I stood in blue cuddly socks, black sweatpants and gray baggy top in the middle of my apartment. In my ears were pink headphones and the broomstick served me as a microphone. My brown hair was pinned up into a grizzled chignon. My shift started in an hour and Bobby was going to take me. In that time, I enjoyed singing and dancing while doing some housekeeping on the side. Loudly I sang along to the song by Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars and the world around me sank completely into nothingness. There was only me and the feeling of freedom. After weeks I finally had the feeling to let go of everything. My valve of emotions was open. Matching the music, I did a half turn and so that I could feel the lyrics with the message. I had closed my eyes while singing. But when I opened them, I screamed out incredibly loud and pulled out my headphones.
"Don't ever do that again! I almost died!", I snorted at the four of them, who looked at me apologetically and amusedly in equal measure. My face turned bright red.
"You really need to go to the karaoke bar with Chim and me!", Maddie walked over to the broom I had dropped in fright and picked it up. I gratefully accepted it.
"Nice show," Eddie grinned widely and gave me a fist bump on my shoulder.
"And great outfit," Buck added, also grinning broadly.
"I've been trying to reach you. We want to take you to breakfast first to talk about your support group and the club," Bobby apologized with his hands up as I scowled at him. He knew that I disliked surprises.
"I just wasn't expecting you for another hour, and really only you," I said the latter with an inquiring look to the others. What were they doing here? Couldn't Bobby have collected me by himself? In any case, it could not get any more embarrassing.
"We just want to help you. Couldn't have known we'd bust into a concert," Eddie justified himself. I put the broom aside and sighed out once.
"I'll be ready in five minutes, then we can go," with these words I said goodbye, gone to the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I could not keep it together and I had to laugh so hard. My little anger was gone. Suddenly there was a knock on the door.
"Is everything alright? We can't define right now if you're laughing or crying," Bobby worried, his voice muffled through the door. I wiped the tears from my eyes.
"Don't worry, I'm just laughing. It was a very embarrassing situation for me and then in that outfit too," I started laughing hard again, making my stomach start to hurt. I heard the others laughing with me. It felt so good to be able to laugh with them.
Five minutes later I came out wearing a black hoodie from the game Assassins Creed, arm warmers in burgundy, and burgundy jeans. My hair had been saved to a better chignon. On makeup I had renounced today.
"We can go," I turned to the small group in my apartment, who had settled in the living room. Immediately they stood up. I was still embarrassed by the whole thing, but I tried not to let it show. Because, I had been incredibly happy to leave my comfort zone and share such a memory with them. I had become incredibly fond of these kinds of moments.
"We'll meet Athena and Hen on the spot. They both agreed on short notice," Bobby informed me, ushering the others out of my apartment. Why had Bobby brought the others? Did they really want to come along? I had not yet understood the meaning behind the pack meeting.
As soon as we were in the hallway, I closed the door and locked it. Together we walked down the stairs. Buck, Eddie, and Maddie got into Buck's car. I joined Bobby in his car. When I closed the door, he started the engine and backed out.
"Your therapist contacted me. She said you always engage in therapy very well and would make progress. But she feels you are still blocked on one issue and not ready to talk about it. Do not worry, she did not tell me anything about the contents, because she is not authorized to do so. But she must keep giving me feedback on whether you are fit for work," Bobby started the conversation, paying close attention to the road. At first, I was shocked, but I realized that Mrs. Brown needed to talk to him. He was my supervisor, so he had the authority to take me out in situations I might not be able to handle.
"Since I'm still allowed to work, it certainly seems to tell me that Mrs. Brown thinks I'm fit," I evaded his indirect question about the subject. I did not want to talk to him about it either. Time would tell when I was ready, and I was counting on that.
"She even finds that the 118 as a family gives you support. You have a purpose and friends. Mrs. Brown thinks that's the biggest advantage at work," Bobby confessed. Yet he still did not look at me, even for a moment.
"Is that why the others were there? Because they are family to me?", I inquired, looking directly at him, even though he only kept his eyes on the road.
"Yes, and because Maddie needs our help just as much. Buck said she is not doing so well, and you've already told me that. We want to cheer you both up a little," Bobby answered me. But why was he acting so strangely?
