Her head was spinning, she wasn't sure why. Could have been the drugs she had taken, the panic attack or the fight, maybe all of them. She knew she wasn't able to control her PTSD just yet but never in a million years she would have thought about her being able to almost kill someone she cared about. Tommy Gibbs came in her life some months before, he had asked her to grab a drink and somehow they found themselves in her apartment. She made sure from the beginning that she didn't want anything serious, she wasn't ready for a romantic relationship but she was available to a sex one, and he agreed. He soon started to help her investigate on her case from outside, giving her all the information she needed as their night meetings continued for months.
Everything was going just right until that night. It had bern a long day at work and somehow she got a bit softer, kissing him on the street and more sweetly, so he thought it was a good idea to tell her he loved her and she felt the panic rise, she couldn't deny she faked her orgasm just to make him stop, her mind was already somewhere else. She couldn't do that, not now, she wasn't ready, but she still cared about him as a friend so she couldn't find the courage to tell him. That's why she agreed to give him her bracelet, to make him think everything was ok, trying to avoid that talk that they definitely had to have. She didn't know why she was feeling bad though, she had made clear that she didn't have feelings for him, that all they had was just a consensual relationship based on sex along with a friendship; friends with benefits, that was what they were. To be honest she would have found another person to fuck with if he didn't want to, but he agreed and now he fell in love with her and she wasn't ready.
The bathroom's trash can opening might have been what triggered her more. Her mind was already racing and the fact that she clearly remembered what she threw away that afternoon made her get up immediately. He asked what it was and she tried to explain, but he screamed and tried to get closer. She didn't remember much, just her fist hitting his face and the fact that she wasn't controlling her body anymore; she didn't know if he was trying to stop her or fighting her back. All she knew was that at some point she found herself on top of him, her fingers closing tight on his neck. She stopped immediately, seeing he was out of breath and she let herself fall on the ground next to him. He didn't laid there for long, he immediately got up, took his clothes and left, closing the door behind him and not turning back.
Her apartment's ceiling had been her focus for the past hour, she could tell that time was flowing thanks to the church's bell that had rang a few times already. Suddenly a knock on the door interrupted her staring, she considered not answering bu it might have been Tommy who left something at her place and she didn't want to give him more problems than she already did. Her head spun hard as she got to her feet again, heading toward the door and opening it.
"Hey" the last person she had thought would show up at her door was now standing in front of her, looking worried as he examined her face, she must look horrible.
"Are you ok?" he asked checking the bruises he could spot on her skin and the few cuts.
"Cal what are you doing here?" she asked, leaning on the door.
"I just wanted to make sure you're ok after what happened today with the paparazzi. I tried to call you but you didn't answer" right, her phone must be on silent or she just didn't hear it ringing.
"I'm ok don't worry, thanks for checking" she tried to close the door but he put his foot in the middle of it to stop her, making the door open wide.
He took a look into her apartment, spotting all the broken glass and stuff on the floor. It looked like a hurricane had destroyed her house.
"No you're not. What happened?" he asked serious, entering her apartment.
Why can't people just make their own business?! She didn't need another person telling her she wasn't feeling good and she had to stop to do whatever she was doing.
"Did someone broke in and hurt you?" Cal asked looking around.
"No, I invited him in and then I hurt him but I didn't want to" she answered taking some of the still intact objects on the floor and placing them back on their place.
"You brought someone here just to beat him?" Cal asked confused.
"No, we were there, I panicked and I punched him, we fought, I have almost killed him and he left, I guess I won't see him again" she explained, leaving him a bit surprised, but somehow she could see that he wasn't shocked.
"Boyfriend?" he asked, like she hadn't just told him she had almost killed a man.
She laughed, clearly amused by the fact that he thought she was in a relationship. Like she said before to Tommy no one normal would want her, just a crazy person would be available to deal with her in a romantic way.
"No, let's say a boyfriend without the romantic part and the commitment" she chuckled and he gave her a confused look.
