WHEN TO LET GO

There is a wealth of knowledge available to us today that we had no idea of a hundred years ago. The planet was littered with artifacts, some of which take advantage of concepts we had no idea of before their discovery. And yet... we don't see a shining example of civilization. These people don't enjoy peaceful, prosperous lives. The natives haven't given the idea much thought, but it appears to be part of human nature, part of us, to ask one great question.

Why?

If there is anything I regret not doing during those formative years, it would be the fact that I didn't give that question adequate thought. This morbid pattern impacts my future - we already know how human civilization was forced to evacuate its home star. We don't know what is stifling the growth of our mobian neighbors.

Later in life I would eventually observe numerous worlds beyond the reach of our technology before the discovery of these artifacts. I discovered countless analogues to myself in those worlds, each one equally as dangerous but none of them nearly as intelligent. They all would be callous enough to ignore the frightening patterns that lie before me. Perhaps, I was simply doing the same. It is a discouraging conclusion to come to. I hope, however, that unlike them, the reason why I didn't give the idea much thought during those formative years is because I learned early on one simple skill. To know when to hold on, and when to let go...

Perhaps the condition is a comorbidity.

Georgian Calendar, ARK Perspective, June 23 3180

I've been thinking of the altercation that happened in my social studies class. Why would an instructor do something like that? Why would he use physical force when he could have simply used his authority to isolate 'Mister Underwood' from his victims?

I don't have the time, let alone the expertise, to fill in for special ed. He shouldn't be around other children. There's something missing from the context to this assault...

Next class is Calculus 12. Lovely course. I spend time practicing questions on derivatives and limits. Though, I see someone else that I recognize from earlier...

He was in summer school last term for French 11.

He looks miserable. His stomach was growling...

"...Kassim? I thought I seen you last summer."

He raises an eyebrow, looks at me, and buries his face further in his textbook. It looks like it's making contact with his face - he can't read anything or learn in that position.

"...Were you there because you needed to retake stuff?"
"Shut up."
"...Wha-"
"I said shut up, pig. I don't want to talk to you."

Well, that was downright unnecessary.

"...You're lucky I have better things to do with my life than tearing into you."

Well, that's unfortunate. He looks much older than me, but also quite short compared to the other students. I wonder...

The school day is over. I want some money. Let's see if I can find that... fine young lady and get some cash out of her. I try to find her while the rest of the students are leaving.

I see her outside, near a parked... limousine? How rich is this teenager's family?

I walk over to the vehicle, trying to be inconspicuous and also overhear what's going on. She was arguing with her father.

"For the last time, no! I'm not letting you bring a boy into the house, even if he's going to help you with your exams! ESPECIALLY if you offered the little PEASANT money! We don't need no riff-raff stealing our blood and riches from what's rightfully ours!"

... I have to prove I'm well-off to this man so I can be paid to provide a service?

This feels wrong. Very, sickeningly wrong. Something wells up inside me. He's spitting on my merit, my pride... I want to knock some sense into this... this spoiled, greedy, sadistic cretin. But if I do, he'll destroy me, economically and socially.

Kassim walks up beside me. Usually he's out of school a period before I am.

"Uh, I wanted to say sor- uh... what's that all about?"

I clench my fists. The man in the limo keeps talking.

"If you even CONSIDER bringing some hobo schmuck into the walls of our estate you will be disowned! You must overcome these obstacles yourself, not through selling your soul to a devil coming from the greased-up dank alleyways of the slums we left behind!"

"I, I can't believe what I'm seeing here. Is this about you? Your family isn't poor - they helped design the ARK, didn't they?"
"Apparently that's not enough."
"Look, I wanted to apologize for the way I acted, I just didn't want anyone to know how much trouble I-"
"It can wait."

We both fall silent. The limousine remains in front of the school. The wrinkled old frog keeps stretching his throat, but I try tuning it out. It hurts so much listening to him.

"What gave him the right to act like that about the people in these school grounds? Does he fancy himself as some kind of superman?"
"He probably came from a family that funded the development of the ARK..."
"And what? He thinks that your family stolen from his? What does he expect a thousand-year journey to cost?"
"Kassim... walk away, right now."
"W-what? Why?"
"If he sees me with you, the situation would only get worse."

Kassim falls silent. His face hardens into a frown.

"So... that man's rage is directed at you."
"Kassim..."
"Alright-alright. Leaving now. See ya tomorrow."

I approach the vehicle. No sneaking around. The irate old man sees me.

"So this is who you were talking about. You. I suggest you move along and reconsider laying your hands on my granddaughter, BOY."