A few minutes later, Bobby parked his car in front of a small café in town. Buck had parked next to him, and I could see Athena and Hen's car as well. We got out and walked over to the empty seats outside. A few tables were pushed together, and a waiter took our order rather quickly.
"Keena and I have already made some arrangements. We are getting space at a church near us for our meetings. Keena has already led two group sessions for the bullied, so she has made a start. But we still need support. Keena would like to plan small actions, so that the affected people get back some spirit of life and for this we are looking for supporters. We had you all in mind. Would you all be willing to offer your help for a few excursions? We are also dependent on your help with the foundation of the association," Bobby reported briefly and succinctly since I did not know why he had invited the others here.
"So how many have taken me up on this offer?" inquired Eddie, taking a sip of the coffee the waiter had brought him.
"I have about 15 adults and about six children sitting in the round. I do not have the resources to separate them, so the adults and the kids are in one group. All of them have difficulty going out in public and hide in their homes. We want to break that. I urgently want caregivers for these people, so that they have someone to turn to and trust in an environment that is unsafe for them. I want to make their lives a little more worth living. In the last group session, I even invited my therapist, as a volunteer, who gave the affected people a few tips and explained to them that nothing about them is abnormal," I told the others in detail. My work with the affected people filled me with pride and gave me back a piece of peace of mind. And the feeling of doing something good.
"We'll definitely help you," Hen reached across the table to squeeze my hand lightly.
"Just let us know and give us information on what we need to do," Eddie added.
"A start would be for you to introduce yourselves. That way the attendees can get to know you," I responded directly to Eddie's request. Eddie just nodded.
"When are we supposed to be at a meeting?", Maddie asked me. I was quite surprised that she wanted to help so badly, even though she was struggling with herself right now.
"We have the meeting every Tuesday. My therapist takes over the rounds if I must work. She really cares about helping and supporting me, that's why she's so committed to it," I answered her question.
When the food was finally placed on the table, I spread some jam on my croissant. Then I drank my green tea.
"We'll definitely be there as soon as we can get off work," Athena assured me.
Bobby and I both grinned at each other. I was a little closer to my dream. Finally, there was a small glimmer of hope for my participants.
After the delicious breakfast and the little briefing session, we paid and headed back to the cars. We drove to the fire station, which was near the café. This time Bobby did not seek conversation in the car. We drove towards the fire station in silence. My thoughts were completely on my charges and how to set up the next group lesson when Bobby had already stopped the car in the parking lot of the station. I opened the door and got out.
"Your parents would be immensely proud of you, just like I am right now," this sentence came so unexpectedly that it took my breath away. Startled and confused at the same time, I looked at Bobby, who had been waiting for me at his side until I rounded the car. I was completely unable to say anything about it. Why was he bringing it up now, of all times?
"We can be proud of ourselves. You've helped me tremendously in this, thank you," I returned the compliment, deliberately not addressing my parents. Bobby took me in his arms, and we walked the distance to the hall together. I could not shake the feeling that it was very important to him to show me that he was always by my side. Was he trying to replace my loss in another way, by giving everything for me?
"When is Chimney coming back?", I changed the subject and broke away from him.
"In a couple of weeks. Let him rest while he can," Bobby replied. While we walked separately to our respective locker rooms, Hen was already waiting for me.
"Be honest for once, is there actually something going on between you and Buck? You are looking for Maddie together when he tried to take you home. You go all the way to the hospital to see how he and Eddie are doing, even though you were sick. And you act very differently around him. Somehow you really seek his closeness," Hen grinned at me, playing around with her eyebrows in an inviting way. I could not help laughing and waved my hands defensively. I opened my locker and pulled out my things.
"We're just friends. Bobby considers him a protégé, which is why we often hang out at Bobby's a lot. Why would there be anything going on between us? I do not think he is even that far along in his life yet. Buck and a serious relationship with anyone? He's still too impulsive and immature for that," I explained to Hen, who just looked at me with an even wider grin as she put on her uniform.
"But you're getting your hopes up a little bit," Hen did not give up her stance.
"On bonding with someone? Yes. But I am not ready for that yet. Who would want to be dragged down into the abyss with me once I lose my grip? My world is a pure up and down. A chaos of emotions and what can I say? I would feed my relationship with pure negativity. In the market right now, I have no chance to fall in love. It will still take time and some beautiful moments," I confessed to her. Hen became a little more thoughtful.
