She stands at his door and takes a deep breath, attempting to draw strength from the stale air filling her lungs. She steels herself, exhales, and pushes his door open. "Mr. Carson, are you busy?"
"What can I do for you, Mrs. Hughes?" He asks looking up from his books. He sees the worry in her eyes, the wringing of her delicate and graceful fingers, the gentle biting of her lip. He knows what she has to tell him is troubling her greatly. When she finally speaks, he can hardly believe the words falling so softly from her lips. She is retiring...Leaving him. A knot forms in his chest as she continues her obviously well rehearsed speech. She tells him it has been in her mind for quite some time now. She is feeling tired, a deep need to be her own master and choose how she spends what little time she has left. She laughs at this, yet he somehow knows she is thinking of her scare just a handful of years ago. He sits silently as she goes on, the knot tightening. She will go to be with her sister, a sister he never knew even existed. She says she will be with her family. Was he not her family? He has to remind himself to keep breathing, keep his heart beating even as he feels it break apart in his chest. Keep the tears from falling, his lips from trembling. He remains his strong and stoic self and wishes her well. Asks when she will go? Who will replace her? Keeps things professional, as he always has.
She bids her goodnight to him and leaves, does not break until she is safely in the comfort of her room, her pillow absorbing the sobs as they shake her entire being. His reaction to her words were crushing. She had hoped for more, but what exactly, she wasn't sure. She knew he would never leave with her, that was a dream that would never come true, a hopeless flight of fancy if ever there was one. But she had hoped he would express some sorrow, some semblance of sadness at the thought of their parting after twenty odd years together. He passed her off as if she had told him a kitchen maid was leaving their service, not the woman who had stood by his side through war and deaths, chaos and illness, happiness and heartache. She had wiped his brow, bandaged his wounds, buttered his toast, made his tea, mended his clothing. And she had done all of it with the love that a woman feels for her man.
...
The night before her departure, he finally breaks. He goes to her sitting room to find the space empty of all she is. He is gruff with her and scolds her. Tells her he thought they would do this together someday, that he never thought she'd ever abandon him to run this house alone. She yells back harsh words, tells him it's been nearly two years since he first talked of buying a cottage together, and then nothing since. He has not offered her anything other than a business proposal that never came to light. She can't wait for him, she's tired and is ready to live for herself. He turns and leaves her standing alone in the room. He has no reply for her. She has spoken nothing but truth. He knows knows now that he has let her down. That she has been waiting for him and he has been taking advantage of her commitment to him. He will let her go. She deserves so much more than what he can give her...
TBC
I know, I know, sorry for the angst...shall I press on? I have a feeling there's a chance for a very fulfilling make-up here ;) xoxo