Please be advised that I am not Tamora Pierce. I do not own Tortall or any recognizable character. Thank you.
Keladry listened, drawing on the calmness of solid stone, as Lord Wyldon voiced his assumptions about her inevitable future as a foolish creature who cannot be trusted to separate romance from battle. When he finally lapsed into silence, he did not even permit her a chance to defend herself.
"Not now," he said, raising his hand. "Do not answer me now. Go home and think about it." He sighed. "You are dismissed."
There they were, those final three words that she had been expecting to hear since she stepped into his office.
"It's because of my fear of heights, isn't it? That makes me too weak to be a knight."
"No, Keladry, your fear of heights is a challenge, but I have seen your efforts to push through it. Were it not for other matters, this fear would not keep you from staying. You are dismissed because you are a distraction. There have been more fights among the pages this year, and more than half of them involved you or were about you. I cannot allow this much disruption to remain in the page halls."
"I understand." A thought crossed Keladry's mind. "Am I correct that as of now I am not a page, neither probationary nor in fact?"
"This is correct."
"Then I am no longer subject to the rules which bind the pages, whether written or not. Is this also correct?"
"This is correct. Of which rule do you speak?"
"The rule of silence no longer binds me. My lord, I did not fall down. I did fight, and would do so again. Sometimes the boys take things too far, and if spoken boundaries will not stop them then fists may explain it better. And even still, some of the pages refused to learn."
Lord Wyldon's stern expression deepened towards anger. "Keladry of Mindelan, if any boy touched you in any way that was inappropriate,"
Keladry shook her head quickly to clear up his misconception. "No, my lord. Boy and girl differences were not at issue, unless being a girl makes me less willing to let the boys be plain mean. In that case, you would need a dozen of us."
"This only serves to show that although you lived among the pages for a year, you do not truly understand the training. The boys toughen each other up, making all of them stronger."
"And boys never press a rule or a joke too far, my lord? Especially older, bigger, stronger boys lording a tiny bit of status over younger, smaller, weaker ones?"
"When the boys get out of control, they are brought before my attention. You clearly do not fit in here. You fight against a training program which has produced valiant knights for generations."
Keladry realized that Lord Wyldon was truly blind to far more than just her sex. "I'm sorry, my lord. I cannot say more. I have already said enough that the boys would not accept me among them even were you to change your mind."
"And as I have no intentions of doing so, this concludes our discussion. You are dismissed. You may not return in the fall. I trust I shall not have to repeat myself again."
Keladry curtsied formally, acknowledging that she no longer held the privilege of bowing. "I understand. Good night, Lord Wyldon."
"Good night, Keladry. Despite our differences, I do wish you the best in your future. I hope you make a good match and enjoy motherhood. You are a very bright girl. You will be good at fief management, and a credit to any husband."
Keladry curtsied once again and left his office, holding tightly to stone as she returned to her room.
Her dismissal took so little time that the boys were still packing, and she made it to her room mostly unnoticed. Only Merric saw her fumbling with her key, and she shook her head at him as she slipped inside, locking the door behind her.
In the privacy of her dressing room, seated on the edge of her washtub, she allowed her bitter tears to fall at the unfairness of Lord Wyldon's decision. She HAD kept up with the boys and then some. She ran the slope every day even though they walked. She worked with heavier wasters than the others. Her lance work was top of her year, and her spring exam scores were in the top half.
She ignored a knock at her door. It was too light to be Gower's, and she wasn't ready to face the boys just yet.
Why should she be sent home because she might be too distracting some day? Would a dog send a poor lad to the mines because he might be a cutpurse when he grows up? The Riders seemed to have figured out how mixed units can fight together without killing each other. The Riders won't take her for another four years, and they're the only unit who'd take women at all.
A shout of laughter rang through the corridor, followed by a rhythmic chant. Keladry couldn't clearly make out the words, but the mocking tone was unmistakable, and she was fairly certain that the voices belonged to Joren and his friends. Anger surged through her, driving the lesser emotions back into the depths of her Yamani lake.
She washed her face to clear away most of the signs of her crying; there wasn't much she could do about her swollen, red eyes. The taunting voices were fading away by the time Keladry opened her door and peered out. Sure enough, Joren, Vinson and Garvey were down the corridor, turning up the stairs to the teacher's wing. Their voices drifted back to her, and she could hear them clearly.
"The lump is gone! The lump is gone! She's going to the convent!" They crowed loudly as they wandered along.
Keladry never felt more mortified in her life. Even when the other Yamani children teased her for being an uncouth foreign barbarian, they mocked her directly or kept their taunts among themselves. Keladry was certain that Joren intended everyone in the castle to know of her dismissal before she could even leave.
Neal's door was propped open. Keladry could hear soft voices, and she walked over. Faleron, Esmond and Merric were all crowded around Neal's desk. Their expressions ranged from frustrated to pity, and all of them fell silent as she came in.