"When the right one is in front of you, he won't care about what you've seen and experienced. He will take you in his arms when you need support. Listen to you when you need help and always stand by your side, no matter how hard things get with you. You do not feel ready right now and you want to get some things under control in your life before you allow yourself to find this happiness. But all you really need to do is go through the world with your eyes open. There is a man out there who will accept you as you are and who will fill your negativity with love in bad moments and show you the way out of the darkness with his warm light," Hen replied to a bit more serious about the matter. I walked up to her and took her in my arms. Her words did me an immense amount of good.
"Thank you, Hen," I thanked her. She also hugged me tightly.
"That's what friends are for," Hen murmured and let go of me again.
"Let's go join the others, or they'll think we're dawdling," I smiled and opened the door for us. Hen ran through and I followed her every step of the way upstairs, where the others were talking at length.
"What are we going to cook today? Does anyone have a wish?" asked Bobby to the group. I had quite a few wishes, but Bobby did not know the recipes for them, and I didn't know them by heart either. Sometimes I missed my mother's cooking.
"Can we make tacos?" suggested Buck. Bobby waited for reactions, but the rest of us all agreed with the suggestion. Eddie, however, did not seem to be all in. I walked over to him, nudged his shoulder with mine, and looked him straight in the eye.
"What's wrong? You have been so absent-minded again since we got here. Don't keep it all bottled up," I started the conversation and his expression changed from tired to wide awake. He turned slightly away from me, looked around once, and when the others were somewhat out of earshot, he turned back to me. There was pain and brokenness in his eyes.
"I had dinner with Shannon and wanted us to renew our marriage with a new wedding. But she told me she was not pregnant at all and would have thought through it. She wants a divorce and now I am afraid she is going to slowly pull out of Christopher's life again. Christopher just got his mom back and we were getting along so well. How am I going to explain this regression to him?" his voice sounded muffled so no one else could overhear what we were talking about. In any case, this was no longer pleasant news. Eddie was faced with an exceedingly difficult decision.
"Make her understand what you want for Christopher and what's at stake for her. Shannon cannot shirk responsibility again. Christopher needs her and she needs to realize that. Sit down together and talk about Christopher. This back and forth is just making the boy sick. And it is making you sick. You still love her, don't you?" when I asked him about his feelings for Shannon, tears welled up in Eddie's eyes. He turned away, probably so I could not see his tears falling. I put a hand on his shoulder.
"I'll be there if you need me. Just like you are there for me when my world is about to go down. You can always count on me Eddie," those words came from my heart, hoping they reached him too and made him realize he wasn't alone.
"Thank you Keena," he thanked me and turned his face back to me. A faint smile was on his lips, and I knew immediately that my words had an effect.
Suddenly the alarm went off and an announcement told us that an elevator got stuck in a high-rise building with injured people. Immediately we all jumped up and ran down to the trucks. I got into the ambulance with Hen. With blue lights and siren blaring, we drove off.
"Guess I was wrong about Buck. From the looks of it, Eddie is apparently your man," Hen started the topic from earlier, playfully teasing me about it. I looked at her with a raised eyebrow. Why was she so desperate to find me a partner?
"HEN!", I yelled at her laughing, and she started laughing too.
"Eddie has a wife, do you really think I'm making a pass at a taken man? Eddie is a friend who needs my help, nothing more," I assured her.
"You give each of us so much. When you were in the hospital and I was fighting with Karen, you were there for me. When Maddie was kidnapped by her husband and went through hell, you were there for her. At first only over the phone, but that was due to your fever. And even Chimney was not left out. As soon as it was possible for you again, you went to him in the hospital and listened to all his fears. You are always there for us, and I admire that about you. You and Bobby, you're a lot alike that way," the conversation took on a more serious mood and I was incredibly grateful to her for reminding me of all that.
"You guys give back to me just as much. Isn't that what a family is for?", I reminded her.
"You're absolutely right," Hen realized, smiling deep in thought.
