A/N: Hello everyone! This fic was previously published under the name "Memoria Amore"; however, it was sadly abandoned after some major life events hit. Since then, I've moved to another country, learned a new language, gotten married, and started my own illustration business! Now that I'm in a much better state of mind, I'm ready to give it another shot.
Lastly, I am pulling bits and pieces from both the anime and manga series as well as PGSM. Please note, I have not watched or read any of the material for several, several, years. There may be some inconsistencies, but hopefully not too many!
Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to the Sailor Moon franchise and create no profit from making this fanfiction. It exists for the sole purpose of entertaining myself and other fans.
Chapter: One
When she arrived at her destination, the sun had long set and a certain stillness froze the air around her. It was a stillness that only owls and insomniacs, she assumed, were familiar with; and yet Rei felt a certain peace within the repose. Everything seemed to lay exactly how she had left it so many years ago except for a tall, and somewhat overly aggressive, cast-iron gate entwined with a gaudy chain and lock forbidding entry to the Hikawa Shrine. Noticing no signs of rust, she could only guess it had been installed recently.
Rei Hino sat on the curb straddling her black Yamaha, hand in her jacket pocket nervously fingering the key her father had mailed off earlier that week. Takashi Hino, or more likely his legal secretary, elegantly wrote that after much deliberation regarding the matter of Grandpa's will and its authenticity, she had indeed inherited the Hikawa Shrine – along with all its financial rights and responsibilities. Regrettably, Mr. Hino would be unable to care for the property in her stead beyond the end of the current month and asks that she responds promptly with a decision on whether she would accept and maintain responsibility. Also enclosed were various legal documents for her to sign, should she decide to claim ownership of the property and its entitlements.
Initially, Rei had become furious while reading her father's lengthy "deliberation of the matter regarding Grandpa's will", because even though she did not follow in her father's footsteps to practice law and politics, she knew damn well that four years were more than necessary to determine who the Hikawa Shrine were to be passed to. The single remedy to her slow burning anger was the hidden message that only Takashi himself and his daughter would be able to translate, and that was essentially him blatantly stating "you can have it, I'm tired of paying for it, and if you don't want it, I'll give it to the prefecture and slap a historical site plaque on it to keep it from getting bulldozed." Feeling trapped and unwilling to allow her beloved shrine to fall into the care of strangers, the former priestess immediately began making travel arrangements for Tokyo.
She took a deep breath, shook her hair from her helmet and approached the locked gate. It only took a few seconds of scraping the key against the bottom of the lock before it slipped in and allowed her a satisfying "click". Unfortunately, she underestimated how heavy the chain was and did not catch it in time, resulting in an obnoxiously loud crash, shattering her piece of mind and sending her heart rate fluttering. Wincing and recovering from her moment of clumsiness, she slowly began the long but familiar tread up the seemingly infinite number of stone steps. Every step was draining. Every step ignited a memory. A memory of such coarse, raw sorrow that when trying to pull on its string, she became lost in a mental haze.
Rei recalled that it were only a few days after her grandfather had died and the loss was still very fresh on her mind and heart. She originally had every intention of maintaining her duties to the shrine and kept up with her chores diligently, denying her soul the opportunity to wallow in grief. An occupied mind and body was how she overcame her mother's death, her father's abandonment, and the alienation of her classmates in grammar school. Grieving, she had thought, would bring her nothing but wasted time and keeping busy was her only way of keeping sane.
Life was quickly finding its normal groove again, that is, until that following Sunday evening. Rei had moved with the repetitive motions of preparing tea and when she was finished she noticed that, by habit, she held two cups on the serving tray. One for her, and unintentionally, one for her deceased grandfather.
Suddenly, it was as if she was a fresh trainee who was so used to flying on autopilot, that when the programed function suddenly crashed, she could do nothing but panic. The loss had festered long enough inside her gut, that its poison came retching out of her, and for the first time in Rei Hino's adult life, she didn't know how to handle herself. She not only felt the same wave of despair that hollowed her heart when her mother had passed, but also the fiery hatred she held for her father when he couldn't bear to look at her anymore.
As she climbed the shrine steps, Rei still couldn't remember how she managed through that night. She could not recall how all the shattered porcelain came to be. All she remembered was that upon waking and reentering the kitchen, merely hours before dawn, she quickly cleaned and disposed of the mess and promptly relocated far away to her mother's old property in Kazuno. The nine hour commute was plenty of time to set her affairs in order with her bank and job. It was when she arrived in her new dwellings later that night, she noticed the many cuts on her hands and forearms – an indication of how hastily she cleaned the mess. Rei never made it to the reading of her Grandfather's will.
