Author's Notes: Ok, I'll try to keep these notes brief, so please comment with any questions and if they should be included here, I'll add them. While I do like many canon characters, I think the rich plethora of Legends characters being ignored is a travesty, so I'll be including some and repurposing/changing details to make them work into the story. I don't expect the story to be very popular, but I really hope some people get behind it and motivate me to keep going.
I changed Padme's "official" family name to Amidala, because I wanted to.
An Instagram handle is on my profile if you'd like to see visuals of the characters and places as I go along.
I do not own Star Wars or any of it's characters/content.
Onward: Ben doesn't die bringing Rey back, we pick up right after the kiss/smile scene.
Prologue: 35 ABY Exegol
I am only half myself.
The other side's
A dark idea
I like to believe in.
Ben's POV
The groaning and thundering of falling ships brought me back to my senses, the quaking of the floor beneath us and the collapsing arena spurring me to my feet. I nearly stumbled right back down, 'Damn, my leg! How did I forget'. But Rey was there in a blink, lodging her shoulder beneath my arm to brace me. The blissful numbing of adrenaline wearing off, the pain shooting up my side at every slight movement of my leg was nearly taking my breath away. 'We need to get out of here, quickly'. "Yes, I can see that." Rey remarked with a huff, trying to help support my much larger frame.
'Did I say that out loud? Did I hit my head that hard?' Rey snorted, my left eyebrow raising in response. "No, you didn't. You're just thinking very loudly." I inwardly roll my eyes at myself, in my weakened state I hadn't been capable of guarding my mind effectively.
As we made a slow, but intent walk back to the lift, I appraised the petite girl next to me. Where her skin had been grey and clammy only moments ago, now was warm and starting to perspire with effort. Her cheeks were slightly red with exertion, and while I felt some guilt over causing her difficulty, I couldn't find it within me to feel anything but elation and relief that she was alive.
Rey's POV
After having dumped Ben into the pilot seat of the TIE fighter, no grace left within my exhausted limbs, I rushed back to the X wing and flung myself inside. 'Let's get out of here before we draw attention, then we need to dump these. A TIE will draw too much attention, and we need to talk about all this.' To Ben's benefit, I also was entirely too exhausted to guard my mind from our connection. Though, at the moment, it seemed so much easier than talking. 'Ord Mantell, it's not too far. Let's go.' The brevity is refreshing for my tired mind, luckily that seemed to be one of Ben's strong suits.
Thus far, our journey had been a quiet one, dumping the ships and jointly venturing into the outskirts of the capital. He still needed to lean on me while walking, though this didn't seem to hinder his purposeful aura. It was comforting, this peaceful interaction between us felt alien, but his underlying traits had not seemed to change.
He subtly navigated me into a non-descript shop, and wasting no time, ordered the only present customer out with a force laden "suggestion", then promptly "suggested" the shopkeep provide him particular clothing selections.
While I found this morally wrong and frustrating, I remained silent, understanding our options were limited and best not to linger long any one place. A lumbering giant dressed head to toe in black can't help but draw eyes, and we'd yet to be able to stop and discuss the next steps. My brain was still too sluggish and unwilling to dwell on the future yet. I supposed I had my life of scavenging in a blazing nowhere to thank for the ability to mentally "shut off" and focus on the immediate task ahead of me to survive. If you wasted too much time thinking about tomorrow, the perilous present would swallow you whole.
I could feel that Ben had a tenuous recollection of this place, but he was alert and on edge, eager to get off planet as soon as possible I supposed. We had moved toward a commercial area near a shipyard, where Ben stopped briefly. I looked up at him, his eyes focused on docks up ahead and analyzing what he saw there. 'Well? Not a time to be picky, you know.' He flicked me a brief irritated look, before his face resumed it's neutral mask.
"There, that HWK-290 light freighter." He promptly began walking again, pulling me on by consequence of entanglement. I'm not sure I would've noticed the small craft, nearly sandwiched by large shuttles and heavy freighters. But, for our purposes, the smaller craft might be easier to vacate and launch without fuss.
On board, a blue-green creature with large red eyes turned to us, startled. I couldn't recall ever seeing one before, and I noted to myself I should ask Ben about it later. Before it could utter a word, Ben "suggested" it was on our ship and to leave at once. It's posture relaxed immediately, and apologized as it disembarked.
