A few days late and a couple dollars short, but here's something for the holidays.
Just a series of short little moments during the holidays. A little crack-y.
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Later, when Bruce turned on the news and saw the anchor complimenting Batman for getting into the holiday spirit, he thought he could be forgiven for not noticing. Crime was always busier around the holidays, as if the criminal element was restless with all the joy and good cheer. There were also many opportunities to target vulnerable people traveling.
So, Bruce was going to argue that this could be forgiven, and it was all Alfred's fault.
He'd been awake for, oh, three days straight now? Four? Maybe with like, a twenty-minute nap during two of those days. Alfred had been bothering him to rest, and apparently in his ploy to do just that he'd given Bruce decaf coffee.
(Never mind the fact that it wasn't, actually, decaf coffee but Bruce needed someone to blame, so that was the story he was sticking to.)
The night started off fairly normal. Batman and Robin had rushed to stop the robbery of a bank. Bruce had been focused on getting into the Batmobile, reading his wrist computer for the incoming police reports, letting autopilot take over, that he didn't notice. The robbers were apprehended, and the reporters were rolling their cameras, many with coffee and mics in their hands looking as equally tired as Bruce felt.
The Batmobile was in full view of the lights and the cameras, and that was when someone took notice.
"I appreciate the new look," Commissioner Gordan told him.
Batman, who hadn't been paying attention, but was instead waiting for Robin to coming out with the last of the robbers, turned around. He looked at Jim, whose straight face was admirable, except the twinkle in his eye betrayed his amusement.
For one of the few times in his life, however, Batman was genuinely baffled, until he looked to where Jim gestured.
The Batmobile, in all its glory, sat with a few additional features that Bruce certainly didn't remember adding. He felt another one of his hair's go grey and a few more wrinkles appear. Clark would never let him forget this.
"Robin," Batman sighed deeply, as if in pain.
Commissioner Gordan poorly hid his grin.
For on the Batmobile, attached to the front side windows, was a pair of reindeer antlers. On the front of the car was a plush red nose stuck.
The culprit walked up, handing the last of the robbers to the nearby cops.
Robin took one look at Batman's blank expression and started laughing.
(Alfred later informed Bruce that the pictures taken by the reporters had become a trending 'meme' as the kids called it. He grew afraid to check his phone.)
"Check the back," Robin wheezed out.
With a small sense of dread, Batman walked around.
Sure enough, there was a large, oversized bumper sticker on the back of the Batmobile. The white letters stood out starkly against the black.
I BRAKE FOR GRANDMA.
"I didn't think it'd actually make it out," Robin was crying now, clutching at Batman's shoulder.
Every time he seemed to calm down, he looked at Batman and started laughing again.
"We're going home," Batman stated monotonously.
He entered the Batmobile and Robin followed shortly after. Robin was giggling in fits and bursts the whole ride home. Finally, it seemed, he calmed himself enough to breathe normally. Faced with Dick's glee, however, Bruce found his own lips quirking involuntarily into a smile.
He was immensely grateful for tinted windows.
When they got back, Alfred was waiting for them with a carefully neutral expression.
"Alfred," Bruce nodded his head and pulled back his cowl.
"Shall I bring you the milk and cookies, Master Bruce?"
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Dick hadn't really been planning on bringing the string of bells to the Cave, but Babs had given them to him once their school class party was over. She suggested he'd decorate the Wayne Manor with it. While the idea was appealing, Alfred had wrinkled his nose upon being confronted with the shiny, jingly monstrosity. On a whim, Dick had stuffed the strand of bells into his pocked as he headed to the Cave.
"Dude, awesome job with the Batmobile," Wally told him as soon as Robin stepped foot in the Cave. "Do you have the pictures?"
His redheaded friend was grinning and rubbing his hands together like a cartoon villain.
"Yes," Robin smirked at the thought of the photos.
He scratched Wolf behind the ear gently when the large white wolf came over to greet him. Wolf leaned into his hand, enjoying the attention.
"Sweet!" Wally exclaimed, "Now I know what I'm getting my Uncle for Christmas. I bet he'll frame it."