"He's wrong, but he'll never admit it," Neal said, standing up and facing her awkwardly. "I'm almost minded to join you in exile. My father would be pleased to see me return to the university."
"Neal, you mustn't let this change your mind. You chose to try for your shield with good reasons that have nothing to do with Lord Wyldon or me, and if those reasons still matter, then you should stay."
He thought for a long moment, the other boys remaining silent as they waited for him to make up his mind. Eventually he shook his head. "I shall discuss this with Father."
"Good. Don't make a hasty choice." Kel widened her gaze to include all the boys as she concluded, "and eat your vegetables."
Merric and Seaver gave her bittersweet smiles.
"I suppose you'll go to convent?" Faleron asked.
"I'd rather go back to Yaman," Keladry said, shrugging. "Tortall doesn't want me."
"That's not true, Keladry," Prince Roald spoke up from behind her, standing in the doorway. "Tortall does want you, and whether a few conservatives accept it or not, Tortall needs you."
"But the conservatives have won this round."
"There may be another way. I need to ask a few questions. Will you trust me?"
Other than Neal, Prince Roald was the first to sit with her and to accept her in the pages' wing, and join them in studying together. She trusted him far more than she did his father.
"Absolutely, your highness, I'll answer any questions you ask me." She curtsied deeply, courtier to royal.
"Then make no plans to leave, and I will see what I can do for you. This battle may not yet be over." Bowing politely, he departed. Apparently, his questions were directed elsewhere.
Turning back to the other boys, Keladry made some quick decisions. To honor her promise to Roald, she would stay in town for the summer, and she would wait until Princess Chisakami's royal visit in the fall before making plans for Yaman. "We all need to finish packing. If any of you are staying nearby, I'll be at Mindelan house."
Peachblossom's response when she told him that she wouldn't be allowed to stay broke Keladry's mask to pieces. She cried into his neck as she hugged him one last time. Stefan Groomsman saw her in the gelding's stall, and must have known just by her demeanor.
"I'm that sorry, miss, to part you two. He'll be offered to the new pages in the fall, but I doubt he'll do near so well with anyone else." He left unspoken what they both knew could happen if he didn't get along with another page.
"Maybe Daine can take him. She mentioned it last year." Keladry didn't seem hopeful, a horse was far too expensive for a frivolous purchase. She made her escape as quickly as she could.
Getting back to the pages' wing, she found Gower and a timid maid knocking on her door. A man of few words, Gower bowed deeply to her, expressing his sorrow at her departure by holding the bow longer than protocol required. He helped with the heavy work of moving her great trunk around while the maid efficiently stripped the bed, cleared out her dressing room, and packed her personal clothing. They left with a bundle of page cloaks, uniforms and practice clothes to return to the palace tailors. Keladry was only permitted to handle her trinkets. She carefully wrapped each Yamani cat in a handkerchief and placing it safely in their box. A silent tear trickled down her cheek as she wrapped a small glass statue of a horse with flattened ears and bared teeth, a midwinter gift from Prince Roald that looked all too much like Peachblossom.
She sat on the bare bed, staring glumly at the stark walls of the empty room she had lived in for three quarters of a year. She had changed from her dinner dress to a pair of travel breeches and a tunic, and had sent word to Mindelan house that she was ready for a carriage. Idleness didn't suit her, and having nothing to do but wait gave her too much time to think about her situation and future prospects.
The convent was definitely not an option; she vehemently swore to do absolutely anything that would avoid that outcome. Private study at Mindelan would be preferable, and she could get training at arms with the fief guards until old enough to join the Riders. With Conal in residence, it wasn't an optimal choice, either, just not the worst. Convent held that honor. Yaman still seemed to be the obvious path, but Roald asked her not to make plans, even though summer travel was best for sailing. If she put it off for too long, she would have to wait a year.
A knock at her door interrupted her musings. Instead of the expected Mindelan groom, though, Roald stood there. She bowed to him, and invited him inside. No longer bound to the rules which governed her life as a page, she let the door close behind him.
"How may I help you, your highness?"
"My mother has agreed to meet you at the next bell."
Keladry blinked several times. Why would the queen meet with her? Her mask must have slipped, because Roald seemed to read her confusion.
"I asked her to consider you for one of her Royal Ladies. She is furious with Lord Wyldon and my father, and I believe she will help you if she can."
"The Royal Ladies are so much older, just like the Riders."
Roald nods. "She may offer you an exception. I don't know. I haven't seen her this mad since she found out about Kally."
Keladry's eyes widened. Everyone in the palace knew that the queen didn't speak to the king for weeks after he'd talked their eldest princess out of page training. Would the queen truly be so angry on behalf of a girl from a family in the Book of Copper?