"What happens now?" I asked tentatively. We had successfully gotten off planet, but I didn't even know where we were supposed to be going, and seemingly, neither did he. Though, he appeared entirely unbothered by it. "You tell me." I huffed, feeling a surge of annoyance. "Now isn't the time for batting about and being infuriating. We have to talk about all... I don't know, THIS." I said, gesturing around us wildly with my hands. I was awarded a smirk in response.
"Well... I've endured this limerence, and it would appear it's reciprocated, somehow. Not that I deserve it in any way, but I won't bemoan it." I blinked hard, surprised by how forthright he was. 'Not exactly what I thought he would lead with.' His eyebrow cocked up again, 'What is it you expected me to lead with?' I blushed and shivered involuntarily at the velvet baritone brushing against my consciousness, the indescribable look in his eyes. His eyes were always so expressive. I had seen fear, anger, rage, rejection, softness, indecision in them. But never this. 'Passion. Desire. Affection.'
My face further reddened. I saw a blush creep onto his cheeks as well, as he diverted his eyes suddenly to his feet. I didn't know him to be shy, and my heart fluttered at the realization. Something felt so embarrassingly intimate about our connection, but yet I couldn't will myself to snap it shut again as I had in times before. It felt comforting. Like a warm blanket on a cold night. As if a lost piece had set perfectly into place. Ever since he revived me, the force has thrummed around us in contentment.
"I feel it too. It's unsettling, honestly... To surrender to it. But, when I finally did, it all made sense. I've never known peace, but all the consuming darkness comes to bay when you're near. I don't feel like I'm drowning, I feel... balanced. Like deep down, there's some part of you that knows me... maybe better than I actually know myself. And I'm not sure if any of this really makes any sense at all, but I want to work to understand it, because I know this is where I'm supposed to be. I tried to deny and fight it, and I don't want to anymore." I watched the emotions churning in him, he flexed his hands wide and stared as his palms as he spoke. His bottom lip quivered with emotion when he paused, as though overcoming hesitance, and his brows furrowed together at moments when he was trying to find the words to express himself.
His eyes finally moved to meet mine, again with those aching, needy eyes. My mind drifted back to that burning throne room, those same imploring eyes, desperate for understanding. Kylo Ren was a beast born starved of love and affection, but just underneath the surface, Ben was always there. Afraid to have hope that someone could sate that hunger in his heart. His eyes then suddenly flittered off again to glance into the vast expanse of space ahead.
His voice became quieter, more sullen. "Of course, I know I've done unforgivable things, and my actions cannot be forgotten. I understand entirely if you can't act on feelings toward me. In which case, I won't fight you. I'll allow you to take me in for trial or send me away in exile, whatever you choose." At that moment, I realized I'd been sitting there dumbstruck and probably had some absurd look on my face that unsettled him.
"I have questions." Was what sputtered out of my mouth. 'You're really terrible at this.' I groaned at myself. "I will answer them." He responded simply, a calm look coming over his features. "I just...need to know. After I left you on Kef Bir, what happened? Why did you chase after me? Why did you turn? Why did you save me after everything that's happened between us? I don't understand."
He smiled slightly to himself, then ran a hand through his sweat-matted, inky hair. "I'm not sure that my answers will be satisfactory, but I will try."
"Alright, well, we should start heading for Ajan Kloss, what are we telling my friends? How do we explain this?" Things felt easier after our discussion, but I'd become aware of how much time I had let pass, and I felt guilty about how worried my friends certainly were. Ben sighed, and stared off ahead, I could tell he was pondering my question. Brief emotions brushed against my mind, but as he regained his strength the connection was less intense.
"Well, my true identity is not widely known, and many who knew are no longer alive. FN...Finn...Lando...Chewie...Maz...that pilot if he's still around. They're the only ones who know or might know. Admitting to Kylo, though honorable, is suicide. Claiming my true name as a Solo, would be difficult. I'm sure my parents avoided mentioning me, that would raise a lot of questions." It was a necessary, but difficult question to ask of him. I could feel the hurt radiating off him, with intermittent wisps of shame. "I think forging a new identity is the best path here. Unless you disagree."
