Notes:

I feel like I need to add multiple warnings to this fic.
1) If you like Neal or don't like reading stories where he is a total ass, this one is not for you. DO NOT READ.
2) There will be discussion and brief narrative of rape
3) This fic is my way of getting out my angst of sadness and anger. There will be nice scenes later on (especially if you like Captain Cobra)
4) Emma is gonna have a rough time in this fic.

Chapter 1: You Will Always Have My Heart

Ten years ago

Killian Jones stood in front of the courthouse, an hour early for his hearing. It wasn't unusual for him to be at the courthouse to give testimony for the various collars he had brought down. Usually he would arrive on time, answer a few questions about the arrest, and head back out to complete his shift. But today he wasn't here on official business.

Killian checked his watch, looking around for his lawyer. He was supposed to meet her before the hearing. Ariel was a family friend who was doing him a favor by representing him. He had tried to understand all the paperwork, this should have been a simple open and shut case. She told him he would be in and out in about thirty minutes so long as everything was agreed upon by both parties.

"Killian." He turned to see her walking up the stairs toward him.

"Ariel, thank you for coming."

She frowned, "I wish it was on better terms."

"Yeah." He said, scratching his ear with the tip of his finger. "I just want to get it over with and move on."

"And you're sure this is what you both want?"

"The only thing we can both agree on is that we're tired of yelling at each other. If I could see a different future, believe me, I'd try. But we are at an impasse."

"I'm sorry Killian, I know how much you loved her."

"Perhaps love isn't enough." He said sadly.

"Well, this should go quickly, as long as she signs the papers we sent over, that's all we need. Shall we go in?"

Walking into the courthouse, he emptied his pockets, flashing his badge as he unsheathed his gun from his hip and turned it over to the security officer. "Testifying today, Detective?"

"Not today, Arlene." She handed him his check slip to retrieve his gun when he was finished, and Ariel led him toward an office on the first floor.

"So, once she gets here, let me do all the talking. I've been in contact with her attorney already, so I don't want you to interact with her."

"I'm not even allowed to talk to my wife now?"

"Killian, we know what happened the last time the two of you were here. That's why you had to hire me if you remember?"

Killian groaned, remembering the fight that broke out in court, in front of a judge, as they met to go over the details of the divorce papers. By the fourth slam of the gavel reverberating in the room, they were being assigned to mediation, and their Captain assigned them both to anger management courses.

"Fine, no talking."

Killian sat nervously waiting, his knee bouncing under the table. He had no idea how they had gotten to this place; they had been so happy just a year earlier. When he saw her walk down the aisle, it had stopped his heart. He had never seen her look so beautiful.

The door opened and he looked up as a man carrying a briefcase entered the room, "Ah, Mr. Jones." The man greeted him, and he saw her wander quietly into the room. She looked at everything, except for him. She took her seat across from him, folding her hands on the table, eyes focused on a scratch that had been marred into the wood of the table in front of them.

"Alright, here is the paperwork, I just need your client to sign here if everything is finally agreed to."

"Actually…" the man started, and Killian's eyes jerked toward him. "There is the matter of the dog."

Killian groaned snapping his eyes to her, "Are you kidding me, you want Rogers?"

"Killian…" Ariel warned him.

"She's not the one who takes him out at 3am every bloody night. She doesn't care about the damn dog."

"I love that dog." She said angrily across from him. "I'm the one who picked him in case you don't remember."

"You can't have him." He shouted, crossing his hands against his chest. "I'll give you the car. Just let me have Rogers."

The man looked over at his client and she sighed loudly. "Fine."

"And there is the matter of the apartment. It's in my client's name, yet you have Mr. Jones continuing to reside in it after the divorce."

"You told me you didn't want the damn place."

Ariel cleared her throat loudly, "Is your client changing her mind?"

The lawyer looked at her, "No, but there will be the matter of changing over the deed."

"That's fine, so if everything else is acceptable, I can have these papers re-written tonight and sent over first thing in the morning for your client to sign and then we can finally be done with all of this." Ariel gathered the documents, putting them into her briefcase. She nudged Killian and stood.

"Thank you." She nodded toward the lawyer and his soon to be ex-wife. He stood from the table, looking over at the woman who had been his entire world since graduating from the police academy and his heart broke all over again. "Killian, let's go."

Their eyes made contact, and for a moment he could see the woman he loved in front of him. The woman he would give his life for.

"I'm glad this is over." She said under her breath and the moment was gone.

He walked out of the room, his shoulders sagging, his chin tilted toward the ground. He felt like he had just lost the most important thing in his life.

"So now what?"

"I'll send these papers over; they should have them first thing tomorrow morning. Once she signs them, we'll get them to the judge and that's it, you'll be divorced in 60 days."

"Great."

Ariel reached out and touched his shoulder. "I'm sorry Killian, I know this isn't what you wanted."

"Thanks for doing this for me. I really do appreciate it."