A few minutes later we had reached our location of operation. It was a high-rise building with offices where environmental activists and lawyers had settled. Athena was already waiting on the spot with a few policemen. But why was she there? Shouldn't the owner of the building have been there? I opened my door and got out. From the side I retrieved an emergency bag and put it over my shoulder, then I continued to Athena and the others.
"It looks like an environmental activist didn't get the legal assistance he wanted. The man locked six lawyers in the elevator, one of whom was injured by the firearm. The perpetrator shot at the men before closing the door and shot at the power line while it was moving, causing the elevator to get stuck. So, we cannot put it back in service. We have arrested the perpetrator. Now you just must free these people," Athena informed us of the situation.
"Buck and Eddie, you guys get everything ready for a rescue from the elevator. We are going to open the doors and you guys climb down to them. Hen and Keena, you two spread out to treat the gunshot wound. Take everything you need to have," Bobby directed us. Buck and Eddie got everything they needed out of the trucks. Hen and I equipped ourselves with a spine board, then ran up to the floor where we could best reach the elevator. Unfortunately, it was stuck between the ninth and tenth floors. Buck used leverage to break the door open. Bobby and Eddie tied everything down with ropes so one of them could go down. Hen and I sprawled out on top of the patient. Then Eddie got ready. He put on the harness, tied on to the rope, and was slowly lowered down by Buck. Bobby radioed to inquire about the situation.
"The gunshot wound is critical. The patient's breathing is very shallow, and he is lost a lot of blood. The shot went directly into the upper quadrant of the abdomen. It is the upper right quadrant, and it looks like the liver. I need the spine board down here so I can get him immobilized and he can be pulled up," Eddie relayed through the radio. I took the spine board and knelt on the edge of the elevator door. My arm and the spine board were just long enough for Eddie to receive it.
"As soon as I pull the rope three times, you can pull this man up," Eddie informed us, then nothing happened for minutes. Adrenaline started running through my blood and all the muscles were tense, ready to take over and function directly. Then he pulled the rope three times and Buck pulled the rope up. At the edge of the door, we pulled the spine board up so that the initial vertical position became more and more the horizontal position until the patient was lying on the floor with the spine board. His wound had been treated by Eddie, so Hen asked some of the other colleagues to take the man down to the ambulance. Once downstairs, the patient, who was around 30 years old, was put on the stretcher and pushed into the ambulance. Hen got behind the wheel and I tended to the unconscious man as we drove. I put some IVs on him and checked his vital signs on the monitor I had him hooked up to.
"How much longer until we get to the hospital? He seems to be slipping!", I relayed to Hen.
"We'll be there in two minutes," she replied, as the patient suddenly went into cardiac arrest. Immediately, I began chest compressions. After pressing 30 times, I blew oxygen into his lungs twice. Then I continued to push. Doctors ripped open the doors and took over my cycle of chest compressions just as I was giving him two blasts of air into his lungs again. In all that time, I had not realized how exhausting it had become for me. Exhausted, I settled down on the metal step by the ambulance. Hen returned with a new stretcher.
"Well done. The patient made it to the OR. He had a heartbeat," Hen praised me and put a hand on my shoulder. I made room for her, and we got the stretcher in the back, then closed the ambulance and sat in the front to drive back to the station.
"Have a sip," Hen offered me a small bottle of water. Gratefully I accepted it, opened it and drank it empty in one gulp. Hen had already driven the ambulance onto the street and was surprised at my good move to drink the bottle empty.
"Would you like to come over for dinner after your shift that evening? Karen and I would love to, and Denny asks all the time if you can come over again. The fact that you have been involved with him has really excited him. You made a good impression," Hen invited me over to his place for dinner. It was a welcome change.
"I'd love to. I'm looking forward to it," I accepted the invitation as the next call came over the radio. It was about a serious traffic accident. A woman had been hit by a car. Hen turned on the siren and drove down the streets to the scene of the accident. The accident had been nearby, which is why we were on the scene faster than Bobby and the others. Hen and I got out, grabbed a bag and ran over to the patient. But when I got there, I immediately recognized the person on the floor. Shannon was lying on the ground in the crosswalk. While Hen tried to calm the driver down, I took care of Shannon. We had only seen each other once when Eddie had introduced me to Christopher.