I felt his eyes shift to me, "No, I don't disagree. What would your name be then? What's the story?" I felt flattered honestly, that despite the haughty, arrogance I had come to know him for, he was now being so deferential and respectful of my thoughts. As if when he turned away from the dark side, a veil was lifted. Now, I could finally see the man beneath in earnest.
There were times where he challenged me in dark ways, times he brought out the worst in me- rage, arrogance, hubris, obsession. But then, he couldn't pull out of me what wasn't already there. Through this tempest of conflict between us, he had forced me to really look at myself. To confront the demons within me, and accept who I truly was. And inadvertently, challenged me to rise above and be better, stronger. My desire to be a Jedi was grounded in other people, not myself. When he forced me to face my own darkness, I realized no matter how I desired to be that paradigm of light, I couldn't be while also being true to myself. Would I even know who I was without everything that had transpired?
I don't know who I thought Ben Solo was, or who he could be, when I think back, I never put much thought to it. Those 'pretty eyes' as Luke had put it, brief slips of tenderness, and those poignant emotional moments- the interrogation, the consolation by the fire, the plea in the throne room, the look when I healed him. They were far from perfect, he is a flawed man, but those little moments had wrapped around my heart. I felt a strange joy and fascination at truly seeing him. A thrill and hunger to discover more.
"Well, my best idea is Ben Amidala. It was my maternal grandmother's name, the family would be from Naboo and I know there are no living relatives to dispute me. This would explain my knowledge of the Skywalker/Solo family, to avoid any accidental slips there, and gives me some backstory on its face. Palpatine did cause the death of Padme, direct or not. Not to mention war, but Padme makes it personal and believable. We felt each other in the force after you left Kef Bir, sought each other out, exchanged our stories, and decided to unite and kill him together. I was never a Jedi, I know a lot, but I didn't complete my training. And I tossed my saber into the sea at Kef Bir. It's an odd stroke of luck type situation, but given how little non-force users know about the force and how it works, I feel it's unlikely to raise many questions honestly."
I take a moment to mull over his suggestion, I know significantly less about his family in comparison, but it does seem to fit and benefit his credibility. Convincing my friends to accept it, well, that'll be another matter entirely. But, I'm confident they'll come around at my behest.
"Alright, let's do it." I smiled warmly at him, placing my left hand atop his right thigh. His hand quickly found mine, and the incandescent smile I received in return made me feel a bit light headed. Neither of us knew exactly where this path would take us, but we knew we were choosing it together, and that was enough.
41 ABY - Dantooine
Everything was easier
When he was Darkness
And she was Light,
But they could not resist
The temptation of being Grey
Together
Ben's POV
Six years flew by like a feather on the wind. It's hard to fathom at times. The Galactic Federation of Free Alliances, better known as the Galactic Alliance, had been full steam ahead to rebuild after the destruction of the New Republic and the dismantling of the First Order. It was an unprecedented time, with the Galactic Alliance drawing in the Hutts, the Imperial Remnant, Hapes Consortium, and even the Chiss Ascendancy in unexplored space.
Though the Amidala name didn't quite have the clout of Organa, it had helped me establish political relationships in the new Galactic Senate. And luckily for my family, had spurred the rebuilding of the Jedi Temple on Coruscant with promise of a new and lasting order to fill it.
In the meantime, we had set to work refurbishing the Jedi enclave on Dantooine to a livable status. Rey and I became known for our dyad, as "The Dyad" (the creativity of the senate will never cease to amuse me), and as peacekeepers. We had long since discussed the weaknesses of the Jedi and the Sith, and had done considerable traveling and research into what we wanted to teach. Ultimately, we decided to expand upon the ideology of the Grey Jedi, force sensitives who can utilize both light and dark techniques, yet do not completely adhere to Sith or Jedi codes.
As for the others, Finn and Jannah married. Lando bestowed them with his family name, since they were both lacking one, and his daughter who was taken as a child had never been seen again. He very much enjoyed filling a fatherly role for both of them, and was thrilled to be a grandfather to their now 2 year old daughter, Harley. While he had never received any training himself, Finn realized his daughter was also force sensitive like him, and had been discussing assisting us with our academy plans as of late.
Poe and Kaydel had also married several years back, now with a baby on the way and a 4 year old daughter, Ezmera. Poe was appointed general in the Galactic Alliance Defense Force, and Kaydel a captain in the intelligence division. They live full time on Coruscant, but frequently come to visit until we make the final move to the new temple.
