Warning, contains anorexia and bulimia. Not in the same sequence as "Eyesore" or any of my other stories.

Chapter 1 - Control

Toby's POV

I hate myself so much. I just want be noticed.

I tried to join the wrestling team, but since I fainted on the mat in front of everyone, I got kicked off. JT reassured me everyone was worried, and I found out for myself at school. It's been three weeks since then, and I've went back to normal weight. But I don't feel normal. I felt control when I didn't eat, and I when I threw up. And that's what I needed, control. If I lost weight, people would notice me.

They would notice how perfect I was.

So that's what I've been trying to do for the past week and a half. My step-sister stopped staying on top of what I was eating about a week after I fainted, and my best friend did too. My girlfriend never even started. Whatever, at least I have one. So, I just use excuses in the morning, like, I'll purposely come down late and say I'll eat on the way to school, when really, I just throw it away. At lunch, I usually eat a little bit, because I don't want to end up fainting again. But at dinner, I can't avoid my dad and step-mom. I have to eat, but I always throw it up. I even have a secret food diary, as stupid as that sounds. Sometimes I can get out of eating by saying stuff like, "I don't feel well" or "I ate before I came", but other times I have to eat so they won't suspect anything. Not to worry, it always ends up in the toilet, thank god theres a radio so no one will hear me throwing up. The case isn't the same at school, I'll just make sure the bathroom is empty.

Right now, I'm walking to school. Luckily, Ashley had already left so I didn't even need to make up an excuse. When I looked in the mirror this morning, I saw my cheeks were looking slightly swollen, and my eyes were slightly red. I haven't been sleeping good. And another thing was midnight purging. On the bright side, my stomach was looking smaller, so that was good. It was working.

I finally reach the school and see JT, my best friend, waiting at the front of the school. He smiles brightly when he sees me, which I never understand. I'm an eyesore to look at. My own girlfriend never even smiles when she's around me anymore. Whatever.

"Hey Tobes!" JT says in a cheery voice. This is going to sound really gay, which I'm not, but I think JT is perfect. He's got nice brown hair, beautiful hazel eyes, and he's skinny. He's also got a personality along with all that. He's the sweetest guy you'll meet, but he's also a huge dork at the same time, always playing pranks and mocking people. I'm surprised he doesn't have a girlfriend. I mean, he liked Paige, one of the popular ninth graders, but she rejected him because we're in eighth.

"Uhh, what are you staring at?" JT teased. Shoot, he must have caught me staring at him.

"Nothing." I roll my eyes, and he looks at my suspiciously for a second, before shrugging it off, "So, where's the girl?" He asks, referring to Kendra. He doesn't like her for some reason, and he's always grossed out when we hold hands or whatever.

"Does it matter? Look, can we just go to class?" I sound angry, I know, but I'm in a really bad mood at the moment.

"Oh come on Tobes, what's with you?" He looks shocked I sort of yelled at him.

"Sorry...I guess it's just school, y'know?" A half-way lie.

"Well, lets hang out after school today. My place? Just the two of us." I can't turn down that. It's better when it's just the two of us, he's my favorite person.

"Sure." Just then, the bell rang for class. Thank god it's Friday.

...

Lunch

JT's POV

I was sitting with four of my friends, one of which I had a huge crush on, and there was one person here I didn't like at all. I was sitting across from my crush. Oh yeah, my crush is Toby. The only person who knew I liked him was Liberty, one of my closest friends, and that's because when she liked me last year I told her that I liked him. I'm not gay, but I like him. Anyway, she also knows how much I despise his girlfriend, Kendra, who was sitting next to him.

I keep sneaking glances at Toby, simply because I find him perfect. I don't even need to list those things because it's simply everything about him I find perfect.

But glancing him I can't help but notice he's picking at his plate, not really eating anything. I think back to three weeks ago, and how worried I was once I found out he wasn't eating. I had even caught him throwing up in the bathroom! It was scary to think about. I was so worried I hugged him after the whole thing was over, which he probably thought was hella weird or whatever. But, maybe he's just not hungry.

