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chapter one:

new year, new trouble

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NANCY HAS ALWAYS HATED THIS time of year, the time when the year starts.

It's always a false promise of new beginnings and 'don't worry kid you're nearly there's. It's just another reminder that she, Nancy Lupin, has another year of school, growing steadily closer to the oblivion of adulthood—because tragically she has no blood idea what she wants to do when she's older. Heck—Nancy doesn't even know if she's going pass all her classes this year, let alone be accepted to study at an O.W.L or N.E.W.T level in the future.

Her lack of ambition and skill doesn't even matter when it comes down to it, because despite it all she just really doesn't want to get on that damn train. And it's a puzzling—in fact, an absolutely maddening feeling because despite how much she really wants to stay in bed and ignore Hogwarts, she also really wants to see her friends. It's one of, if not the most, annoying conundrums of her life and never fails to repeat itself each first morning of autumn. It's just well—it's complicated and even though she feels hopeless, she also has this constantly burning sense of hope. But this morning she has a plan that she's sure will at least entice her father to think of staying.

"Nancy... please open the door."

She can hear the fondness in his voice. She knows he doesn't take her annual 'stand off' seriously. Helga, Nancy knows she doesn't take it all that seriously. It's a case of telling yourself you believe you feel a certain way, when deep down you can't help feeling the opposite. Because no matter how disastrous her time at Hogwarts has been so far, she loves the place. Who doesn't like spending majority of their year in a beautiful castle in Ireland? Having a banquet of food to eat every night? It's just... if Nancy was normal like the other witches and wizards it'd make life a lot easier.

"Not until you listen to my pitch!"

A quiet chuckle breaths through the cracks of her door, she smiles at the sweetness of the deep sound.

"We'll be late."

"Not if we apparate," she sing-songs. Even then, they'd still probably be late.

He doesn't reply straight away and she waits, the right side of her face pressing against the wooden door. Finally, with a great sigh of fond exasperation:

"Fine."

Score. Nancy grins and moves to twists the handle of the door, opening it with a loud grin, a grin that slips from her face as she notices his expression. His lips are pinched, making the thin scars on his face stretch almost painfully. The full moon had only just passed, and Nancy watches as beads of blood begin to leak from the newest cuts. She can see the trepidation in his eyes... and guilt. Suddenly, Nancy realises what he's going to do; bargain.

"But you have to promise that you'll take lessons outside of your classes with me."

"I think I'm ready to go now," she mumbles hastily.

Because Nancy already has been taking lessons outside of her classes for Charms, Transfiguration and Defence Against the Dark Arts. While Charms and Transfiguration have been slightly more helpful and Nancy has tried her hardest at getting better—like the good little Hufflepuff she is—it's mostly been no good. She's able to levitate a feather for all of three seconds before setting it aflame, Transfiguration is much the same. Dark Arts however? She just either blows things up or repels them away. And the past two teachers? Hopeless.

Remus sighs. "Nancy. I can help you at Hogwarts, more than I can here."

Yeah—the Trace and Ministry are dicks like that. Underage wizards and witches aren't supposed to use magic outside of Hogwarts, but most still do. Except Remus is a werewolf, and despite the laws, the Ministry aren't kind or unbiased. Too much unexplainable magic and the Ministry would be knocking down their door. Besides, Trace or not, she'd just blow things up—destroying stuff until their home is more of a ramshackle than it already was.

Since First Year she's been really trying, she spent hours in abandoned classrooms trying to practise—trying to control it. But all she does is break things, one time she even threw Professor Quirrell back into a bookcase. And even though he just smiled at her, stuttering something at her, something she refused to listen to, Nancy had finally realised she wasn't just wand resistant—but she was dangerous too.

So this year Nancy is accepting that she'll just be a herbologist or something... Which means no more wasting her time with extra practise, she's going to try and make the best of her third year. Stay in the background, abstaining from magical practice. Who knows? Maybe she'll find a boyfriend.

...Though that seems kind of unattainable—there's only one boy who she'd want to date and Nancy is pretty sure he has no idea she exists, or is indefinitely off his radar. But Hogsmeade will be fun and she really wants to try the sweets and chocolate from Honeydukes.

Remus clears his throat, pulling Nancy away from her thoughts and she blushes.

"You know why I don't want to do that," Nancy mumbles at her feet.

"Please Nance, let me help you."

