Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice

Author's note: Sorry if my grammar isn't what it's supposed to be because English isn't my first language and this is also my first fanfiction ever. My love for Gakuen Alice finally made me wrote this story. It's also inspired by author HelloDenmark. I really love his fanfics, you guys should check it out too. Please kindly leave your review because it would mean a lot to me. I hope you enjoy the story.

CHAPTER 1

"Natsume!" Mikan ran across the road while shouting for Natsume. It's been one week since she last saw him. Apparently Natsume had been doing his mission continuously without rest, one mission awaits after another. He's just about to head to his dorm after he got off from hospital. He was hospitalized for 2 days. Actually, it should've been longer considering how many wounds he got when he returned to the academy but he refused and ran away as soon as he was able to move. Bandages still cover up all over his body beneath his shirt, hiding countless old scars and new wounds he got from various unimaginable ways. Even now, he can still feel the pain if he move too much and his chest hurts because of his Alice. That's why he decided to stop walking and sat on a nearest bench. That's when Mikan spotted him.

"Where have you been all this time? You didn't attend class the whole week and Ruka said you weren't in your dorm either." Mikan asked worriedly.

Natsume wasn't in the mood to answer her question or to make any excuses so he looked away from her. Of course Mikan was pissed by his behavior, so she grabbed Natsume's head with both hands and she forced him to look at her face. "You shouldn't ignore someone who's talking to you!" She said. Surprisingly Natsume didn't resist at all. Instead he looked straight into her hazel eyes. Eyes filled with dreams and hope, unlike his. At that moment, he prayed those eyes would never lose their light. Mikan enrolled to the Academy just about a year ago and Natsume has been here for three years. That time was enough for him to witness all kinds of darkness the Academy hide and he would do anything to prevent it from tainting the smile of the girl standing in front of him.

"Natsume?" Mikan asked, confused by Natsume's silent reaction. Then she realized something. Her hands that touched Natsume's face were unusually warm. She moved one of them to his forehead and she could feel him burning hot. "Natsume! You have a fever!" She said in a panic. Only then, Natsume quickly brushed her hands away from his face. "It's not a big deal." He said. "My body tends to be warmer than most people because of my Alice. It doesn't mean that I have a fever every time it feels hot."

"But—" Mikan still unconvinced.

"You should stop wasting your time worrying about me and return to the class instead. I'm more worried that you will become more stupid than you are now for skipping class." Natsume mocked.

"What? I'm not stupid!" Mikan shouted angrily. She regretted having been worried so much about him. For Natsume to still be able to make fun of her like this means he must be fine. But just when Natsume was about to stand up, he felt dizzy and suddenly collapsed back into the bench. He covered his painful expression using his hand, afraid that Mikan will see it.

"Natsume! You really are sick." Said Mikan, she tried to lower Natsume's hand down from his face. To her surprise, Natsume suddenly grabbed her wrist with his other hand. "Don't touch me!" He raised his voice. His grip was so tight she frowned, but Natsume didn't realize it. He was too concentrated in suppressing his pain and controlling his expression as relaxed as possible. He let go of Mikan's hand and tried to stand up. This time he managed to do it without falling. Having no strength to say anything, he walked away from her while holding his chest. He wished she would just ignore him and his pathetic condition but he knows it too well that such attitude was not Mikan at all. As expected Mikan ran after him and placed Natsume's arm on her shoulder to support him. "I'll help you to return to your room. And I don't want to hear you say anything to refuse my help. If you still have any strength to do that you better uses it to walk so we can reach your room faster to get you to rest." She insisted.

Natsume realized Mikan was right. For now, it would be better if he let her help so she can leave him faster after knowing that he's alright. Natsume learned from experience that he would never win arguing with this stubborn girl. He tried to walk as fast as he could and keep his body from leaning so much on Mikan's shoulder, partly because he didn't want to burden her so much with his weight and partly because the wounds on his side hurts when he comes in contact with her body. Natsume definitely didn't want to show more wounds he had and make Mikan freaked out more than she already did. He started panting when they reached the building. No one had seen them this far because most students were studying in the class.

When they finally reached Natsume's room, he took out the key from his pocket and gave it to Mikan. Mikan opened the door and quickly she led Natsume to his bed. Natsume groaned when his back touched the mattress. He lied down, staring at Mikan who seemed to look more worried than before. He looked at his shirt, hoping there were no open wounds or visible blood from his body. Thankfully none of that happened. Now he just had to make Mikan leave before the pain hit him again.

"How long do you plan on staring at me like that?" Natsume said. Before seeing Mikan's reaction he turned his back on her. "I'll be fine after sleeping a couple hours. You should leave."