"Keena? Is that you?" whispered Shannon from the street. I nodded, completely unable to form a clear thought. We had to keep Eddie away from here.
"I'll examine you, that can hurt," I stammered, starting rather awkwardly. Her pelvis was broken, and she had signs that her spine had taken some damage. She was in bad shape when I noticed that her abdomen was already hard. The internal bleeding was not good. It could already be too late.
"Eddie maybe you should...", I heard Hen say. I turned my head around and saw Eddie standing there. First confused, then upset. With quick steps, he came over to us.
"Shannon!" he shouted, kneeling by his wife. Hen brought everything with him so we could put Shannon on a spine board and fix her neck. Eddie did not leave our side during this, but let us do everything, as the attention was on Shannon. Together, we loaded Shannon into the ambulance. There, I hooked her up to the monitors and got everything ready.
"She's going to lose consciousness more and more. Once I must put the tube in, it may be too late. If you want to say goodbye, it is best to do it now," I explained to Eddie with tears in my eyes. I had long been aware of where the journey was headed. It was just too late for Shannon. The injuries had been too severe. Eddie started crying, took his wife's hand and leaned over to her. I turned away from the two of them so they would not see my tears and looked steadily but steadily at the monitors as Eddie said his goodbyes. A few minutes later, the heart stopped beating. I placed the tube and began chest compressions. Eddie was out of it while I fought for Shannon's life despite less hope. This ride seemed like forever. The doors were opened again, but instead of handing off, I pressed on. They pushed me in to the ER with Shannon. I had knelt on the stretcher above her so I could not cause her any more injuries. Again, and again the doctors tried to pull me off, but I would not let them. Then one doctor intervened a little more roughly and held my hands.
"This woman is dead. Time of death 12: 38 p.m.," he let it be known and his aides walked out of the room. Shocked, I got off the stretcher when Eddie suddenly walked in. I took him in my arms and kept murmuring how sorry I was for his loss.
"Can I have a moment alone with her?" he asked me. I let go of him and walked out into the hallway. The others were already waiting for us, but when I returned alone, they already guessed what had happened. Bobby came right up to me.
"How are you?" he inquired of me. Tired, I looked at him. There was only emptiness inside me, but I did not want to tell him that. After all, it was not my loss.
"Eddie needs us. We need to be there for him. I'm going to go to the bathroom and freshen up a bit," I replied to Bobby without answering his question. As if caught in a frenzy, I went in the bathroom and stood by the sink. The mirror showed me a woman with tired eyes, looking completely burnt out. My face was pale, and my eyes were empty. I turned on the water and cooled my face a bit in it. When I looked in the mirror again, I was no longer in the bathroom. I was also no longer wearing my uniform but standing in front of the mirror in a black wool collar sweater with black jeans. My face was bright red, my nose was running, and my eyes were swollen from all the crying. Blood residue was still on my hands. Memories from that trip to the hospital came flooding back. I had been sitting where Eddie was sitting earlier. Paramedics were doing their best to get my mother's heart rhythm back. In the ambulance in front of us, another team was struggling to get my father back, but how long they had been there on the floor in their own blood, no one could say. After the shift, I had found them both with a weak pulse and stabbed to death. Neighbors had helped me until the ambulance arrived. And from there on, every minute had been a struggle. I had wanted to tell them so much, to tell them that I was ready to stand on my own two feet and found a stiflingly silent house. And then my chance to tell them how much they meant to me was over. To say goodbye and any kind of future with them had been erased. I stood there, powerless and confronted with the deed.
The door opened and Hen walked in. In the reflection, I was wearing my uniform again and the blank stare was still there too. My hands were shaking slightly, but as Hen came closer, I had everything under control again. I looked at her questioningly as she put a hand on my shoulder.
"Bobby wants to go back. Eddie won't finish the shift and asked us for some time," Hen informed me. I nodded and walked back with her to the others. Bobby looked at me but left it at that. We all walked back to the trucks, stricken and depressed. Hen and I got in and drove back to the station.
The whole shift had this trepidation from the incident until the end. Bobby had dropped me off at home and wished me a good night. Everyone had tried to write Eddie, but he had not responded to anyone. His grief seemed far too great.
