since it was directed at her friend.

JJ looked back up at her, saw the intensity in the brunette's eyes, and decided to just share what was going through her mind. There was a huge change they'd never see each other again after tomorrow, so why not live life on the edge for the moment? "It's just…" she pinched the bridge of her nose, squinting her eyes as she breathed. "It's not about the mission I was put on."

"Okay," Emily said almost in a monotone voice. "Then what is it?"

JJ knew the older woman wasn't acting cold, although her voice sounded that way. She was being to the point, wanting to know exactly what was wrong and how she could fix it because that's what she did best. She solved puzzles and put bad guys away, sure, but she was able to figure people out with the snap of her fingers, and having that almost detached demeanor was one of the ways her mind worked so brilliantly. Even if it did make JJ a little uneasy.

"I thought…" JJ could feel the tears beginning behind her eyes again. "I thought I was going to lose you."

"What do you mean?"

JJ took a breath as she pressed her fingertips into her tear ducts to keep the tears from falling. She cleared her throat, buying herself time once she realized what she was about to say. With all the emotions from the past few days clouding her mind, she wasn't thinking when she said her previous statement, and now she was scrambling quietly in her mind, trying to figure out a halfway decent lie she could say that a tired Emily would accept.

After everything that happened, there was no way she could just spill her guts and tell the brunette her secret of slowly falling for her. She just got her back and the thought of being honest and telling her, instilled fear in her that Emily would run the other way, considering how she was running from something now. Her heart wouldn't be able to hand not only Emily leaving her physically, but Emily leaving her emotionally vulnerable to get her heart trampled on and vanishing, making it so JJ had to fix her heart on her own, without any type of weird contact between them.

"JJ?" The blonde snapped her head up at the sound of her name, seeing Emily looking at her with worry etched into the lines of her face. "What's wrong?"

JJ sadly smiled at the older woman, shaking her hair out of her face. "I think everything is just hitting, you know?" She shrugged, her fingers playing with each other in her lap as she thought. "Will and I broke up so I've been dealing with that and then you almost died, I mean you were lying in a pool of your own blood and the doctors weren't sure if you were going to make it…" She breathed, feeling the tears push against the back of her eyes again. "It just felt like I was losing a lot. My boyfriend and now one of my best friends, two of the most important people in my life. Gone in an instant. It scared me."

The older woman nodded, letting everything the woman in front of her was saying sink in. She could understand where the blonde was coming from, knowing a few things about heartache and loss herself. She was torn between wanting to ask JJ more questions about these feelings, about the fear of losing her, that she had been obviously holding in for a while now, and comforting her. She decided on a weird mix of the two concepts, not only to satisfy her need of wanting to guide JJ into some healing but also wanting to comfort her. "Well, I'm still here, so you didn't lose me, okay?" The blonde nodded slowly, allowing Emily to continue. "When did you and WIll break up?"

JJ shrugged again, trying to avoid brown eyes, but couldn't help and connect with them. "Like a week and a half a ago."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

She sighed, placing her elbow on the top of the couch to lean her forehead onto her palm. "Because… you've been, for good reason, a little preoccupied. Your mind has just been elsewhere lately. I mean, I understand why now, but you know, it was just a breakup, it wasn't important enough to interrupt your life for."

"Jay, if you are ever in pain, big or small, you can always tell me. I'm always going to be here for you."

"Even over scrabble?"

"Especially over scrabble." They laughed. "I'm guessing he ended it?"

"No, actually." She released her breath. "I did."

Emily looked at the blonde, shocked. It took her a second to realize what JJ was saying, and how there was definitely a story behind it. A story she was determined to get to the bottom of. "Alright, I'll make us some coffee."

Her eyebrows furrowed as she watched the older woman get up from the couch. It was a struggle for Emily to get up onto her feet, and JJ desperately wanted to help, but she knew the brunette would have none of her handouts, so she kept her place where she was. That didn't change the fact she was confused about the change of subject though. "Coffee?"

Emily reached the tiny coffee station toward the back of the jet, right next to the bathroom. It was almost identical to the jet the BAU flew around the country, so navigating around the flying aircraft wasn't too difficult. "Well, we both know this plane doesn't have alcohol…" Her eyes squinted as her hands darted from the different objects inside the nook, finally figuring out where the actual coffee grounds were.