"Never heard of friends with benefits? I thought you were old enough to know that kind of relationship exists" she joked, she could feel her mind was starting to work again. Talking was really helping, even if it was about some random stuff.
"Yes I know what it is I just- what happened?" he asked embarrassed, he actually was confused by the dynamic of the situation, was the beating part some kind of kink that went wrong? Or some serious stuff?
She headed toward the small table in the living room, pouring herself a generous amount of vodka in a glass and drinking it all before answering, she felt like she needed some alcoholic support to have this conversation.
"He... developed feeling. I can't do that now, I'm not ready. I made it clear from the beginning and somehow he thought it was a good idea to let me know he loved me, I think it triggered me" she simply said.
She was still trying to understand everything that triggered her PTSD so she could know what to avoid doing in her life or not, but it looked like everything could make her panic raise in any moment.
"Are you ok now?" he asked, not really sure of what to say.
He could tell her that he understood her, every sigle thing she said. He had been thought it. But he also knew that her mind now was trying to recover and the last thing he wanted was to switch the subject from her to him because she needed someone to talk to, someone who could listen without judging and luckily he could.
"I think I am, thank you. Can I offer you a drink to thank you for listening to my shitty evening?" she chuckled.
"I take the offer" he smiled sitting on the couch.
She poured him a glass of vodka too, refilling hers just after getting his done and handling his to him.
"You sure you can take another one? You look pretty bad" his words had just left his mouth and she was already drinking the clear liquid in her glass, feeling the warmth spread all over her body.
"I have just beaten up someone, I have PTSD and I'm sexually frustrated because I had to fake my orgasm, trust me, a glass of Vodka won't be my biggest problem tonight" she joked, throwing herself back on the couch.
"Oh that's bad. You're telling me that your friend not only had screwed up things in your arrangement but also didn't took care of you?" Cal asked, making her laugh.
"No he was good, I was just lost after the confession" she didn't know why she was feeling so free to talk with him about this. She had never talked about her sex life with anyone, not even her closest friends and she knew him since when? Three days before? She blamed the vodka.
"He confessed in the middle of it? Bad move. I wouldn't have done it" he said sipping his drink.
"Not his smartest one, but I have to admit he knew a few good moves" she joked, positioning her glass on the table.
"Just a few? Woman you should upgrade to a better level than -a few- I bet everyone would be happy to show you" the alcohol was definitely making him tipsy, he could feel it.
He usually tended to be rigid, sweet and understanding when talking with people for the first time, because actually that was the first private conversation they had outside of work. But somehow he just felt free to talk to her like she was an old friend that understood him. Or he was flirting, he actually couldn't tell.
"I should, I don't think I'll ever see him again after tonight, even as a friend" she admitted, looking down at her hands.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have joked about it" he apologized, softly touching her hand from distance. The couch was small and even though he was sitting a bit far from her he was still able to touch her hands.
"It's ok, I don't wanna talk about it. I need to get over him and just find someone else, so, do you have a friend?" she asked joking.
"You're hurting me Byrne, do you think I wouldn't be able to do it?" he flirted back, totally joking.
He couldn't deny she was hot, and he would have been more than available for it, but the fact that they worked together could have been a problem.
"Oh so you're offering yourself?" she teased facing him and leaning on the back of the couch.
"I was joking, and no, I don't have a friend" he chuckled as he looked at her.
"Ohhh so you're taken" she pointed out.
"I'm not, I just think it wouldn't be a good idea" he explained.
"Why? Scared that you won't be able to handle me? Anyway, if you know someone, just let me know. Preferably someone with green eyes, they turn me on" she got closer to him, her eyes looking at his face and mouth.
"I'm just saying that we work together, it could be a mess. And I have green eyes, so I take it as a compliment" he answered, looking down at her, seeing how her gaze shifted from his mouth to his eyes.
"Really? I didn't notice" liar, you did.
She had noticed how hot he was since the first time she saw him. He was tall and solid and she could bet that he worked out so he must have abs. Looking at him now she just thought he looked even hotter. Could have been the Vodka, the fact that she was turned on or simply the fact that she was looking at him even closer. It was like they had this magnetic attraction that intensified as they got closer.
