My heart was racing, and my breathing was shallow and fast. My hands were wet and something soft had a firm grip on them. My whole body was tense. Fragments of images came up again. Images that left me disoriented. I had seen my father. We had just been in a park on a beautiful meadow and had felt the sun on our skin. It had made my skin tingle and brightened my mood considerably. But now I was lying in this cold, white room. Was I dreaming? But why was I lying in such an unspectacular room? And why was I feeling so bad?
"You woke up," a woman in a green top and green pants came in. Her blonde hair was tied in a braid. And then my memories came flooding back. Eddie had lost his wife and I had ingested alcohol with pain pills. Bobby must have been freaked out with worry. How could I have been so stupid and forgotten all the knowledge about the interactions. I was mortified.
"Do you want me to notify your uncle?" the nurse had done some checkups in the time of my realization. How was I ever going to look Bobby in the eye again? And Eddie, for that matter! He should have had his family by his side, and I had ruined everything! How could I have been such a selfish friend? I had to apologize to everyone.
"No. Bring me the discharge papers. I'll go," I denied the nurse's question. I was about to get up, but her answer stopped me.
"We are not allowed to give those to you. Since we have not been able to rule out a suicide attempt at this time, Mrs. Brown has not consented to self-discharge. Your uncle has been appointed guardian and you are not allowed to leave the hospital without his consent," the woman clarified to me with an apologetic look. Surely none of this could be true! I took the pillow from behind and pressed it into my face to scream. The nurse seemed to fear that I would try to suicide myself again and pulled the pillow down. Without hesitation she fixed my wrists in loops inside.
"I will notify Mrs. Brown of this occurrence. I will also notify your uncle," the woman's tone became more serious and stropper. I rolled my eyes. This was just a stupid joke, right? Did I have to stay here because no one would believe me that the whole thing was a stupid accident? Frustrated, I pulled at my bonds and cried. I cried with anger and a little at my own stupidity. I had gotten myself into this situation. How was I going to get out of this mess?
A few minutes later Mrs. Brown came into my room. Shocked, she looked at my wrists and released them. Relieved, I exhaled.
"I have to apologize for the nurse. She is young and considers every patient to be at risk and of unsound mind. Many times, I've talked to her about her behavior, but she doesn't learn from it," Mrs. Brown huffed and grabbed a chair. I already knew from our conversation that many of her patients were in the psychiatric ward in the hospital. Here she often cared for war veterans. And now, me, too.
"I have to get out of here and straighten everything out. My goal had never been to hurt myself and only through my stupidity did I deprive a friend of the chance to talk to his friends about his loss. I really need to apologize," I pleaded with my therapist.
"As soon as Bobby gets here, we can release you. I had been aware that your admission had nothing to do with homicidal ideation. Still, the state provides for you to receive more care precisely because it cannot be ruled out in principle. You take a few days or weeks off and we continue to see each other. Then we are all on the safe side," Mrs. Brown suggested. I had no other choice, so I nodded.
"It's definitely gotten to the point where we need to talk about your parents. Now I will not tolerate any more excuses," her voice took on a serious tone and that's when I realized that I couldn't put off this conversation any longer. The time had come. I sat up.
"I will do everything you ask, but first I want to have a chance to fix everything," with these words I got up from the bed, grabbed my clothes and put them on. The therapist watched me with an attentive and suspicious look.
"You've been lying here for three days. Your life is up and down right now. You are probably finding it harder and harder to get to sleep. Days become torture and everything inside you just cries out. And still, you think of the others first. Do you think about yourself in all this stress, Keena," her little speech made me stop moving. Indecisively, I looked at Mrs. Brown. Why now of all times?
"It may have been an accident now, but you are moving toward a big precipice. Not much longer and your accident will become an act," her words unintentionally made me cry.
"Take your time. I know your work distracts you, but maybe you can do it with half the time. You do not have to prove anything to anyone. You are allowed to feel bad, and you are allowed to feel bad for a long period of time, but do not repress it so no one must worry. You're well on your way to destroying yourself," she continued, not mincing words. Her words penetrated deep into my consciousness. Mrs. Brown was right. When was the last time I had thought about myself and my feelings? Tried to solve my problems?
"I'm going to support you, Keena. Bobby wants to do the same. You do not have to protect him from the truth. Your uncle is prepared for the worst," she added to her words. I slipped the rest of my clothes on and sat back on my bed. Silence dominated that room as I did not know what to tell her.
