31st December 1998
He had never cared for these kinds of things, for the time that passed and for the days he wasted by living a life he heated with all his being. New Year… he didn't give a damn about it.
It had always been the same shit, if not worse, every bloody year. The Dark Lord loved to set up raids on the 31st December, to take away people from their evening fun and make them screen in agony until the last cries would leave their bodies for ever. He had lost count of how many New Year's Eve he had spent like that, wearing his silver mask and dark Death Eaters robe, looking at the green aloo of the Killing Course.
That year however, everything was different. The Dark Lord was nothing more than a dead body while he himself an empty case. His soul and his heart shattered. He had felt them go into pieces for years until there was not much left besides his guilt and shame.
He longed for a new life but had no idea where to start. He guessed he should probably have accepted Molly's invitation to go to the Burrow and spend the night with her family and the other members of the Order of the Phoenix, but he knew he would never feel comfortable around them. He had never belonged there, no matter how hard Albus had tried to instil in people his trust. They had never really trusted him; he was aware of that.
Therefore, that's why Severus Snape found himself waiting for the beginning of a new year at Grimmauld Place, alone. Or so he thought.
He very slowly took the stairs to the attic, a blanket in one hand and his wand in the other, and when he reached the window he halted and looked outside. It was a beautiful night. With a wave of his wand the window opened, and he went outside, carefully putting a hand on the tiles so as to keep his balance.
Severus found a safe spot and sit down, putting his arms around his knees. The night breeze was fresh and welcome in his pale flesh where the moon and the stars reflected their magnificent light. The sky was a deep blue, nearly black, and clear of clouds. It was peaceful over there and he found himself softly closing his eyes and breathing deeply. It was like heaven, peaceful and quiet, and he could let himself shed his many masks, those he had created to keep the sorrow hidden.
When he opened his eyes, it was only because his nostrils flared at the unexpected smell that had inebriated the air. Old books, vanilla and tea leaves, all mixed together with a very unique feminine scent. Even before he had heard or seen her, Severus knew it was Hermione Granger.
She had had the audacity to help him, to save his life. He could never forget her big brown eyes, tearful and worried like he had never seen them, nor her scent which was even stronger than that of the blood. He had lost so much of that, but she had been there for him, while everyone fought for their respective lives, whispering soft pleading words and asking him to stay awake, to be strong… He was grateful for what she had done, for the second chance she had provided him, but at the same time he couldn't help but hate her. He had wanted to close his eyes, to finally die. His much-deserved rest had however never come. Thanks to her, or because of her.
"Professor…" she murmured softly looking at him. She was wearing a light, perhaps too light for the weather but she had probably placed a charm on it to keep her warm, black dress which fit her just perfectly. Her bushy hair was combed back in a loose bun from which some locks had escaped their confinement and were brushing her cheeks. He wasn't blind and he could perfectly see that she had morphed into a beautiful young woman.
"What are you doing here, Miss Granger?" he asked, his eyes boring into her. He had intended to use a calm tone, as he didn't feel like ruining his evening nor hers, but as soon as the words were out of his mouth, he knew that he had snapped at her. She flinched and briefly looked away before straightening her back meeting his eyes. She was fierce with her set jaw and flashing eyes and she didn't back away, choosing instead to sit beside him. "Why aren't you at the Burrow, then?" he tried again, and this time his voice was softer.
"Because you are here, sir." She only said, looking at the sky.
"What is that supposed to mean, Granger?" he asked, exasperation clear in his voice. She didn't speak immediately, but when she did her voice was soft like he had never heard her.
"You shouldn't spend your time alone. That's why I am here."
He wasn't sure if he was more shocked or angry by her words. He didn't want pity, and he certainly didn't need her to look after him. He was a grown-up man and he had never needed anyone.
"I have no idea about what stupid notion is currently passing through your mind, silly girl, but cease it this instant! I don't need your pity, nor anyone else's for that matter!"
She actually had the temerity to laugh, like she was making fun of him, but when she spoke her voice was serious and devoid of every trace of irreverence. "Do you really think this is pity?"
"Is it not?" he countered, never leaving her eyes. He was a master of that art; he could make people crumble with his deep gaze if he only wished to.
"No, it isn't."
"And what is it, pray tell?"
"I…" she started, then cleared her throat, before hugging her legs and look in the distance. "I would like to see you happy… to see you smile."
Severus Snape only seldom was made speechless, and that girl had apparently managed just that. She wanted to see him happy… and smiling. He could smile, he knew how to do that, but he would never be happy. He had enough painful memories to last him more than a lifetime.
"It will probably sound odd to your ears Granger, but I can in fact smile."
"Can you?" she asked teasingly, giving him one of her shyest smiles. Her freckles stood out on her small nose and pink cheeks, giving her a pretty look. "Show me, then."
He watched her closely for a long moment, unsure of what to do. He was aware that she was teasing him without the intention of ridiculing him and perhaps that's why he was able to relax a fraction. He averted his gaze, focusing instead on the moon who was shining in the blue sky. It was so white, a sharp contrast to the depth of the atmosphere, exactly like his stark white shirt he was wearing under his coat. He loosened first one then another button, freeing himself from the restraints his clothes provided.
Breathing deeply, he moved his head to look at her, and flashed her his most natural smile. It was a grimace. "See? I can smile!"
At that, Hermione Granger laughed. His face fell, but when her laugh subsided into a small giggle, the nervousness left him again. "That's not a smile, Professor!" she said, nibbling at her lower lip. "This, is a smile!"
