Did You Know?
37% of people with Bulimia Nervosa also abuse substances.
Tris' POV
My head throbbing is the first thing I notice when I wake up. I gingerly grab my head, thinking that I must have hit when I fell. I try to replay what I last remember and groan when I notice the nearby heart monitor beeping.
I remember slipping out into the night to score my next hit. It had been what 2 or 3 days since the last time? I can't remember for sure. All I know is that the urge, the craving to use last night became so strong that I couldn't wait another night.
I snuck out of the house around 11 last night once I was sure that my brother, Caleb, was asleep. I didn't want him to know what I was doing. Truthfully, I don't want anyone to know what I do. It's not something I like doing or am proud of.
I hate to think of what my parents would think of me now too. My parents. I ache just thinking of them. In the year since they've died, I haven't taken it well while becoming addicted to drugs and the relief from purging almost everything I eat.
My brother Caleb has been oblivious to all of it though I've gone to the trouble of making sure it stays that way. I always make sure he is out of the house or asleep before I do anything though that hasn't stopped him from asking questions of course.
He finds the empty chip bags, candy wrappers, and cookie packages in the trash that were full the day before. Last night was a mistake on my part, I think. I must have taken too much, that's all.
I remember the desperate feeling I had before I plunged the needle into my veins. The relief that followed was almost as good as the high itself. My stomach drops as I see a familiar face heading toward me and he does not look happy.
How did he know I was here? Does he know what landed me in the hospital? He must. I see Caleb walking towards me, wearing that look of disappointment I dread receiving. That look of anger mixed with sadness that he's perfected.
"Beatrice" he breathes. "What are you doing here?" he asks with a pointed look and an eyebrow raised. "I think you already know if you're here." I answer. "I do, but I just wanted to hear it from you. Heroin, really Beatrice? Do you have no value for your own life?" he replies, his voice rising increasingly louder.
I shrug, not wanting to hear him lecture me. I don't know what he wants to hear and I'm not in the mood to find out. I pretend to listen as he drones on and on about the danger I've put myself in and how he never thought I'd something like this. He's outraged about how a person like me could become an addict.
Truthfully, I don't know what kind of person I am now. I'm not the old version of myself and the new one just doesn't care. I continue to tune him out until I hear the words "three months" and "rehab".
Three months?! I must stare at him shocked because he repeats what he said. "Yes, you heard me right Beatrice. I want you to go to rehab for three months. They suggested it strongly given the overdose you had. And I've known something was wrong for awhile now and didn't say anything to you. You're going to Dauntless Treatment Center as soon as you're released here." he tells me while stuffing a glossy brochure in my hand.
Rehab? That's the only thing he has to offer me. I groan as I agree to go, but I'm not happy about it. Caleb leaves shortly after and I am alone with my thoughts yet again. I page through the brochure which was cheery little staged images of people smiling and phrases like "Recovery IS possible!".
I do read the information given though which says that Dauntless is a rehab center for men and women with substance abuse issues and mental health diagnoses, including eating disorders and PTSD. Dauntless specializes in "dual-diagnosis" treatment in the desert of Sunny Arizona.
Arizona seems like an odd choice given that we live in Chicago, but I don't have much say in it anyway. Besides, maybe I'll get a tan or something. I do wonder how I'm getting there until a nurse returns with my discharge instructions and I receive an email with an electronic plane ticket from Chicago O'Hare Airport to Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport which boards in three hours.
I'm given a bag packed by Caleb with the clothes and other essential items I'll need while I'm there then take a taxi from the hospital to the airport. I dig through the bag until I find some cash to pay the taxi driver and find security.
I walk through security and find the gate for my flight. I have some time before my flight takes off, so I decide to wander through the airport and find something to eat. I come across several bars where I'm tempted to grab a drink. I'm desperate to find something to help steady the nerves I have, but I decide against it since I don't want to deal with whatever the consequences are later at Dauntless.
Once I've eaten and feel that uncomfortable feeling of fullness after a binge, I find an empty bathroom and purge everything. I feel calm and in control afterwards which makes it all worth it.
I walk back towards the gate where the flight is boarding. I've never liked flying much. It always scared me growing up and not being in control is terrifying to me. All of my worries fade after I take in the sight of my seatmate though.
He's a handsome young man with the most gorgeous blue eyes I've ever seen. I accidentally trip on the way to my seat, embarrassed by my clumsiness yet he only grins and stares back at me.