Having finally climbed the steps through the thorns of memories, a guilty consciousness wiggled and squirmed in Rei's chest. Lifting her head to catch a breath she saw how her neglect of the temple reflected over the years on dirty stone steps. Her shrine… her Grandfather's pride was far from how she had left it. Weeds had sprouted where gravel had once evenly coated the ground, many stone lanterns were dirtied from bird excrement and weathered badly, and old blankets were littered under the cherry blossom trees. Rei had guessed that even though the windows and doors were barred on all of the buildings, many homeless took the grounds as a form of refuge until finally her father had the metal gate installed to keep outsiders from going beyond the stone wall entryway. She did feel a small sense of solace knowing that for a time, the shrine did find a way to serve those who were suffering in some manner. There was no vandalism to speak of and that in itself was a relief.
Her shoes crunched against dead foliage and old gravel, making their way instinctively to the humble temple that housed the sacred fire. Luckily, the same key fit nicely into the barred gate; however, it was not as new as the large gate at the entrance. For a moment Rei feared she would not be able go forward, due to the unforgiving rust coating the bars, but, after several attempts of shaking and shoving her shoulder against the bars, the gate opened with great success.
Rubbing her arm, the fire senshi glanced around the dark room but ultimately couldn't determine the overall condition of the space. If the smell was any indication, she guessed possible water damage and enough bacteria, fungi, and mildew for an impressive biological science experiment. Her investigation came to a halt, hearing something scratching against the wooden floor.
Please don't let it be a rat, she prayed to the powers that be and slowly turned towards the perpetrator that, to be frank, was freaking her the fuck out.
When she finally distinguished the silhouette, her eyes widened with delight. There they were, a pair of black-as-night crows. To some, their glinting eyes would have been more far more frightening than creeping rat, but to Rei, there were few sights that made her feel safer, because she knew – knew – those were not just any birds. They were her birds!
Rei rushed out to greet them, both birds flapping and soaring into the air. She extended her hand in welcome. Deimos immediately took his place, situating his talons carefully in the crook of her thumb and forefinger; however, Phobos landed on the roof of the shrine. Rei found this behavior rather odd, if not a tad bit insulting.
Clearly somebody was upset with her leave of absence.
"Phobos," Rei began as she absently stroked Deimos's feathers. It was rare that she ever spoke to them aloud. Then again, it wasn't as if she had many opportunities to speak with anyone, during the years she'd been away. Though the conversation would be one-sided, she still welcomed it.
"What if I say it wasn't you, it was me?" she gave the bird a sheepish smile.
The crow's reply was to turn his back on her…only to shit right over the ledge of the temple roof and take flight into the black early morning sky with Deimos shortly following. Rei rolled her eyes in response to his bad attitude. Phobos was always the snarkier of the two. She gazed across the temple grounds and again noticed the bird excrement on the stone lanterns.
"Phobos…" she grumbled as the other bird took flight, circling above her, "if I ever find out that you're the one responsible for the condition of those lanterns, I'm going to adopt a feral cat."
An hour or so had passed since arriving, and exhaustion had finally caught up with her. Rei's shoulders slouched forward, her muscles ached, and she felt emotionally spent. She glanced back one last time towards the dark room that once held the familiar, but now sadly extinguished, sacred fire - wanted nothing more than to rekindle the flame that once so easily calmed her frayed emotion. Feeling only slightly defeated by the shrine's condition, Rei shuffled towards the only location that seemed to be undamaged. Deeper into the trees, she maneuvered over roots overgrown weeds until finally happening upon the familiar scent of cherry blossoms.
Kicking aside one of the few tattered blankets strewn along the yard, the former priestess situated herself near the base of the tree; it was the same location she always managed to find herself sitting when troubled. Perhaps here she would be able to comfortably wait out until sunrise. Rei wasn't quite sure what she should do next. Certainly she hadn't expected her old home to be in perfect running order, but she also didn't expect it to have been so neglected either.
"Sunrise." She murmured tiredly, closing her eyes. Then she would be able to gather a better understanding of the property damages, find a proper place to stay, and - if she was really lucky - avoid further unpleasant memories. She laid her head back onto the rough surface of the tree, her mind drifting, wondering if any of the stars shining tonight were planet Mars…
The barren wasteland was appropriate, for it was exactly how she felt. Her light had been stolen from her and her ideals were stripped. What was the point of duty and honor when death takes the cowardly all the same? But death… death should have spared her light! Her golden Aphrodite whom she knew could do no wrong!
