A/N: This story contains OOCs
Lovelorn
Prologue
It started with an innocent love letter that was never supposed to read.
She wrote it at night. Under the burning light of the lamp, her words turned into heartache flittering across the page. She wrote until ink smeared and her hand cramped, but it wasn't enough. Not for her. She kept on writing until her heartbeat raced and tears went trickling down her eyes.
They say the best way to ease strong feelings is to write it down, hoping that the words on the paper would somehow capture all the emotions that you've never expressed out loud; and that by doing so, she was supposed to feel liberated of the secret hanging heavy in her heart.
Dear Natsume-kun,
You probably don't know me…but that's okay because I know you. Even though we've been in the same class since the start of middle school, we've never talked. I was always too afraid to start a conversation with someone like you—the kind of person everyone aspires to be.
All these years I've contented myself with just admiring you from halfway across the room. Whether it was in class or in the hallways, I told myself that watching you was enough for me. Just being able to see you each day…to see your rare smiles, it was enough for me.
But I'd never been more wrong.
With graduation coming up, and the inevitability of parting ways becoming a veritable reality, I can no longer keep this secret all to myself.
I didn't mean to fall in love with you, Natsume-kun, but you see that is exactly what happened. Somewhere along the years, I fell in love with your sweet smiles and soft laughter, and I swear in those moments I knew my heart belonged to you.
Yours Truly,
-Mikan Sakura
When she finished, Mikan sealed the letter, tucked it into her bag and went to sleep. By the time she woke up for school, she had forgotten all about it.
○•○
"Isn't it weird that today is our last day in this school?" Hotaru said, looking up at the crenellated walls of the academy. Vines had started twisting and curling around the stone and the certain rock pieces had chipped off as the years rolled by. The formidable building in front of them looked weathered and beaten, but despite the abuse it had endured over the years, it still maintained a regal appearance.
The two girls stood in the middle of a dirt path way in solemn silence watching as students from all grades passed them. It felt weird to say farewell to the building that had been their second home away from home.
The breeze was gentle, rustling their skirts and sending stray petals from nearby cherry blossom trees to brush their skin. "I-It is kind of daunting…knowing that we're heading off into the real world now," Mikan replied.
They stood there, in front of the wrought-iron gates for what seemed like an eternity; neither of them daring to break the solemn silence between them.
The tolling of the bells snapped them out of their reverie. "We should hurry," Hotaru looked over at her best friend. "If we're late for the closing ceremony, there's no imagining what kind of punishment Narumi-sensei will give us."
Mikan nodded in response.
Truth be told, Mikan never really liked school much. Academics weren't her forte. Unlike Hotaru, who had been blessed with an almost godlike intelligence for her age, Mikan was pretty average in all respects. In her final year, she managed to squeeze her way into the top one hundred of her grade, but then again, that achievement was abysmal compared to Hotaru who consistently ranked in the top ten.
When they entered the auditorium, it was already packed with kids seated in rows upon rows of chairs. The chattering of hundreds of students was almost deafening, and Mikan could see dozens of teachers scolding a bunch of troublemakers on each side.
Sumire rolled her eyes as she saw them coming. "God, could you two ever be punctual for once in your lives?" When neither Mikan nor Hotaru responded, Sumire breathed out a heavy sigh. "I saved a seat for you guys." Sumire patted the two empty chairs beside her.
"Thanks, Sumire. I really owe you one," Hotaru said, sliding into the seat.
Mikan muttered her own words of gratitude but her voice was so soft that Sumire had to strain to hear.
"You really need to work on that, Mikan." Sumire gave her a tender look. It was a tender expression that reminded Mikan of the way mothers looked upon their children: soft and gentle.
"W-Work on what?" Mikan asked, her voice a mere whisper among the cacophony of voices.
"Well for one thing, speaking up. You should be able to say whatever it is you damn well please, especially since you're a graduating middle school student and not an icky grade school kid anymore."
Hotaru nodded in agreement, and Mikan blushed at Sumire's blunt remark. Whatever happened in her life, no matter how much things changed, she knew she could rely on her two best friends and their candor. Between the three of them, Mikan always felt like the odd one out. Both of her best friends were rather popular, excelling in their respective fields, with Hotaru dominating in academics and Sumire being named the most valuable player at about every sport club there was in the school, and then there was her: Mikan Sakura, Queen of Mediocrity.