I... I can't even accuse him of being racist, our skin tone is the same. Is he blind, or simply being cruel?

"Hey, that chick approached me. Now I don't know about what you really think of me but to be quite honest, I don't need your money. I can stand on my own two feet. I just thought maybe I could spend a bit of time making sure there's one less dropout in the school, and I thought she's a nice enough person."

"What makes you think that I buy that-"

"But if you are going to cause a problem for me when I just had someone treat me with a fraction of the respect I deserve, why should I help? I'll just let your daughter bring embarrassment to your family. You might be able to ruin me but nothing will change the fact that your colleagues would remember this."

"How the... how old are you?!"

"Fourteen. And I still given your daughter consideration in spite of the fact that I'm taking Calculus 12 this year."

"You... you must be- You're a thief! A scoundrel, trying to take our money again!"

"And you might want to reconsider our meeting place. You made me feel something today that topped all of the bad things I felt for the past year and then some. I would not tolerate this behavior regardless of who it's coming from. You now know my capabilities. I suggest you temper your hatred with a healthy dose of fear, before you get yourself hurt."

"I-I..."

The man falls silent. I step right in front of the car door.

"I like feeling smart. Adequate. Capable of great things, of new ideas. You made me feel the opposite of that, and if you make me feel like that again, you..."

I place my palm on the windshield, leaving a handprint made out of my sweat.

"Will pay."

The driver looks back nervously at his master. I flash back a smile. If I push these guys any further...

"Specifically, a $20 deposit for any further slander or otherwise, to be remitted if your daughter fails the course I'm tutoring for."
"Wha-"
"That should be a good enough incentive for you to refrain from dishonorable behavior and to provide a nice bonus WHEN your granddaughter finally graduates. While not being so large that you'll be tempted to sabotage her development, am I right?"

I hope that works... In the mean time, I can hear the other students crowd around together in hushed whispers. I feel... proud. But that is not the right emotion to be feeling at the time.

"Huh. Hehe... Hyehahaha! Well now, you drive a hard bargain. What should your rates be?"
"$35 an hour."
"Make it $25 and we serve you free lunch."
"That's barely above minimum wage. Also, I make my own lunch."
"Is that a no?"
"It's a deal. All I know how to make is scrambled eggs anyway. I'm not picky, I just wish I could have fried chicken once in a while."

He crosses his arms.

"What exactly do you know about physics anyway?"

"Physics more often than not relies on concepts found in calculus. The equation that converts acceleration and time into distance, for example, has a derivative which is equal to the function that converts acceleration and time into velocity. Knowledge of trigonometry is also paramount to understanding physics..."

"Alright, that's enough."

"If you need time to think about this, I guess that's reasonable. I'm going home. I need to collect myself and finish my assignments. Shouldn't even be an hour. Oh, and miss? If you want to contact me, call this number."

I open up a paper notebook and write my number down, tearing off the sheet to hand over to the girl.

"Originally I was going to just go through with it and go with the flow, but that convenience was overruled. I suggest you leave."

The female student goes into the car, and it drives away... I don't know how I did it.
But I feel incredibly sick afterwards.

"Woah, Infrared, I can't believe you had it in-"
I haphazardly stumble over to the drain on the street.
"-you. Are you okay?!"
I lose my lunch. It heads to where rainwater was supposed to go. Yellow liquid and chunks come out of my mouth. All I can do is cough.
"Infrared?! Someone call the nurse!"
"T-that was... unnatural. How did I pull that off? He still called me a thief. How do I do those things? I told the truth and yet-"
"Shh, shh... just go home and get some rest, there's no way you could keep this up and not get burned out."

Kassim's grasp is firm. But he doesn't feel comforting in any way. And he stinks, really badly.

"Okay then. I'll go home and have a nice bath tonight..."

I return home. Mama was passed out. The house is a mess, and smelled like a dump.
One thing's for sure - I can never let those people come over to my place.

I make myself some dinner and head upstairs to read over my textbooks and finish my assignments. Like I said before, it doesn't even take an hour for me to complete them in a satisfactory manner. Now that I finished those assignments, I start up the water to fill the bathtub, and let my muscles relax...

Unfortunately, the washroom fares no better than the living room. The tub is grimy, and the mirrors are cracked and useless. Really doesn't help the fact that I'm eating a TV dinner while lying in the water. If we were truly poor, I'd be eating eggs for all of my life... At least I could be thankful for the fact that we only pay property taxes, rather than rent.

I finish my dinner, brush my teeth, and retire to my bed. I am going to need a lot of sleep for what happens next.