"Which you shouldn't be drinking right now because of the little thing called surgery." JJ pointed out, her arms folded across her chest as her back leaned against the side of the almost-too-stiff-couch, one leg folded under her as the other dangled over the side. She watched intensely as the older woman pressed a few buttons, scowling at the machine when it beeped angrily at her.

"Probably shouldn't be having coffee either." The machine went quiet and she quickly put the pot back into its place in the holder and smiled as the liquid started to drip down and pool on the bottom of it. "But you know me, I like to live on the edge."

"A little too much, but yes."

"JJ, there is no such thing as 'too much edge.'"

"Ha-ha. I beg to differ, but alright, Daredevil."

They both smiled at each other, eyes twinkling as their heartbeats beat slightly faster. Although neither of them knew it, they were both staring at the other in amazement, in adoration, in what could be mistaken for love from an outsider. Of course, both of the women would deny it if told about it, that their face was simply showing how tired they were and pleased that the other was safe. But if someone were to really look closely, they could definitely tell the blonde and brunette were certainly hiding something from the other.

The coffee pot let out a loud shriek to signal that it was done and the brunette broke the staring contest to retrieve two clean mugs from the holder and pour the dark caffeinated liquid inside them. She added just the right amount of cream and sugar in each mug that they each liked, JJ having more sugar and cream rather than Emily's just cream. She grabbed the dishes and headed back toward JJ, who gladly took the coffee from Emily's outstretched hand and sipped, making a humming sound that sent the brunette's heart racing.

"So," Emily started, settling down onto the white seat as she shook her head out of her eyes. She probably shouldn't have gotten up to make the coffee, as the stitches in her stomach were screaming from the weird movements she used to get up and down from the couch, but she was glad she now had something to hold onto while her hands shook for an unknown reason. "Why did you give him the boot?"

JJ laughs. "I didn't kick him out of my life, just ended the relationship."

"Yes, but why? Did something happen?

"I just…" JJ concentrated on the heat that was radiating from the mug into her hands, warming every part of her body. "Wasn't feeling it anymore." She shrugged, her face a shade of pink from embarrassment she didn't know she felt.

"Did he do something? Hurt you in any way?" There was a mixture of concern and anger appearing on her already tired and beaten face.

"No, no. He didn't. He never would." What she said was true, he wouldn't hurt her. He was too in love with her to hurt her.

She took a sip of the coffee, watching as the younger woman stared into the mug. "Jay, something had to have happened. A month ago you were considering marrying him and now you're saying you walked away because you weren't feeling it?" She shook her head. "I know you better than that, Jay. Tell me what's going on."

Now it was JJ's turn to shrug, holding the mug in her left hand as her right played with the handle. The engine roared around them, a constant vibration in the air that numbed her mind. Once again, she didn't know what to say, how much is too much? How open can she be without the fear of getting her heart destroyed? Would it be worth telling Emily that she was the one who was actually in her heart?

It wasn't like she couldn't have a good life with WIll. She could, and she did. She gave him her time and loyalty for years and he was great to her, for her. He was patient, kind, supportive, and showered her with love, everything she could ask for in someone she's sharing her life with. But it wasn't that he was too available, too understanding, too anything. It was that her heart belonged to someone else, and it had taken her years to figure it out. He was a placeholder for something she thought would never happen.

He was a warm body for her to cuddle up to at night, a mouth to fill the excruciating silence with when she was home, rough hands and rhythmic movements to push her over the edge when she was in the mood. But he wasn't what her heart yearned for. He wasn't the one she thought about every second of the day. He wasn't who she was in love with and she knew that continuing to string him along would only hurt him more, so she let him go and faced the cold, empty, lonely apartment she now had, by herself. It was an adjustment, but he deserved to be happy, and she knew it was just a matter of time until he realized she wasn't giving into the relationship as much as he was.

She looked up at the expecting brunette, deciding to tell her a version of the truth, a form of it that wouldn't get her into too much trouble. "There was just... " She shrugged again. "Something missing."

"Missing from him or the relationship?"

JJ sighed, coming to the realization that Emily wasn't just going to give up on getting answers. It wasn't in her nature, so she didn't expect her to. So she decided she might as well answer the questions with the half-truths she's been giving the older woman during this whole conversation. "Both, I guess."

Then, to the blonde's surprise, Emily nodded. "I understand that. You can't figure out what's missing, but you just know something is. I've been there many times." She rolled her eyes, laughing lowly. "That's why I have a cat."