Rose and Beaumont are more reserved, mysterious even at times. It was clear to me they were involved, and they travel/work together, but they keep to themselves and we only see them in passing on occasion. They've said they're immersed in a history/ancestry recording project funded by the Department of Justice, and what little free time they do have, they spend trying to connect former stormtroopers with lost family- a task Lando likes to assist with when he's up to it, though he's finally slowing down as he advances in age.
Rey and I married roughly a year after Exegol, and welcomed our first child not long after. Kieran is 5 years old now, and startlingly proficient in instinctual use of the force. It certainly drove us to more diligently put together academy plans and lesson ideals. Jaina, our daughter, is 3 years old now, and just as sharp and intuitive as Kier. We often find ourselves needing to separate them with the unwitting antics they get up to causing complete havoc. Our third child is on the way, only a month or so left to go.
I don't know that I, nor Rey, had ever considered a large family. One of the desires I kept buried very deeply for the majority of my life, was to have a family of my own. But I think I imagined myself having one child, much like I was an only child. Rey had insisted on wanting a second, citing the loneliness she felt as a child, and how she didn't want our son to ever feel alone, even when we're gone someday. I could agree with that sentiment certainly, having battled loneliness my whole life too. It's a hurt we've always so intimately shared, it seemed to draw us together like magnets. But even after Jaina, Rey was suddenly keen on another. And who was I to deny her anything her heart desires? I would do anything for her, and as much as that terrified me at our relationship's onset, when I realized what lengths I would go to for our children, it paled in comparison.
Sometimes my love for them overwhelms me. How deeply I cherish them, every smile, laugh, and "I love you daddy" fills this vacuum in my chest left by wanting the love and attention of my own parents. And perhaps, loving them so devastatingly, somehow makes right in the universe the wrongs I did by my parents. I vowed the day we knew of Kier's existence, that I would never ever let them feel the way I did. I knew the dark side would be in their nature, that much Rey also knew was unavoidable, as we both felt the darkness in us so strongly. But I would never leave their little hearts open for some fiend to whisper in their mind I didn't love them.
As much as I try to let go and move on from my bitterness toward my parents, I know that it still lingers inside me at times. And even despite it, I often find myself wishing they were here. To see happy moments between them and their grandchildren. I know before she passed, my mother saw the errors in her ways with me, and I know she would've been thrilled to spoil them rotten then foist them back upon me without a hint of guilt.
And Han... it's hard to bear at times, sometimes it turns my stomach with guilt even after years have gone by. As tough as the old goat liked to appear, he was a softie just under the surface. Jaina would've melted him into a puddle. And I imagine, he would feel a loving nostalgia at knowing she was named after his own mother. He was sentimental like that, and I guess I am too.
Rey and Kaydel sat on the bench, cooing and fawning over their round bellies and names. Poe had gone inside to settle their things, as they had just arrived for a weekend visit from Coruscant. Finn was only several feet from the women, laying in the grass with Harley. I was behind them only slightly further still, sitting against the base of a sturdy Blba tree with Jaina napping against my chest in my right arm. Kier and Ez were fighting sleep, Kier was too excited about having a playmate again, and they were just left of me playing with new toys Ez had brought. Miniature starfighters from what I could see.
Poe finally made his way out to join us, walking toward me and the two rambunctious children avidly playing near me. Poe approached Kier with a broad, friendly smile. "Hey Buddy! Long time no see! Man, you're big. What are we playing?" He attempted to engage in the play with enthusiasm, but Kier acted as though he hadn't heard him at all, loudly proclaiming, "PEW PEW PEW" and running away from him.
"Oh, we're playing blaster noises and ignoring Poe, OK." Poe quipped with a sarcastic smirk and a flippant shug of his shoulders, in typical Poe fashion. I'd come to know him to be a very sarcastic and sometimes biting personality, a witty remark for nearly everything. I found it a wonder Kaydel hadn't tossed him from a tower yet. But, he had his moments I suppose, where he disarmed you with his sincerity.
"Sorry, he's going through a contrary phase. He'll warm back up to you, he just hasn't seen you in a while." I gave him a knowing grimace and shrug, one that any father recognized. What can you do, you know?