"Go home, have a drink, let this all go, and then wake up tomorrow, and each day it's going to get easier. I promise."

"I think I'll just start with the drink." He laughed. "Thanks again."

An hour later, he sat at the bar with Robin by his side.

"To being a free man." He offered with his glass held high.

"Aye." Killian said softly.

"Come on, it's not a funeral."

"I know, I just, how did my life end up this way? A year ago, I was happier than I had been in my entire life."

"Don't do this to yourself, Mate." He warned.

"We were happy, right?"

"Killian."

"I pressured her too hard on the kid issue. I should have just let it go. I knew she wasn't keen on kids before we started dating, being cops and everything. And then that damn bank thing happened and..."

"Jones, this isn't helping anything."

"I've never loved anyone the way I loved her." He drained the glass in front of him of the liquid it held, slamming it onto the table. "I'll never love anyone that way again."

"I think you've had enough." Robin announced with a sad frown. "Let me take you home."

"I'm good." He said, trying to stand from his stool. He tripped against the table. "Ok, perhaps you have a point."

"I do, besides, Dave told me to ensure you didn't get in any trouble tonight."

"So, you are here on babysitting duty?"

"Killian, I'm here for you. You're my partner and my friend. And Dave is worried about you as a friend, not as your Captain."

"I just want to go home and go to bed and forget this day ever happened."

"I'll take you there."

Killian stumbled up the stairs, he was thankful that he had a few days off, his head was screaming at him, his stomach lurched. Biting back bile, he was unsure if it were from the excess amount of drink he had consumed this evening or the dreadful feeling he had standing in front of their apartment door, knowing that he would have to enter it alone.

He jiggled the key in the door, hearing the familiar squeak as it pushed open across the floor. He was met immediately by Rogers, his stubby feet pressing into his leg, a wet nose nudging his hand, forcing his face into his palm.

"Ok buddy, I missed you too." He tossed his keys onto the counter, bending down to offer the dark pup a pat on the head. "At least you won't leave me, will you, Rog?"

The dog howled, his tongue lapping at his cheek. He sat on the floor, the dog sprawling in his lap and looked around the apartment. The boxes that had been stacked against the wall had dwindled from what he had left there this morning. "Did you see mommy tonight?" He sang to the dog in his lap. Rogers barked, jumping up and running through the house, something he did often when he mentioned her to the anxious pup.

"Let's get you fed, boy." He stood up from the floor, the dog padding faithfully behind him.

He wandered through the house, taking care of the nightly things he always did, feed the dog, water the plants, and pick up all the toys that Rogers had littered through the house throughout the day. When he got to the kitchen he saw the dishes drying next to the sink. It shouldn't have been something that brought him to his knees, and yet it did.

Even in the early stages of their career when they were just partners on the beat who shared an apartment, before the moment he had confessed his feelings to her, the night that everything between them changed, doing the dishes had been something she did anytime they argued.

He had always said that doing the dishes was a mundane task that he hated doing, so the night she found a dish in the garbage because he couldn't get it clean, she simply laughed and told him that he would never survive without her.

After that anytime they would fight, he would find her furiously scrubbing the dishes in the sink. And whether it was for her benefit or his, it was a reminder, that he couldn't live without her.

Even when they were going through the worst of times, hours spent screaming, dishes being tossed, he'd find her later that evening in the kitchen, her hands soapy, black mascara staining her cheeks, as he made love to her against the sink.

He sat on the floor of the kitchen, the howl of his grief straining his throat, staring at the clean dishes next to the sink, knowing he would never survive without her.

Rogers nuzzled into his chest, his dark eyes staring up at him as he settled into his arms. "It's just you and me now, buddy." He said sadly. "Let's go to bed."

He stood up, wandering through the apartment, turning off the lights to the rooms he had entered until he reached his bedroom door. He exhaled and pushed open the door, inhaling the scent of her. He knew it wouldn't be long before the scent would be gone. The last trace he had of her. He tentatively stepped into the room, clicking on the small lamp on his bedside table, yanking the shirt over his head and unbuttoning his jeans.

Rogers hopped up, settling into his spot in the middle of the bed. He raked his hand through his hair, breathing out slowly to calm his nerves. One day at a time. That's all he could do.

Ridding himself of his jeans, he sat down on the bed, tugging the comforter down when he noticed the envelope on his pillow. The scratchy letters scrawled across the front written in her hand, his name displayed across it.

With shaky hands he reached for it, running his fingers across the front. He pulled the page from inside the envelope, unfolding it and holding it toward the light.

My key is on the counter, so the house is all yours.

I left some treats for Rogers in the cabinet, don't give him all of them at once, you know it upsets his stomach.

I really am truly sorry that things have ended this way, but I can't give you what you want. You deserve so much more than broken dishes and angry voices. You mean too much to me that I couldn't stay and watch what we were becoming.