"I thought you had Sergio because you like cats?"

"I like cats, he fills a void, same thing." She shrugged, smiling as she took another sip of her coffee.

It made her happy to see JJ laugh, her heart becoming swollen with love as she watched the blonde snicker to herself, eyes lighting up along with her mouth. There was a feeling in her gut and for a second she thought she pulled her stitches, but then she remembered they had taken her stitches out earlier that week. JJ had told her she'd been in and out of sleep for a few weeks as her body healed, protected in a hospital room all by herself. There wasn't much she remembered, but some of the dreams she could see in her memory as vivid as ever, and watching the younger woman smile into her coffee brought them all rushing back.

Dreams of waking up with JJ in her arms, sharing kisses with their naked bodies intertwined in their sheets. JJ walking in front of her as they held hands, the blonde dragging her around a flea market, showing her interesting trinkets. JJ across the bullpen, looking up to wink at her before getting out of her chair, walking into her office just to close the blinds and kiss her deeply. Sitting on the jet with the team, JJ right next to her with her head on her shoulder, sleeping as their fingers gently twitched and played together. Standing out on the field, JJ in front of her with her arms wrapped around the blonde's torso, placing a gentle kiss to an exposed neck while they watched their kids mess around with a soccer ball, JJ getting way too into cheering for them.

Emily could see all of these faded, crinkly movies in her head while sitting across from the main woman who starred in them. She had always known she felt something for the younger woman but never expected it to be this strong. I guess dying can do that to you, she thought to herself, glancing down at the mug in her hands, it was the only thing keeping her from not shaking as her heart pounded harder. Her breathing quickened as well, telltale signs of her body letting her know it was agreeing with her head. She didn't know when and she definitely didn't know how, but all she knew was that she woke up in that hospital room with one person on her mind.

And now that one person was telling her she broke up with her boyfriend because she didn't feel a connection with him. Was it just her eyes and ears playing tricks on her, or did JJ seem like she was hinting at something? Could the younger woman maybe, possibly feel something for her? It couldn't be, right? Wouldn't she have done something by now to show or tell Emily that she does?

She shook her head, trying to clear her mind, but it was no use. Her memory had jumped to a time when it was simpler between them. They were just friends, still getting to know each other. There was no hinting at hidden feelings or suggesting that the other might feel the same way. She remembered it was cold. It wasn't snowing yet, but she could feel it in her bones, smell it in the air, that the flakes were going to fall soon. There were two cups of coffee in her hands, one for herself, the other for Garcia as JJ walked next to her, blonde hair still growing out from chopping it off.

"Well, are you gonna call him?" The blonde asked, looking at Emily expectantly.

She sighed, wanting to desperately avoid the topic altogether. "Maybe."

"Ugh! Emily!" The blonde was frustrated, looking up at the sky as if she was fed up with the stubbornness the older woman naturally carried with her.

She opened her mouth, beginning to protest JJ's frustration with her own thoughts on the matter. "Nick Rosen is an arrogant, oversexed, egotistical–"

"Hot, British dude with a sexy accent, badge, and gun." JJ finished for her, pointing out each specific item on the list that would make him perfect for Emily. "Just your type."

She sighed, not knowing where to go from here. She knew arguing with the younger woman was useless, but she couldn't help but want to prove her wrong. Because yes, the hot British dude would be her type, if she felt anything for him.

"Alright, you know what, I don't even get you sometimes."

"It wouldn't go anywhere!" She argued, or attempted to argue.

"You don't know that!"

"I know our work schedules." She pointed out, making JJ stop in her mental tracks for a second, scrambling to come up with a counter-argument.

"Okay, you know what, Will and I make it work."

She doubted it. Not that she and Will did it because she knew they did. No, she doubted that she'd herself could do that, be so far from someone yet so close. She couldn't imagine spending days, maybe even weeks, away from the person she was in a relationship with.

And before she knew it, Garcia was in front of them, having a conversation with the blonde when her cell phone rang, bringing them back to the office for a case. "Maybe I should get a cat" she mumbled, being completely serious.

Looking at the blonde now, she understood why he wasn't her type. Why she got a cat. Why she hasn't opened herself up to any other relationship opportunity. The one she really wanted was right here the whole time.

JJ looked up at her, smiling sadly, squinting at her before speaking as if she was unsure of what she was going to say. "Did you really get Sergio to fill a void?"