Kier suddenly ran back toward us, toy blaster in hand. He ran right up to Poe, who misinterpreted his intent and spread his arms to embrace the little boy, only to be jabbed in the stomach by the toy blaster and greeted by Kier's loud exclamation of, "PEW PEW YOU'RE DEAD." And an abrupt heel turn, the boy fleeing again. Poe's face deadpanned.
"Oh, so he's a murderer now. That's...just great." Poe bemoans with another sarcastic and exasperated expression. I sigh, feeling a wave of hormonal rage mentally bombard my skull. I don't even have to look, I can feel the truly murderous look Rey is bearing down upon the general. Kaydel also heaves a sigh, muttering "idiot" before promptly moving inside, leaving Poe to fend for himself.
"Oh, now you've done it." Finn ragged, sitting up in the grass to get a better view as Harley yawned and rubbed her eyes sleepily. Jaina had also been stirred by Rey's unbridled rage, she was sitting up quietly on my forearm, bracing herself with one hand against my chest. Jaina's expression was neutral, she seemed entirely unfazed by Rey's temper, but awake and watching. Ez's eyes got large, feeling uneasy about the situation and unsure if it involved her, but she fled into the house after her mother nonetheless.
"Rey... let's not get carried away here…" Poe put his hands up in an act of surrender and instinctually stepped backward. "Rey, darling, he's not old enough to understand or remember this, he wasn't even paying attention. There's no need to assault Poe over an ill thought statement." I finally decided to step in on Poe's behalf and try to quell her anger, despite his sarcastic remark being an underhand jab at me personally, I knew it was just how he is and it didn't bother me. From the time we were bitter enemies all the way to now, his compulsive insolence was a constant, and I had thought to kill him over impetuous remarks when I held him captive- more than once.
Rey, however, was very bothered. She was always prone to being overprotective, a fear of loss I suspect, but especially when with child. The hormones could really get her off kilter at times, and she would often will lament her actions later. I sometimes tried to deter her if her temper flared, but I was also wise enough to know when to just let her be, even if she did regret it later, it wasn't a big deal in the scheme of things to risk my neck. Assaulting our newly arrived guest would set off the weekend on a sour note though.
"What, you don't even care?!" She turned on me, seething. 'Well, shit.'
"Yes, on some level I do, but it was just an impulsive, smartass comment. He didn't mean anything by it, and I don't want you to fight him over it." I could feel Rey's anger ebb, but not dissipate. Her eyes flicked back to Poe and glared again, then quickly and threateningly stepped to Poe until their noses were nearly touching. "Don't you EVER say something like that to my child again." She growled through clenched teeth. "Understood." Poe gulped audibly. She then turned and walked off into the house after the others.
Poe let out a breath, pushing his hand through his hair and groaning loudly. "Why am I always getting in trouble with women?" I scoff at him, getting up from my seated position with Jaina still quietly perched on my arm. "Because you're always saying incredibly stupid things at incredibly stupid times."
Poe chuckled quietly to himself, then glanced back to me. "You know, I've looked into the face of death surely dozens of times at least, but nothing quite chills me to the bone like the righteous scorn of a mother."
After dinner, the children had been sent off to prepare for bed, a task Kier had been doing on his own, and I decided to confront him about his unkind welcome earlier.
"Kier? You weren't very nice today, I'd like to talk about that."
"I don't want to talk!" Kier yelled in frustration, then ran over to his bed and flung himself on it, landing face into the blanket. "Well, that's fine, but I'm going to tell you how I feel and you can talk when you're ready. I'm not going to ignore it." Kier rolled onto his back and huffed loudly, then looked at me with a petulant expression. I wondered if my parents had been attentive to me, if I would've been like Kier.
"You were very excited for Uncle Poe to visit, it's all you talked about the entire week, how you couldn't wait to play Starfighter pilot games with him, but when he came to play with you, you weren't nice. You wouldn't even say 'hi' to him or answer him at dinner when he spoke to you. Poe told me he was very sad, and didn't know why his favorite co-pilot wouldn't play with him anymore."
Ah, I had found the button. Kier's face screwed up, eyebrows smashing together. "I'm not his favorite anymore!" Kier suddenly blurted out forcefully. All loose objects in the room rattled, his emotion vibrating in the force. "What do you mean? You've always been Poe's favorite, that hasn't changed. He was so excited to come see you again." I leaned against the wall near the door, cocking my Head thoughtfully to one side.
