CHAPTER SEVEN
Ben didn't return that day, and the following afternoon, Hoss and Adam returned to Ben's house to wait for him. Patience had come along with Hoss today, and she waddled to Ben's burgundy armchair and sat heavily as she greeted Josie and Hannah. She hadn't said a word to Hoss since the couple had entered the house, and Josie noticed she hadn't looked at him, either. She shook her head, glad she wasn't in her giant cousin's shoes just then.
"You lookin' forward to votin' on Tuesday, Adam?" Little Joe asked as his eldest brother hung up his hat, jacket, and gun.
"Of course I am!" Adam replied with a grin. "Not every day a man gets to vote in his first presidential election. I expect Fionn's excited, too?" He winked at Josie, who was reading a book on the settee.
"Quite," she replied with a smile. "Though he's still laughing about the governor having to wire our entire constitution to Washington."
Adam chuckled. The certified copies of the state constitution that Territorial Governor Nye had sent to Washington, D.C., weren't going to arrive in time for Nevada's statehood to be official before the presidential election on November 8, so on October 26-27, Governor Nye had the entire constitution wired to Washington. The transmission took two days and cost $4,303.27. It was the longest telegram ever sent, at least so far.
The family chatted for a bit before the three brothers decided to step outside for some air. Little Joe and Hoss stretched and breathed in deep lungfuls of air as they ambled to the edge of the porch, Adam right behind.
"My oh my, sure been a pretty day, hasn't it?" Hoss said. It wouldn't be long before winter set in, and they all appreciated what could be their last mild day for a while.
"Yeah," Joe agreed. "I wonder how Pa's making out." He elbowed Hoss in the ribs, and the two men broke out laughing.
"I'll bet you he's turned old Tweedy over," Hoss said. "Sure wish I had some of Pa's good business sense."
Joe smiled smugly and looked up at the sky. "Pa and I have an awful lot in common in that area."
Hoss rolled his eyes.
"You know what I was thinking too?" Joe said. "I wouldn't be a bit surprised if maybe Pa gets a little more than the two hundred dollars, a little extra profit."
"Look, Joe," Hoss said, "if he just gets us our two hundred back and breaks us even, I'll be satisfied. And so will Patience."
Adam snorted.
"Amen," Joe said, ignoring him. "But you never can tell."
"Yeah," Adam broke in from the checkers table a few feet away where he'd propped one foot up on a chair. "Never can tell."
This time, Hoss and Little Joe turned around. They lumbered over to their older brother.
"You just can't stand to see me and Little Joe make a few extra dollars, can you, Adam?" Hoss said.
Adam smirked and jerked his chin toward the yard. "Apparently Pa can't, either."
Little Joe and Hoss turned around just in time to see Ben ride a trumpeting Old Sheba back into the yard. Adam's smirk broadened as Hoss and Joe turned pale.
"Whoa!" Ben shouted. "Whoa now! Down, Sheba!"
The elephant sank to her knees and Ben jumped to the ground. Adam stayed on the porch, choking back laughter, as Hoss and Joe hurried to their father.
"Rise, Sheba, rise," Ben said, waving at her with one hand as he rubbed his sore backside with the other.
"Hey, Pa, what's the deal?" Hoss asked. "Is Tweedy gonna come out here to pick up Old Sheba?"
Ben sighed. "Nope!" He strode toward the house.
Joe grabbed his arm. "But you did talk to Mr. Tweedy like you promised, didn't you?"
Ben neither broke stride nor looked at Joe or Hoss. "Yep."
"Well, you made plans to have Tweedy pick Sheba up later," Joe said, pointing at the elephant that stood placidly behind them.
"Nope," Ben said, still walking toward the house.
"Wait a minute," Hoss said, stepping in front of Ben and laying a hand on his chest. "She finally got to you, didn't she, Pa?" He smiled, his eyes shining. "You kind of like her now, don't you?" He winked. "Decided to keep her, huh?"
Ben took a deep, steadying breath. "I decided that since Sheba is really your problem," he gestured to both Hoss and Joe, "I wouldn't want to weaken your character by not allowing you to shoulder your own responsibility."
Josie, who had come out of the house when she heard Sheba trumpeting buried her face in Adam's shoulder to keep from shrieking with laughter.