She shrugged with one shoulder, avoiding blue eyes. "I think a part of me did. The other part just wanted a cat."

It slowly went silent between the two, both of the women staring off into space while absentmindedly playing with their mugs, the stress of the past few weeks finally wearing them down. It wasn't until JJ sighed that Emily drew her attention toward her, watching as she bit her lip in concentration of whatever she was thinking about, her right hand on her chest, fingers playing with her sister's necklace.

It suddenly struck her how beautiful she is. She always knew that she was, but for whatever reason, looking at the blonde now, candid and lost in her own mind, made Emily realize the treasure that she always had in front of her. And she didn't know whether it was almost dying or the fact she might never see this woman again, something inside her told her to go for it.

So she licked her lips, took a deep breath, and spoke. "You're beautiful."

The younger woman's eyes darted towards her, a crystal blue that made her heart stop. "What?"

"You're beautiful." She repeated, keeping her voice steady. She didn't dare break eye contact. Instead, she watched as the blonde sighed, ran the hand that was on her chest through her hair before resting her head on the top of the couch. Her hand flopped down in between them, just within reach of Emily's. "I'm serious."

The corner of JJ's mouth twitched, but she made no movement to move her line of vision up toward the brunette. Her hand, however, inched forward to gently meet the older woman's, slipping her fingers between ivory skinned ones, almost as if she was telling Emily to continue.

"You really are, Jay."

There was another twitch of a smile, hands sliding closer together so now JJ had the brunette's palm fully against hers. The younger woman rubbed her thumb over Emily's knuckles slowly, contemplating what she should do next. She wanted to be closer to the older woman but didn't know how. She didn't know how close was too close and how much contact between them would cross the line. So she took a sip of her coffee and resolved to giving Emily's hand a small squeeze. Just as she put the mug back down on her thigh and rested her head against the back of the couch, she felt Emily tug her hand, making her look up, confused.

Emily looked back at her, nodding her head to the left in a signal to come closer as she once again pulled JJ's hand. But when JJ bit her lip and hesitated, Emily sighed. "Will you come here?"

"I don't want to hurt you," JJ whispered back, thumb once again rubbing Emily's hand.

"Jay, you're not going to hurt me." She tugged one last time on their clasped hands, making JJ lookup at her once more. "Come here."

Finally, the blonde nodded, turning around to put her mug on the table behind her before gently scooting over to the older woman. She unconnected their hands so she could sit up onto her legs, knees touching the brunette's thighs as she settled down again, this time close enough to wrap her arm around Emily's torso and lean her head on her shoulder.

Emily took the new position as a good sign, relaxing her body so JJ could mold herself into it, even more, sighing as she placed her hand on the blonde's back. She slowly rubbed circles over the sweater JJ was wearing, feeling the heat radiating from her palm mixing with JJ's skin underneath the layers.

They were once again silent, both unsure how much time had passed. JJ held her face nuzzled into Emily's neck while Emily found JJ's hand resting on her stomach, taking the opportunity to play with her fingers. She intertwined them together just to unlace them and then lace them again over and over until she felt the blonde give in and push back, creating an elegant dance of give and take, fumble and recover, caress and squeeze and intimate feeling, making sure to memorize what it felt like to hold each other in this way.

Not that they even knew what way they were holding each other. Friends? More than friends? The same questions ran around their heads one after the other, neither of them with enough courage to speak them aloud. Something had to be said though. Emily could tell they were nearing their destination and she didn't want to get off the plane not knowing where this was going.

The brunette drank her coffee, swallowing the liquid as quietly as she could, knowing JJ's ears were close to her chest and could hear everything her body was doing. But the younger woman didn't say anything about the slight noise. Instead, she re-positioned herself, first lifting Emily's arm that was holding her coffee above them so she wouldn't knock it out of her hand, and then shifted, putting both legs over Emily's lap and kept her butt on the couch while she nuzzled her nose into the brunette's pale neck and placed her hand on the scarf that was still tied around the older woman's neck.

Emily lowered her arm again, biting her lip as the butterflies in her stomach began to flutter. She couldn't believe she actually called the blonde over to be closer to her, to lean into her. And the fact that JJ actually did cuddle into her made her heart beat faster and hands shake, something she tried to cover up by gripping the coffee cup tightly in her left hand and take her nails up and down the younger woman's back with her right hand. She had to resist the urge to lean down and kiss the top of the blonde's head, not knowing if it would be crossing a line, even if they already had crossed a line with the way they were currently sitting, so she stared straight ahead as the younger woman continued to move around and get comfortable.

