I recently rewatched The Tiffany Experience and Deacons words just struck a chord. My guess is Jim is heartbroken right now and I just wanted to write this little piece about his thoughts and feelings throughout episodes 20-22. I use a couple of quotes throughout to guide me and show where we are on the timeline.
You are setting yourself up for heartbreak. (Deacon to Chris in 'The Tiffany Experience')
I really couldn't bring myself to go to the charity event. This thing with my mom was weird and then to be completely honest I wasn't so sure I could handle seeing Chris with her couple even if I wish I could meet them. I hope they are as great as Chris thinks they are. The quiet here will do me some good. Get my head straight and maybe find a solution for my mom problem. If I just knew where she is hiding out.
Whoever you are, I have a gun and I'm not afraid to use it.
What was I thinking? She is in a relationship! But she did kiss me too… this is just way too messed up and we need to talk. But I have the feeling she is avoiding being alone with me. But we need to talk about it. This is messing with my head and if I had made a mistake today, I don't know what I would've had to leave SWAT. This is worse than high school, trying to find a girl alone somewhere to talk in private. But I just saw Chris ducking into the kitchen.
We're more than just teammates. We're friends.
We can't be like that anymore, Street. It wouldn't be fair to them.
I don't have a lot of friends. I trust you with my life.
And I'm always gonna have your back on the job but that's where it ends from now on.
That conversation didn't help at all with my head. If it did anything it messed me up even more. Now she doesn't even want to be friends with me anymore? What can I do to make this right again?
They're not right for you.
I just don't want you to get your heart broken.
Not your problem, Street.
And then I go and tell her they're not right for her and she shoots me down, again. I am stupid. I just behaved like a lovesick teen and I can't let it happen ever again. We worked so hard to get to a great friendship, she had my back when I got kicked off the team and helped to get me back in. We always were a great team and now? I don't know how this will pan out but I pray to god that we can avoid explaining any change in our behavior for now. I really don't want the team to know I got drunk and stupid. It's horrible enough they know that I started here with a crush on Chris. They don't need to know that that hasn't exactly gone away or lessened over the last year.
Hey.
When are we I mean, when are we gonna talk about all this awkwardness between us? We're not.
We're just gonna do our jobs.
By now this awkwardness affects our work, well mine at least. I need to get my act together and if she doesn't want to talk to me at work or at HQ I need to get her outside of work. But she has made that hard as heck with moving in with them. Maybe I need to bite the bullet and transfer to another unit or team. I just can't go on like this.
"Captain, can I have a word?" She looks at me like I am crazy and I might be but I explain to her any way that I want to make a change and prove myself in another team, maybe specialize in high-end car thefts again or street racing. I fear she knows exactly why I want off my team. The raised eyebrow tells me she is at least suspicious. She actually has a solution that could work to get my head straight again. Three weeks of vacation time. Fingers crossed it will work. We made the deal that I am taking the time to think and if I still want to change teams she will help and approve the transfer.