Once upstairs, I unlocked my door. I went into the kitchen and took an aspirin for my headache. This shift had taken something out of all of us, but it had taken the most out of Eddie. I wonder if he was okay. I, for one, was not. That ride had brought back memories that I so desperately wanted to block out. I reached into the refrigerator for a beer. I just needed to relax and come down. With the beer in hand, I walked over to the sofa and turned on my TV. Distraction would do me good to get down a bit. Tomorrow I would check in with Mrs. Brown and ask for a lesson. Whether I could talk about my parents, though, I could not gauge right now. But she would be able to help me without much information and maybe she could give me a tip on how to help Eddie and Christopher. I buried my face in my hands. This powerlessness was making me furious! I really needed to come down. My hand reached for the beer, and I took a few sips.
Bobby
Together with Athena and Buck, I sat at our dining room table. Buck had called me and asked if he could come over because he was terribly worried about Eddie and could not reach him. As usual, the boy was very euphoric and full of beans. So, it was my job to get him down a bit and be there for him.
"Eddie needs time for himself. He told me that explicitly. Eddie is a strong personality. Give him and Christopher a chance to process the loss. If he wants us as friends by his side, he will reach out," I advised him, taking a sip of the coffee Athena had made for us. Buck looked sad, and it seemed like he felt infinitely powerless. How was I to convey to him that it was simply a process and nothing derogatory against his help? Besides, I was worried about Eddie, too.
"But he seemed so different. What if he still needs our help, right at that moment, and no one is looking out for him? Wouldn't we be a bad family?" interjected Buck.
"Grief takes time, and that's when friends and family constantly circling around one can just be too much. Eddie is a grown man with a son to pick up. The child has lost his mother. That is where Christopher will come first for Eddie. As soon as Eddie has time to himself and his feelings, he will come forward," Athena talked at Buck. Buck sighed out and drank his coffee. This constant urge to want to help was an occupational disease. And it was something Buck had to learn to deal with. Not everyone wanted help.
"I'll go back to Eddie's tomorrow and check with him. You have my word," I assured him. Buck nodded his thanks.
"You should go home and get some rest. Shut down a bit and relax after the shift. We'll see tomorrow," Athena took over the conversation again when suddenly my cell phone rang. The display on the cell phone showed the name Keena. Immediately I answered it.
"Hello Keena, what can I do for you?", I answered. But all that came from her side was static. Surprised, I took my cell phone from my ear and looked at the display. The call was still going on, but why wasn't she answering?
"Keena? Is everything okay?", I tried again to get an answer from her.
"...Fucked up...", her voice was no longer, like a whisper, which is why I only understood two words. What did she mean by that?
"I don't follow you. Keena, what's wrong?", now Buck and Athena were also getting bright.
"...Help...", Keena breathed into the receiver. My mind was immediately wide awake again and adrenaline shot through my veins. Something was wrong. I gathered all my things and rushed to the door. Buck and Athena followed me.
"Keena, don't worry. I am coming over. I'll be right with you," I hurried. Athena and Buck looked at me promptly as they too grabbed their jackets and keys.
"Call 9-1-1. There is something wrong with Keena. She seems absent and cannot speak clearly. There is something going on. Buck, you drive my car, please. I'll try to keep her on the phone," I commanded the two of them. We got in my car while Athena scrambled to get an ambulance and Buck broke all the laws like a maniac. Athena explained over the phone that we were going to Keena's apartment by the quickest route and that the patrols were not allowed to pull my car out of traffic. At this I had all the trouble to understand something from Keena.
"Hey Keena, what happened?", I kept trying, but I could only hear her breathing heavily. What had happened? Why hadn't she called 9-1-1?
"Keena, you need to talk to me. It is the only way I can help you. We will be right with you. Where are you?", I only now realized that we had driven blindly to her address, not knowing if she was actually calling from there.
"...living ro...", her voice broke off in the middle, but thus I knew we were in the right place. Buck pulled over with a full stop. I jumped out of the car and ran up the stairs, but Buck was a little faster. He grabbed his set of keys and opened the door. When I ran inside, Keena was lying on the floor. Her cell phone next to her. I looked around frantically as Buck started to take care of her.
"She drank beer, but surely three bottles of beer can't do that," I informed the other two. Buck placed Keena in the stable lateral position and held her arm between his hands.
