Queries

L and Light were in their shared room at the moment—in the dead of night, making out like they always seemed to be these days. And L knew it was a poor, poor decision on his part, but he couldn't make himself go back.

He was sure that all of this had started with good intentions—well, perhaps that wasn't quite the best way to put it—as he was certain he'd just been trying to seduce answers out of one Yagami Light. But eventually, it had turned into something more—and feelings had gotten involved, at least on L's side; though he'd never admit that even if you put a gun to his head—and L was absolutely living for once.

But he still couldn't live too much. He was, after all, an older man, who had gotten into some sort of relationship with his prime suspect. So maybe that was why he and Light hadn't quite had sex yet…

L was on top of Light now—something that made him feel the slightest bit guilty—and their kiss had long ago turned from something tender, to them pretty much fucking each other's mouths, as they grinded against each other and L held Light's hands above his head.

But it was when Light pulled away so he could try and take L's pants off, that the detective knew that they had to stop here for tonight. And as soon as L pulled away, Light ran a hand over his face. He was clearly annoyed.

"I don't know why you always keep us from going the extra mile," Light read L the Riot Act, as he slipped his hands into his pants—clearly trying to take care of his problem; and L tried not to look, and be turned on even more than he already was—"you know that that's where this eventually has to go. I think-" and Light paused here, and there was a certain lilt in his voice that let L know that however he must have just touched himself had to have been good. "That you just don't want any more proof that you love me, and that's why you always chicken out."

And it was as if Light had suddenly thrown cold water onto L—which was surely a good thing in this situation, because he never wanted to go any further than they already had—as all of the reasons that he shouldn't be doing this shit with this equal of his hit him at full-force again.

L thought about being like Light for a moment: of angrily pinning him to the bed for such a remark, and furiously telling them that he didn't love him and never could. But L feared that he would just arouse himself even more with that—and knowing that he wasn't a serial killer, unlike the person now beside him—L decided to simply deadpan as he looked at his untied shoes, "I don't love you, Light-kun. I could never love Kira, who's crimes are more than anything I have ever seen. Make no mistake: you are brilliant and I respect you for that. And far more interesting than anyone or anything that I have ever seen, though it shames me to admit it. But love? Never."

And L's words must have served as cold water for Light too, because he stopped what he was doing, and curled up so he could go to sleep. Or so it seemed to L. "You do love me," Light protested. "And no, I'm not Kira. But I'm saving my breath there. I know you'll never believe me. But maybe you couldn't have loved me before… but now that we think I might have a brain tumor and am hallucinating things, like Booth from 'Bones' did? You just can't write me off and blame me for everything even more."

And L hated how Light surely proved him right the next day: when the college student began puking for hours, because the pain in his head was so severe and they had to take him to the ER. And all the while, L panicked, that the last thing Light may ever hear from him, were the cruel words he had said to him the night before. Even though L knew that he was nothing more than a cruel person, and had long ago made his bed there.

…

"What is your relationship to my son?" Soichiro asked L that next day, in plainly seeing what Light's affliction had done to him, L was sure.

And L very nearly told Soichiro that he and Light were having relations—for surely the man deserved to know—but instead he found himself telling a different truth. Or he thought it still was, anyway. "I'm the bane of his existence, I am sure. And yet he remains the only friend that I have ever had. And so I fear for Light-kun right now."

That seemed to warm Soichiro up to L, and he collapsed on the couch beside him. "Ryuzaki... you're a genius," the police officer said at last; and L could tell that he was reluctant to do so, and he had one guess as to why. "Is there- anything at all that you can do for my son?"

And here L sighed, because he'd been trying to figure out the same thing himself. "…I'm no expert in the medical field. But I do know somethings. If it comes down to it, I'll see what I can do."

Eventually, the doctor finally came out to talk to the taskforce who had gathered in the waiting room for Light. And L could tell by the man's solemn demeanor, that he was here to tell them all bad news. And he couldn't take bedside manner right now, and rather wanted to get to the heart of the issue. So, he found himself saying rather curtly, "Just tell us what's going on with Yagami Light and don't worry about sparing our feelings."

"Ryuzaki!" Matsuda protested, but he was already being interrupted by the doctor who clearly respected L's bravery: "Yagami Light is delusional." And while L had always suspected this—and even wanted it to be recognized—it was just all so different now. And that self-hatred he'd worried he'd feel the moment Light collapsed, began setting in now. "He has massive brain tumors, in an area that's near inoperable. And we will operate, if he thinks it's best, but even then we won't be able to get all of the Cancer. Chemo may help, but… He's stage four. And when you're stage four, you're always that. Even if it goes away now, it will come back in the near future and eventually kill him… I'm sorry."

"Can I go in and see him now?" Soichiro demanded, fighting back tears for his son's condition. And it made L feel... awful for this poor man. When usually he didn't feel anything at all. "Is he at least stable right now?"

"Yes, of course. He's asking for you." And the doctor motioned for Soichiro to go into Light's room. And the man did, with a smile and nod in the bald doctor's direction.

And L just stood there at a loss, not sure what to do. He remembered kissing Light so many times... but he really shouldn't have been thinking of such things right now.

He did, however, think of asking the doc if he sensed anything supernatural with Light's condition (could Shinigami have actually been real?), but knew he'd be considered a hack-job if he did...

So, L decided to be kind for once, and to get all his employees coffee as they took this in. And L wondered how Watari had stood buying him things to starve off his moods all these years.