"No! Ez is his favorite now! She told me! They play Starfighter games together all the time! And he never even comes to visit anymore!" Kier's bottom lip jutted out, blinking rapidly, followed by a small sniffle. His eyes were glassy, he was trying to hide his hurt and tears from me. "It's okay to be upset, I understand that must make you feel very sad, it's alright." No sooner than the last syllable dropped from my lips, was Kier launching himself across the room and slamming into my leg, mashing his face into my thigh as he started to sob.
'Oh to be so young and full of so many emotions.' I was reminded of myself, I was indeed similar to Kier at his age in this way. I did not have many opportunities to act out for attention, I couldn't say if I would have given the chance. But the sensitivity, the overwhelming torrent of emotions I didn't understand how to cope with, the intense desire to feel loved and special. He bonded with Poe so immediately, and idolized him. To feel replaced would feel devastating.
"Oh Kier, come here, it's alright." I lifted him into my arms and he immediately flung his arms around my neck, his face hiding against my neck as he cried more quietly now. I rubbed his back assuringly and walked over to sit on his bed. He sat atop my thigh, but did not move his face. I ran my fingers through his curls with my free hand, and placed a firm kiss against his head.
"We all feel sad and angry sometimes. As we grow and get older, things change with the people we love. But that doesn't mean they stop loving us. Ez is older now and of course she plays with Poe too, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love playing with you."
"But I want to be the favorite!" Kier wailed. "Of course you do, everyone likes being the favorite. But Poe is her daddy, like I'm your daddy. She's supposed to be his favorite, like you're always my favorite. It's special, you shouldn't be angry with Poe for playing with Ez. I think you're feeling a new thing, Kier. It's called 'envy' and it means you're upset because someone else gets what you want."
"Inn-vee? I guess. But if Poe loves me, why doesn't he come see me more? It's always so long and I miss him a lot." Kier had pulled away from my shoulder and was looking me in the eyes, still sniffling and bleary eyed, but trying to settle down. "Well, you remember the star map we look at sometimes? With all the big rings on it?" Kier nods, wiping at his eyes with his sleeve. "Poe and his family live way down in the very center, on a Core world named Coruscant-" "Where they're building our new home!" He exclaimed with a smile. I chuckled lightly, "yes, that's right."
I had mentioned it to him before, but was surprised he had remembered. "So-so, that means when we move soon I can see Poe all the time! Right? Will he live with us?" Kier was intensely interested now, stuttering slightly with excitement. "Well, you can see Poe a lot more than you do now, but not all the time. And he has his own home, he won't live in ours with us." Kier pouted again. "Why not?"
"Poe has a job, Kier. A very important one. He's in the military, and he's busy telling people what to do all day to keep our galaxy safe. It's a hard job and he works a lot. Even Ez doesn't get to see him that much. But he will be much closer and you will see him more."
"But you're home all the time with your job dad!" He whined. "I have a very different job, and I'm very lucky to get to be with you so much. But we leave you with Finn sometimes, we're not always home."
"But I can play with Ez all the time right?" I shook my head laughing at how fixed his focus could be. "I'm sure her parents won't mind. Now, you need to get some sleep. Will you talk to Poe tomorrow and say you're sorry? He would like that." Kier unceremoniously flopped onto his bed and burrowed himself under the covers. "Yeah, I guess I better."
"Do you want me to read to you or be quiet?" He didn't miss a beat, "Quiet please- but don't leave until I'm asleep, ok?" "Ok, I won't." I turned on my right side, trying to leave enough room for him to get comfortable. Kier turned on his left side, facing me. "Love you daddy" he muttered quietly. "Love you forever" I replied with a small smile.
His eyes fluttered close, and I stayed still until his face relaxed and his breaths became slow and deep.
Over dinner the following night, cooler heads prevailed and discussion turned again toward the soon establishment of a training academy. Finn pressed, "So, how does all this work? What ages? How many will we take on? How are we recruiting? How do they advance or complete their training?" Rey promptly looked to me, and I realized I would be expected to fill in the gaps with what formal training I had received.