"Thank you, Roald, for trying, no matter what comes of it."
"You're welcome, Kel," he said, and looked her over. "I, uh, recommend a dress, like at dinner."
Keladry glanced down at her travel clothes. Having grown several inches over the winter, her breeches rested high at the ankle, and her tunic was equally short at the wrist. "Of course, highness. I will be there, looking my best, such as it is. Now if you'll excuse me," she bowed and opened the door.
He took her hint and left.
Many thoughts whirled through Keladry's mind as she rummaged through her great trunk. She pulled out her best dress, in Mindelan blue cotton, and paired that with a pale blue linen shift. Would the queen really help her? Hope put a spring in her step as she tried to shake the wrinkles out of both garments.
Keladry felt entirely too self-conscious as she waited in the antechamber of Queen Thayet's sitting room. She hadn't paid attention to her own growth throughout the year, and the dress she wore was sadly in need of having the hem let down and tucks at the waist let out. Such details hadn't mattered for dinners in the page mess hall, but suddenly seemed critically important for a meeting with the queen.
With each passing moment, her nerves frayed more and more as she worried behind her mask of calm lake waters. By the time the maid finally beckoned to her, she felt downright jumpy. She began to bow to the queen as the maid announced her, and hastily tried to convert the bow into a curtsy. She had to hold the curtsy overlong to regain her balance. Rising with reddened cheeks, she fervently wished for the full face paint of the Islands, which would help hide her shame.
The queen, much to Keladry's relief, was much too polite to pay any recognition to the signs of wear on a child's dress, or a clumsy moment of bungled protocol, or swollen red eyes. She gracefully greeted Keladry and invited her to sit and enjoy a cup of juice. Despite Roald's telling of her anger, Keladry couldn't see any sign of wrath on her. The queen seemed radiantly serene.
"Roald tells me you worked hard and learned much this past year."
"Yes, your majesty." It seemed a safe response.
"And you have been training for many years, since a young girl in the Islands."
"Yes, your majesty."
"And you are fluent in the language."
"Yes, your majesty." Keladry was less certain of this answer as she hadn't spoken Yamani regularly in months, but the script of this meeting seemed clear, and so she stuck to it.
"I would like to have someone at hand who will converse with me in Yamani. Perhaps some of my Ladies in Waiting would also enjoy learning."
"Perhaps they might, your majesty."
"Would you be interested in helping me learn more about Yaman, the language and culture?"
Keladry was taken aback at the notion of herself being a teacher, especially teaching the queen. "There are others who could assist you, your majesty, the ambassadors, or the Shang Horse."
"And they are all most helpful. The Horse, especially so, as he is overseeing Roald's language tuition."
Kel was pleased to hear that Roald was learning Yamani. That would help greatly when Princess Chisakami visited in the fall.
"The ambassadors, however, cannot travel with me as you could, and so I cannot practice as I should."
Keladry nodded politely. The ambassador would certainly be busy with work better suited to remaining in the palace.
"I considered asking your mother to join my Ladies. With all of you in school, her family care is lessened. Yet she is deeply involved in the diplomatic work with Piers, and to draw either of them away from it may impact the alliance."
Keladry nodded again. This also made sense. Her parents had always been very busy, even in the Islands.
"You, on the other hand, are currently at loose ends, though you have highly useful skills." For the first time, a glimmer of the queen's anger showed through her calm grace. "It pleases me greatly to invite you to join my Ladies in Waiting."
Keladry was speechless. For all Roald had warned her, she hadn't really expected it. After a very long moment, she started to thank the queen for the offer.
"Do not answer me now. Go home and think about it," the queen said, unknowingly echoing Lord Wyldon from two bells before. "Discuss it with your parents and meet with me at the third bell in the morning."
"Thank you, your majesty."
Two Mindelan footmen were waiting outside her room when she got back, rather annoyed at the delay. They hoisted her great trunk between them and led her out to the carriage, stopping only at Salma's along the way. Salma greeted Keladry warmly despite the late hour, and Keladry could immediately tell that Salma already knew of her dismissal.
"Thank you for everything you've done for me this year," Keladry said, offering Salma a brooch to match the cloak pin she'd given her at midwinter, along with her room key.
"No thanks are needed, but you are welcome, dear. I'm sorry to see you leave."
Keladry looked down at her feet, and then decided to counter Joren's rumor milling with a bit of her own. "I might not be, Salma. No doubt, word will get around quickly. Her majesty invited me to stay on with her Royal Ladies."
Salma's eyebrows arched towards her hairline, and Keladry noticed her footmen standing straighter, all annoyance gone. "This is a great honor, young lady. Did you accept?"
"I'm to discuss it with my parents tonight, and give our answer in the morning."
"As is proper. Good night and good luck, Keladry. I hope to see you again soon." Salma's genuine smile reminded Keladry that not everyone saw her as convent fodder.