…

Despite himself, L eventually found that he was going into the hospital room Light was in, to try and get a look at his head himself.

But Soichiro did not seem happy about this, even with how he'd asked for his help earlier.

"Ryuzaki, what are you doing in here? Can't we have some family time right now?" Soichiro demanded, just as L promised Light, "Light-kun, I swear I'm not examining your brain to further my Kira suspicions. Rather, I'm concerned about you... And I see I have good reason to be. These doctors are already doing malpractice, I see.

"Nurse, why are you trying to draw blood from that port when I'm sure he or his father told you that that it doesn't work that way?" L had recently heard the news that Light's family had been fearful that he'd had cancer before—and even his doctors for a moment—and so they'd put a port in him, thinking he'd need chemo through it. But then the doctors had gone back on their suspicion—though Light had kept the port—and it certainly looked like they'd been wrong to second-guess themselves.

The woman who was attending to Light gave L a nasty look at his question, as she sneered at him. "Who are you to assume you know what you're doing here?" she snapped.

And L pinched the bridge of his nose, resisting the urge to tell the pest who she was. That would have been beyond silly, and dangerous, but Light always seemed to make him lose his head.

Instead, he settled on the obvious. "You're trying so hard to draw blood from there, that you've made Light-kun bleed. Yet it's not a blood flow going through the IV. Clearly I'm right."

L would have liked to believe that the nurse would thank him for pointing out her flaw, so that she needlessly wouldn't have to hurt her patient anymore, but instead she left the room with an angry "hmph", after she stopped trying to tap Light's port for blood. And the ever-stoic L actually had to resist the urge to growl at her for it.

"Thank you so much, Ryuzaki," Soichiro said then, surprising L and grounding him.

And L found himself replying more earnestly than he would have liked to believe that he would, "It was no problem. But Light," L said now, as he turned to face his everything, who still seemed a bit groggy and lost. "I want you to forget the investigation for now," And as L said that, he shocked even himself. Surely, he needed to put Kira away, right? "You need to focus on your treatments and getting better."

"So... I assume you don't think I'm Kira now, even if my hallucinating could explain if I was?" Light asked, just as Soichiro reprimanded him for daring to ask that with, "Light!"

"It is not the time for twenty questions now, Light-kun," L tried to sway him with a shake of his head. "Now get some rest."

And he patted his friend's—lover's?—feet on the way out the door, and tried not to think about how lonely and bored he already was without him.

...

But naturally, with Light being Light, he ended up surprising L near instantly. Just when he was about to leave the hospital, Light came running after him (L assumed he'd unfastened himself from everything he'd been hooked to when Soichiro was away), and was telling him that he'd help L catch Kira, after all. Because of course Light would do that.

"Light..." And L once again dropped the honorific here, since it was just them and he knew how much Light hated it. "If you don't start chemo, you will die. Your situation is already quite severe. Now is not the time for you to be gambling your life away." Even Though it was a very Kira-like for him to do, L supposed. Kira surely thought that he was a martyr.

"Ryuzaki... you know me," Light said. And L didn't know if he was more upset that Light thought this, or that he imagined it was true. "You know I can't idly sit by while Kira is at large. So, let me give my life to you."

"Your father will kill me," L simply pointed out the truth, while he tried to walk out the door again before Light grabbed his arm.

And why, oh why, did that simple touch have to freeze him so?

But at the end of the day, L was quite selfish, wasn't he? He'd always known that. And he did still want to solve the Kira case, even with Light like this. Perhaps even moreso, now that there was a chance he could get some more answers out of his rival, with Light like this.

So, sighing deeply, L decided to compromise. "Come back to taskforce headquarters with me right now, I suppose, and we'll talk about you working with us between treatments. Or even having treatments in my skyscraper."

And if L had had any idea what this would lead to for either of them, he surely would have said "no" to Light's proposition, a million times over.

But he didn't.

Author's Note: So... I'm afraid I'm going to scare you all off now, by saying that there's a good chance this story won't be completed. I want to do more with it (and have an outline in my head, and have written part of the next chapter already), but I also have at least one other story I'm working on that's my priority. So this one might fall the wayside because of that, even though I don't want it to and hopefully it won't.

But I'm also tired of having cool WIPs, imo, that never see the light of day, because I don't want to post them until they're done but then fall out of the fandom or something. So here we are. (Another reason I'm posting this, is because my computer already lost this story once and I ended up having to rewrite most of this chapter. And I don't want to lose it again.)

If I do finish this (and hopefully I will), I think it may have a different ending to any other Death Note fic that I know of (and I'm kind of excited about that), but I may just not know all the fics out there. Haha.

I also hope the slight sexual stuff at the beginning isn't too cringe? Tbh, I don't know how much of that will be in here-maybe I'll elude to things more-as I'm a girl who's ace. But I feel them exploring physical intimacy in their relationship is such an important part of the bonding. So hopefully if I do more with it, I won't butcher it. And sorry, if I do:(

This whole story was inspired by an episode of Bones, where I believe Booth was having hallucinations (like, he legit thought he was seeing characters from Family Guy in his real life) because he had a brain tumor.

I should also mention that I'm no doctor and scientist. I'm trying to do my research... and to put what I know from my experience with my dad dying of Cancer, but let me know if I botch anything up.

I should also probably say that even though Light is sick here, he definitely didn't imagine Ryuk or the Death Note or anything like that.