Disclaimer: This is not a Bella•Jacob story

Freshmen Year:

Sometimes I feel like I have no more tears left to cry. The energy has left my body and I'm just left an empty shell of who I once was. The world moves in slow motion as I'm stuck in the past but all around me, everything's moving at rapid speed and I can't keep up.

I've honestly, truly tried to forget that day. I try to forget the feel of his hands on the small of my back. I try to forget the smell of his minty breath attacking my mouth. I wonder why I didn't stop him. I wonder why I didn't see it coming. After all it was just a little study session. The only thoughts on my mind were passing the Geometry quiz and getting Edward Cullen to finally notice me. It's what every teen girl thought about. I was young and naive and my only thoughts were about starting my freshman year of high school.

So, I didn't mind when Jacob Black sat down next to me. I felt the seat cushion weigh down. It didn't bother me when he reached for the dip and chips. I just continued working on my homework. I didn't mind when he brushed a strand of hair out of my face.

I blushed.

Jacob was being nice like he always was. That's why he was one of my best friends. He was always so nice. So when his hand brushed my hip, I didn't register anything abnormal. Then, he whispered how beautiful I was.

I blushed again, thinking he was being sweet.

His hand moved to my thigh and he felt up my skirt. I tried to shift away from him but he pulled me closer. I was so close that I could feel the heat radiating off his body.

Something was wrong- dreadfully wrong- but I didn't scream. All I did was look at the exit of the living room, wanting Angela to walk back through the front door of my house but I knew that we were all alone. She had gone home. I was frozen on the couch, the tv was playing in the background. The Office theme song sounded throughout the room and now I couldn't get it out of my mind.

Jacob lightly kissed my cheek and I gripped the pencil in my hand. My homework was forgotten. His hands became rougher and he pushed me down on the couch. I opened my mouth to scream but he told me what would happen if I said anything. He told me that I would deeply regret it, so I stayed quiet.

I stared into his cold brown eyes. He laid on top of me and without another word, ripped my underwear down. Unshed tears sat in my eyes and I couldn't find the will to scream for help. He stuffed his sock in my mouth; his dirty- unwashed- stinky sock. With one of his hands, he held my wrists together above my head and with his other, forced himself inside me.

I don't remember the pain but I remember crying. I remember screaming but it was muffled by the gag. Nobody could hear me, he made sure of that. The weight of his body, the smell of his Axe cologne, and the muscles bulging in his arms was everything I could remember. It felt like I was about to break under the pressure of his body. He was the cat and I was the mouse and this was all just a game where there was only one winner.

That much was obvious.

Five minutes and thirty-four seconds was all it took for him to rape me. It had started at 2:33 and ended at 2:38. My underwear was tangled at my ankles and my hair unkempt. He removed the sock from my mouth and got off of me. I tried to sit up but was met by a stabbing pain from down below. A strangled cry escaped my mouth and Jacob glared.

"Do you remember what I told you?" He demanded.

I nodded my head, wide-eyed.

"Don't think that I won't hurt you," he hissed in my ear, "I'm stronger than you think."

He gathered up his backpack and laptop and left my house without another word. Hot tears rolled down my cheeks. I pulled my underwear back up and flattened down my skirt. My shoulders shook and I felt the racing of my heart. Blood covered the inside of my thighs and my homework sat half done on the coffee table.

All I could do was cry.

It was only another half an hour before my mom and brother got home. All evidence of what had happened was cleaned up and I sat at the kitchen table nursing a mug of Chai tea, dressed in my pajamas.

My family tended to have dinner early, don't ask me why we just did. Salmon and mixed veggies was a Friday night regular, and no matter how many times I told my parents how much I hated fish, they never listened. I sat at the dining room table with my big brother. My mom was cleaning up in the kitchen, and my dad was still at work at the police station.

"... James said that, so I socked him in the face. It fucking hurt but that idiot deserved it… Bella, are you even listening?" Emmett raised his eyebrows.

All I did was stare at him. Everything seemed to move in slow motion and I felt unbelievably exhausted. My mind wouldn't stop replaying what he told me. I knew that Jac- he was serious. I couldn't even say his name without wanting to vomit.

I wondered if I looked any different. I'd taken a shower after he left. All physical traces of him left on my body were now washed away. Yet, I still felt dirty. Impure. I wasn't as innocent as I once was.

"Why are you acting so weird?" He asked as he stuffed his mouth with food.

I stiffened in my seat and didn't respond. I didn't know what to say.

Since we were young, everyone always said that Emmett and I must have been born twins in another life. Despite him being three years older, we were two peas in a pod, as my mom liked to say. Emmett was my other half and he would know that something was wrong. He would want to know what happened. He would pull me aside and demand to know why I was being so quiet. I would tell him and then he would go murder, Jacob. Emmett, my overprotective, goofy older brother, would fix everything. Then I'd be alright.

However… none of that happened. Instead, Emmett rolled his eyes and jabbed his fork at another piece of fish. His face contorted into a smirk as something lit up on his phone. His eyes flashed to me and back, waiting for me to ask like usual, "What are you looking at?"

I didn't do that. I stared at my full plate of food, not eating. I was too sick. I couldn't eat after what just happened. I didn't think I could ever eat again.

Emmett let out a loud annoyed sigh. His face asked, what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-you. The feeling of dread sunk to the pit of my stomach. I couldn't talk. I couldn't smile. My eyes had a faraway look. It was like when someone witnessed a gruesome accident or finds out their grandma had died. The look of complete shock sets in and you're frozen. That's what it was like for me- except a hundred times worse.

At a turtle's pace, I slowly pushed myself up from my seat. My food was cold and my mom was still in the kitchen. Emmett mumbled that I was just having girl problems and barely regarded me as I left the dining room. I ignored my mom's calls and went up to my room. I told myself that it was just a normal night like every other Friday. I tell myself to suck it up and go back downstairs. But I couldn't do that. I physically couldn't force myself to sit up. My body felt like dead weight as I sunk deeper into the bed. I was just so tired.