Just as the situation was becoming more and more uncomfortable, I saw Bobby walking down the halls with May. Why did Bobby bring May with him? Was May even allowed in here?
"Good morning, Mr. Nash. Your niece would like to go home. Since recent events have not been so nice and her mental state seems unstable for the moment, I want to make sure Keena is not alone under any circumstances. This is my condition for her discharge," my therapist informed Bobby and thus May. May fell into my arms.
"You gave us a scare. Bobby told us everything and I prevailed upon myself to pick you up in person. You are infinitely important to us," May murmured into my tousled hair. I hugged the girl close and buried my face in her shoulders.
"I'm so sorry. You guys are just as important to me. I would never do anything to hurt you," I promised her, and it wasn't a promise I wanted to break. My face lifted again.
"Keena will not be alone. For now, Keena will come back with us and take a few days off from work until the first session was. The agreement from you will tell me if Keena is fit for work at that time or needs to be on a longer leave of absence," Bobby confirmed their terms. All this time he had not given me a look. I wonder if he was pissed.
"Sign the discharge papers up front. Keena. I will see you tomorrow for the first session. I think eight o'clock in the morning won't be a problem for you," with these words Mrs. Brown said goodbye and left the room. Now Bobby was looking at me. May let go of me again. She held out her hand to me and I stood up. Bobby put a hand on my shoulder and together we went to the nurses' room. Bobby signed a paper and took a copy with him. Our path continued to the elevator where we waited for his arrival. How could I possibly apologize appropriately for all that?
"Bobby, I am infinitely sorry. I massively underestimated the state of my problems. But I swear to you that I will do all the sessions and address my issues," I begged for forgiveness. This silence that emanated from him made me sick. We had never greeted each other so coolly.
"I'm not mad. I am sorry for all of this. If I had realized all this earlier, maybe such a stupid accident would not have happened. I shouldn't have just dumped you in my apartment, but I thought it would do you good to stand on your own two feet," his voice sounded very calm.
Surprised, I looked at him as the elevator door opened and we got on. May pressed one of the countless buttons and the elevator started moving. Soft music drifted to my ears.
"Is Eddie all right?" my question was quite quiet, as I did not plan to turn peace into strife. Did Bobby feel similarly about my problems as the therapist did?
"He's back at work and just like the others, he was very worried about you. But he can use a good friend by his side. He talks to me a lot, but never in depth. My hope is that Buck or you can reach him. But for that, you must promise me not to put your problems on the back burner again. You're on probation," Bobby made it abundantly clear to me. I nodded at him in understanding, making sure he understood that his message had gotten through.
"We've invited everyone over for a little dinner. They'll join us after their shift," Bobby informed me as the elevator came to a stop and we got off.
"Harry and I even baked a cake. Mom even got you a little surprise," I could see May's joy in her eyes. I lovingly hugged her to me as we continued to walk to the parking lot. Bobby unlocked the car and we got in. Effortlessly, Bobby drove the car out of the parking lot and headed toward his own home.
As we drove, I opened my window so some fresh air could blow in my face. I had already noticed this morning that I was not yet well again, but the car ride also caused a certain nausea. The wind alleviated this somewhat.
"I'll drop you off with May at our place, and then I have to go to the station briefly to make sure that everything is going well without me. After that we will have a nice day," Bobby told us as suddenly the ground shook. The bridge we were on cracked and our car came crashing down. Everything around us went dark.
"Are you guys all right?" groaned Bobby. May had taken her cell phone and was giving us light. Quite a few rocks lay around us. We had been the car right on the crack, which is why we were now buried under the rubble.
"There's nothing wrong with me. But how do we get out of here?", I looked around and tried against all reason to open the door of the car. It did not move an inch.
"My battery won't last forever though," May panicked slightly as she looked around.
"Do you have reception?", Bobby strove to know and checked his cell phone.
"No. I can't even dial 911," May answered him when asked.
"Are earthquakes common here in LA?", I inquired to keep the conversation going. Bobby unfastened his seatbelt and checked again for himself to make sure everything was okay with us.
"It's rare, but it happens occasionally. The last time it happened, a skyscraper collapsed, and we had lost Hen in the rubble. That day I disobeyed an order and climbed all the way down to the bottom of a parking garage with Chim to rescue Hen. If it is going to be that extreme again, it is going to take an awfully long time to get out of here," Bobby reached over to the glove compartment at my side and opened it. From the compartment he pulled out a radio and turned it on. Hissing and cracking sounds echoed through the device to us. I wonder if we were getting reception here in the rubble.