"Are you sure you'll be okay alone?" Mikan was very concerned as she saw that Natsume's face was as pale as sheet. Natsume didn't bother to answer her question. She saw his eyes closed so she decided to leave and told him she would come again after class. As soon as he heard the door closed, Natsume opened his eyes. He sat on his bed and pulled open a drawer beside him. He took out a medical box from there and searched for a roll of bandage. He began unbuttoning his shirt and realized that blood had started to seep in his old bandage. He unwrap his bandage and replaced it with the new one. Among all the wounds on his body, a big deep cut from his upper right chest to his stomach stood out the most. He got it when he was fighting Z's accomplices on his last mission. It was a very unfair fight. Two men using knives surrounded him from both side just when he was already exhausted from using his Alice a lot. The doctor had already stitched the wound close by now but when the painkiller wore off it hurts like hell. After all, he was supposed to still be lying in the hospital so the doctor can monitor his condition closely but he couldn't stand being there. He had been going in and out there so many times that all the staff had already given up on searching for him every time he ran away. They wouldn't even be surprised anymore if he came back the next day with more wounds because it actually happened two or three times already.

In the middle of changing his bandage, Natsume started coughing. At first, it was only a couple of small coughs and he managed to calm down. Then without giving him a break, strong pain struck his chest so bad that he started coughing again. This time it was intense and loud. Blood splattered on his pants before he even got the chance to cover up his mouth. He coughed for a long time. Each time he thought it would be over but it became more intense and lasted until he felt he couldn't take it anymore. It drained out all the energy left from him and by the time his cough finally died down he was more exhausted than before. Tastes of blood remained in his mouth and more spotted on his palm. He panted, concentrating on inhaling and exhaling air until he could breath normally again. He would very much like to slip into unconsciousness right now but he had to finish changing his bandage. He also needs to get a new pant and wash his hands before Mikan came back. Natsume took out two pills from his medical box and swallowed it. After a while, he finally found the strength to get up and do all the things that need to be done.

A couple hours later Mikan knocked on Natsume's door. She waited but there was no answer. She figured that Natsume must be sleeping then. She was about to leave but when she tried to push the door it slid open. Apparently Natsume didn't lock the door after she left. Mikan came in and she found Natsume lying on his bed. He was sleeping soundly. Didn't want to wake him up, Mikan tiptoed while crossing the room until she finally sat on the bed beside Natsume. She stared at the sleeping boy and watched the peaceful expression on his face as if all his burdens were taken away from his body when he was asleep. It looked so different when he was awake. Natsume never said anything about how he felt all this time but ever since Tobita told her about how bad Natsume's condition actually was during the soul shuffle incident, Mikan started to pay more attention towards Natsume and even though he was so good at hiding away everything and acted tough, if you look deeper into those crimson eyes of his you could see the everlasting pain and sadness that's always been there no matter how Mikan tried to erase it. She hoped the time would come when Natsume will be able to smile freely and forget about all his pain and sadness beside when he's asleep.

Mikan put her hand on Natsume's forehead and felt relieved because it seemed that Natsume's fever has gone down. Natsume flinched a little on his sleep just when suddenly someone knocked on the door. Mikan looked at Natsume one last time to make sure he's still sleeping before she went to answer the door. She wondered who might be looking for Natsume at this hour. Could it be Ruka or his other classmates? She didn't tell any one of them about Natsume being sick or that she would visit him after class. She opened the door and frozen on the spot. It was Persona standing in front of her. He frowned when he saw Mikan instead of Natsume. "Where is Natsume?" He asked with his cold voice.

Mikan was shocked at first when she recalled all the terrible things that Persona had done to her and how he tried to harm her friends. This was her first encounter with Persona after the incident in Hanahime den. She managed to snap out of her thoughts when she realized that Persona must've come here to hurt Natsume again. "He…he's asleep." Mikan said.

"Wake him." Persona demanded.

Mikan shook her head. "No. He's in a very bad condition right now. He needs to rest. If you want to talk to him then come back tomorrow." Mikan had no idea where she found the courage to talk to Persona like that, especially because she knew what he's capable of doing. But it became more reasons for her to not let Natsume face him in his current state.

Persona glanced down at Mikan with disgust. "You still haven't learned to shut that little mouth of yours, have you?" Ignoring Mikan, Persona forced his way in to Natsume's bedroom but Mikan stretched out her arms to block Persona. "Move out of my way!" Persona said angrily.

"What do you intend to do to Natsume?" Mikan asked.

Persona stood in silent for a while but then he smirked. "If you really want to know that much then you should come with me."

"What?" Mikan got confused.

"If you come with me I will leave Natsume alone for now. Isn't this what you want?" He smiled slyly.

Mikan knew that she couldn't trust Persona, let alone go with him. Who knows what he might do to her. But if going with him means that Natsume could get the rest he deserved even just for another couple of hours, she's willing to take the risk. She nodded.