Severus watched as the corner of her mouth arched upwards stretching her lips and revealing her white teeth. He agreed with her, that was a smile. She had a beautiful smile, and it illuminated her face in a strange sort of way. Not only that, but she was also more beautiful when her lips reached the sky. He watched her easily smile at him, and he found himself wondering when he had stopped frightening her, because he knew that she wasn't scared of him. That small thought warmed his heart and a little grin, one he had not expected, stretched his thin lips. He was smiling, perhaps for the first time in ages.
"And this too, is one." She happily said with a soft voice and then, to his astonishment, she brushed her fingertips to his cheek. His breath hitched and he had to close his eyes against the depth of her gaze and the warmth of her touch.
He had spent nearly two months at St Mungo's recovering from Nagini's attack and his student had been there by his side almost all the time. He didn't know why she did it, but she would often keep his hand between her smaller ones, read to him books and help him recover as fast as possible. She had done a lot for him and he had never even said a 'thank you' to her. What an asshole he was.
His skin whistled at the contact, so happy to feel her warmth again. Apart from the healers, she had been the only one to touch him in a long time, and he was grateful for that. He needed it.
"Granger…" he said softly, opening again his eyes and looking at her. She was still smiling, even if it was now somewhat subdued, and her cheeks were tinged in pink. She was blushing and she was beautiful.
"You have dimples, you know." She stated, showing him with her fingers exactly where. "Here… and here."
"Do I?"
"Indeed, you do."
He felt awkward, being in such proximity to her. It felt like he deeply knew her, but he didn't. He knew nothing of the woman she had become. He had been on the verge of saying something when he felt her shivering. She hesitantly retreated her hand, a look of surprise on her face, as if she had not realised she had been touching him. Her arms tightened around her body and she looked down, suddenly embarrassed. Perhaps she hadn't really thought to cast a Warming Charm. Not that they lasted much.
"You will catch a cold." Severus told her and, in an unexpected gesture of kindness, removed his coat and draped it across her shoulder. She was startled at fist by his move, and in a way he was too, but then she smiled at him and secured the material more firmily around her body.
"Thank you, si – Se – Severus…" she breathed calling him by his first name for the first time. He was stunned and made speechless by her daring move, as he had never given her permission to drop formalities, but he found himself fine with that.
In that exact moment, a long whistling sound followed by more smaller ones reached their ears and they moved their gaze to the sky. There, all around them, colours started exploding – red, green, blue, yellow – in magnificent fountains. The Firework Show had begun and that meant only one thing. The New Year had finally come, and they had been so busy talking that they hadn't even realised it was time.
"Happy New Year." He said awkwardly, glancing at her who was still sitting by his side, clad in his black coat.
"Happy New Year to you, Severus." She murmured smiling softly. "I am so happy you are alive."
"You must be the only one." He mumbled distracted, and he thought she hadn't heard him, but of course she had. And she looked furious.
She grabbed his sleeve and yanked at it, getting his attention. Her eyes were flashing, and the colours of the fireworks played on her irises, making them shine beautifully. She was so fierce.
"I'm not!" she exclaimed, annoyed. "There are many people who value you as a person and are happy to have you alive!" Then, her face dropped becoming sadder. "Please, promise me you will try to be happy."
"Why?" he countered in a soft voice. "Why does it matter? Why does it matter to you at all?"
"It does." She just said with pained glassy eyes. "Isn't it enough?"
"No." he insisted, moving closer to her. His heart was beating fast, nearly following the crackling sound of the colourful rockets. "Why?"
"Because…" she started, then stopped to breath a moment. She had moved her gaze away from his face but, when she glanced again at him, she resumed speaking. "Because I like you, that is why. I – I want to see you happy, to see that you are enjoying the life I battled so much to give you a new chance to live."
He went pale in front of her and found himself lost for words. Breathing had become difficult and he had to swallow two times before he was able to talk again, his strained voice barely a whisper.
"You like me…?"
She didn't immediately answer, and she kept looking at where their bodies nearly touched, but she didn't want to meet his obsidian eyes. "Silly of me, isn't it?"
"Look at me." He pleaded her; his face contorted in a grimace. "Please." However, she didn't raise her face and he was forced to do it for her. Moving his face nearer to hers, he placed a gentle hand on her cheek lifting her face. It was stained with tears and her eyes were red-rimmed. He hadn't even noticed she had been silently crying. "I cannot fathom why you would like me, among so many nicer people you seem to frequent, but you certainly are not stupid."
"I think I am indeed very very stupid."
"Why would you say that?"
"Because you have clearly indicated that you feel nothing towards me, and yet I want to kiss you."
His eyes were as black and deep as the Ocean sea, tormented by the strongest of storms, but he didn't move them away from her face when he saw her move closer. The light brush of her soft lips upon his own made his heart clench, his breathing shallow and his mind go numb. It was strange to feel her, to see her in a different light. Hermione Granger wasn't a girl anymore, but a very beautiful woman that had just spilled her heart to me.
And she was kissing him. And he was kissing her back.
His eyes now closed, his hands lost among the softness of her curves, his breathing fast, his entire wellbeing in heaven.
When their eyes opened, and the fireworks were still playing around them beating as stronger as their hearts, he discovered something new. It was something that would make this new year a very good one, something that would transform his life forever.
He wanted to kiss her too.
Perhaps, just perhaps, she had done the right thing by saving him.
She was like fireworks. His personal ones.
Happy New Year, Severus.