"Why do you think it's gonna be a problem?" she asked.
"Because if we screw this up we can't just leave the case. We have to work together on this one, it can take weeks or months, I don't know" he explained his point of view.
"You said it yourself. It's just this case, if we screw this up you'll never have to work with me again. Is work the real problem or you just don't want it? I'm not gonna push you into this if you don't want to, a simple no is enough" she didn't want him to feel like he needed to agree, she just wanted to see what the real problem was.
"If we didn't work together I would have already pinned you on that wall. Yes, work is my only problem" he looked down at her with hungry eyes, trying so hard to hold back.
"We can always ask for new partners once the case is over if we don't work. And the FBI doesn't have any problem with relationships between coworkers, I was married to one of them" she explained again, making sure he understood.
"What are the rules of this deal?" he asked, considering her offer.
"No feelings involved. Just a friendship. We can meet whenever we want but obviously we both need to agree to the meeting. That's all" it was pretty simple.
"I'm adding a rule, communication. If you don't like something, you tell me. I know when someone fakes an orgasm, do it just once and we're done. If we're gonna do this I want you to feel good, no matter how much time it will need" he looked at her in the eyes, making her understand that it was fundamental.
"Ok deal, same for you. If you don't like something you tell me" she got closer and he nodded.
"Deal. Can I kiss you?" he asked.
"It depends on how good you are" she teased getting closer to him.
She was about to lay her lips on his when she found herself suddenly flipped over, with her head on his laps and her body laid on the couch. His eyes looked down at her confused expression, what happened?
"You can test me later. Now I owe you something. You know what they say, when someone starts a work and doesn't finish it, the second one has to take care of it" his fingers started to draw random patterns on her belly, covered by her tank top.
"You just made this up" she managed to say, her breath was already short.
"Could be, but I stick to my thought. Open" he ordered, positioning a finger on her lips.
She did it.
"Suck" he ordered again with both a firm and natural tone.
She did it.
"You like giving orders uh?" she said as soon as his finger left her mouth.
"Only if you're available to take them" smartass.
She usually wouldn't take orders, she never did, both at work and in private. But there was something in his voice that made it totally arousing. She liked the way it sounded, confident, strong, but at the same time natural. It wasn't one of those fake deep and dominating voices men used in those occasions; it looked like he wasn't faking at all. He was just giving her an order and she was free to take it or not.
He slid his hand under her shirt, not pulling it away. His soft and warm palm caressed her chest slowly, making sure not to touch her with the wet finger until he got to her breasts. A small moan of anticipation left her throat as she arched her back onto his touch, closing her eyes.
"I have barely touched you and you're already moaning, I take it as a compliment" she didn't know if she wanted him to shut the fuck up and just touch her or keep talking because it was turning her on even more.
"Are you always that talkat-" his fingers found her nipple and she moaned at the contact with the cold and wet finger.
"What were you saying?" he asked, rolling it between his thumb and index finger and making her moan more.
She didn't answer, she just arched her back onto his touch, enjoying the slow torture he was giving her. He was paying attention to every single thing she did, every reaction of her body, every facial expression, he wanted to learn everything about her so he could make her feel good. He didn't know if she liked it slow or fast, but for now she was definitely enjoying the slow attention he was giving to her breasts.
His hand travelled south and her breath got stuck in her lungs, trying so hard not to arch again onto his touch. She had to control herself, it wasn't possible that she was still fully dressed and she was already a moaning mess, plus on their first time. She was definitely more turned on than she thought.
"Relax" he said firmly, slowly caressing her lower abdomen and putting the tips of his fingers below her pant's waistband.
She let out a breath and her legs parted, a clear invitation that told him to keep going. His other hand found her hair, caressing it slowly as his hand disappeared in her pants. He knew it had been a long day for her and he wanted to make her totally relaxed before taking any other decision, she might have agreed to that just because her other friend left her horny and he didn't want to take advantage. If she would have changed her mind after that he would have just left and acted like nothing happened, it wouldn't have been a problem. He actually hadn't even seen her naked yet
"Fuck" she breathed as his fingers found her clit.