Joe and Hoss's smiles sank into frowns.
"That's one way out," Adam muttered.
Ben, Hoss, and Joe all glared at Adam. Ben strode up to his eldest son.
"What did you say?" he asked.
Adam didn't miss a beat. "I said you're right. They'll have to go all out." Josie had just come up for air and stuffed her fist in her mouth to cut off her laughter again.
Hoss scurried to Ben and grabbed his arm. "But Pa! You promised us you'd do the negotiating!"
"Yeah," Joe added, "we were counting on you, Pa. As a matter of fact, we thought you'd even get us more than the two hundred dollars!"
Ben cut him off. "Now look! I've got more important things to do than negotiate with a larcenous old man and a gluttonous elephant. Incidentally, nobody votes for Clem Foster in the next election." He turned to Adam "Now about the ties, Ramsey wants them delivered to the spur in a week."
Little Joe looked ready to vomit again—a look Josie was starting to get used to seeing on his face.
Hoss sighed and shifted his weight. "Yeah, Pa, about them ties…"
Ben glanced briefly at Hoss, decided he didn't want to hear any more from his middle son just then, and turned back to his eldest. "Adam, did you show the boys where you cut them?"
"I sure did. They're all roughed out and stacked."
"Good." Ben turned back to Hoss and Little Joe. "Start floating them down in the morning."
Joe and Hoss looked uncomfortably at each other. Joe swallowed hard and said, "We can't."
Ben shook his head and advanced on his youngest. "Joseph, I've had two very tough days, and I'm in no mood—"
"Pa," Adam said, "Little Joe's telling the plain truth for a change."
"And what's that?" Ben said.
Hoss smiled, looking relieved that for once today, something bad that was happening wasn't his fault. "The creek run dry," he said.
The color drained from Ben's face, and Josie considered running for her medical bag.
"The creek's gone dry?" he said.
Little Joe and Hoss nodded.
Ben turned and slowly sank onto the edge of the porch. "God's turned against me," he moaned. The cousins stared at each other for a moment until Ben slapped his knee. "All right, look. First thing in the morning, we'll put on our thinking caps, and we'll try to figure out some way of getting those blasted logs down off that mountain."
Little Joe grinned that confident smile of his that always made Josie's stomach flip-flop with anxiety.
"I'll get right on it, Pa," Joe said.
"That's a good idea, Pa," Hoss agreed. "I'll set the alarm clock extra early in the morning and jump right up and get right to thinkin'."
"That reminds me," Ben said, stepping right into Little Joe's face. "I want an around-the-clock sentry on that elephant while she's here on the ranch."
"Starting in the morning?" Hoss asked hopefully.
"Around the CLOCK, Hoss," Ben snapped.
Adam raised an eyebrow. "What for? She's tame."
"She's tame, all right," Ben said, squaring his shoulders. "She's also sneaky."
Little Joe gave Ben his best innocent expression. "Pa, if you want me to figure out how to get those logs off the mountain, I've gotta get some sleep."
Ben raised one finger and stabbed it at Little Joe. "Joseph, just keep your EYE on her!"
Josie buried her face in the back of Adam's shirt. If Uncle Ben heard her laughing, she'd most likely find herself serving a shift as Sheba's guard.
Adam and Josie howled with laughter later that afternoon when Ben told them about his trip to town. They figured they were safe, though, because Hannah was there, laughing along with them. Apparently, the good people of Virginia City had gotten a good chuckle out of Ben Cartwright riding into town atop an elephant that he then couldn't unload back onto Angus Tweedy. The circus master claimed he was flat broke and that Old Sheba would be much happier living on the Ponderosa. He said Sheba had to work hard for the circus, and he couldn't deny her the chance to live out her remaining days carefree.
Ben spent last night trying to catch snatches of sleep in a chair next to a corral at the livery stable while Sheba poked him in the face with her trunk. This morning, he tried selling her to Will Cass for $100, but Will wasn't buying. He didn't agree that Sheba would be a good advertisement for the store, and then he charged Ben $5 for a bag of peanuts Sheba ripped open while they were talking. Ben dragged Sheriff Foster down to Tweedy's circus, but Clem sided with Tweedy, saying Little Joe and Hoss had struck a legal deal.