The most horrible thing about having Remus as a father isn't the fact that he's a werewolf, Nancy has always been able to handle the moon cycles and their affect on him. No—the worst thing is that Remus is a very uncomfortable person to disappoint. Without meaning to, he shows you his sad green eyes and instantly you're overcome with the guilt of it all. And now seeing those sad green eyes, seeing the pleading and earnest in them—well it makes her want to stick a fork in her eyes to punish herself. Gosh, there's no way she can say no to him. Instead he'll just have to realise himself what a total lost cause she is.

"Can I think about it?"

Remus smiles. "Of course. But I'm afraid we're running late now."

He enters her room, squeezing her shoulder as he passes and takes hold of her trunk. Still a little thrown off from their conversation, she tries to smile but it lacks vibrancy, a poor attempt at trying to seem ok. Thankfully Remus' back is turned to her, small miracles she guesses. Her father, while sorted into Gryffindor, has the same tendency to feel extreme amounts of guilt when it comes to upsetting others. Much like Remus, Nancy apologises even when she runs into chairs. 'It's being polite' he'd say, but she knows it's more a damning trait of her own fatal flaw; being nice. It's why she's a Hufflepuff, but then again Nancy's never seen herself fitting in anywhere in the other houses.

"Too bad," she say softly. "I had a pretty compelling argument."

"I'm sure you did. Now, don't forget Slinky."

Slinky is her pet cat. He's a small and lithe creature cloaked in black, which means Nancy is always losing the damn guy. When he isn't curled around her shoulders, Slinky was... well—slinking around Hogwarts in the dark corridors where he can't be seen. A real nuisance when he spots her and pounces at her feet, scaring the Helga out of her. Right now? The damned creature is curled at the bottom of her bed, purring sweetly which is something he definitely isn't.

"C'mon you beast."

Nancy picks the cat up. He yowls in protest but quiets when she places him across her shoulders, the black fur of his coat immediately warming the back of her neck. Grabbing her tote bag with her sketch book and the few muggle books Remus gave her for her birthday, she's begrudgingly—but finally—ready to leave. Taking one last look at her room, she braces herself for another year at Hogwarts. Here's to hoping this year will be better…

Most likely not, but at least she'll see her friends soon enough—

Damn... she never got to give her spill about living in the Amazon.

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Stepping onto Platform 9¾ is an event in itself. One moment your stepping past the mundane dreariness of muggle London, the next you're entering the loud bustle and cheer of wizards and witches sending their children off to Hogwarts. When she got her letter it had been... well overwhelming just doesn't seem to do the feeling justice—

When Nancy Lupin received her letter for Hogwarts, the eleven year old girl had trembled with the envelope clutched in her hands. Sitting at their small, two seated dining table, she couldn't stop staring at the sealed letter as her dad made their favourite breakfast: banana pancakes. His back was turned to her as his tall frame was hunched over the stove top. Her grandmother was muggle-born and a lot of the time Remus chose to do things the 'muggle way'. It's something that had always interested the younger girl, many mornings she'd spend watching the intricate movements of her father's hands as he made breakfast, or when he made her bed.

But not this morning. This morning all her blue eyes were focused on was the envelope before her. Because he had his back to her, her dad hadn't seen the owl drop the mail through the open window. She was still trembling when he sat a plate of pancakes in front of her.

"Whatcha got there Nance?"

Timidly, she handed the letter to him. A little thankful not to have the letter in her hands anymore. She watched his face, the brightness that filled his green eyes as he took in the Hogwarts' emblem wax seal.

"Nancy! This is great!" He's teeming with excitement as he handed the letter back to her, waiting patiently for her to open it.

Except she didn't , not straight away at least. It's not that she didn't want to go, any time she had asked about Hogwarts her father had always looked happy, sad also, but the kind that's associated with remembering something good but something that was also lost. There were only a few details of his time at Hogwarts that he'd tell her, all vague images. No, it wasn't that she didn't like the idea of going to Hogwarts, she just didn't like the idea of leaving her dad. She was also a little scared of magic...

Their house wasn't much to look at, but a year ago when Nancy's magic really started to kick in, their little cottage in the Scandinavian woods had really suffered. She'd broken their windows more times then she could count, combusted multiple items of furniture that now were shabbily put back together. But each time it happened Nancy grew to be more scared of her magic despite Remus' reassurance. So the eleven year old was a little scared of the idea of magic, but she was more terrified of not seeing her dad all the time. She loathed the one night a month she was sent to stay with her grandfather when her dad had his transformations.