She couldn't help it. His fingers on her wet skin, making her know that he could feel how aroused she was, sent her crazy. She couldn't come, not yet. She had a dignity after all, she couldn't act like a girl being touched for the first time and just come with a sigle touch. Not that she wouldn't like it, but she had flirted with him for a while, acting like she could blew his mind away and now there she was, panting, totally dressed and with his hand caressing her hair. She hoped he wasn't looking at her when she felt his fingers enter her, because he would have seen that she was about to come, and she had to resist.
"Let it go" yes, he was looking.
Since her eyes were closed he took the opportunity to look at her face and he wouldn't have missed this for anything. He didn't look at her body, never, he never tried to take a peak of her naked skin or to look at her naked body raising her clothes, he was concentrated on her face while his fingers moved freely on and in her. He curled his middle and ring finger inside her, stimulating her clit with his palm and her body finally trembled. She gave in, it wasn't worth it to hold on for longer, he knew exactly how she was feeling and that she was close. He kept circling his fingers on her clit as she rode her orgasm, finally collapsing on his laps.
When she opened her eyes he was looking down at her with a smirk on his face.
"Looks like I can totally handle you" he pointed out raising his eyebrow and suddenly she just wanted to take that smirk away from his face.
She was supposed to be the one in control, it was her idea after all, and it looked like she was totally under his spell. She had to do something to make him lose the control he was having on her and stop him from caressing her fucking hair, no matter how good it was. She took his hand out of her pants, bringing it near her face and laying his fingers on her lips. She locked eyes with him and her mouth opened, sucking his two fingers, tasting herself and challenging him with her gaze; she had thought he would have liked to be the one who did it, so she changed his plans and he was pissed, she could definitely see it in his eyes.
He was annoyed and she definitely succeeded in pulling off that smirk from his lips, but just because it was replaced by lust. She was looking up at him with a look that said -come and taste it- while she let his fingers sink into her mouth even more and releasing them with a loud pop. With a smooth move she brought herself into a sitting position, stopping inches from his lips, feeling his hot breath on her face.
He was the one who kissed her, giving in on her tease and tasting her. He run a hand through her hair with force, in a way that was way different from the soft caresses he was giving her just some minutes before, finally gaining possession over her in the way she wanted; but she wanted to feel more. She needed him to want her the way she had wanted him to satisfy her needs before, so she straddled him, shoving her tongue in his mouth and running her fingers through his beard. He kissed her back with hunger, sucking and biting her lips until she moaned and rubbed her lower body against his, unable to control herself. He grabbed her ass, squeezing it and kissing her deeper, tasting all of her and it was turning him on.
Her fingers found the buttons of his shirt and she started unbuttoning it, trying so hard not to just rip his clothes off or just fuck him with his clothes still on. But that was when it hit her.
"Fuck" she cursed angry parting their lips.
"What?" Cal asked confused.
"I don't have a condom" Tommy used to bring them, and even if she had them she didn't know if the size would fit him.
"I have one in my wallet" he said, reaching for his jacket that was laying on the couch, he had pulled it off when he sat down.
"A condom in your wallet? Why? What are you? 17?" she joked.
"Hey my 17 years old move is saving your ass" he joked back.
"It's not saving my ass, I'm on the pill. I just don't know who you fuck with and I don't wanna have any surprise" she pointed out.
"Do you wanna keep talking or you wanna fuck?" he asked as he kicked off his shoes.
She got up from his laps, allowing him to swipe his pants down his legs and throw them away as she did the same, leaving herself just with her tank top and her panties, while he was wearing his boxers and his, now unbuttoned, shirt. He was looking at her with hungry eyes and she had to admit that she liked it. She liked to see the visible want on his face and the lust in his eyes. With Tommy they barely looked at each other, he usually fucked her from behind and even though she liked it she couldn't deny that she wanted to feel desirable. The only time they looked at each other ended pretty bad though, but she could feel that with Cal it was different.