"Probably," Dick shrugged.
He pulled out the envelope containing the photos, and in the process, the bells fell out of his pocket.
"What're those?" Wally asked curiously.
He picked them up off the floor. "Bells. Figured we could decorate the Cave a little. M'gann would like it."
Wally and Robin looked down at the bells, then at each other.
Slowly, they turned to face Wolf.
"You think it fits?" Wally asked, not looking away from Wolf.
Robin took each end of the strand of bells and held it up appraisingly.
He looked between Wolf and the bells. "Yes."
"Good."
Hours later, Kaldur walked into the sounds of shouts, laugher, barks, and the ominous jingling of bells. He promptly walked right out and hoped no one had heard the Zeta announce his designation.
Needless to say, Wolf had not been impressed by the bells.
They did manage to get one cute picture with all of them and Wolf wearing the bells, but it was a hard-fought battle.
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"So, what's the Team meeting about?" Artemis asked.
Robin yawned widely. He was honestly curious about that himself. They'd just gotten done a rather difficult mission, and with everything going on during the holidays, all of them were exhausted. He was kind of hoping this ended quickly.
"I believe M'gann has an idea for the holidays," Kaldur looked towards said Martian for confirmation.
In front of her, M'gann held a rather large pot, which was a little disconcerting. Conner stood next to M'gann with his arms crossed, and he watched her with a fond smile. Robin discreetly pulled a face, and Zatanna elbowed him with a smile.
"Well, what is it?" Raquel cocked her head. "We don't have all day."
"I was thinking we could do Secret Santa!" M'gann clapped her hands together excitedly. "We could all draw names out of this pot!"
Robin blinked. It didn't sound that bad. He hoped he got Wally. He'd buy him a set of magic cards. Warming up to the idea, he grinned.
"Sounds great," Robin chimed in when it seemed everyone was done talking. "Are there any rules?"
M'gann nodded. "Yes. We're gonna try to keep it under twenty-five dollars, and no trading people. We'll exchange gifts at the party this year! Is this okay with everyone?"
There were murmurs of assent from everyone present.
"Secret Santa!" Wally cheered, "All right!"
"You better watch out," Artemis told him, "All you'll get for Christmas is coal."
Wally pouted. "Is it at least the chocolate coal?"
Robin snickered. M'gann walked around and everyone drew a name from the pot, each of them guarding the little piece of paper. He didn't get Wally, but Robin still smiled when he saw he got Kaldur. He already had an idea of what to get him.
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The point of Secret Santa was that you weren't supposed to know who had your name. Naturally, since they were a team full of superheroes, they all tried to discover who had their name with varying degrees of success. All of them closely guarded their names, and none of them talked about it too each other just in case that gave the other person an advantage. It became a personal challenge for every single one of them, like a training exercise, but more vicious.
Robin, of course, knew who everyone had.
There was another issue they ran into with Secret Santa.
Some of them weren't good at waiting to give gifts. Nor were they good at thinking said gifts through.
Kid Flash had the best of intentions, and they would label this event strictly under the 'We're Not Telling Batman Until We're Grown Adults' file, which meant he would know as soon as they came back and there'd be lectures. Lots and lots of lectures. To be fair, Wally did kind of deserve it this time.
They'd beaten everyone, and he was the only one to notice as Cheshire started fleeing. She realized he saw her, but an idea struck him, and he just gestured for her to go.
Just this once, he could spare Artemis the pain of dealing with her criminal sister.
Merry Christmas!
It didn't really work out that way.
Wally was well aware that he'd blundered his attempt to give Artemis her Christmas gift, but he'd been so excited to have her, perhaps he hadn't really thought this one through. It had been more spur of the moment gift, and in hindsight, he was regretting it.
He blamed Robin for making him stay up too late binge-watching TV shows. Even if it really hadn't taken all that much, because Wally was weak and susceptible to staying up late, but still. He could blame his poor decision making on lack of sleep.
How was he supposed to know Cheshire would come back with help?