To top it all off, Clem chewed him out for bringing Sheba into town and spooking everyone's horses.
Josie snuggled up in bed that night, still giggling and thanking her lucky stars that this was one of Little Joe's schemes she'd had the good sense not to get wrapped up in.
Sometime in the small hours, she jolted awake to the sound of shattering glass down the hall. She sprang out of bed, darted into the hall, and collided with her mother, who had torn out of her bedroom too. Together, they burst into Little Joe's room and stopped short when they saw the shards of glass all over the floor.
"Where's Joe?" Hannah said, looking at the empty bed.
"He must have gone to the barn for his shift with Sheba," Josie said.
"So, what broke the window?"
Josie ran back to her room and grabbed her boots. Pulling them on, she crunched her way through Joe's room and peeked out the remains of the window. Hoss, Little Joe, and Sheba stood in the yard, looking up at her.
"Sorry," Hoss called. "Didn't mean to wake ya."
Josie shook her head and turned to her mother, who had been joined by a glowering Uncle Ben.
"Do I want to know?" he asked.
Josie shook her head again.
The next morning, Hoss and Little Joe went into Virginia City to confront Angus Tweedy themselves. Tweedy claimed he'd take Sheba off their hands for $200. Hoss had to grab Little Joe's arm to keep him from strangling the man.
"No wonder Pa was in such a foul mood when he came home," Joe grumbled to Hoss. He turned back to Tweedy, who was directing Bearcat to start striking the circus so they could leave town. "How are you gonna get by without Old Sheba?"
"I made enough in a poker game last night to buy us a real fine mule," Tweedy said. "Don't need Old Sheba, no-how. I only use her to haul the wagon and attract attention. I can make just as much off Bearcat without her.
Joe crossed his arms and leaned back. "Is that right?"
"That's right. So, put up or shut up."
Joe pursed his lips. "You know, Hoss, it's just like Pa said: Live and learn."
Hoss nodded.
"Yep," Tweedy said. "Take the bad with the good."
"Or if you can't lick 'em, join 'em," Hoss said, chuckling.
Tweedy scowled. "What do you mean by that?"
Little Joe grinned. "Just like my brother Hoss said. You see, Mr. Tweedy, we've been thinking very seriously about going into the circus business ourselves."
"What?" Tweedy said, his eyes popping wide.
"Why not?" Joe said, spreading his hands. "We've got everything you've got and more. We've got Old Sheba here to pull the wagon, got brother Hoss here to wrestle all comers."
Tweedy's jaw dropped. "You can't do that!"
"Oh, can and will, Mr. Tweedy." Little Joe crossed his arms over his chest. "Town for town. Same towns you're in."
"You see, Mr. Tweedy," Hoss chimed in, "we got a little angle all figured out of our own. We'll come over, and I'll wrestle Bearcat, and after I whoop him, we'll invite all your customers over to our tent, and I'll take on all the challengers."
He and Little Joe grinned at each other and chuckled while sweat broke out on Tweedy's forehead.
"You can't!" the little man protested.
"Aw, live and learn, Mr. Tweedy," Joe said. He looked straight in Tweedy's eyes. "Put up or shut up."
Hoss nodded. "You gotta take the bad with the good."
Tweedy glowered. "All right. Even Stephen. I'll take Old Sheba back, period." He headed for his tent.
"Just a minute," Joe said. "There's still the matter of the two hundred dollars you owe us. With interest."
"And not a cent less," Hoss said.
"I ain't got a penny," Tweedy said. "Paid all my poker winnings for the mule."
"We'll take the mule!" Hoss and Joe said together.
"Sold! She's up at Barney's stable."
Joe and Hoss grinned and started to walk away. Hoss paused to pat Sheba's trunk one last time.
"Sheba, sure wish we could have afforded you," he said.
Little Joe rolled his eyes. "Hoss, one appetite like yours is enough for any family."
The brothers strolled smugly down the street toward Barney's stable to collect their mule. Pa couldn't possibly complain about a good mule.
"It takes real managerial brains to get along nowadays, you know?" Joe said, hitching his thumbs in his back pockets.