Persona's hands were about to reach Mikan's shoulder when suddenly fire appeared out of nowhere and burned his hands. Startled, both of them turned to Natsume who tried to wake up from his bed with his hands supporting his body. He looked very angry and his eyes glared at Persona. Persona shook his hands rapidly trying to put out Natsume's fire. "Don't you dare lay even just a finger on her!" He exclaimed.

Persona was so pissed. He didn't even care about Mikan anymore. "You!" He pointed his finger towards Natsume. "Come with me. Now!" Without waiting for Natsume to move, he went out of the room. Mikan quickly ran to Natsume's side, helping him to get down from the bed. "Natsume! Are you okay?" She asked him.

His body faltered when he stepped on the floor but he quickly regained his balance. "Idiot!" He yelled at Mikan. "Why did you even agree to go with him? Have you forgotten what he had done to you? Do I need to remain your little brain how you were almost dead because of him?"

"I—I was trying to protect you," Mikan stammered, still shook from seeing how angry Natsume was.

"Well, I don't need your protection." Natsume said. "If something likes this ever happen again the first thing you're going to do is to wake me up, understand?" Natsume head to the door and put on his shoes.

"Don't go Natsume." Mikan begged. "You haven't fully recovered yet."

"I have to." Natsume said. "If I don't go now it would just make things worse for later. I cannot avoid him forever, though."

"What does he want with you?"

Natsume didn't show any response. Instead he murmured. "You should leave."

"Wait—"Mikan tried to stop Natsume but it was too late. He already followed Persona down the stairs.

Persona led him to the nearest wood where no one could easily spot them. Then he finally turned around to face Natsume when they reached a small clearing. He walked closer to Natsume until they were only half meter apart. "Show me your wound." Persona said.

Even though he was wearing mask Natsume could still feel the intense glare from Persona's eyes directed at him. He knew that this wouldn't be pretty. Even so, he lifted his shirt showing his body and all the bandages that covered up his wounds. Without warning, Persona punched him so hard on the place right where his biggest wound was. Natsume gasped as he felt the pain throbbing in the pit of his stomach. He curled up his body trying to endure the pain. He could feel his stitched wound opened again and blood flowing out of his body so he pressed his hands against his chest and stomach to stop the bleeding. Persona just watched him as his shirt slowly soaked by blood. "How dare you to use your Alice on me." He said. Natsume gritted his teeth, refusing to make any sound. He didn't want Persona to see how much pain he was in. As if it wasn't enough, Persona began to hit him again numerous times, purposely aiming for his wounds. Natsume fell on his side when he couldn't take any more punch. He took out a healing Alice stone he got from his deceased mother that hung around his neck and grabbed it tightly. Soon the throbbing pain started to ease a little. Persona realized the dimmed light shone from the stone right away and snatched it from Natsume's hand. As soon as he let go of the stone the pain returned.

"You seem to have gotten weak Natsume. Since when you depend on something as tiny as this?" Persona said as he holds the stone between his fingers. Natsume had never used the stone during his mission all this time no matter how badly he was injured. But just now he felt that if he didn't use it he would die from blood loss while Persona just stood there doing nothing.

"Give it back." Natsume let out a voice that sounded more like a whisper.

"And why would I?" Persona said in a sly tone. "Relying on this stone will only make you become vulnerable. Have you forgotten all the training you received Natsume? The situation you're in right now is nothing compared to those." Natsume remembered clearly years of hell disguised as training that he'd been through to shape him into what he is now. It was more like a torture to him. He had almost died several times and he couldn't even rest at night because sometimes Persona would sneak into his room tried to attack him in his sleep. Of course he's always careful not to kill his pet cat but he never let the negligence shown by Natsume off without any consequences. One time he snuck on the exhausted Natsume who was asleep after returning from his mission and injected a poison in his body. It made him suffer the whole night before Persona finally gave the antidote in the morning. After that he never really sleep for about a month, afraid that the same attack would happen again.

Persona dropped the Alice stone from his hand and stepped on it until it was smashed to pieces. "No!" Natsume stared at the remnants of the stone. He tried to gather them but Persona stepped on his hand. He groaned. "Come on, Natsume. Don't be such a crybaby now." He said as he took out a brown envelope from his jacket and threw it on the ground beside Natsume. "That is your next mission. The principal ordered you to leave tomorrow night. I want you to meet me here by then."

Natsume knew he should just keep quiet and do as Persona said but he can't help not to open his mouth. "From how you punched me just now it's gonna be a miracle if I can come back here tomorrow night, let alone do a mission." He murmured.