Falling into her and leaving them both vulnerable to capture hadn't been the plan, but they knew the rest of the Team were plotting to rescue them because of the mind link.
Kid Flash wasn't too worried about the goons who had them tied up at the moment.
No, he was more worried about who he was tied up to.
"Your Secret Santa gift," Artemis said slowly, "was give my sister one free pass."
Kid Flash, even though he couldn't see her face, winced. One of the goons coughed, clearly disguising a laugh. Said sister was perched on a crate nearby, playing with her weapons. Wally couldn't see her face because of the mask, but she probably wasn't too impressed with him.
"I," he managed, "No. Yeah? Yea-no?"
"What, were you going to put a bow on her?" Artemis asked sarcastically.
More goons stifled their laughter with fake coughs. Wally gave them a withering look.
Across the mind link, Robin's laughter echoed. You have to admit, KF, it wasn't one of your brightest plans!
It's okay, Kid Flash, M'gann said sympathetically. If you want, we can just not count this one? It's not technically the party yet.
Wally knew his friends were only trying to help, and he could feel his face slowly growing bright red. Curse his red hair.
"What were you thinking?" Artemis exclaimed, tugging at the ropes that bound the two of them.
"Maybe he wasn't," Cheshire suggested. "You can probably do better than him."
"Stay out of this," Artemis snapped, "You're not my mother."
Cheshire laughed softly and stood up.
"I'm going to check the perimeter," Cheshire ordered the guards, "Keep an eye on these two. Sportsmaster will be done soon."
The goons nodded, their grips on their guns tightening.
Once Cheshire left, Artemis tried again, her voice softer this time as she asked, "Kid Flash, what were you thinking?"
The others, they could feel in the mind link, turned away from the two of them to give them privacy. Wally leaned his head against hers and was grateful when she leaned her head against his.
"Because," he faltered. "Because it hurts you, going against her. I see it and there's nothing I can do to help."
". . . I'd kiss you right now, but we're a little tied up," Artemis said thickly.
He knew from her voice she was trying not to cry.
"It's sweet that you're trying," Artemis told him, "Although dumb you didn't account for the fact that Jade wouldn't run away and come back with help after we'd won, and she was arrested."
Wally closed his eyes. "I know. But hey," he tried, "At least no one saw me release a wanted criminal."
"Only you," Artemis said fondly.
"Only me," he agreed, smiling. "Although I'm fairly certain Rob's given Catwoman a five-minute headstart at least twice."
Hey! Robin called; you leave me out of your conversations! Kaldur, catch!
The loud explosion had the goons jumping.
Head goon pointed towards one of the men. "You, stay here with these two."
Artemis and Kid Flash stared at the single remaining goon unimpressed.
"You done talking?" Kid Flash asked her.
"Yeah," Artemis knocked her head against his, "You?"
"Yes," Kid Flash nodded, "Though I need a new Secret Santa gift for you."
"That you do," Artemis agreed.
The goon's gun shook.
"Let's get out of here then," Kid Flash grinned. "I have shopping to do."
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Artemis was still thinking about Wally's words even after they knocked out their lone guard and joined the rest. Cheshire had escaped yet again, which wasn't a surprise. This time, however, they scoured the area to make sure there weren't any more surprises waiting for them.
It really was a stroke of dumb luck that Artemis was the one who found Jade where she was hiding under a nearby bridge, hands pressed to a wound on her side. Her older sister was slouched against the wall, and she looked up when she heard Artemis approach. Jade's mask was beside her on the ground. A car passed overhead, and the loud roar caused Artemis to miss what Jade said.
She held her bow at the ready in case her sister tried anything.
"What?" She asked again.
Her bow still didn't lower.
"I said, not you," Jade repeated, annoyed.
"Getting rusty?" Artemis jerked her head at Jade's wound.
"Got hit by a stray bullet." Jade's face soured into an unhappy expression. "Comes with the job. You should know."
Artemis nodded. "Yeah."
She watched her sister carefully, then seemed to come to a decision. She lowered her bow. It was probably a stupid decision, what she had decided to do, considering Kid Flash doing the same thing literally hours ago had landed them in hot water. It was at least a little morally questionable.