I'm going away for a bit, I borrowed the car, I hope you don't mind since technically you gave it to me. I just need to think and figure out what my next move is, I'll come for the rest of my stuff when I get back.

You will always have my heart.

Present day

"That's not what she said." Belle quipped as she sat perched on top of the intersection of Killian and Robin's desks.

"How would you know!" Will argued with his partner, as Robin sat with his feet up on the other side of the desk, amused by the argument ensuing in front of them.

"Seriously Will, how many women do you see in this precinct? Trust me, we stick together, women talk."

"Bloody hell. I don't need my sex life broadcast all over the station." He complained.

"Then stop sleeping with everyone here." Belle stated in a dry tone that earned an egregious look from her partner.

"She has you there, buddy." Robin agreed.

Killian chuckled to himself, reading the file in front of him of their next case. A murder in Seattle. Nothing they hadn't dealt with before. It appeared to be an open and shut case, the wife was found with a gun in her hand when the police arrived. The husband had been cheating on her with the woman's best friend. He was sure he and Robin would be able to clear the scene and solve the case in an hour with an arrest.

He preferred the open and shut cases, the cases that resolved themselves, even if there wasn't a clear motive or understanding of the crime, as long as they had the suspect, he was satisfied. In the eleven years of working with Robin, they had been able to close all their cases, except one.

Neal Cassidy.

Killian had been chasing that case even before he became a detective. The man still alluded him, it was the only case that kept him up at night. Every month he spent at least one weekend, combing through the case files, checking for leads he may have missed.

Neal Cassidy started out robbing banks, he went after the money and ran. He left no clues, no trace, no evidence at all, and he never took more than what he could get out with safely. He was a beat cop when Neal escalated to the next level, wrong place, wrong time he supposed. He and his partner happened to be the closest to a robbery in process, they took the call and arrived on scene with enough time to close off the exits, trapping the man inside.

Everything was textbook, they called it in, he guarded the front, his partner had the back door. They waited for backup. And then everything went to hell. Neal ran. Killian knew he shouldn't enter the building, they were told to stay outside, but he heard the gun shot, saw the commotion, and instinct kicked in. He entered just as he killed the security guard, shooting in the man's direction before he could kill any of the hostages, it scared Neal off, but not before he disappeared toward the back with one of the hostages. He gave chase, radioed his partner that he was coming her way, and tried to follow. Turning the corner, he was faced with a man with a gun, throwing himself behind an object he shot toward the man, taking him down to the ground with a single kill shot.

The rest was a blur, he remembered feeling pain in the back of his head, seeing a man, dragging a woman behind him, and then nothing. When he came to, he scrambled to the back door, his partner was lying on the ground, hovered over a woman, blood all over the ground. His partner had been shot, her shoulder was bleeding, but the woman on the ground was dead. A shot to the head. An even bigger shock when he realized he knew her.

Neal was gone.

After that day, Killian became obsessed with Neal Cassidy, it pushed him to finally take the detective's exam, and he followed every bank robbery on the radio he heard. Neal continued his spree, four banks in three months, five dead. The man was being careless, more aggressive, and yet they couldn't catch him. Still couldn't prove his identity, but Killian knew it was him. And then suddenly, he was gone. Without a trace.

Robin told him the man was probably dead. But Killian knew he was out there, perhaps he left Seattle, laid low until the heat died down. But as each year passed, there was nothing. No leads, no robberies that matched his M.O., no Neal Cassidy.

"I'm just saying, you shouldn't date someone you work with. It always ends badly." Killian looked up at Belle who was now staring at him apologetically, realizing what she had said to her partner. "I'm sorry, K. I shouldn't have sad that."

"It's fine. You're right." He shrugged.

"Jones, Locksley, my office, right now." Killian looked up to see Captain Nolan standing in his doorway, a disgruntled look on his face.

"What did you do now?" Robin accused.

"Nothing, I swear." He smirked.

They entered the office; David was staring out the window toward the city below him. "Shut the door."

"I swear I didn't do it." Killian joked.

"It's Cassidy." Dave spoke and all the color drained from his face.

"What?" Robin stared with his mouth open.

"Bank Robbery on Main this morning. We didn't get a clear shot of him again, but it's him. It's his M.O."

"Did they catch him?" Killian heard himself say.

"What do you think? No. But we have three dead."

"Jesus." Robin exhaled.

"One of the dead is Officer Perry."

"The Lieutenant's kid? Shit."

David turned toward them. "He had an accomplice. A woman. She's in lock up at county."

"Let's go down there." Killian turned to leave when he heard Dave cough.

"There's more." He said, sitting down at his desk with a thud. "The woman is refusing to talk to anyone but you."

"Me?" Killian said with confusion. "Me specifically, or a detective?"

"Killian, it's Emma."

Notes:

Ok guys buckle up. I plan to post every Thursday. I will also post a sneak peek on Tuesdays of the next chapter on Tumblr wefoundloveunderthelight. Hope you enjoy.