But she did do wrong… she left you to die alone.
The warrior knew that wasn't true, that her lover and friends were simply gone before her own falling, but the emptiness replaced the sorrow, allowing her to process the loneliness better. She had felt every one of them leave and could not resist the comforting darkness which had already begun to dull her senses. It was familiar to how her mother used to wrap her in the finest fur hides, warming her during Martian winters.
Hand me your burden child, and you will feel no more.
No longer could she hear the sounds of destruction, a sound only those too familiar with war could distinguish. No, all she could hear were the howling wind, slicing down what few structures still remained and perhaps her failing heartbeat, though one could argue it was another war drum; she neither knew nor care.
The Lunar Republic had long been decimated. Her vision was failing now and she pondered on how even though she saw it all coming, none of it was preventable. She thought of the guardian of time and wondered if she finally understood the helplessness Sailor Pluto felt day-to-day, knowing the happy faces surrounding her were soon to be destroyed. Not that it mattered anymore, but what was the point of fighting if the outcome was already written in the stars?
Enough of this, warrior. Would you elude peace to mull over such triviality?
A sharp pain tightened her chest but was quickly replaced buy another warm enveloping sensation.
Do you not see what I offer you?
The would-be heir of the Martian Empire silently wept. She wanted, no, needed her obnoxiously diplomatic, far too confident leader to guide her through this. Regrets of too many words left unsaid, and too many lost opportunities flooded her soul all at once and she cursed death for not taking her sooner. She cursed life for having ever allowing her to know love.
Is this the burden you wish eradicated from your soul?
Sailor Mars, a superb warrior whom had never known the taste of true defeat, finally gave in. A foreign black muddle flooded her heart and drowned her with the most intoxicating sense of peace she had ever known.
Rei abruptly woke to the sound of twigs snapping a short distance away, berating herself for not locking the gate behind her when she entered the shrine earlier that morning. She groggily snapped to her feat, blaming her lack of sleep and a far too bright sun for the splitting headache she was currently experiencing – her solemn dream long forgotten. Trying to focus on the situation at hand she began scanning the wooded area around her. The young woman wanted nothing more than to be able to summon her flaming sniper…
"Rei-chan?" Came a small, feminine whisper closer than she had expected.
To her utter surprise, there stood the moon princess herself… erm… queen she supposed considering the small pink tuft of hair that was adorning the small child balanced on the blonde's hip. Both mother and child sported the ever eccentric odango styled hair. Rei was too dumbfounded to speak; though she knew a reunion with her fellow senshi was inevitable, she currently had no contingency plan in place.
"Rei-chan!" Usagi Tsukino, perhaps the loudest person she knew, yelled enthusiastically, "You're back!"
Usagi began giddily bounding towards her, causing Rei to worry for poor Chibi-Usa's safety. It is well known amongst the senshi and Mamoru how clumsy Usagi is so for the little princess's safety, Rei smoothly navigated her way closer to Usagi, but she would be lying to herself if she didn't admit that it was a small comfort seeing a familiar human face.
"Good mor—" Rei's greeting was cut short.
"Rei-chan, you look horrible! Did you sleep out here? I saw you sleeping!" Usagi accused, evidently more worried about the girl's appearance more so than her toddler's habit of pulling one of her own tails of hair. "Oh! Here," Usagi carefully weaved her hair out of the babe's fingers and held the child out before Rei.
"W-what?" It was all too much for Rei to take in. She expected an argument to ensue regarding her long hiatus and even began formulating tactics to soften any blows the odango-head had planned to dish out. She did not expect Usagi to concern herself with Rei's bad case of bed head. Yet, before her stood an expectant Usagi and exceptionally skeptical Chibi-Usa. Rei gingerly took the confused babe into her arms, wondering where all this was leading to.
Usagi smiled excitedly; Rei had never seen her more pleased other than when she described her dates with Mamoru during their teen years. "There," Usagi stated triumphantly, "Now Chibi-Usa has been held by ALL of her aunties!"
Chibi-Usa, on the other hand, did not look the least bit amused. The babe had tucked her little fists close to her chest and fat tears began to well in her big eyes.
"Please take her." The words tumbled out of Rei's mouth before she could even process them. Normally she handled children just fine, as she had experience with several different children volunteering at the Hikawa Shrine. Crying babies; however, was not her forte. She even avoided them on the train whenever the need to travel arose.
Usagi sighed and rolled her eyes, "Well she hasn't gotten to know you yet." She took her child back in her arms and completely ignored Rei's incredulous stare. "Rei-chan isn't as mean as she seems, I promise." Usagi cooed to her baby, who was immediately please to be out of a stranger's arms.
