AN: So, I don't know if anyone will like it, but I'll publish it anyways. This takes place after book 3 and it does contain self harm, if you don't like it: don't read it. It's a bit graphic so it could be triggering for anyone who self harms. Also, this is the first chapter and I don't really like this one, the others will be better I hope.
Let me know what you think about this. I hope you like it.

Chapter 1

Halt watched Will's training, he saw him shooting arrow after arrow at different targets from different angles and distances. Never two in a row on the same goal, like Halt had said to him. Will was good, but not as goo as he used to be. Halt noticed that Will wasn't himself after Skandia, which of course was not strange, given his addiction to warm weed and the poor conditions in which he had to survive.

He had tried to talk to Will about his time as a slave, but he never wanted to talk. Halt suspected that more had happened than he knew of, but as long as Will didn't want to talk about it, he couldn't help him.

He thought about giving Will a day off so that he could do something fun with Alyss, and to invite Gilan and Crowley to talk to them about Will. He was at a loss with him, so perhaps that his friends knew something to let Will talk or maybe they could come up with something together.

"Yes, that would do him right,'' Halt muttered to himself, "a day out with his close friend."

He would consult with Pauline and send a message to Gilan and Crowley.

That Saturday Will was early and saddled Tug so he could leave to Redmont as he and Alyss had agreed. They would meet together for a coffee in the local tavern and socialize.

Alyss and he had become very close, especially since he was back. He thought for a while he in love with Evanlynn, or Cassandra actually, and sought support from Alyss to help him with his heartbreak.

She had helped him a lot and they had become even more than just good friends. She had kissed him after the Kalkara were slain, and still he could feel her soft, full lips on his. Was he in love with Alyss? He shook his head. That couldn't be, Alyss would never feel the same for him, he was not particularly handsome and not good enough for her.

Uncertainty fell over him. What if Alyss had kissed him only because he had helped in the fight against the Kalkara? Maybe she only liked boys who had done something heroic. He shook his head, Alyss wasn't like that, she was just not interested in him.

He sighed deeply, he and Alyss could be just friends, nothing had to change.

Relieved, he mounted Tug and he rode off to Redmont.

Halt saw the different emotions on Will's face. He hoped that he would have a good time today, maybe catching up with Alyss would him do well.

Halt walked into the small cabin he shared with Will and started to make coffee. Hopefully Crowley and Gilan would be here soon. He looked at his water clock, it was around 8 o'clock in the morning, which meant that at any moment they could be here.

He didn't have to wait long. He had just taken the coffee pot off the fire, when he heard Abelard softly neighing. He put the coffee on the wooden table and walked outside, just in time to see how Crowley unsaddles his horse.

"Crowley," Halt said. He saw his friend to hold his chest and looked around startled. "Halt! I didn't hear you coming." His lips went a bit up and semi-surprised he replied.

"You're losing your touch! Are you sure you're still suitable as commander? Maybe you should give your position to Gilan."

As if that was a cue, Gilan was there. Without looking Halt pointed backwards. "You can make it official immediately." He saw Crowley's irritated expression and chuckled softly. Gilan was with them, so they could drink some coffee together.

After they had discussed anything and everything, Crowley began about Will. When that subject came, they all turned seriously.

"So, Halt, what is it that you wanted to talk about Will? Is he all right? Can he manage the training? Aren't you too hard-?"

Before Crowley could ask that last question, Halt held up a hand to stop him.

"One question at a time please, you look like my apprentice," he took one last sip of his coffee and then sat straight up, a worried look visible on his face.

"Will isn't fine, he says he is, but I can tell he's not quite himself, his training has improved considerably since he is back, but it's still not what it should be. He is... changed since Skandia... not only more mature but also less alive, he barely talks and he eats too little, when he came back he wasn't able to keep down a hot meal. It was too much, I think."

Halt thought back to that time, he was so happy to have Will back that he didn't think about what he must have been trough in his time as a slave.

Of course he had heard some stories from Cassandra when they were reunited, but he suspected that that wasn't everything that had happened. Maybe it was all Cassandra knew, but not everything that had happened.

Now he recalled that time, he noticed things he didn't notice before. A look of recognition descended upon him and Gilan saw it immediately.

"What? What is it Halt?" He also looked worried now. Crowley had his eyebrows drawn together in utmost concentration, waiting for what Halt would tell them.

"When Will came back he barely spoke, he has a lot of white scars that I couldn't place before, now I understand what they are. He is, I think, be punished with the whip, but he kept distance from me, well, not only from me, basically every guy we met. " He looked meaningfully and sad at his guests.

"How awful that they have punished him like that! But I don't quite understand the connection between that and not wanting to come close to men," Gilan said.

"Why didn't Will wanted to come near men or near you? I know him, he loves you like you're his father, why would he remain away from you?" He looked quizzically from Crowley to Halt and saw that they were quite depressed about it.

"Gilan, he's..." began Halt, but he couldn't finish his sentence, he could not say it. He cleared his throat and Gilan saw his eyes glisten with liquid. Tears, from sorrow and anger at what had happened to his apprentice.

Understanding descended upon him and shocked he asked his question, "Do you mean... that Will..." He also couldn't finish his question, it was too horrible for words what had happened to him. Crowley felt that his fellow Rangers were unable to get say it, so reluctantly he said what had happened according to them.

"Will has been raped."

They now knew what had happened. Not only was Will underfed and overworked, addicted to a drug, and his health, strength and condition deteriorated tremendously, he was also punished by being whipped or raped.

There was just something they didn't know or suspected. Will was addicted to the pain.