"As soon as someone is near us, we can try to contact them and get their attention. Until then, we just must hope that rescue workers will come," he explained his idea to us. How long would it take for emergency personnel to arrive on the scene?
"Anybody have any ideas on how to pass the time?", I inquired of the two.
"We have to somehow try to get fresh air to come to us. Everyone is closed in here and there are three of us. We can run out of air," Bobby reminded me of our situation. But how were we going to change it? We could not get out and we couldn't move the stones from inside either.
Bobby reached into his driver's door with his left hand and pulled out an object. I realized it was an emergency hammer. He took it in his right hand.
"I'm going to break the window now. So that no splinters can accidentally get into your eyes, please keep them closed. Maybe we can clear away small rocks so air can get into us," Bobby explained his plan. Immediately May and I covered our eyes as a loud crack followed by a splinter broke the silence. I heard the glass fall and opened my eyes again as Bobby let us know. He was clearing small rocks off to his side and some light was filtering through to us in the car. I exhaled in relief. May turned off the flashlight function on her phone again.
"I've got reception!" she yelled through the car. Bobby's action had made a difference.
"Call your mom. We are not going to get through on 9-1-1. Tell her to send the team over here. Soon we will be out-", Bobby broke off in mid-sentence. Irritated, I looked to him and saw his eyes first twist comically and then fall shut. Immediately, I unbuckled my seatbelt and leaned over to him.
"What's wrong with Bobby?", May became anxious and kept shaking Bobby.
"Call your mother. We need help right away. I'll take care of Bobby, but you need to call your mom so we can get out of here," I forced May to look me in the eye, so she was a little distracted from Bobby. Frightened, she nodded, but quickly dialed her mother's number. Meanwhile, I patted Bobby down and soon found the cause. The hard impact had caused the steering wheel to jar Bobby's ribs. Some of his ribs were broken, which I felt through the step on his left side. The pleural space had probably been injured, causing blood to leak into the abdomen and would soon lead to respiratory arrest. Urgency was needed or Bobby would not survive!
"Put it on speaker," I ordered May, indicating with my hands for her to hand me the first aid kit she had pulled out of the trunk while I was on the phone. I took the triangular cloth and carefully fixed Bobby's arm on the left side after putting him in a lying position. Then I turned to Athena.
"Athena, we really need to get out of this car. Bobby suffered some broken ribs in the collision. My guess is that something is pressing on his lungs. He has lost consciousness and his breathing is getting shallower. It could be a pneumothorax or a hemothorax. But either one needs to be acted on quickly! If we do not get out of here soon, Bobby may die," emphatically I pleaded with them to send us help.
"Your team is on the way. Can you keep him stable?" she informed me.
"I'll do everything I can, but I'm not a doctor. He desperately needs a drain to relieve the pressure," there was pure desperation in my words. I could not watch Bobby die and I wanted even less for May to be there. May was trembling with fear and staring at Bobby. What was I supposed to do?
"Can you add Maddie to the conversation?" an idea popped into my head and Maddie was the perfect person for that. While Athena was trying to get Maddie on, I rummaged through Bobby's suitcase, which was equipped to handle so many emergencies. Fortunately, he trusted his instincts. I instructed May to connect the oxygen cylinder to the tube on the respirator mask and then put it on Bobby.
"Keena. Are you okay?" the concerned voice of Maddie rang through the cell phone.
"I'm fine. But I need your help. I need you to do a chest tube with me. Is there anything in your system for lay people in the field? If we do not do something, Bobby will not have time," she could sense the urgency in my voice.
"You'll need some disinfectant, a scalpel, and something that can work like a tube. It's important that you make sure that the wound can be covered later," fin Maddie to me listing all the things. May mechanically handed me the things and a pair of gloves to go with them. I disinfected everything and waited for further instructions.
"You need to make an incision about 9-10 inches deep between the ribs, at about the fourth and fifth rib. Once you make the incision, you must very carefully destroy the pleura with your fingers. After that, the pressure will decrease, and you can put something into the wound to allow blood to drain or air to escape. Finally, you need to seal everything well," Maddie instructed me. While she had been talking, I had cut open Bobby's clothes and cleaned the area where I was going to make the incision. With trembling hands, I opened the scalpel package and took it out. May looked at me anxiously for a moment, then looked away again. I took a few deep breaths and applied the small knife to the skin. With a little pressure, I managed to make a deep incision, which I prepared with one finger and caused the pleura to rupture. Vast amounts of blood made its way out and with each passing second Bobby's breathing got better. To allow the blood to seep out further, I stuffed the casing of the barrel of a ballpoint pen into the wound, which I had previously disinfected. I sealed the wound with compresses and some plasters. During the recovery, the men had to be careful not to let the casing slip in further. I exhaled with relief.