JJ, who had finally found a position where her body wasn't stretched weirdly, now had Emily's scarf right in her face, annoying her. She pulled on it to loosen it up but got frustrated when it wouldn't budge. And without even thinking, Emily leaned forward, allowing JJ to lift the scarf up over her head and toss the fabric to the side, making JJ happy to get rid of the garment. She went back to sipping her coffee as the younger woman sunk into her again, hand back on her chest and now running her fingers over the protruding collarbone. It was a soft touch, one that sent shivers down Emily's spine and shut the world out. She could only hear the sound of JJ's quiet breathing, the loudest sound in her ears even with the plane's engine roaring around them.

JJ, herself, focused on the strong beating of the older woman's heart, knowing that it was that muscle that pulled her through the traumatic event Emily experienced. But she loved the feeling of the brunette's steady rhythm on her palm, proving that not only was Emily alive, but so was she, and they were both here for this exact moment, the brunette holding her as she caressed the older woman's pale skin. Neither of the women even noticed when JJ's fingertips graced over the harsh red branding that was on Emily's left shoulder, both of them too caught up in the moment to focus on something that seemed so small when their current moment was so large.

The blonde sighed, rubbing her nose up against the older woman's pulse point, feeling the beat of it quicken slightly, which made her smile. She felt more relaxed than she had in a long time and was comfy enough that she could fall asleep in this exact position if she let herself. But falling asleep meant missing out on the electricity that was bouncing from her skin to Emily's and back again. She wasn't even sure if this was comfortable for Emily, or if she was enjoying it as much as the blonde was, but the older woman hadn't made any moves or suggestions to prove otherwise and she was the one that initiated the cuddle, so she had to have been okay with it. JJ even had a split second thought to ask her if she was okay with it, but she came back to the same conclusion that if Emily wasn't okay with it, she would have said something already.

But the silence was getting too loud between them, and JJ could feel herself begin to overthink what they were doing and what it meant for their relationship. She didn't want these running through her mind while Emily held her closer than she ever had before, so she needed a way to distract herself. "Do you remember a few years ago when we went on that hike and we found that waterfall?"

Emily nodded, swallowing the rest of her coffee and then placed the empty mug on her knee. "It was in the middle of summer so we stripped and jumped into the water wearing our bras and underwear."

The younger woman chuckled, finally sitting up, but only to grab the empty coffee cup from Emily's hand and put it with her own on the table behind her. Then, she went back to her original position, once again being welcomed by the brunette. "The water was so clear and cool that day, we had to go in!"

"Yeah," Emily started laughing. "And a frog jumped up from the water and scared you."

JJ rolled her eyes, feeling the older woman's chest rumble with the laughter. "It came out of nowhere." She said, hiding her face in Emily's neck as she groaned from embarrassment. "You would have been scared too."

"You screamed so loud." Emily continued, laughing again. "It was cute." She placed her now free hand on JJ's arm, rubbing the fabric of the blonde's sweater while the younger woman tightened her grip around her.

They were quiet again, neither of them sure of what to say next and worried about breaking the spell that had been cast upon them if they were to speak. They liked the way the felt together, being so close together in an inanimate way. It felt right, like they belonged this way, like everything that came before was just practice for how they fit together so perfectly. So they didn't say a word, just sat there, JJ running her fingers over the brunette's collarbone and Emily running her fingers through golden locks, both content in the moment.

Although, they knew they had to say something, if not about this then something. They couldn't just sit like this and enjoy the even breathing of the other without their brains screaming at them to clarify what was happening.

What was happening? How did they even get into this position so quickly? What made Emily motion for JJ to come over? And what made JJ actually go over to Emily?

JJ tried shutting her eyes in an attempt to turn off her mind. If she didn't see the older woman, her mind wouldn't give her any puzzling questions. But of course, that didn't work and ended up bringing more questions about. One she didn't want answers to right now at this moment, it was too nice, too relaxing, to ruin it with complicated mumble jumble. She desperately just wanted to breathe Emily in and feel her fingers dance across her back while brushing her hair, enjoying the tingles that it brought that flowed from her skin cells to her every nerve ending.

If she tried hard enough, concentrated enough, she could picture them back at that waterfall, the place where she first felt the butterflies in her stomach and realized they were, indeed, from Emily.