She took off her tank top too, in the most sensual way she knew, throwing it somewhere in the middle of the living room and running a hand though her hair, getting closer to him, whose eyes had never left her body. He was trying to take in every single particular of that situation and he had to fight his need to just stand up and pin her against the wall, but she clearly had something in her mind and he was curious to play her game.
She kneeled in front of him and her hands immediately found the waistband of his boxers. He had made her wait but it looked like she didn't want to take it slow with him. She looked up at him and he raised his hips, making sure she could pull off his underwear without obstacles. His cock was already hard for her, ready to pleasure her and to be pleasured by her attentions. And that's exactly what she did. Her lips wrapped softly around his tip, sucking and licking like her life depended on it; her eyes never leaving his. He fought against the need to close them as her mouth sank down on his length because he wanted to see her. She was hot and she knew it. Her movements were sure and at the same time so natural. A lot of women faked being sure and sensual and he found it totally wrong, he liked when a woman was natural, he found it sexy as hell.
She knew he was close, that's why she stopped. She raised on her feet, taking her underwear off too sitting on his laps again. Her hands found his chest, caressing it and removing his shirt. She took a quick look at his body. He was solid, athletic and she would have never believed he had that many tattoos, she found it hot. She shifted her body to take the small package he had left on the couch, unwrapping it and putting the condom on his cock.
The alcohol was now vanished in both their bodies and it had left space to a total arousal. She sank down on him and she moaned at how he stretched her just right, hitting the right spot inside of her and with what she thought it was a perfect angle, she had always liked to be on top and he could tell. She threw her head back when his cock arrived as deep as it could, feeling herself full; and he took the opportunity to suck on her right nipple that was now standing proud in front of him. She moaned again, looking at him and he kissed her passionately, bringing both his hands on her ass, squeezing it and making her understand to start moving, because she wasn't. She rode him fast, hungrily, in a totally different way than he pleasured her, fulfilling her body's needs and moving her head on his right shoulder, moaning shamelessly into his ear; and by the grunts that were leaving him she could tell he liked it too. His hands found her back and hers found his shoulders to gain stability, both of them felt something under their fingertips on each other's skin but they never asked, only Emily could be able to take a peak at the long scar he had on his back, under his right shoulder, but she didn't even have time to think about it because her second orgasm of the night hit her hard. She wasn't expecting it, usually she felt it build up but this time she felt a constant pleasure all the time, until she came. And he came too, holding her tight and pushing even deeper inside her, leaving her breathless.
She stayed there, unable to move, her head laid on his shoulder and his face in her hair, breathing her in. It had been fast, rough, exactly how she wanted it, no feelings; but as she laid there she found it difficult to part from him. She had to. She wanted to kiss him again but she didn't, the mistake she did with Tommy was making him think that there could be more between them than just sex and she didn't want to make the same mistake now. She gathered her clothes in silence as he did the same, no one was saying a word about what happened but she knew they had to.
"It was good wasn't it?" he asked, breaking the silence.
"Are you seeking for a compliment Isaac?" she joked.
"No I mean... did you feel good?" he asked again, suddenly unsure.
She suddenly remembered what he had told her before, that he wanted her to feel good no matter how much it would take. It was actually great to have a "partner" that put your pleasure before his, and she liked to do the same, playing and teasing him like he wanted.
"I did. It was good" she lied, it was more than good, actually one of her top five for sure.
"Good... I- uhm... I should leave" he pointed out, fixing his shirt.
"You should" she answered.
"Se you tomorrow at work?" he asked, like she wasn't supposed to be there.
"Yeah, se you tomorrow" she greeted him and he left the house.
She immediately jumped into the shower, erasing every trace of sweat and of him from her, she couldn't stand his cologne on her skin, it was intoxicating and she couldn't take it, not now. It was her rule after all: no romanticism, just sex; then why it had been that difficult to take that shower?