The werewolf gene had scared her at first when Remus sat her down at six to explain who he was, why he had to change jobs as often as he did, why they lived so poorly. When she asked if she would become a werewolf too her dad had quickly soothed her worries, she would have turned by now so she was safe. It had terrified her beyond anything, but not because she was scared of her dad or disgusted that he was a werewolf. In fact she felt a little silly, but she was terrified that it would hurt to turn into a werewolf. Which it obviously did, but the pain of it and her bones breaking was what scared her most.

But that didn't matter now. Because she just really didn't want to leave her dad.

For weeks Nancy tried to ignore the impending date; September 1st. But it crept along quickly, and going through the stages of getting her supplies at Diagon Alley had been nailing nails into her own coffin. She'd held Remus' hand tightly as they walked through the busy street and she never let go. The morning of, Nancy tried to fake being sick but he'd seen right through her.

"Nancy... honey I thought you'd be excited to start school."

She shook her head. "I don't want to leave you."

Remus sighed before sitting beside her on her lumpy mattress. "You don't have to be scared. Hogwarts is where you belong Nancy, it's the best school to learn all about being a witch."

She looked at him, her blue eyes welling with tears. "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely."

Remus apparated them to King's Cross and when they went through the pillar and to Platform 9¾; Nancy had lost he breath when she saw it. Her hand held tighter to Remus' and she watched it all with bright blue eyes. It was breath taking — absolutely enchanting, but also daunting all at the same time. Little Nancy Lupin looked at her father, her hand shaking in his.

Her dad smiled down at her.

"You've got this Nance."

Even now—two years later—she still finds herself a little star struck. Grinning she turns to look at her dad, only it slips from her face when she notices the paleness of his complexion. His face is gaunt and he looks ill. This, while easy to handle, is something else she hates most about the were-gene. After every transformation her dad is so... vulnerable. It hurts to see him in so much pain.

"Dad..."

He tries to smile but it just looks like it hurts him more. "I'm fine Nance."

"Let me walk you to a carriage at least?"

The affection in his smile alway fills her instantly with a sense of lightness, like she's about to float up and away from the sheer force of his love. Ok, so maybe taking extra lessons again this year wouldn't be so bad, not if he keeps looking so proud even if she's a tiny human embodiment of a huge bloody mess.

"Sure. But don't let me hold you up from seeing your friends."

"You won't."

Her friends and she always sit in a carriage together, they have ever since coming home from Hogwarts first year. There's five of them; Emmy Finch and CC Danvers are both Hufflepuff girls who Nancy met after the sorting ceremony. Lucky for them they all shared a room together, and have ever since. Most people in Hufflepuff are nice, though sometimes their kindness comes more from a Hufflepuff's ability to tolerate. A lot of her fellow badgers have learnt to tolerate the fact that Nancy is wandless, and that her magical capability is that of a nine year old having a tantrum. Because of this, they work hard at keeping patient with her when Snape deducts points when she accidentally makes a cauldron fly across the Potions classroom. But Emmy and CC never bat an eye, and when they do they aren't scared to poke harmless fun at Nancy, treating her like she's normal and not a freak.

Then there's Morgan Murphy and Eddie Newman, both Ravenclaws that find their Ravenclaw year level too pretentious to spend every waking hour with. While both can be just as annoyingly smart, they'd rather throw rocks at Nancy and watch as they explode on contact. Sometimes Nancy thinks they're mad, but they always help her with studying the theory of spells, even though she's hopeless at executing them.

Nancy really loves her friends, so she didn't mind that she'll have to find them a little later, because she knows they'll always save a seat for her. So she walks with her dad, eyeing him carefully in case he gets fainter and they leave the bulk of their luggage with the rest, taking their carry-ons with them in search for a carriage compartment. Thankfully they don't have to go very far, they find a compartment close-ish to the front of the train. She helps Remus lift his suitcase onto the overhead luggage holder, Slinky jumping from her shoulders from the disturbance and fleeing out the door.

"There." She grins. "All settled in. Are you sure you'll be fine?"

Remus smiles weakly at her, he tucks a strand of her dark hair behind her ear.

"I think I'll have a nap during the trip. So yes—I'll be alright."

"Good. Oh! Here—"

She rifles through her tote bag hanging off her shoulder until her hands grasp the rectangular shape package.

"—have my chocolate. Y'know, in case you feel dizzy on the ride. I'll just buy some more when the trolley comes around."

Remus takes the chocolate from her gently. "Thank you. Now, you've spent enough time with your father. Go on, go find your friends."

Saluting him, she walks backwards to the door—bumping into it before she slides it open to leave.