Emily, the strong, brave, hard-ass of a woman who had a great controlled bitch face but also an incredibly soft side that included a smile that could make JJ melt in a heartbeat. Emily, who was her best friend, the person she confided to about Will and shared detailed sex disasters and dreams. Emily who came over after hard cases about kids and let her cry on her shoulder as they drank wine and detoxed the evil from their minds. This was Emily, she was thinking about.

But she realized, it wouldn't be anyone but Emily. Since the older woman made her feel the most comfortable in her own skin. She could just tell that Emily loved her for who she is and not for something she had always tried to be. She knew Emily must feel the same way about her, considering how fast her heart was still beating, and that realization made her own heart beat faster, almost to the point where she had to catch her breath because it startled her so much. But she smiled and nuzzled into the older woman more.

Emily did her best to accommodate the blonde's nuzzling, even though it just resulted in the younger woman running her nose once again over the pulse point on her neck. She hoped JJ couldn't feel her heart rate, it was something she didn't want to have to explain, or even find a way to if JJ asked her about it. But she didn't think the blonde would, JJ too engrossed in whatever dialogue was going through her own mind. Emily could just tell JJ was lost deep in thought by the way she had her fingers dancing on her chest. They would steadily go back and forth, and then abruptly stop for a few seconds before picking back up again, resuming the speed and pressure.

It was a quirk Emily had noticed about the blonde years ago, mostly when they were on the BAU plane and JJ stared out the window, her middle finger moving in a tight circle over the table she would sit at. She would watch as the same process happened on the desk as was happening on her chest, a steady flow of the moment, a pause, then continuation as if nothing happened, her face blank and eyes giving nothing away to what raced across her mind. And Emily spent just as much time watching the blonde's quirk as she did wish she could just crawl into JJ's mind just to see what she was thinking so hard about.

Sometimes it was easy to guess, and she loved that, but other times, like now, she couldn't come close to fathoming what JJ could possibly be pondering. And every time that happened, she wanted to ask JJ exactly what she was thinking but also didn't want to wake the younger woman out of her daze. So, she sat back, like she was now, and attempted to keep her own mind off the younger woman by reading her book or looking out the window as well. Not that it ever did any good, her mind wandering over and over again to those pretty blue eyes and what lay behind them.

It was this same mental itch that Emily was currently fighting off, trying to keep her body loose and comfortable for the blonde to continue her thinking process without going insane herself. She could just ask her, come right out and voice her curiosity. Although she probably already knew what the younger woman was going over in her head. It was the same thing she herself had been going over in the back of her mind.

What were they doing? How did this change their relationship? What even was their relationship anymore? What was happening and why did she like it so much? Could this be stopped before it started?

But she didn't want to stop it. She wanted to see where it would go. She wanted it to lead to them kissing, right here on this plane, in the stress of pairs while the sun streaked through JJ's blonde hair, in their hotel room on the bed, clothes thrown askew with the moonlight shining down on them to expose those beautiful crystal blue eyes. She wanted it to lead them to holding hands and lying together in the bed as they molded together as if their bodies were made for each other. She wanted it to lead them to a life of bliss in an apartment back in D.C., solving murders and throwing serial killers in jail and then coming home to Sergio and little feet pattering across the floor as their kids ran up to them all smiley and hopeful.

She wanted to rip her heart out of her chest and bury it in JJ's because that's where she knew it really, truly belonged. All those random dates and late night booty calls with random drunk women and horny selfish men was just her trying to erase her mind and soul of what she knew was the answer all along.

This.

This was the answer. And she hated knowing it finally became clear to her only after she was stabbed and had almost died. After the FBI thought the best way to keep her safe was to go into hiding. After having to be ripped away from the one person who felt the most right. She hated everything about this plane ride and the place where they were going. But at the same time she didn't, solely because of the woman that was in her arms. The woman who was making her heart race and palms a little sweaty. The woman who made heat pool in her underwear and legs turn into jello. The woman who made her laugh until she couldn't breathe and cry as she let out all of her pent-up emotions. Her heart aches for the younger woman even as she held her closer, just knowing that they are going to have to part ways made her soul hurt.

If only there was a way to tell JJ what she was feeling, thinking, what she wanted to do, without scaring the younger woman or overwhelming her. What would she even say? She couldn't put her thoughts into comprehensive sentences, they were too jumbled and confusing for even Emily to figure out on her own. But she knew that she felt something for the younger woman, that was clear, she just didn't know how to say it.