Liberty, who I assume was trying to talk to me, obviously noticed I kept sneaking glances at Toby. So I assume she looked at him for a minute, and then noticed what he was doing. But unlike me, she said something about it.

"Hey Toby, why are you always picking at your food? I barely ever see you eat anything." He looked up at her, and then looked at me and the others, clearly uncomfortable that all the attention has turned to him.

"Yeah, she's right. You're not starving yourself again are you?" Of course Emma had to bring that up.

"N-no." Toby stammered on his words, which I found kind of weird. He only did that when he was lying or was around "cool" people.

I think everyone else noticed that too, and I caught Kendra roll her eyes at this. Toby did too, but most likely for a different reason.

"Since all of you want to get all up in my business then fine I'll eat something! Jeez. Maybe I just wasn't hungry." He reluctantly started eating more, and I could tell he didn't want too. Everyone dropped it when he started eating, though. Everyone but me. But eventually I continued to mind my business.

After a few minutes, Toby got up and said he was going to the bathroom. No one thought it was weird, but me. I was the one who caught him throwing up last time. But he stopped, right? I'm just being paranoid because I really, really like him. I wish he liked me but he likes Kendra. Whatever, she doesn't like him as much as I do.

After another few minutes, I decided to go in the bathroom just to be sure. I walked in and saw no one near the sink, so I looked underneath the stalls, and I saw Toby kneeling down in the last one.

"Toby? What are you doing in there?" I didn't hear sounds like someone throwing up, so that was good. But what if he already did or was about to?

"Uh, I was just...uh...sitting here?" That was a lie, even I knew that. Who just sits on the bathroom floor just because?

"Toby, I can tell when you're lying. What were you really doing?" I got no response like last time, instead he got up and forcefully opened the door. When he did, he looked pissed off.

"Why don't you just leave me alone?" Toby shouted, and it slightly hurt. The last thing I wanted to do was leave him alone. I recognized these sighs, last time he was like this, all weird and crabby, it was because he wasn't eating and when he did he threw it up. The thought of it scared me.

"Toby-" before I can finish the bell rings for the end of lunch, which means we have to go back to class. Great. We both walk out, not speaking.

...

The end of the day, outside of the school

Toby's POV

I was waiting for JT, because I need to apologize for lashing out on him, and I was going to his place anyway. If he still wanted me there. I was pretty harsh in the bathroom.

And also pretty careless. When he came in, I had just finished purging. I think he knows what I'm doing, or at least suspects it. He sounded serious, which he never is unless somethings actually wrong. Whatever.

"HELLO!" I just then realize Kendra was trying to talk to me as I felt her lightly shove me.

"Sorry Kendra..." she scoffs and rolls her eyes, but then just shakes it off.

"So, what are we doing after school?" She asks, and I have no idea why she thinks we're hanging out. She barely even talks to me, even though she's my girlfriend.

"I'm going to JT's place." She looks mad at that, and slightly pushes me again.

"I see how it is! You'd rather hang out with your stupid friends then me, your girlfriend!" This is honestly annoying. JT talks to me, unlike her. JT is always here for me, unlike her. JT is- wait I have to respond.

"Well, yeah." I simply state, it's a simple fact.

"Yeah well, if you don't meet me at the park then we're over! You can tell that weirdo friend of yours that you're not coming!" She glares at me one last time and runs off. Which makes me think about why I'm even dating her in the first place. Whatever, if she does actually break up with me, I won't give a crap. Soon I'll be so perfect that all the girls will want me.

"Welp, are you gonna cancel?" JT said from behind me. I guess he heard that whole conversation.

"No," I say as I turn around, "I'd rather hang out with you than her." For some reason he slightly blushes at that, but I don't think anything of it.

"Well, what if she dumps you?" JT asks, and he would probably be glad if she did.

"Then I won't care. Enough about her. Let's go." I grab his arm and drag him down the stairs. This better be fun, and I better not have to eat anything.