She was average in sports; at least, she liked to think of herself that way. Unlike most girls in the school, she knew how to dribble a basketball properly and was pretty intuitive when it came to split-second decisions. And when it came to academics, she wasn't stupid either but then again, she had never been the sharpest pupil in class.
The only thing that Mikan thought she excelled in was art, and even then Mikan learned quickly that art was subjective and there would always be critics who were ambivalent at what she thought was her "talent".
The three friends sat there in silence at first. There was still a lot of time until the ceremony would start, so the three of them entertained themselves by reminiscing about the past. The nostalgia hit them all hard.
"…and remember when Sumire walked into a first year class math class, even though she was a second year student, and didn't realize that she'd been in the wrong class at all until the lecture ended?" Hotaru burst into a hearty laugh as she said this, and even Mikan couldn't stop herself from grinning.
Sumire gave Hotaru a light punch on the shoulder. "How was I supposed to know? I came late that day and since I didn't understand anything, I took it as a sign that I was in the right class. After all, I never understood anything when it comes to math."
Hotaru batted her eyes and gave the blonde girl a mocking smile. "That's because you slept through the whole semester during freshman year and ended up badgering me for my notes when finals came." Hotaru shook her head with a playful smile on her lips.
Had four years really flown by just like that?
Sumire smiled, remembering the memory as if all the good times the three of them shared together had happened only yesterday. The mood didn't last long for when Sumire looked over at Mikan, her smile faltered.
Hotaru turned around as well to get a view of what Sumire was looking at. "Sumire, what's wrong?" Hotaru turned around as well to get a view of what Sumire was looking at. Both pairs of eyes made Mikan feel suddenly self-conscious.
"Uhm, is anything wrong?" Mikan asked, worry lining her voice.
"What's that piece of paper sticking out of your bag, Mikan?" Sumire retorted.
Mikan gave her a puzzled look but before she could even look down, Sumire had snatched the parchment from out her bag.
"From Mikan Sakura to…Natsume Hyuu-" Sumire read aloud, clamping her own mouth with her free hand while Hotaru gasped along with her. "Could it be…? Mikan, did you write Natsume a love letter?"
Mikan blushed furiously. It seemed as if all the blood in her body rushed into her face and she had no doubt that she must've resembled a tomato at that moment. Before Sumire could even open the letter, Mikan dived for it, catching the end of the envelope before ripping it out of Sumire's hand. She was breathing rather hard and struggled to find the right words. "I-I wrote this letter for Natsume, but I didn't mean for him to read it. It was just supposed to be a cathartic thing, you know, a way to rid myself of this attraction for him."
"Did it work?" Hotaru asked casually.
Mikan's unrequited love wasn't very conspicuous. The only people who knew how Mikan felt towards Natsume were her two best friends: Sumire and Hotaru . Sumire and Hotaru had always known because they said they could read Mikan as easily as a book. After all, the three of them had been best friends for more than half of their lives. Secrets between them were little to none.
Mikan didn't know how to respond. Did it work? Well, she had felt a little better after writing the letter but the aching her heart hadn't entirely gone away. But before she could answer, Narumi-sensei blew his whistle and ascended the stage.
For once in her life, Mikan was glad for the interruption.
The audible whisper of students hushed into silence as hundreds of eyes trailed Narumi's ascent up the stairs and as she leaned his elbows on the pulpit. Adjusting the microphone before herself, Narumi cleared her throat; the scratchy sound of the microphone resonated throughout the room. "It's been another great year here at Sai Academy, and I thank the faculty for working hard and encouraging our students to do the same."
Narumi nodded to the rows of teachers seated on the side, giving each one a cursory glance of acknowledgement. "As customary, to close this school year off, a speech will be given by the selected representative of this year's graduating senior class. Please join me as we welcome Hyuuga Natsume—senior representative and student council president—to the stage."
The hordes of students around her began to clap, the sound rose in a deafening crescendo echoing across the room. Upon hearing Natsume's name, Mikan froze, suddenly immobilized by the knowledge of his presence. Dummy, she chastised herself. Of course Natsume was going to be joining them. He was part of the graduating class after all.