"Well, we get to decide all this, so we don't have to follow Luke's path. We could take younglings from 3 years old and up to say, 10 years old? Though, I don't want to encourage parents forcing children who are not ready to be separated from them... But, I think we definitely want them to begin training before they reach puberty, that's when stronger force sensitives will really cause trouble without guidance and the knowledge to control their power. Considering the 3 of us as the only teachers, I wouldn't feel comfortable taking on more than 12 students total at a time I think... And preferably, groups of 4 that grow and learn together as a unit, to encourage closeness and interpersonal skills." Finn shrugged and nodded, Rey seemed deep in thought, absorbing my offered ideas.
"We already have 3 force sensitive children between us to start off with, so I don't want to be too aggressive with recruiting off the cuff. Among the senate, I know there are surely members with young force sensitives in their families or close social circle at least. Many of these families, or the noble families of their home planets, have been known for producing force sensitives in the past. I think there could be a handful or so we could find that way, and likely we can convince them to entrust us with those children... I suggest starting that way, and expanding to full potential as we grow into these roles and feel more confident. It'll need some polishing along the way, but my thought is to have you, Finn, teach the younglings in a classroom environment, establish their baseline. Then Rey and I will teach more physical training to the 10 year and older children, formally acknowledging them as 'padawans'. I know a lot of technique from my formal training, and Rey is very adept in force usage naturally. Between the two of us, we can teach basics of armed and unarmed combat, and offensive/defensive usage. I think 20 is a good age to aim to complete training formally and release them, perhaps keep the locution of 'knight'?"
Rey looked thoughtful, her lips slightly agape as though on the verge of speaking, so I quieted and waited for her vocalization. "In addition, when our first padawans reach young adulthood, maybe 16 or so depending on their maturity, we could start sending them out on guided missions or in pairs to seek out new recruits. They need to understand their role in the galaxy and see it first hand in a practical sense. Give them a clear sense of purpose, and observe their decision making and problem solving skills. That would help us understand where we need to improve or fine tune our training methods."
"I agree, Rey. That's a great suggestion. What are your thoughts, Finn?" I glanced at the man seated across from me. Our relationship was often testy, but after living together for several years now on Dantooine, Finn had started to relent. He was outright contemptuous at the onset, it strained Rey's relationship with him nearly to breaking when she asked that he accept me among their friends. But especially after we announced our intent to marry, Finn cooled and repaired his standing with Rey, though that was not extended to me.
Marriage and children had changed all of us, and his tolerance had greatly improved. Poe had been visiting during a particularly hostile expression from Finn, and to my surprise, he had scolded Finn. He remarked that if a man actually tortured by me could put the past behind him, so could he. Finn's initial reaction was that of betrayal and shock, but his high regard and affection toward Poe won out in the end, and he begrudgingly agreed to at least try to peacefully coexist.
"Why only 4 per person? That seems low to be honest." I couldn't help the smirk that broke out across my face at that question. "Well, if you hadn't noticed the trouble Kier and Jaina cause, these kids will likely be difficult to manage some days, better to keep small numbers. And also, it's personal. I felt lost in the numbers at Luke's academy, it contributed to the loneliness, isolation, and bitterness that let me down the wrong path and made me susceptible to manipulation. I want them to all feel seen, heard, and cared for. I think that's the best way."
I thought I saw a flash of pity and compassion in Finn's expression as he listened to my reply.
Rey's POV
No sooner than Ben sent out feelers, had he gotten an immediate response. Tenel Ka Chume Ta' Djo, Queen Mother of the Hapes Consortium, had sent an encrypted message, stating she was en route to Dantooine post haste and to not speak of the correspondence with her. She arrived the next day. Rene was only a few weeks old, but he was a happy and mostly sleepy newborn, so I sat in on the discussion when Ben received Tenel.
I realized quickly that she was not here as Queen Mother, this was not politics, she was here as a warrior and a mother. Her golden red hair had two delicate braids from her temples to the crown of her head, the rest of her long hair falling in waves that stopped just below her waist. She wore a dark brown, leather corset atop some kind of green reptilian skin shirt that covered her arms down to her wrists. Her pants were the same dark brown leather, with matching boots. She was not wearing a crown, and this indicated to me that she did not want to be recognized as royalty by anyone here.