Artemis ignored that.
She pulled out her mini first aid kit from one of the pouches on her belt.
"Here." Artemis tossed it at Jade. "Merry Christmas."
Jade narrowed her eyes. "What?"
Artemis began turning around, but she didn't take her eyes off of her sister yet.
"Merry Christmas," she said again. "Don't stab me in the back."
"Don't tempt me," Jade shot back automatically.
She snorted. Artemis glanced at Jade one last time and noted the baffled way the other woman was staring at the kit. With a start, she remembered something Kid Flash had told her about Robin and Catwoman earlier.
"Five minutes," Artemis said.
"What?" Jade frowned. "Five minutes?"
"You get a five-minute headstart," Artemis explained, "Then I'm coming for you."
It was morally questionable. Her sister wasn't on the side of the angels, but Artemis, despite everything, still loved Jade.
Without a word, Jade nodded, and she hauled herself to her feet.
"I'll be gone." She slid her mask into place. "Like the Cheshire cat."
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To her surprise, Artemis came home that night to find a small, hastily wrapped package with a Merry Christmas scrawled across it in familiar handwriting. There wasn't any note, but she knew who it was from. Artemis smiled faintly without meaning too. Her mother reached out and traced the handwriting.
Artemis opened up and came up with a pack full of firecrackers, a can of pepper spray, and a bag full of Hershey's kisses.
A bit bewildered and lot touched, she laughed at the gifts.
"Waterproof, huh?" Artemis murmured down at the firecrackers.
Her mother shook her head, but she had her own sad smile on her face.
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The snow falling really was beautiful, and the hush that fell over everything was relaxing. Very few sane people were out today.
"She says you have to go," Kid Flash reasoned.
Fortunately, neither Barry nor Wally were very sane. They had patrolled for a little while as Flash and Kid Flash, not out of any real need at the moment, but mostly just the desire to run. Growing hungry, the two of them had stopped at a vendor for a snack. They picked a bench in a quiet corner of a nearby park to eat their snacks. The two of them enjoyed the lull in activity. Wally had long since finished his hot chocolate and his cookies from the nearby vendor, but Barry still had his.
This meant that to avoid answering Wally, he took a deliberate sip of his hot chocolate and burned his tongue. He grimaced. He had no idea how Wally had sipped his so fast.
"C'mon," Wally whined. His goggles were shoved up onto his forehead, giving him a ridiculous look. "You gotta go."
Barry sighed mournfully. "She's gonna give me another childproof lock this year. Or another book about safety. Or a guide on how to lock up dangerous things. Or a safe."
"Don't worry," his nephew grinned. "First Christmas after I became Kid Flash, I got a book on lab safety. I also got another one for my birthday." He paused, then added, "And she doesn't let me near so much as the cleaning supplies without supervision."
"That's because you're a baby," Flash reasoned, pinching Kid Flash's cheek.
"I'm a baby?" Green eyes narrowed. "You're the one who doesn't want to go to a family Christmas party."
"That's because your mother terrifies me," Barry said, having a vivid flashback to when she threatened to bury him in her backyard once Wally became Kid Flash.
They'd both agreed to wait until Wally was older to tell him about that, but it would put some things into context for the younger speedster.
"What about, ah," Kid Flash glanced around, wary of their public setting despite literally no one being around. "You-Know-Who?"
"You did not just call my wife Voldemort," Barry shook his head. Grinning, he told Wally, "I'm gonna tell her you said that."
Kid Flash gasped. "Don't you dare. I'll tell her you're not coming to the party."
He winced. "She won't be happy with that." He sighed. "Of course, I'll go, kid."
Kid Flash whooped. "Great! So, the Team's doing a Secret Santa and I need some new ideas for a present for Artemis because the last one didn't work out . . ."
He slumped at the end, clearly thinking about whatever his attempt at a gift was.
"Let's finish patrol first," Flash interrupted hurriedly. "Then we'll talk."