Usagi continued to smile at Rei and though Rei was sure Usagi couldn't feel it, the tension was getting to her and she reacted the only way she knew.
"So trespassing on private property is a new hobby of yours, neh?" Rei stated blandly but meant well all the same.
A perfectly rehearsed pout graced the queen's lips, "The gate was open. Who else would be here?"
Rei could come up with a small band of names and figures but decided it would be best not to press the issue. She looked at Chibi-Usa, once again preoccupied with her mother's lock of hair, sounding some nonsense baby language adoringly. Guilt and a strange feeling of loss overwhelmed her again, "Usa… I-I'm sorry for not…being here when—"
"No." Usagi said. The finality of her statement startled Rei. It was a rare occasion, seeing the normally boisterous woman acting so serious. "You have been gone for far too long, it's true," a warm smile stretched across her lips, "but I will not accept any apologies. Let's just focus on us being happy and together now."
Strangely enough, Rei fought her eyes from watering. Again, it was all just too much. It was as if they were teenagers again. Rei with her walls of apprehension and Usagi with her need to crash right through every one of them. She returned Usagi's smile with every bit of warmth she could manage, having slept only a few hours on the cold-hardened ground, "Alright then, no apologies. Though I think you owe me one for startling me." She countered in good humor.
Sticking her tongue out and winking in her usual fashion, "You're being mean again!"
"What can I say, you bring out the worst in me." Rei teased.
"Ha!" Usage mocked. The abrupt sound caused Chibi-Usa to look at her mother quizzically, "You and I both know that Minako holds that record."
Absently, Rei nodded, not particularly wishing to get into a conversation about the other blonde….
Stretching, Rei yawned and felt the last bit of her adrenaline seep away. Yes, she made it to daylight one way or another, but she was far too tired to assess the damages littering the Shrine now. Thinking about what a chore it all was going to be just made her want to crawl back beneath the tree branches and sleep it all away.
Noticing her friend's exhaustion, Usagi asked, "Why were you sleeping out here anyways? I never knew you for the camping-under-the-stars type."
"I just got in really late and wanted to hang around until daylight to properly check on the place," Rei stated nonchalantly. It was mostly the truth, but she did leave out her need to answer some unknown stream of consciousness inside of her that demanded she immediately return. As far as she was concerned, it was not "save the world" worthy and not worth mentioning to Usagi, who would most likely pry further than Rei would care for. "I was hoping it was in better shape, but I clearly won't be staying here again tonight." She laughed.
"Then you'll stay with us!" Usagi announced, her eyes sparkling like they did when she used to suggest all night study sessions, or as they actually were, sleep over parties during the time of their youth. "Mamo-chan would be delighted to see you again!"
Rei nervously laughed in response, trying to mentally shove away a memory of a certain pair of hyperactive blondes having a karaoke throw down on a not-so-appropriate night before sophomore midterms. All of their grades dropped at least slightly… Ami didn't speak to them for weeks as retribution. "I was actually just going to check into a hotel…"
A terrible glint showed in Usagi's eyes, "Rei-chan, I said I would have no apologies from you" she spoke almost as if she were handing her a legal deal, "but if you do wish to explain yourself and your absence, and I promise I won't ask, then you will accept my offer."
Now, normally Rei would stand her ground and graciously decline the offer, her stubbornness was legendary amongst the senshi after all, but she was just so damn tired… Her head was pounding and felt full of rocks while her muscles were protesting even more after having slept on the lumpy ground. All of this on top of truly wanting to not discuss her long absence… well, this get out of jail free card maybe wasn't a bad idea after all.
Giving a defeated sigh, a sigh which she noticed Usagi enjoying far too much, Rei mumbled "Alright. But can we keep this quiet for now?"
"But everyone—" Usagi began, looking confused and concerned, but Rei interrupted her with a reassuring smile.
"And we'll all have a big party… but just not now ok? I just need time to… process." Rei motioned at the rubble surrounding them, "This condition is a little much for me to bear right now, yeah?"
The idea of a party returned the light in Usagi's eyes. Rei tried not to cringe at what could possibly be going through Usagi's mind. "I'll be the best secret keeper there is, Rei-chan! Chibi-Usa won't say a word either!"
Not that she could if she tried, Rei thought, listening to the child's made up words.
"Alright, then. Lead the way." Rei said, following the peppy steps of the woman in front of her, knowing very well that Usagi had never successfully kept a secret in all the time she had known the girl.