For a moment, it seemed that she had almost forgotten to how to clap, startled as she was to know that Natsume so near her…yet so far away. Had not Hotaru nudged her with an elbow, Mikan would've never snapped out of her stupor.
Again, Mikan could hear murmurs of approval. She caught tidbits of conversation from all around her without even trying. "Just as I thought, with a brain and looks like his, Natsume-kun was bound to have been voted as the senior representative." A girl said, seated behind Mikan.
"I heard he was popular with the girls too," a freshman boy said, sniggering. "Apparently, a lot of the senior girls are confessing to him today, and most of the ones who already did were rejected."
Mikan perked up her ears and leaned to her side, trying to get into a range where she could hear the conversation comfortably.
From the corner of her eye, she could see two freshman boys lean in to each other almost conspiratorially, before one of them said, "Really? I almost feel bad for those girls, but they should've known better. As if someone like Natsume-kun would be willing to waste his time on anyone less than perfect like himself." The bigger of the two boys scoffed as he said this.
Mikan stopped clapping and lowered her eyes to the floor. Somehow, she suddenly felt inexplicably cold as if the blood in her veins had turned into ice. She shivered involuntarily. When Hotaru turned and gave her a questioning look, she curled her lips into a faint smile. She had no intention of unnecessarily worrying her friends over petty matters. God knows that Hotaru and Sumire already their own problems to deal with, and she didn't want hers to be an added burden.
The murmurs in the crowed subsided and Mikan had only to look up to know why. He was there. Standing on the podium with his raven hair slicked back, looking every inch of an aristocrat, her Natsume was there.
A round of applause burst out of the crowed. People were catcalling and hooting in a discordant mixture of sounds.
"We love you Natsume!" A couple of Natsume's self-proclaimed fangirls yelled.
Natsume turned to their direction and flashed them a devilish grin, sending ruptures of squeals to ripple through the crowed. Even though the grin wasn't made for her, Mikan could swear her heart almost stopped beating.
Natsume tapped the microphone as if testing it. When he seemed satisfied, he cleared his throat and closed his eyes. Mikan watched the grin fade from his face, leaving no trace of its presence behind. When he opened his eyes again, Natsume looked serious.
"I'm honored to have been chosen as the senior representative for this year's graduation," he began, speaking with the raspy lilt in his voice that Mikan loved so much. "Most of you may not know this, but one of my biggest fears was public speaking. So to be up here, in front of so many classmates, is a big accomplishment for me." Natsume gulped visibly, his hands tightened around the pulpit.
For a minute, Mikan thought that he was going to have a nervous breakdown, but that fear was assuaged once he composed himself, smoothening the worry lines that had formed on his forehead.
Natsume took a deep breath. "But I somehow found that storage of courage hidden inside of me to bring myself up this pulpit and deliver this speech to you—for you. Because during the crazy four years that I've spent in this school, I've had the privilege to watch all of us grow. Somewhere in those crazy four years, we had grown to see each other more than just classmates….somewhere in those crazy four years we had become a family."
Mikan sat on the edge of her seat, afraid to move lest she should miss hearing anything. Natsume's voice sounded so plaintive yet so beautiful all at once. He talked about freshman year, when he had slipped and accidentally kissed Ruka Nogi, the student council vice president—a story that made Ruka cringe in the front row in reminiscence, but nonetheless drew raucous laughter from everyone else.
He talked about the patience of the teachers. The kindness he saw in Narumi-sensei, the teacher who had selflessly tutored many a failing students of his class during after school hours. He talked about the good times—about the school's fall festivals; and he talked about the bad times, of when Iruka-sensei had collapsed suddenly whilst teaching, sending the students of class 1A into a frenzy.
But most of all, he talked about the things he'd miss. The things that they all would miss once they had graduated. Never again would one of them enjoy Narumi's lame jokes each morning through the intercom, and never again would they ever feel as young and carefree as they did now, because things were changing, and they were changing fast.
Suddenly, Natsume lowered his voice. "I think all of us never expected to find a family in this community. Yet somehow, that is what we became."
And somewhere between his soft words and soothing voice, students began to cry—boys and girls alike—because the reality of parting was finally sinking in, and they knew that the family they had become would soon be torn asunder.