"I made it. He's stable for now," I informed my two listeners. Athena began to sob quietly, but quickly got herself back under control.
"118 has just arrived at your location. It won't be long before you're free," Maddie relayed and hung up. May looked at me with tears in her eyes.
"It's going to be okay, May. Bobby's going to be okay," I smiled at her and was planning to reach for her when I saw my bloodied hands. Quickly, I lowered them again.
"Honey, I'm going to go to your place. I'll see you in a minute," Athena said goodbye and hung up. Completely exhausted, I leaned against the passenger door as the car began to jerk slightly. Keeping one eye on Bobby and his wound, I checked to see if the cover could slip in further. Eddie was the first to come through the debris and look inside the car.
"Are you guys all right? Athena radioed us an update," he inquired, looking at the makeshift drainage on Bobby's side.
"We'd like to get out of here," I smiled back at him, more than happy to see him.
"All right. Will take a moment," he smiled back and seemed to inform the others of our situation. A few rocks later and purposeful demolitions to the car later, the helpers had been able to free Bobby from the car without aggravating his condition. May climbed forward and fell into the arms of Buck, who had pulled her out. Eddie came back and held out his hand to me. Carefully, he helped me get out of the car. Athena rushed toward me after briefly appraising May. Relieved, she fell around my neck.
"Thank you for being so brave," she thanked me and went back to May. Both got into the ambulance where Bobby was lying. I could just make out that Hen was behind the wheel and May had joined her in the front.
"Here's some water for the blood," Eddie handed me a bottle of water. I opened it and wiped the blood off my hands. Eddie put his jacket around my shoulder and looked at me. Astonished at the gesture, I looked back.
"Are you sure you're all right? You just treated Bobby, even though he is a close one for you. Can I count on you to tell me the truth?" he put his hand on my back and led me to the turntable ladder truck. His indirect comment about my incident struck me directly. Did he think I was lying to him?
"It's strange to know what you've done. But I had to act, and by doing so I helped him. Listen, I am deeply sorry that this mishap happened, just also now when you needed me. It will never happen again, and I will take more care of myself. I promise," I apologized to Eddie and the others who were listening. Together we got in the car. Eddie sat down next to me and Buck across from me.
"Everyone has their problems, and I've honestly never seen a person who could feel happiness even though they've known hell more than once," Eddie said, smiling at me. Relief spread through me. He was not mad.
"If things get too much for you again, please talk to us. You are there for each of us and listen to the smallest complaints without any ifs or buts. It's also our turn to listen to you and catch you when you're feeling down," Buck added to our little conversation. I gratefully held out my fist to him, which he lightly pounded with his fist. Buck and Eddie had become such good friends to me.
A few minutes later we stopped in front of the hospital and went to the waiting area where Athena and May were waiting for us. May was looking better again.
"How's Bobby?" it bubbled out of me as soon as we reached them.
"He's in surgery, but the doctors were clearly taken with your rescue. Without it, Bobby probably would not have survived," Athena took me in her arms again in thanks.
"Now we are one less person. Bobby, Chim, and Keena. That is going to be a tight squeeze on the shift," Buck remarked, lifting his spirits a bit.
"Maddie told me that Chimney will probably be back on the next shift," Athena shattered the illusion that either of them was in charge. Hen came over with some coffee mugs and handed them out.
"This Nash household magically attracts disasters. If you need drama and action in your lives so badly, you really should find a hobby that does not end in near death," Hen joked to further lift the spirits.
"Glad to see you're doing well again. It was a huge shock to me when Bobby called me," Hen confessed, putting a hand on my arm. It felt good to be with them.
"I sincerely apologized to the others, and I want to do the same to you. From now on, I will pay more attention to myself and talk more about my feelings and problems," I promised her in my apology. Hen smiled at me.
In the evening we could briefly in Bobby's room. He was sound asleep but looked a lot better. Athena took his hand and May joined him on the bed. Hen, Buck, Eddie and I stood at the foot of the bed. The nurse had promised us ten minutes.
Suddenly, the alarm from Bobby's monitors boomed through the room. His vital signs were dropping, and nurses rushed into the room to take us out. Was Bobby going to die?