"Love you! See you at dinner!" She calls over her shoulder.

Before the door slides shut she hears his soft laugh and mumble. "I love you too Nancy."

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Finding the carriage carrying her friends is a little harder than she originally expected. Students are mulling in the narrow halls of the train's carriages, and no matter how tight she holds onto her tote, it still manages to hit other students as she passes, their faces morphing into looks of annoyance and than familiarity. Yeah guys, it's just me. She presses the bag to her chest and squeezes past more students. Finally, she recognises a distinct voice calling from a compartment ahead of her.

"No, no, no—seriously guys? You're telling me you don't know who Freddie Mercury is?!"

CC is standing in the middle of the compartment, hands clutching at her thick brown hair as she looks at their friends with a series of emotions; disgust, despair and disbelief. CC is muggle-born and still doesn't entirely understand the whole 'two different worlds' concept of muggle London and wizarding London. It makes for an entertaining conversation, especially ones like these where CC gets particularly passionate… and outraged.

"You do this every time," Morgan drawls.

"I think it's adorable," Eddie remarks.

Emmy is laughing, chocolate melted at the corner of her lips.

"I just think this is one of the greatest wizarding tragedies. Not knowing Freddie, my god."

"I mean, it's sad but it's not exactly a tragedy CC."

They all turn and look at Nancy standing in the open doorway. The smiles they give her warms her frigid toes—she shouldn't have worn the pair with holes—it courses through her veins until it feels like a sun is burning inside of her. CC is first to break rank, her smile morphing into a feign look of betrayal.

"Traitor."

Nancy sticks her tongue out at the other brunette before she sits herself between Morgan and Eddie, both who happen to oblige as she awkwardly spreads her limbs across them. Even though each new year Nancy wallows in self pity, it never lasts long when she sees her friends. It reminds her that extra classes and teasing are worth it if she gets to spend the better part of the year with these lot. And yes, she knows that she's one big juxtaposition but well... deal with it.

Eddie runs his fingers through Nancy's hair and she nearly sighs in pleasure... actually she thinks she might have and as embarrassing as that is, no one seems to call her out on it—thankfully. Their conversation starts up like Nancy never interrupted, she lets her eyes close, peacefully relaxing to the gentle hum of their voices. Ok—so maybe this morning she'd been a tad bit dramatic, she didn't really want to run away to the Amazon and live as a nomad with Remus. Nancy likes the civilities of life with running water too much to give it up.

"So Nance, is what you wrote true? Your dad is really going to be the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher?" Emmy asks her.

When Nancy doesn't open her eyes straight away Morgan pinches the sliver of Nancy's thigh peaking above her thighs high socks.

"Ouch!"

"Wake up princess." Morgan says with a smirk.

"I am awake." Rolling her eyes she smiles sheepishly at Emmy. "Yeah. He's on the train."

"Well—I'm sure class will be more exciting. Anyone is better than the priss we had last year," mutters Eddie.

Morgan extends her fist and Eddie bumps it with his own, their group murmur they're agreement. Lockhart had been a daft teacher, he spent more time looking at himself in any reflective material than teaching. Which made it extremely harder for Nancy. After her first three extra classes with him she just stopped going; there'd been no point. In fact, Nancy thinks he's worse than her at magic, and that speaks volumes.

Getting so lost in their conversation, Nancy doesn't realise the train has already departed from King's Cross. In fact, for majority of the train ride Nancy allows herself to become lost in their conversations, in the laughter and smiles of the people she loves.

Nancy is napping against Eddie's shoulder when the train comes to a sudden halt, jerking her awake. Her eye open to light and then suddenly the lanterns within the train all go out at once, shrouding them all in a cloak of darkness. She begins to tremble, Nancy can't tell if it's in fear or her magic—it's all becoming one and the same. A hand grabs hers and she thinks it's Morgan but in the dark she finds her senses too swapped around to tell.

"What the fudge?" CC curses.

Nancy silently agrees, she squeezes Morgan's—she thinks—hand. The compartment is getting colder. In fact, the whole train feels colder—chillingly so. Eddie is sitting straight and rigid beside her—or is it Morgan and she's holding Eddie's hand?—his body tense and in the dark Nancy just makes out his hand clenching his wand. The noise of the other students have died and the entire carriage is silent, the entire train is silent.

"There's something moving out there," Eddie whispers.

Nancy tries to look out the window but it's too dark for her to see anything. All she can see is the blackness of night which is strange because it certainly isn't that late for it to be so dark outside.

"Emmy..."