Her apprehension was obvious, glancing outside the shuttle before leading out a young child, and even still, glancing around and over her shoulders before leading the child inside our home. Ben himself had been particularly apprehensive about this meeting, though for seemingly different reasons entirely. He remembered Tenel Ka from his time with Luke, he remarked she had left 2 years before he had. Her mother had died, and she resigned from the New Jedi Order to take the throne. She would surely recognize him, and had surely heard about the destruction of Luke's academy. He worried over why she was so keen to meet with him, and that she would reveal his identity upon seeing him and realizing it.
We sat at the dining table, Finn and Jannah had taken the children out into the fields to grant us some quiet and privacy, as Tenel had requested. The small child next to her had been hooded thus far, and I couldn't make out it's face. Tenel did immediately acknowledge she knew Ben's identity, he visibly tensed beside me, his brows furrowing together in concern. But Tenel assured she did not wish to expose him or threaten to, and asked that he voluntarily choose to help her. Ben's posture relaxed, but I was unsure of her motives.
"What is it you're here to ask of us? Do you bring threat of danger with you?" I asked, clutching Rene just a bit tighter, concerned over the prospect of having to protect him from some unknown enemy.
"This is my daughter." Tenel then pulled the hood from the child's face, revealing radiant golden red hair and porcelain skin like Tenel's, and curious grey eyes. "Just a few days ago, our lives were threatened by nanokillers. In the holonet, it will be reported that she died in the attack. I do not know who made this attempt on our lives, but I will protect her from them at all cost. I also know that she is force sensitive, like myself and her father. Which brings me to another point of conflict I have been struggling with. Her father is not aware she is his. As she becomes stronger in the force, I fear he will become aware. He follows a dark path. While he has never hurt me, I fear he would try to take her from me. I wish to leave her here with you, under a false identity, to protect her until she is at least of age and is strong enough to defend herself. I want her to be free as long as possible. The day will come when she will have the duty of the throne passed to her, but I need time to sort things out. I know how powerful you both are, and there is no one else I can trust to leave her with."
The child's hair was dyed dark brown like our children, and became known as Sofi. If asked, she was an orphan we chanced upon. She spent most of her first days with us crying for her mother. Kier was less than understanding of this, and had very little tolerance for it. Teasing her for being a crybaby, despite her being 3 years older than him. While I did my best to deter such behaviors, Kier was still very much in a difficult phase and was not bothered by my disapproval. As such, I often encouraged Sofi to stay near me, and she was somehow soothed with being tasked to help care for Rene.
"Why did you give him a girl name?" She asked, peering at his sleeping form over the edge of the bassinet. "Sometimes girls use it, but it is a boy name too. It means "reborn", because he reminds us so much of someone we used to know." Almost as if reincarnated, he had striking similarities to Han. When he opened his eyes for the first time in Ben's arms, Ben was frozen on the spot. Naming him after Han would draw questions in circles that had known him, considering how briefly I knew him myself. And I don't think Ben could've stomached that anyway.
While we had entertained other names before the birth, we quickly settled on Rene for it's meaning. Ben told me that first night that he felt like Rene was a challenge to atone for that particular sin of his, and one he was determined he would not fail to rise and meet. When Maz had gifted a deep orange hand stitched blanket for Rene she acquired from Naboo, Ben had been very moved by the gesture- a nod that she felt the same as him.
While his sentiment was so serious and meaningful, I couldn't help but chuckle inwardly to myself. The man was a slightly obsessive, but entirely doting father. The sight of him with our children, and how careful and deliberate he was with them, made me feel something inexplicable. A feeling that made me unsure I would ever be truly content without the sight of a babe in his large, warm arms.
After sending Sofi to bed, I stayed up just a little longer, lingering over the bassinet. He'd woken to nurse, and now was settling back down to sleep again. His hand was wrapped around my finger, his eyelids fluttering closed. The world as I had known it was always loud- Jakku was windy, rattling and creaking were a constant even at night as I tried to sleep. The various places I traveled afterward were filled with the hum of generators, engines, people, creatures, insects, rustling of vegetation. My world at this moment was quiet.
I'd always strived and hoped for peace, but I don't think I had any idea what it would be when I found it. I'd never defined it for myself in real terms. I was filled with a sense of serenity, that this must be it. A disquiet part of me whispered, how long would it last?