He was ready to accept Persona's anger but instead Persona just smiled. "It seems you have a girlfriend and friends that care so much about you Natsume. If you don't want to, I'm sure they will gladly replace you on this mission. Even though they're not as good as you in combat, I can still find a perfect role for them in the upcoming mission. Even anchovies can be useful as bait, right?"

"I swear I'll kill you if you touch anyone of them!" Natsume kneeled, his eyes burned with rage. This isn't the first time Persona threatened him this way and every time he always ends up following his orders because of this. He's willing to sacrifice himself as long as his other friends didn't sink into the same darkness he was in. None of his friends knew about this. Not even Ruka. Natsume never told him because he knew Ruka would blame himself greatly for everything that had happened to him. Persona raised his hand and smacked Natsume across his cheek. Natsume turned his face to the side in shocked.

"Then stop complaining about your mission." Persona said as he turned his back. "I'll go straight to your friends if you don't show up by that time."

Natsume watched as Persona walked deeper into the forest until he couldn't see him anymore. Then he tried to stand up but fell again on his knees. His hands were getting colder and black dots started to appear on his sight. He steadied his breath for a couple minutes before finally he took the brown envelope from the ground and braced himself to start walking. After what seem like forever, he arrived in front of his room. He opened the door and spotted Mikan sitting on his bed. Mikan rushed to Natsume as soon as she saw him. "Natsume!" It didn't take long for Mikan to realize the blood that soaked on all over his shirt and on his hands. Her eyes grew wide in shock when he saw Natsume's painful face. "He did this to you?" She asked.

Natsume leaned on the wall. "No… The wound was already there before. Thanks to him now it's open again." Mikan helped Natsume to get to his bed and laid him down. He unbuttoned Natsume's shirt and began unwrapping the bandage full of blood on his body. Unknowingly to her, her hands trembled as she began to see all the wounds on Natsume's body. The large cut across his body looked so terrible that she almost looked away from it. There were also old scars behind the new one. Soon, tears began to fall from her cheeks. Natsume felt Mikan's trembling hands and opened his eyes. He saw the expression he didn't want to see the most from the girl he loved and it hurt him more than any pain on his body. That's why all these years he had learned to conceal his pain, so that the burden would be his alone to bear. He wanted to wipe away all the tears from Mikan's face but realized that he would just stain it more because of the blood on his hands, so he just stared silently at her. She was like the sun he could never be able to reach without also plunging her into darkness. Mikan's gaze moved from the wounds to his eyes. "How did you get all these wounds?" She asked.

Natsume averted his eyes from Mikan's. "You wouldn't want to know the detail."

"Of course I would!" Mikan shouted. "How long have you been suffering like this? Why have you never told anyone of us? Aren't we your friends?"

Natsume sighed. "Most of them are from the mission that was assigned to us students from Dangerous Ability Class. The wounds I got from my last mission weren't so bad, if only Persona would leave them to heal before he decided to channel his anger on me. Not like this is the first time he did it though."

Mikan's feelings were mixed up. How could Natsume talked about it so easily like it was not a big deal at all? She couldn't imagine that Natsume actually had been through something worse than this before. "I'll take you to the hospital." She said.

"No," Natsume said quickly. "Please, just help me clean my wounds and put another bandage on top of them."

"But—" Mikan protested.

"I know my body."He stated. "This kind of injury won't make me die. I'll be fine by morning."

Mikan was confused why Natsume treated the big deep cut full of blood on his body like it's just some kind of scratch wounds. His face already looked better now even though she hasn't done anything to treat his wounds. Was he used to this kind of pain that it didn't even bother him so much anymore? Why was he different from the other students? What was this school even thinking to send an elementary kid like him on a dangerous life threatening missions? She wished that she could do something to prevent Natsume from risking his life again in the future but it's just impossible. That's just how things have been going on for years on this academy. They can only endure it until they graduate from here. Mikan wished that time would come sooner. Right now all she could do was just treating Natsume's wounds. He hissed a few times when Mikan's hand got to close to his wounds. It's all cleaned up now and didn't look as terrible as before. Finally Mikan finished wrapping the bandage all around Natsume' body. It was a bit messy as she had never done something like this before but Natsume didn't complain. She hand over a new shirt for him to wear and Natsume looked relieved when he didn't have to move his body so much anymore and could really get some rest.

"Hey," Mikan said. Natsume opened his eyes. "Do you mind if I stay here for tonight? I mean, in case your wounds got worse or you have a fever because of it. I don't think that I'll be able to sleep either if I leave you like this."

"Are you jinxing me?" Natsume said with his usual grumpy expression.

"Eh? No, no. That's not what I meant." Mikan said in panic.

"Do as you wish." He said before closing his eyes again.

Mikan smiled. "Thank you Natsume. I promise that I won't disturb you on your sleep. You won't even notice I'm here."