The concern in CC's voice breaks Nancy's thoughts, suddenly she can hear the sniffling coming from her other best friend and her stomach drops. Guilt engulfs her because she should have realised, the moment the lights went out she should have realised that Emmy wouldn't be okay. Ever since she met Emmy, she and CC have know she's afraid of the dark. And having all of the lights going out suddenly and the train stopping in result? Nancy can't blame Emmy for being scared because she's scared too.

Emmy doesn't say anything but she's still crying. Nancy moves, dropping Morgan's hand, and delicately moves to the seat opposite her. CC is already on one side of Emmy, rubbing the dark haired girl's arms comforting. Making sure not to step on anyone, Nancy moves to the spot beside Emmy and hugs her. Emmy is trembling from her crying, her shoulder jutting into Nancy's chest uncomfortably but Nancy keeps holing on. People like to make fun of Hufflepuff House, snarking that all Hufflepuff's ever do is hold hands and talk about their feelings—it's honestly not like that. And even if it is, Nancy's never really understood why it's such a bad thing anyway. Oh—sorry guys, I don't want talk about my feelings so I'll let them bottle up until they bite me in the butt—yeah, must be cool being a Gryffindor.

Nancy's not brave, but she'll never set aside being kind for any of the Houses.

Especially when looking after a friend.

CC wraps her arms around Emmy too, and like this they form a tight circle cradling their friend between them. She loses track of time, not sure how much time passes between the darkness then suddenly—light. There's no warning when the lights flicker back to life, they just go from darkness to light. As simple as that, yet there's nothing simple about what just happened. Immediately students start speaking again, louder and urgent as they start to open their compartment doors. Nancy looks over to see that both Morgan and Eddie have their wands out; Ravenclaws ever ready for what may come, but in that moment they looked more like Gryffindors. Emmy sniffles loudly but Nancy can feel her friend's body relaxing against her own and lets her arms drop to her side.

"Are you alright Emmy?" Nancy asks, pushing a strand of Emmy's black hair behind her ear.

"Yes—I'm sorry, I know it's silly."

"You're not being silly," CC reprimands softly.

"I'm going to go see if someone knows what happened." Morgan squeezes Emmy's shoulder before she goes.

Suddenly her stomach sinks—Dad.

"I—I need to go too. My dad..."

They all look at her, mirroring her alarm. Eddie's the first to react, he moves to Emmy and CC and nods his head towards the door.

"Go Nance, we'll be fine," he says as he rubs Emmy's back.

She looks at all of them one last time at the door, her heart twisting from the guilt of leaving them here confused with no answers and guilty that she didn't try to find her dad the moment the lights went off. Instead she stayed in their carriage where they hid — while there is nothing wrong with wanting to be safe, it's hard when Remus is so brave himself. He would have looked for her... maybe he has.

CC notices her lingering. "Go."

Retracing her steps is harder this time. Students are running up and down the halls, trying to find their other friends, family or news about what happened. This time they don't look at her as she bumps into them, they just bump back harder. Not to mention the train is running again and as the floor moves beneath her she trips every now and then.

"Ow!"

Something nips at her ankle, when she looks down she forgets about her pain however. Coiling around her feet is Slinky, he meows at her and darts forward, looking back once to make sure she's following. He might be difficult, but sometimes Slinky really turns up for her. Weaving after him, the voice of Remus reaches her ears, getting louder the closer they get. Finally she sees him in a window of a compartment ahead, she runs towards him. She bumps a few people harder, almost running a first year down, but Nancy for once didn't care.

She pushes through the open door, barely noticing the four other people standing in the carriage.

"Dad!"

"Dad?!"

Ron Weasley's voice breaks her stride, she blushes when she looks around and see's him, Hermione Granger, Ginny Weasley and Neville Longbottom all looking at her. Oh Helga, they all shared a carriage with her dad. Remus is a pretty aware father but who knows what he might say if she's brought up into conversation—

"Seriously Ron, they share the same name. Professor Lupin—Nancy Lupin; it's really not hard to figure out," Hermione scolds.

—and because Hermione and Ron are here it only means that he is here too. Slinky bursts pass her and she watches him leap and fall onto a body before darting away...

"Harry!" Nancy panics, dropping to her knees.

And in that moment Nancy knows that she's completely outed herself. To not just her father, who she tells everything to except this. But also to Harry's closest friends—because since First Year Nancy Lupin has had the worst and most intoxicating crush on Harry Potter.

Who—and his friends—had no idea she existed.

At least that is, until most likely now.

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