Hoss chuckled. "Yeah, I reckon."
"Wait till Pa hears about the deal we just pulled off." Joe hooted with joy.
"I guess we did pin old Angus Tweedy to the map, didn't we?" Hoss said, grinning.
"You know what else I was wondering? What a real, fine mule will fetch right now."
Hoss knit his brow. "I don't know, Joe. He must be pretty valuable. You know, Angus ain't one to be took."
Joe giggled and winked at Hoss.
That evening, Adam and Josie sipped coffee together on the front porch. He'd stopped by again, ostensibly to let Josie know Molly was ready to one more fitting of her wedding dress, but secretly to see the next chapter in the Old Sheba saga unfold. Hoss and Joe had disappeared this morning, and he wanted to be there when they came back from whatever harebrained scheme they'd tried to pull off.
He looked up at the sky and Josie spit coffee when Hoss and Joe made their slow way into the yard, Hoss dragging a raggedy mule with Joe on its back. Joe jumped to the ground and rubbed his backside.
Grinning, Adam tossed the dregs of his coffee into the yard and turned to the house.
"Hey, Pa!" he called.
"Oh, Hoss, I'm worn out," Joe moaned as he walked spraddle-legged toward the porch.
"Yeah, that was a long ride for you, Joe," Hoss said.
Little Joe waved. "Hello, Josie, Adam."
"Uh-huh," Adam said.
Josie was giggling too hard to reply at all. She grabbed hold of Adam's arm to keep herself from sinking to the ground.
Ben strode out of the house, his gaze fixed on Hoss and Little Joe. Much to Josie's surprise, a smile played about the corners of her uncle's mouth.
"Where have you fellas been?"
Joe clapped his hands once. "Pa, wait till you hear."
Ben raised both hands to stop him. "One thing at a time." He clasped his hands and smiled, clearly pleased with himself about something. "I have come up with a solution to our problem."
"Pa," Joe cut in, "I just want to tell you about Old Sheba." He pointed his thumb over his shoulder toward the yard.
"Exactly!" Ben said, patting Joe's chest. "Old Sheba. We need a physical force to bring those ties down off the mountain. The creek's dried up, so that physical force is gone. There's no road up there, lots of rocks, so we daren't use horses for fear of breaking legs, right?" A grin stretched across Ben's face. "Now, what other physical force do we have on the Ponderosa right here and now?"
Little Joe shifted his eyes to lock uncomfortable gazes with Hoss. Josie clutched Adam's arm a little harder. He grabbed her hand and squeezed. Whatever was coming was going to be good.
Joe smiled. "Hoss?"
"No," Ben said. "Try to figure out how you use one problem to solve another problem."
Adam chomped on his lower lip. When Pa saw the mule in the yard and put the pieces together, he was going to erupt. He was so glad he'd been feeling nosy today. He wouldn't have wanted to miss this for the world.
Little Joe and Hoss both shrugged.
Ben was on the verge of laughter, clearly thinking his sons were just being thick. "Well, what other problem do we have?"
Joe shrank in his jacket. "Old Sheba?" he said.
"Exactly!" Ben clapped his hands. "Old Sheba!"
Adam couldn't stay quiet any longer. "You know, I remember seeing pictures once of elephants in India hauling whole trees."
Josie snorted.
"That's exactly right, Adam," Ben said, turning to his eldest. "You put a harness on Sheba, a sled behind her, and she'll haul those ties down the mountain as pretty as you please."
Adam scratched his chin while Little Joe's jaw worked up and down. Tears streamed silently down Josie's face. She didn't know how much longer she could keep quiet.
"Pa?" Joe said.
"Come on, get Sheba out of the barn," Ben said. "Let's get going!"
"Well, Pa, uh—"
"Well, what?"
"Well," Joe said, and hesitated.
Hoss thumped him on the chest. "Speak right up, little manager. Speak right up."
"See, Hoss and I took Old Sheba into town, and, uh, slickered Mr. Tweedy into taking her back, pretty as you please." He laughed nervously.
"Yeah, we slickered him," Hoss said, grinning.
The joy drained from Ben's face. "You what?"
"Oh, we didn't come back empty-handed!" Joe said, gesturing behind him. "There's, there's uh… Look at that."
