Prologue
Ten Days After the Battle Against Control and Discovery's Journey to the Future
Aalin stared into space wishing the dark expanse splashed with light would bring the same serenity as a blanket of newly fallen snow. Battle's aftermath always left her feeling raw, claustrophobic, craving the grounding feel of trees or grass or the comforting sound of raindrops. Any interaction with nature.
This fight had been particularly vicious and heart wrenching. The first ninety-six hours afterwards were an all-consuming struggle to stabilize the ship and care for the injured. Memorial services dominated the next few days. With Enterprise now under armed escort to space dock via tow, the crew could finally stand down and grieve. The edginess of sadness for the losses mixed with relief for the defeat of Control felt suffocating at times.
Sensing a presence behind, she reached back to take Chris' hand before turning away from the viewport and answering the unspoken question. "I couldn't sleep." And then anticipating his next question, "I didn't want to wake you."
He glanced from her to the viewport and then back at her. Kept her hand cradled in his, a subtle signal this was a personal conversation rather than a professional one and silent encouragement to continue when she was ready.
"It doesn't feel," a pause, "appropriate to talk about now, there is too much …" She followed his inaudible count backwards from ten to calm his irritation. Everyone was frazzled with tempers flaring at the least provocation. And her response sounded like a breaking of the most important promise in their relationship.
Sighing, she reached up and smoothed the stray hair away from his face. "That is not what …" she started to explain but realizing she truly was holding back in order to protect him she finished, "I apologize."
Aalin said haltingly, and, in a whisper, "I can't stop thinking about Leland. I know he is perceived as synonymous with Control and its horrors …" she faltered for a moment, "people think he was Control."
He could see the tears in her eyes that he heard in her voice. "I am not defending his actions," she explained, "his choices were alarming."
She paused. Looked back out into space. "Deep down, Leland was a protector. His need to protect took a dark turn. But I remember him before Section 31. Then, despite his planet sized ego, his swagger and cockiness were endearing. He was funny and kind."
When she turned back to face Chris her voice was stronger. "I want to grieve for him, but is that even fitting? How do I reconcile my memories of him with the arrogance of his, that along with others, built Control and caused so much suffering and destruction?"
He reached up to wipe away the tears. The silence between them stretched for several minutes. She smiled sadly. "I think you want to grieve for him as well. You were good friends until your paths diverged."
"Come." She tugged on his hand and guided him in the direction of their quarters. "I doubt you have slept more than two or three hours every few days in the past two weeks. This is a conversation for another day."