The palace halls were fairly quiet this late, and the city streets equally so. Her carriage pulled up to Mindelan house long before she finished sorting out her thoughts. Her parents came out just as a groom helped her descend from the carriage. They must have had word sent to them as soon as the carriage turned up the drive. Steeling herself to face them with news of her dismissal, she suddenly realized that they already knew. A flash of anger rippled over her. Did everyone in the city already know? She had to focus on her soothing lake.
Her parents hugged her warmly and shepherded her into the house, guiding her past sympathetic servants to the parlor where a tray of hot tea and fruitbread had been set out ready. Two of her older sisters, Adalia and Oranie, had already helped themselves to slices of the fresh pastry. They giggled as soon as they saw Keladry. Ilane promptly sent them to their rooms.
"Lord Wyldon sent word to us this evening, sweets. He wanted us to ensure that you did not do anything rash. After a year of you, he still doesn't know you." Keladry could see amusement blended with sympathy in her mother's eyes.
"No, Mama." Not feeling all that hungry, but appreciating her mother's efforts in choosing her favorite pastry, Keladry dutifully set two small slices on a plate.
Ilane poured tea for the three of them. Though it was a Tortallan black tea rather than Yamani green, she evoked a sense of tranquility with the Yamani techniques of simple elegance and graceful motion. Keladry felt comforted by the familiar ritual. Despite nearly ten month's absence, Ilane remembered just how Keladry liked her tea, stirred with two spoonfuls of milk and no sugar.
"It's like everyone said all along, that he wouldn't let me stay."
Her father nodded. "That was the risk, balanced by how much you could learn."
"I learned some things that I never wanted."
"You're growing up, my dear. You learned those things in the Islands, too."
Keladry nodded. The children ranged from mean to nice in both countries. Adults did, too.
"Get some rest, Kel. Things will look differently tomorrow morning."
Keladry shook her head quickly. "Papa, I need to discuss this now, if you please. Roald sent me to his mother, who invited me to join her Ladies. I'm to see her again after breakfast, and I still don't know what to say to her."
Piers and Ilane glanced to each other, and both sat down on a loveseat together, facing Keladry. Ilane leaned forward, offering the pastry tray. Keladry glanced down at her empty plate. She hadn't even realized she'd eaten hers already. Ilane set the tray within Keladry's easy reach.
Taking a deep breath and another slice of fruitbread, Keladry related her discussions with Lord Wyldon, Prince Roald and Queen Thayet. Piers and Ilane nodded approvingly throughout, encouraging her to open up to them.
"I truly do not wish to go to convent. I had thought of staying on at Mindelan and working with the guards until I could join the Riders. Could I go back to Yaman with you in the spring?"
"You might become a handmaid with Princess Chisakami. That could be advantageous, and helpful for the alliance."
"It might be possible to join her retinue when she visits in the fall." Ilane turned from Piers to Keladry. "She's about your sister's age, sweets. Did you get to know her at all?"
Keladry nodded. She remembered the older girl, but not fondly. Chisakami had been very mean to Keladry's best friend Cricket, and Kel never could figure out why. Sailing away to Yaman when the princess went home in the spring suddenly seemed less of an obvious path, though still preferable by far to convent.
"Her majesty's offer may be the best choice," Keladry said.
"A high honor indeed, Keladry, and you'll find it is not easy telling royalty 'no'."
"You'll be much younger than the other Ladies, sweets, and may be left out of many things."
"Mama, I know I won't be attending her every minute of the day. None of them do. Her parlor would be quite crowded with a dozen Ladies or more. I could spend that time in the libraries. I will surely have studies with my duties. Her majesty wouldn't forget my education if she takes me into her service."
Piers and Ilane silently signaled to each other, a marital form of communication long enhanced by years of diplomatic usage. The exasperation underlining Keladry's voice indicated an upward change in her mood, and it was time to wrap things up and send her to bed.
"Your father and I have a meeting with the ambassador before lunch, but I can join late if need be. I could go with you to speak with her majesty if you like."
Keladry nodded, relieved that she would not have to face the queen alone again. "Her majesty wants your approval, and she will know you and Papa consent if you are there."
"Then we are agreed, sweets. This choice is yours. You know your father and I will stand behind you no matter which path you choose."
"Think things over tonight. Do not decide in haste. Sleep well, my dear, and we will see you in the morning."
"Sleep well, Papa. Sleep well, Mama." As Keladry set her plate next to the serving platter, she was surprised to see just how much fruitbread was missing. A contented, sleepy fullness in her stomach attested to the benefits of comfort foods. Her parents were devious.
a/n - I keep status notes on upcoming chapters in my profile. Please review. I appreciate grammar and typo help, and will make corrections as I can. Thanks!