But her mind failing her was okay because JJ had finally spoken up after being lost in her mind. She broke the silence and internal dread they were both having about the situation, giving them something else to think about.

"Can we go back there?"

Emily blinked, not understanding what the question was referring to. She had to go back into her mind and undo all the thinking she did, the conclusions she thought she came to, to figure out what the younger woman was talking about. "To the waterfall?"

"Yeah." JJ nodded, moving a little bit back so she could see Emily's confused face. She herself didn't expect the question to come out, ultimately aiming to ask her something else and changing her mind at the split second she opened her mouth. But she didn't regret the question either.

Emily nodded slowly, letting it sink in and fully understanding the blonde. She, too, wanted to go back to that perfect place where time seemed to stand still. She wanted to bathe in the waters with JJ and lose her fears and worries for the afternoon as they swam and floated to each other. "As soon as I'm able to, I'll take you back." She said, whispering it gently down toward the blonde, making JJ completely back away to look at her.

JJ smiled at Emily, a little side mouth of emotion, that said absolutely nothing, but absolutely everything. It was a shared emotion and understanding of what that place meant between them, and what they both thought of it.

It wasn't just a small pool with a beautiful waterfall and dancing sunlight shimmering off rocks, water, and trees. It wasn't just a place to cool off and let loose for a second. It was a place of connection and realization of who they were to each other. And even though it took them years to finally admit it, they now sat next to each other as they held their hearts out and slowly handed them over to the other person.

Whatever happened after this was going to be etched into their memories and hearts forever, even if they were totally unsure of what exactly was going on or if the other felt the same way they did.

"You really want to go back?" JJ whispered, eyes searching the older woman's face.

Emily nodded, her vision darting all over the blonde's face, trying to spot anything that would give her any insight into her mind. "I've wanted to go back for awhile."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

Emily shrugged. "I didn't know if you'd want to go back." She narrowed her eyes slightly, turning the tables around on the blonde. "Why did you say anything?"

JJ shrugged as well, biting her lip. She didn't ask because she wasn't sure what Emily thought the waterfall meant to them. But now that she had some clue to the way Emily thought about that magical place, her body started to tingle, fingers itching to once again be close to the older woman.

She didn't know what was happening but somehow she found herself standing up, moving her hair to one side, and then sat herself down on top of Emily, straddling her lap. She closed her eyes as she felt the woman's hands wrap around her gently, allowing her to rest her forehead on Emily's shoulder and breathe, finally feeling close to her. She didn't know this was the position her body was craving for. This is was how close she felt she needed to be for her heart to finally still and breathing return to normal.

Both of the women had no idea what was going on, but neither of them made any move to stop it. It felt too good, too familiar, to want to put an end to it. And they both realized, in this moment, that this was what they exactly wanted. The closeness and their bodies and the shared oxygen. The way the rest of the world fell away while Emily slowly rubbed up and down the blonde's back with a feather-light touch. JJ ran her hands up Emily's arms and to her neck, tangling them into raven colored hair as she lifted her head.

"Tell me if I'm hurting you." It was a whispered command, but also just a soft statement filled with concern for the other woman. When Emily nodded, the younger woman smiled slightly, resting her forehead against the brunette's. "You think I'm beautiful?"

"I think you're gorgeous," she breathed. Her heart was pounding so hard she was afraid the woman on top of her could feel it through her clothes. Her eyes fluttered shut, mimicking JJ's as she tilted her head up a fraction, rubbing her nose against JJ's.

"That's funny," The blonde said back, smiling. She nose bumped Emily gently, pulling away from her to position herself better to reach her hand around to the side of Emily's head and pull her hair away from her neck. She tilted her head down, hot breath running over the newly exposed skin, causing the older woman to shiver. "Because I think you're gorgeous."

Emily's breath caught in her throat when she felt a soft peck to her pulse point. She didn't dare move, too afraid that even a muscle twitch would scare the blonde off. And she couldn't lose her, not when her heart finally felt full, finally felt that she was fulfilling some dream she didn't know she had.

JJ kissed the skin again, testing out how it felt. She liked the smell of Emily, the heat she gave off. But she loved the little moan that came out of Emily, even more, when she allowed her lips to linger over the pulse point, applying more pressure as she did so. She did it again, just to see if she could get the same reaction. When she did, she tried to drag her teeth over the spot, smiling when the moan got louder. She slowly licked the area, receiving an open-mouthed moan from Emily. When she sucked gently, fingers dug into her hips, telling her what she was doing was correct and to keep going.

