Come on, skinny love last the year
Pour a little salt; we were never here
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer
- Skinny Love by Bon Iver
Life is unexpected. People say that life is just a series of unplanned events. Those terrible circumstances in life are needed for a person to grow and learn. Some are decline to say that with every choice, there's a particular outcome. While these are all insightful thoughts, they can exceptionally be a more definitive complex cold truth version of life's reality - life is simply a bitch. The perfect example is Mariah Maximilliana Jones, who stands alone in an overly expensive hotel bathroom.
Mariah Maximilliana Jones has undoubtedly learned by experience that life owns nothing to nobody. At the age of eighteen, she felt and knew romantic love for the first time. While other girls her age planned for a future in college and careers, she planned for a future in marital bliss. Her bliss would be shared with Jesse Beaudry. He was an attractive and honest man; he was the kind of man your parents would approve of; he was the idealist guy to settle down with and start a family. Their attraction for one another was evident at first sight, and falling in love did not take long. However, at eighteen, Maxie, as her family calls her, also felt heartbreak for the first time.
Going from standing to sitting on the cold marble tiled floor, Maxie is overflown with emotions – anger, loneliness, and sorrow, as she recalls that fateful night. Jesse was a young detective with a bright future. He never backed down from what was right and always honored the oath to 'serve and protect.' The night he got shot will forever be embedded into Maxie's brain. Jesse and his partner, Lucky Spencer, were on the many never-ending mob cases in Port Charles. A case which led to an all-out mob shoot out at a carnival, no less. And the ironic part, he was shot protecting the son of a mobster. She loved his willingness to protect all people, but she hated his carelessness. No second thought of his safety or what honoring his 'oath' could cost him.
Sometimes when Maxie hears the sound of a bang, she remembers that night. She remembers Jesse pushing her to the ground. She remembers him pushing Diego Alcazar out of the line of fire. Maxie also vividly remembers herself cradling Jesse's bloody head, praying for him to survive. She truly believed he was the one for her or at the very least wanted to believe that love can last forever. She wanted a life shared with Jesse Beaudry, but life had other plans. Unfortunately for Maxie, Jesse was and would not be her first loss.
She thinks about the love she was surrounded by growing up and wonders if she is worthy to be loved or being capable of loving anyone again. She was convinced out of love; she knew that and was even blessed with a little sister. Her childhood was filled with laughter and tears. Occasionally the tears over-powered the laughter, like now as she clutches herself into a ball on the cold bathroom floor, just like the night when she learned about Andrew 'Frisco' Jones, her father.
As a young child, she was a Daddy's little girl in every single way that mattered. She loved the nights where Frisco would put her into bed, telling her stories of his adventures. Frisco Jones was not your average father; he didn't even hold a 9 to 5 job. Frisco was an adventurous man with an even more adventurous job, an agent for a federal security bureau. The type of job did not matter – the bureau, the police department, or freelance – he enjoyed the rush. Performed missions with no regard on how dangerous it will be or how long, for that matter. When he became a father, he cut back on the missions, conforming to the average life. He became comfortable with being an average guy raising an average family. However as time passed Frisco's new life did not provide as much fulfillment as his previous one. He loved his family, of course, especially his daughters, but he loved his work more.
As Maxie finds the strength within, she slowly stands back up and takes steps towards the bathroom sink. Her eyes become shut with tears, not ready to accept the reality she will be facing. She knew deep down that she would have to accept it, just like she accepted that while her father loved her, he was not suitable for daily father life. It took her time to accept that it was not her fault. It was not her fault that Frisco did not enjoy the average everyday life as a family man. And it was certainly not her fault that her parents' marriage failed. Maxie wonders, though, how long did it take for Frisco to realize that it was his fault for ruining a little girl's trust in the world? How long did it take him to realize that the life of fatherhood was too deadening?
Maybe it was the other way around. Did Frisco buy into the idea of having a simple everyday life – wife, kids, and a mortgage? Maybe it took time for him to figure out that the simple life was not suited for him. Maybe he became scared when he found himself trapped in the typical role of a husband and father. Perhaps that is the reason why one day, Andrew 'Frisco' Jones choose his career over reading a bedtime story to his little girl. So, at the age of eight, Maxie knew what abandonment felt like for the first time. Maxie feels loneliness with a cold sensation in her bones and wishes for a mother's warm embrace only to remember that her mother is no longer around.
Felicia Jones dreamed of finding love just like Maxie dreamed. Felicia found that love twice – once with Frisco and the second with Mac Scorpio. Sadly, for Mac Scorpio, Felicia's second love could not compete with the first. Mac Scorpio was a loving man who gracefully embraced parenthood. Welcomed them into his heart openly, and with that heart came a new family for the three Jones girls. The Scorpio clan adopted Felicia and her daughters into the family. Instantly, Maxie gained a surrogate sister in Robin Scorpio. Maxie grew to love her new family, but it did not ease the pain of departed Frisco Jones. Every atrocious decision made from childhood to the teenage years was made in an idiotic way to test her parents' love. No matter what the scheme she plotted or act committed, they always forgive her.
