It felt as if he'd rearranged the flowers by the window for what felt like the hundredth time that day. He was restless, he was nervous. They weren't getting any answers. But at the same time—no news was good news, right?

He felt guilty. He had been the one that had put in a request to All Might for back up. Specifically requested Izuku to help bring down the villain. They did, they had brought the villain down and won but had been so close to losing. Too close. In the end, Izuku saved Shinsou's life from a building that the villain had caused to collapse. Izuku wound up getting injured in the process, to the point of his brain swelling from the head injury he sustained putting him in a coma. Shinsou had screamed and cried in rage and guilt and sadness at almost having lost Izuku. He was the one that had dug him out of the rubble and carried his bloody broken body to the nearest emergency room. Shinsou hasn't left since.

Now here he was, day in and day out. Staying in Izuku's room rearranging flowers and cards granting Deku well wishes and hoping he gets well soon. He left them up for Izuku but a part of him liked having them displayed in the hospital room. It gave him hope. Hope that Izuku will pull through. Hope that Izuku's body was just taking its time to heal. It's been three months since the accident. He hoped that he could make amends and make everything right. If Izuku, no, when he woke up. He was never going to let him go ever again. He'd made that mistake once. Fuck the bullshit and miscommunication and everything that happened in the past. When Izuku woke up, he would be there for him and he would stay there.

Walking away from the window, he walked back towards the chair. His usual spot where he'd sat day after day. Night after night. Talking to Izuku, reading to him, sometimes whispering about moments that they shared while they were dating. While hoping and praying that he could at least hear him. Hear him encourage him to fight. To take as long as he needs but to fight. Damn it, just fight. Because he needs him. His mom needs him. The world needs him. Shinsou knows it's selfish to do this but if it was the other way around—Izuku would be doing the same, doing everything he could to have Shinsou fight. No doubt about it.

He wishes comas or at least this particular one was as easy as waking someone from their sleep. He wants to see those sleepy green eyes again, that smile, and hear his voice. It's been three months since he'd last heard Izuku's voice and he's angry and anxiety ridden on top of the guilt he now carries. The door opened making 'Toshi wheel around to face who had just come in.

"My apologies, 'Toshi. I did not mean to startle you. It's time for his daily therapy, if you could just step out for a bit. Maybe get some lunch? You look like you haven't eaten all day hon'." Neri, Izuku's nurse, already knew him by his first name. As much time as he spent in the hospital he'd be surprised if the entire hospital staff didn't know his name. That's an exaggeration he knows but he feels like everyone knows who he is, why he's there and whatnot.

At hearing Neri suggest for him to get something to eat his stomach grumbled making her smile.

"Okay, yeah. I'll, uh go. But I'm still coming back." He said, slightly raising his voice as if she were about to argue with him.

"Of course hon', and I know you'll be by the door before I'm even finished. Just like yesterday and all the days before that."

This is why he liked Neri, she was sympathetic in a way that didn't show pity but understanding. He almost got into a fight with a male nurse his first few nights at the hospital. They said only family… But really did the guy not know anything?! Izuku's dad was never in the picture and his mom passed away three years prior. The only people left in Izuku's life besides his friends and Toshi and… him. At least he hoped he was still allowed in Izuku's life.

They had left a lot of stuff up in the air before Izuku's accident. They had just gotten reacquainted. Slowly getting back to being friends, working together on the mission that ended up landing Izuku in the coma. They had been so close to getting back what once was, slowly getting back together after a dinner that Toshinori had hosted. They had been so close and yet… everything was turned on its head.

He needed to stop that train of thought, he needed to focus on the now. With all these reminders it only made things harder. Once he begins to think about all the 'almost' his thoughts begin to spiral into the 'what ifs' and that wasn't going to benefit anyone here.

Stepping through the cafeteria doors, he felt his stomach grumble once again as the aroma of food wafted through his nose. He hadn't realized he was starving. Even though 'Toshi wasn't her patient, Neri was subconsciously taking care of him too. He secretly scolded himself. He needed to get his shit together. He needs to be aware that he needs to stay on track as if nothing had happened. He needs to be there for Izuku when he wakes up because Izuku will need him, and that means eating and making sure he gets enough sleep. How exactly is it going to benefit taking care of Izuku like he wants when he can't even take care of himself?

An hour later,Toshi made his way back to Izuku's room. He was looking down at his shoes as he walked, he hated leaving the room. He hated that even though Izuku's nurse was present and taking care of him; the guilt that had settled in made him feel worse, like he was leaving. Abandoning Izuku. He knew that wasn't the case but he couldn't help it. A doctor running past him made him snap his head up. A nurse dashed past him and then another and at the door he saw Neri waving them down.

Hitoshi's stomach dropped. Of course something fucking happened the moment he stepped away.

No, no, no, no, no please no. Please don't tell me something bad happened. I won't be able to live with myself if something happened, 'Toshi thought.

His feet carried him towards Izuku's door as fast as possible but when he came to the threshold, Neri stopped him.

"What are you doing? Neri, please, what's going on?" 'Toshi pleaded. "Please let me through, I have to see him!"

Neri grabbed 'Toshi by the shoulders and said, "You have to listen to me. When someone wakes up from a coma, it's not as simple as waking up from sleep. We don't know what a patient's speech or mobility will be like so we need to check and see what stage the patient is at, are you following?" She asked.

"Yes, Neri, I know all this but you're scaring me. What happened?" He didn't understand. This was already explained to him the first week of his stay with Izuku at the hospital.

"Neri." His voice cracked as he spoke.

Her heavy sigh didn't help control his nerves but she has always been honest with him, she never sugar coated anything in the past three months and 'Toshi knows she's not going to start now.

"His Glasgow Coma Scale is looking good. We think his points are high because of the fact that he's been healed for quite some time and we were just waiting for him to do the rest, are you still following?"

When 'Toshi nodded, Neri continued.

"The only low point we have so far is his verbal responses. It's at four points."

"Confusion…"

"Yes, Toshi but that's not the only thing…"

"Neri… please tell me."

At the look on his face, she almost didn't want to. She knew it was going to break his heart.

"He's asking for his mother." The silence that followed felt heavy. It couldn't be.

'Toshi frowned, tears glistening and forming at the corner of his eyes.

"But… you said he's just confused. It's just confusion, right? It goes away?"

'Toshi didn't seem to get it, or maybe he didn't want to. Izuku's mom has been gone for three years. He knows, he was there. He was there when Izuku fell apart, helped him pack up her stuff and her apartment. Helped him organize everything while Izuku could barely function in his grief. Had to help Izuku bury his mother.

"Hon… think." She said softly. She was trying to hold it together as well. She hated giving her patient's loved ones bad news.

"No, please." He said as a sob escaped him.

"I'm afraid Izuku woke up with memory loss... and can't seem to recollect the last three years of his life."