Beneath her, Emily was trying to control her breathing, feeling JJ's lips on her neck had her heart thumping. The intensity of the kiss continuing to go up until JJ full on attacked the sensitive skin, making Emily tilt her head to the side, stretching her neck so the blonde had more room to continue doing what she was doing. She didn't care if a red mark appeared, since no one she knew would be seeing her anyway. She didn't think when she boarded this plane, that at some point JJ would be sitting on her lap, sucking at her neck and causing her heart to practically beat out of her chest.

JJ didn't expect this either. She knew getting on this plane would open wounds that would take time to heal, but basically showing Emily how she felt about their "friendship" wasn't even on the horizon of possibilities of things that would happen. A part of her wanted to actually voice the words and tell Emily what she felt for her and to see what the response would be, but the way the older woman was reacting to her now, told her that words didn't need to be said. They both just knew. And when she finally needed air, JJ let go of the skin, tugging on it with her teeth before releasing it entirely. She breathed in a mixture of fresh oxygen and Emily's heavy exhale, her breathing just as powerful as JJ's. They smiled at each other, their noses once again rubbing together in what would look like a step toward their first kiss.

But Emily didn't want that just yet. Not here on a plane. Although she knew she couldn't just dodge JJ if she tried to connect their lips, so she ducked before JJ could attempt it, connecting her mouth to the exposed skin on the blonde's neck to return the delicious favor. And she knew the younger woman appreciated it by the way her neck immediately stretched out, hair falling away from the area and onto her back, a moan slipping from her lips in the process.

Her hands were still in the brunette's locks, now slowly massaging her neck. She let out a low chuckle once Emily released her red skin, biting her lip and looked at the woman under her with sad and confused dilated pupils.

"Em…" she breathed, an undertone of uncertainty escaping with the name.

Emily carefully shook her head as the blonde once again leaned her forehead on hers, fingers now gracing across her cheek, jaw, lips. "Shhh. We don't have to talk."

"Yes, we do." She sighed, almost as if she was defeated. "We can't just do this and not talk about what it means."

Emily swallowed, suddenly afraid. "What do you think it means?"

"That we like each other and we didn't know how to say it until now and since you're leaving for who knows how long, we are both afraid we'll never have this chance again."

Emily would have been shocked at how efficient JJ was in explaining what was going on, but she knew the profiler in her could seep out in unexpected times. She also had to give her credit, JJ was right. It was exactly what they were doing.

"Do you want to stop?" Emily asked, bringing her hand up to cup JJ's cheek.

"Only if you do." It was whispered, full of fear.

"I don't."

"Then neither do I."

Emily quickly tightened her grasp on the blonde, making sure she didn't move from the spot, her other hand remaining soft on JJ's face. The younger woman could be like water at times when it came to showing Emily her emotions, hot and then cold, solid and then fluid, never knowing what would come next. Emily was like a mountain, steady and calm, just waiting for JJ to come to her when she was ready. And now the water was flowing near the rocky pyramid. The older woman smiled, making sure she wasn't going to slip through her grasp just yet.

JJ smiled back, running her fingers through dark brown hair, starting at the crown and going down to gather at the nape of Emily's neck, also locking her in place. Their breathing quickened, hearts beating in sync as their faces drew closer, exchanging the same amount of oxygen between them. The younger woman tilted her head to the side, opening her mouth slightly in anticipation for the taste of what Emily was as the brunette followed the blonde's lead, lips parted just enough to be able to be a solid anchor.

It was slow, the air around them intensifying as their lips brushed each other's, both suddenly a little shy from what they were about to do.

Until their courage set in. They both leaned forward to close the gap when the intercom crackled to life and turned on their reflexes. They listened as the pilot told them it was time to buckle up, they would start their descent soon. When the intercom went silent again, they both laughed awkwardly, still unmoving. They didn't want to let go, even though they knew they had to.

JJ was the first one to make the move, slowly and carefully sliding off Emily's lap as she avoided eye contact. She wished she had the guts to just quickly kiss the older woman, but she didn't and now all she felt was embarrassment, shame, and yet Emily's fingers threaded themselves through hers. She looked down at their conjoined hand and smiled, promising herself she'd kiss her in the hotel room.