Forgiveness from Felicia Jones was no longer needed after Felicia decided, like Frisco, that parenthood's daily life was not enough. The only thing Maxie has left at this moment is to pray that Mac will forgive her for her current transgression. No one, not even Maxie herself, would've reckoned that the stepfather would be the parent to stay. And he did, despite the bittersweet divorce and her mother's affair with Luke Spencer; Mac devoted his life to being a father. He provided her with unconditional loved, something every child wants and needs. Mac was a good parent; he did all the things a father should do for his daughter. He took her to the annual Father-Daughter dance at Port Charles High School. Took her to the police station to bring 'your-daughter-to-work' day. Made chicken noodle soup when she was sick; bought her favorite ice cream when she had a bad day. Yet after all these things, despite Mac's unconditional love, deep down, she asks the question every abandoned child asks - "Why?"
However, it is not that abandonment of her biological parents to be the thing that damages Maxie Jones the most. She can hear her heartbeat race a thousand beats, and as she slowly opens her eyes, she thinks to herself - God, this cannot be happening.
The first unexpected event in the life of Maxie was her failing heart at the tender age of five, where she would lay in a hospital bed covered by multiple tubes and wires. An IV for the nurses to inject medicine into her body; a tube connected to an oxygen tank. Her time was spent sleeping most days, in and out of consciousness, and denied any form of physical human contact. She was aware of it all, aware that she was sick, but she was unaware of how sick. Why was she denied any form of human contact? Why her family always cried at a visit? Then one day, she got a new heart.
The IV was removed, an oxygen tank no longer necessary. Pain killer pills were replaced with anti-rejection pills. She could be back home and be hugged by her family once again. She eventually stopped questioning why she still had to visit the doctors. She even stopped questioning why her family still seemed sad. Though she began to question why she has yet to see her cousin and best friend, BJ Spencer? So, at the age of six, Maxie also comprehended the feeling of survivor's guilt.
Fast forward thirteen years later, Maxie is now nineteen. In her mind, she suppose to be married to Jesse Beaudry by now. They had everything planned – Maxie wanted kids, but Jesse wanted her to attend college first. She wanted him off fieldwork, but he enjoyed his job. Jesse wanted kids, too but did not want her to have any regrets. Maxie knew Jesse loved his job but worried about his safety. Maxie's biggest fear was Jesse resenting her. Or perhaps one day, he became like Frisco Jones, or worse, she became like Felicia Jones. So, a comprised was made to suit both their needs and feelings. She agreed to attend Post Charles University part-time and they'll try for kids after their first year of marriage. In turn, he will switch to desk duty with the promise that he'll never leave or resent her.
Unfortunately, that promise was broken by unforeseen circumstances. Maxie never had the chance to go dressing shop with her sister, Georgie, and her cousin, Robin. Never had the moment where Mac will walk her down the aisle. Never experienced a honeymoon; never got the moment to say, 'I do.' She will never know what their children will look like or argue over what names to pick out. They will never get a chance to grow old together with gray hair and all. He promised he will never resent her, but now she resented him.
She resented him for breaking his promise of never leaving her. She resented him for getting shot. She resented him for not switching to desk duty when she first asked. She resented him for taking the case and assisting Lucky Spencer that night. She even resented Lucky Spencer asking for Jesse's assistance when it was Jesse's night off. However, that resentment did not stop her from mourning and it certainly did not stop her from falling into Lucky Spencer's bed.
She cannot help but think how ironic life can sometimes be as she hears someone trying to open the bathroom door. It seems that the Spencer family has effortlessly become part of the package that life has given her. Bobby Spencer has somehow become an aunt figure in Maxie's life. Bobby's daughter, BJ Spencer, give her a second chance at life. Luke Spencer played a role in the ending of Felicia and Mac's marriage. A decade later, it also seems that infidelity is a trait in the Spencer family. Her sister's marriage ended thanks to Lulu Spencer, though Maxie has no place to judge.
Maxie tells herself that she betrayed everyone. She betrayed Elizabeth's somewhat friendship as she hears a knock. Her mind is utterly confused. She betrayed everything Mac taught her in life.
She hears two more knocks.
Maxie betrayed Jesse's love, and her heart breaks into a dozen pieces.
She hears another set of knocks.
This is the outcome of Lucky and her infidelity. Maxie may very well be a single woman, but in her mind, she cheated on Jesse. She did not want this to happen. It was just a way to grieve, a one-night stand that would not stop. The knocking on the door becomes more rapid and urgent.
This situation was an unplanned event, but she allowed the outcome to happen. She finally realizes that it hurts so much, not because she betrayed the people around her, but because she betrayed herself. She allowed herself into Lucky's bed whenever she became depressive or aggravated by the world. Now here she is, 15 minutes over lunchtime, locked inside the Metro Court bathroom. She was a lonely person seeking solace in another lonely person who just happened to be married.
She hears more knocks.
Maxie stares down at two pink lines hoping that her eyes are deceiving her. Perhaps the stress in life has caused her to skip her cycles. Perhaps it is a false positive, Maxie thinks to herself as she redirects her eyes from the pregnancy test to the door when the knocking stops, "Maxie, open the door...It's Carly."
Life is a bitch.