"Pulse is weak and breathing is quite shallow, but present," Buck informed us.
"She took aspirin!" shouted Athena to us, holding up a can in the kitchen.
"Her nervous system is about to fail. Alcohol and pain pills interact. We have to be careful she doesn't go into respiratory arrest," I concluded. Where was the ambulance? Athena still had the Service Center on the phone and was giving all the data. Suddenly Buck looked at me and put Keena back on her back.
"She stopped breathing," Buck said. Immediately, I knelt by Keena and started chest compressions while Buck blew air into her lungs.
"You can't give up! You hear me!", I yelled desperately at Keena. The paramedics arrived and took over care. Athena hung up and Buck made way for the team. When Keena got on the stretcher, she still had no heartbeat. I was getting more and more nervous.
"I'll ride with them. You guys ride behind us," I ordered the two of them. Nodding, they agreed with me. As the paramedics loaded Keena into the ambulance, she had a weak heartbeat again. Immediately, the paramedics placed a tube and injected her with some medications before the IVs came in. I took Keena's hand in mine and prayed that she would make it.
Once at the hospital, doctors unloaded her and took over. I was able to follow them up to a certain area, but then I was stopped.
"We'll take care of her. As soon as she is moved to a room, we'll be in touch. Please wait in the waiting area," one of the female doctors told me and then went inside the ER.
Completely exhausted, I went into the waiting area where Athena and Buck were waiting for me. Athena took me in her arms. Buck looked kind of lost.
"Why did she do that?", Buck kept shaking his head. I could not give him an answer to that. Then I saw that the others were coming too. Had Athena called them?
"How is she?" inquired Hen.
"We don't know. She had a respiratory arrest and had to be resuscitated for a long time. The doctors are doing everything right now," I answered her. Hen nodded and went over to Buck to reassure him. Suddenly Eddie appeared with Christopher in his arms. Astonished, I looked at him.
"What happened?" he inquired, lowering Christopher from his arms.
"She took aspirin and alcohol," I replied wanly.
"Did she want to...?", Maddie joined us and took Buck in her arms when she saw how upset he was. Then she turned back to me, demanding an answer with her gaze.
"I don't know," I answered her. And then Mrs. Brown came to us.
"I can deny such an attempt. Keena was not at all capable of doing such a thing, she is too attached to her life for that. Whatever happened happened by a stupid accident," she answered Maddie's question.
"She's a paramedic and knows the risks. Do you really think that was a stupid coincidence?", I snapped at her. If she had done her job right, Keena would never have done something like that.
"Calm down Bobby. It's not Mrs. Brown's fault," Athena told me, forcing me to look her in the eye. My anger immediately evaporated at the sight of her.
"Did something happen? Once Keena relives a trauma she is quite upset and unable to think clearly. In our conversation, I have noticed more often that she tends to lash out when she's very emotionally involved," Mrs. Brown explained.
"My wife died and Keena did the caregiving," Eddie told her.
"That's exactly the trauma we've never been able to address. The subject she refused," Mrs. Brown mused rather aloud.
"What subject?" probed Buck, demanding an answer.
"Her loss with the parents. I checked with her colleagues in Germany at the time who took the parents to the hospital. Keena found her parents and gave first aid. She was standing alone and covered in blood in the hospital when they died. She has never spoken about this incident. Your wife's death must have brought back memories. She probably had a headache again from the memories, took a pill and wanted to switch off with some alcohol. It wasn't an attempt to end life," hearing that about my brother and his wife sent chills down my spine.
"Keena is out of danger. She is in the ICU for observation, but if everything remains stable, she will be transferred tomorrow," a doctor informed us. Relief welled up in all of us.
"Can I see her?", I wanted to know from the doctor.
"But only for a short time. She needs to have rest. A little later and her liver, as well as other organs could have been affected," the doctor allowed me. I followed her into the room alone. Keena was lying quietly. She was supported by a breathing mask and monitors were monitoring her heartbeat. I sat down with her and took her hand.
"If I had not drunk so much back then and been more myself, I wouldn't have lost contact with mine. Then I would have been there for you during that difficult time, and you would not have had to go through it completely alone. But I will be there for you even more now. I promise you that."