At last, Ben looked over Little Joe's shoulder and saw the broken-down mule at the hitching post. He took a few steps off the porch.
"You traded that magnificent elephant, that royal pachyderm for that— that mule?"
"Was the only thing of real value he had, Pa," Joe said.
Hoss opened his mouth, and Ben shouted "QUIET!"
Adam smirked and caught Josie's eye. He wrapped his arms around her and buried her face in his shirtfront before she could let out the shriek of laughter he saw simmering behind her eyes.
Ben took a deep breath. "For weeks, I have negotiated a deal with the railroad company to put a spur track across this property. For WEEKS I negotiated a contract to sell timber for those railway ties." He glared at Little Joe. "For those same weeks, you two have been playing around. Those ties are up on the mountain. They have to be at the spur line in one week." He thrust his index finger in the air a hairsbreadth from Joe's nose. "One. Week," he finished, brandishing the finger at Hoss too.
Only when Ben had stormed into the house and slammed the door behind him did Adam and Josie burst out laughing.
Hoss and Little Joe spent the next week dragging the railroad ties down the mountain using nothing but the strength of their own backs. More correctly, Hoss spent the week dragging the railroad ties down the mountain while Little Joe hitched a ride on top of each stack. Hoss ended each day blistered, raw, and aching, while Little Joe bounced home and chattered all the way through supper.
On the very last day, Adam came by again to see if his brothers had pulled it off and was just in time to see Little Joe wave cheerily as he drove a buckboard into Pa's yard. He jumped from the seat and strolled around to the back where he helped Hoss haul his sore, battered body from the bed. Hoss was coated in dirt and sweat, and his shirt was ripped to pieces.
"I ain't never been so bone-tired in my life," Hoss said as Adam, Ben, Josie, and Hannah approached the wagon.
"I'm pretty tuckered out myself," Joe said, slapping his shoulder.
"Well?" Ben said when he reached the wagon.
"We did it, Pa," Joe said proudly. "Every single one of those ties is off the mountain and at the spur." He grinned. "I knew I could do it if I put my mind to it."
Still sitting on the edge of the wagon bed, Hoss scowled.
"Your mind," he grumbled.
Adam grinned at Josie.
"I must say, I never thought you could do it," he said.
Ben nodded. "You did a real good job."
"Pa, it's an unbeatable combination," Joe said. He tapped his forehead. "Brains." He pointed to Hoss. "And brute strength."
"Little Joe, in all fairness to your brain power," Ben said, "if it hadn't been for Hoss's muscle power, those ties would still be up on top of that mountain."
"But without my conditioning, he wouldn't have had the muscle power to pull the ties off the mountain," Joe said.
Hoss glared at Little Joe, and for a second, Adam thought he might slug his little brother. But a gust of chilly air swept through the yard, and all the Cartwrights looked up in response to a distant rumble of thunder. Little Joe's smile fell.
Adam snickered. "Oh, it must be raining a deluge up on that mountain," he said, his eyes dancing. "Snake Creek will be running in a matter of minutes." A grin stretched across his face.
Hoss turned his glare on Joe again. Little Joe chuckled and shrugged his shoulders.
"You can't win 'em all, Hoss."
"Did you hear that?" Hoss said, rising from the wagon bed and advancing on Joe while Adam and Josie laughed. "Snake Creek's got water in it. It's gonna be FULL, Joe. There's WATER in Snake Creek!"
"Yahoo!" Joe shouted, grabbing Hoss's shoulder. "Water in Snake Creek! That's what we've been waiting for, Hoss. Water in Snake Creek! You know what that means? Now you can enter the annual Snake Creek canoe contest. A THOUSAND dollars. A thousand dollars! Think how happy Patience would be with that much money for the baby."
Hoss relaxed, and a smile snaked across his face. "A thousand dollars," he said, his eyes growing wide. "Wow."
Joe patted his cheek. "And all you need is a good manager and a big, BIG canoe." He put his arm around Hoss's shoulder and leaned in close. "Now here's what I'm gonna do for you…"
Little Joe started whispering a plan to Hoss, but Adam and Josie didn't catch any of it. They'd darted back into the house where they collapsed on the settee in peals of laughter.