Chapter 1: Goblin Business
The Goblin Army had been almost completely gunned down by a man in arctic diving gear and light cyan-colored gold armor. The Terrarian man had been in the middle of an explosives deal with a God Slayer-donned soldier before the goblins had arrived to nab the explosives for themselves. The Terrarian quickly and effortlessly decimated the army with his trusty Halibut Cannon. Only two goblins managed to get away from the bloody mess: Kelgor, the goblin swordsman and advisor of Grag, the bigger goblin and the one who planned the invasion.
Kelgor and Grag barely manage to arrive back at Goblin's Cove. "Grag, I told you the plan wouldn't work!" Kelgor weakly, yet urgently shouts. "Dammit, this is the 23rd plan that went to crap because you couldn't stop and think!" As Kelgor stood shaking in panic, Grag simply sat down and thought about how he would tell the other goblins that his plan failed for the 23rd time until he came up with his next idea. "Kelgor! Let's paint some dynamite yellow and tell the others that we nabbed the Auric Dynamite!" Grag yet again believed he came up with a flawless idea, but Kelgor refused to listen. It wasn't until Grag grabbed a bucket of yellow paint and a bundle of dynamite that Kelgor could no longer tolerate the nonsense that was Grag himself.
"You know what, I'm done." Kelgor said silently. Grag looked towards Kelgor with dynamite in both hands and a blank look of confusion. "What I'm about to do has been a long time coming, Grag." The big goblin's confusion had been made more clear in response. "Oh come on, Kelgor, there's no time for a 'long time coming.' Now help me paint th-"
Kelgor drew his Gold Sword and swatted a nearby paint bucket, much to Grag's shock. "I must thank you for making me realize that there's no hope for this army." Kelgor hopelessly stared into Grag's eyes. "Our thieves can barely steal an empty chest, our sorcerers are poorly trained in shadowflame magic, and your plans go to shit every time." This quickly shifted Grag from confusion to silent disbelief as he dropped his dynamite to the floor. "I'm surprised that I still honestly believe there's hope for this pathetic army.. Either way, I'm out of here." Though Grag had a million arguments against Kelgor's realization, he was too silenced by the mere thought of him leaving the army. "Tell the others I said there are no more swordsmen." Kelgor calmly begins walking out of the Cove before Grag reaches for him, causing Kelgor to aggressively slash at Grag, who barely steps back to avoid getting cut.
When he finally leaves, Grag sits in confusion and devastation for a minute before carrying out his fake Auric Dynamite plan. He paints the regular dynamite in complete silence while processing what just happened. Once finished, he heads for the Cove Pub to "inform" the other goblins about the mission. "Everyone! We've nabbed the Auri-"
"The plan failed, didn't it.." a goblin peon said condescendingly. Two other goblin warriors and a thief look at Grag with an unconvinced look.
"It's so obvious you failed again, Grag."
"Where are the others?"
"There's still paint dripping from that dynamite!"
Grag stood in defeat before being faced with another question from the other goblins: "Where's Kelgor?" Grag could only look up at the goblins with a look that implied a loss.
"Kelgor bailed. He's gone."
Meanwhile, Kelgor stood in a wide forest after having cut down trees to make space for his new plan: he would make a kingdom of his own and hopefully begin molding the goblins into the furthest thing from a joke. "Today, we goblins prove our worth to all of Terraria."