Maybe by then he'll have been able to come up with some advice.
Kid Flash and Flash shared a grin with each other, before they both started running off through the snow.
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"Where's everyone else?" Wally asked. He rubbed his eyes.
He looked around for the Justice Leaguers, but none of them were here yet.
Robin rolled his eyes. "We all agreed to come early to exchange gifts."
"Oh," Wally said, "Right."
He clutched the little wrapped package in his hand tighter. The rest of the Team had brought their gifts, all of them wrapped or in festive bags with tissue paper.
"Let's move to the living room," M'gann suggested, "We can exchange gifts there."
All of them agreed, and soon enough they were lounging around in the common area of the Cave, either on the couches or chairs or sitting on the floor. Robin was sitting on the armchair of the couch. It made Wally, who was sitting on the couch next to him, want to push him off, just for fun.
Robin's smirk told him he knew exactly what his best pal was thinking.
"How are we going to do this?" Zatanna asked.
She'd chosen to curl up on the other end of the couch. Artemis was next to her, between Zatanna and Wally. Artemis had thrown her legs over Wally's lap and was leaning against Zatanna. Raquel had chosen to sit on the floor in front of them, and Zatanna was attempting to put her hair into short pigtails. Raquel ignored her.
Kaldur hummed thoughtfully from his armchair.
He suggested, "Perhaps one person starts, opens their gift, and then whoever had them opens their gift?"
That seemed easiest, so they went with that. Kaldur suggested that M'gann open her gift first since she came up with the idea. Conner eagerly handed his gift over to her.
Opening gifts proved to be really amusing.
It was also a great way for the Team to get to know each other better. Robin snuck a glance at Kaldur and saw the small smile on the other teen's face. It made him grin also.
"Conner!" M'gann gasped. "Oh my gosh!"
She stared at her new Holiday Cookie Bake Set with wonder, her joy contagious. Conner took her hand and kissed her gently.
"Oh!" M'gann said, "Next!"
Instead of moving from her spot next to Conner on the other Couch, she floated her gift over.
Robin smiled. "Thanks, Miss M."
He opened his gift and found a little glass robin along with a pack of skittles. His smile grew wider.
"You don't mind sharing, do you?" Wally asked hopefully, spotting the candy.
Robin pulled his gifts closer protectively. "I do mind, thank you very much."
"Meanie," Wally said, then, "Oof!"
"Don't mind him," Artemis smiled serenely. She twisted her head to look at Robin. "Your turn."
"Kaldur, catch!" Robin tossed his present at the aforementioned boy.
Kaldur caught the box before it hit his face with a mildly exasperated expression. He tore off the wrapping paper, and then shook his head at the multiple layers. Robin grinned unrepentantly.
"Thank you, Robin," Kaldur said with a pleased smile.
He held up the book on battle tactics and teamwork. Upon holding up the next item, there was a small smattering of laughter when everyone saw the goldfish.
Shaking his head, Kaldur reached by his side and held out the bag containing his gift to Zatanna. She accepted it and then reached into the bag, pulling out a pair of fuzzy socks a scented candle that she liked.
"Thank you, Kaldur!" Zatanna grinned at him.
She plopped her gift into Raquel's lap.
"You're up," she told her.
Raquel laughed when she pulled out bag of chocolate disguised as coal. She thanked Zatanna for the truly hideous Christmas sweater, immediately pulling it on over her head. Raquel stood up and passed a flat object over to Conner.
It turned out to be a large picture frame filled with pics of the Team. Conner smiled when the gift Raquel had given him. He thanked her quietly, and M'gann reached over and squeezed his hand. Similar to Robin, Conner tossed his gift over to Wally.
"Here," he said.
Wally cheered when he opened it and found a large bag of holiday themed candy, along with a Snow man themed that had long sides which covered his eyes. Artemis shook her head at him.
"You look ridiculous," she informed him.
"I am ridiculous," he told her.
She grimaced.
With a grin, Wally held out his gift to her.
"Don't worry," he said, "There were no supervillains involved in this one."
"Excellent," Artemis said dryly, but she took it.
With bated breath, Wally watched her as she carefully unwrapped it. Artemis opened the box, and then her mouth dropped open in surprise.
"Wally," she said in surprise.
He grinned like a loon and studied her face as she pulled out the necklace and tried it on. At the end of it, there was a tiny heart shaped locket. Engraved on the locket was an arrowhead and a lightning bolt.
"Open it," he urged her.
She did, and smiled when she saw the photo of the two of them, Wally kissing Artemis' cheek and Artemis caught in the middle of laughing.
"Thank you," she said, her eyes suspiciously bright.
She pulled him in for a hug, and Wally hugged her right back. Someone in the back cooed, but they ignored their teammates.
Robin had to ruin the moment.
"Well," he said, clapping Wally on the back, "I'd say take two went better, wouldn't you?"
"Robin!"
Wally and Artemis pulled apart with twin glares.
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The party was in full swing, League members and Team members scattered throughout.
It started with a reminder from Black Canary that they had training tomorrow.
It really began when Wally looked at M'gann and gestured for the mind link. M'gann obliged.
Across the mind link, Wally said, let's do a snowball fight!
There were mixed reactions, but Robin was quick to join his side.
We can probably get Canary on board, Robin mused. Say it's for stealth training. We'll wear are winter suits.
At the excuse of it being training, Wally could tell Kaldur was beginning to lean into the idea.
I can probably get GA to join, Artemis mentally said, already calculating what to say.
Wally had to hide his grin. I'm sure I can convince Flash.
This is not going to end well, Kaldur sighed mentally, but now Wally was confident, because he knew that meant Kaldur agreed with them
Wally found Robin, and the two of them made their way through the crowd until the found Black Canary. She eyed them and their matching grins with a patient look, far too used to their antics.
"We have an idea for stealth training," Robin proposed, "Instead of training tomorrow, we'd do it today."
"Now?" Canary raised her eyebrows.
"Now," Wally confirmed. He waited until it looked like she was listening, then declared, "Snowball fight."
"Stealth training, huh?" Canary's eyebrow rose higher.
Wally nodded. "We were thinking of maybe having some Leaguers join, and doing it in the woods. Now would be a good time because they're covered in snow and no one's out."
"And the Leaguers are here," she noted.
She crossed her arms, but she was clearly interested, and the fact that she didn't dismiss them outright meant they just might be able to get away with this.
"Leaguers vs. the Team might not be such a good idea," Dinah sighed, "after New Year's Eve last year."
"Precisely why we need this," Wally argued, "It'd be a way for the Team and the League to bond."
Her sigh was long, but her face was resigned.
"It's only stealth training," she warned them, "and you'll still have a reduced training session tomorrow."
In the mind link, the others cheered.
Wally couldn't stop grinning. "Great, we're in."
Robin's own grin was challenging. "Are you in?"
She uncrossed her arms. "Only if you can convince a few other Leaguers to join."
GA's in, Artemis reported. He just got Flash to join in, along with Green Lantern.
I got Icon in, Raquel said cheerfully.
Perfect. Saved him the trouble to talking to them.
"Done," Robin and Wally echoed together.
Realizing they'd been communicating over the other's through the mind link, Dinah nodded.
With a wicked grin, she said, "Let's get started."
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The snowball fight was fierce and continued to be the subject of conversation for years.
The League maintained that the Team cheated.
The Team maintained that they only cheated because the Leaguers cheated first.
Both sides played equally dirty.
In the final hour of the snowball fight, Artemis and the Team found a use for the firecrackers Jade had given her that day. They'd all had to run back into the Cave and cut the fight short in case the cops came. M'gann helped her mentor cover the tracks leading to the Cave.
It was with much laughter and many jokes that they sat around with hot chocolate hours later.
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Crack-y? Yes. Self-indulgent? Very. Could be better written? Yes, but I'm lazy and the word count kept climbing and I wrote this in like, a day. Mostly I just wrote this for fun.
I'm on tumblr now as RingwraithMD if you want to talk.
Hope everyone has a good New Year's!