*BRRRRIIIING**BRRRRIIIING*
Edward let out a groan as his hand blindly felt around for the source of the shrill noise that was now resounding in his head. His fingers came to land on the small bedside alarm clock, and with a huff of annoyance, he wrapped his fingers around the ringing clock and gave it a threatening squeeze. The ringing came a strangulated halt as the clock was reduced to a twisted pile of metal.
By this point however the damage had been done; despite his better judgement, Edward was now awake.
With another groan, Edward dragged himself upright, trying his best to rub away the sleep clinging to his eyelids. Once he'd managed to get his eyes opened, he sluggishly pulled himself out of bed and started his morning routine.
He shuffled out of the bedroom, having pulled on whatever relatively clean clothing he could find. He shambled past the living room, which contained only a tattered couch and a scratched coffee table. On the opposite end of the room, and right next to the window (shades half drawn as always), was a desk piled with a disarray of folders, papers, and half empty coffee mugs.
Look at you, murmured a silken, female voice into his ear. Living in this dump.
"Shut. Up." Edward growled, but the voice simply snickered dismissively. Edward ignored it, instead focusing himself on the promise of coffee as he entered the kitchen. A quick peer into the coffee pot confirmed that, yes, there was still some of the jet black, oily coffee left. He poured the oily beverage into a mug, giving it an experimental sip.
"Blegh...burned…"
He set the mug on the countertop, before grabbing a half drained bottle of whiskey and pouring its contents into the coffee mug.
Another sip was greeted with a resigned sigh, before he downed the entire bitter mix in a series of gulps. The now empty coffee mug found itself upside down in the overflowing sink, alongside a filthy pile of dishes.
"Yeah...much better…" Edward muttered as the coffee began to take effect. As his energy steadily increased, he shuffled towards the large desk, flopping down into the weathered excuse of an office chair, which creaked threateningly as he leaned back in it.
You used to be so much more than this you know, the voice returned, gaining a syrupy, condescending tone. You used to be somebody important.
"And I wonder who fucked that up…" Edward muttered aloud, leaning the chair forward to try and focus on the disorganized pile of papers in front of him.
Most of them were the varying investigations he was already involved in, the standard "Paranoid Rich Person" variety. Almost all of them, though, were focused on the activities of the spouse of whoever saw fit to hire him. As such, Edward wasn't under any illusions as to what his job entailed. The sign on the door might have said "Private Investigator", but the job usually meant more "Paid Peeping Tom".
I swear if I have to look at another pic of someone going down on someone I'm gonna scream, he thought with disgust as he sorted through the various photos he'd been asked to take.
He supposed had things in his life gone differently, he wouldn't be snooping around in the middle of the night, peering around corners and through windows, seeing far more than he'd ever wanted. But, the job paid, and paid well, and gave him something to do with his time besides drinking alcohol and wallowing in self pity.
And, every so often, he did get handed a case that promised to actually help someone; and those moments, as rare and fleeting as they might have been, almost made him feel he'd made the right career choice.
Emphasis on almost.
"Well...didn't know that could even fit in there," he muttered, his face scrunching up in disgust at the sight of a particularly explicit photo. He was quick to stuff it away, the very act of touching it making him feel unclean. He slapped the folder shut, pushing it away and taking a minute to try and rub the disgusting mental image off the inside of his eyelids, but to no avail.
Oh don't be such a prude, Edward, came Her voice, laced with a condescending titter. You and me used to do that one all the time, you know…before you decided to abandon me, that is.
"Fuck off…" Edward groused, his hands covering his ears. He knew from a rational standpoint to not engage with Her, but it was always easier said than done.
Don't tell me to 'fuck off', Edward, She replied sharply, and Edward flinched. And if you think you can start that now, well, sir, you have-
The sharp sound of a phone ringing cut off her voice, and Edward tensed reflexively. His eyes locked onto the battered, warhorse of a telephone that sat on his desk as it continued to ring, the shrill sound piercing him right between the eyes despite his attempts to glare it into submission.
"Ugh, fine…" he groused, grabbing the phone and yanking it off the hook and bringing the receiver to his ear. "Yes, this is Edward Elric, how may I help you?"
"Helloooooo, Ed!" Came an assaultive shout of joy from the other end of the line. Edward winced, pulling the phone away from his ear. He glared back warily, before steadily bringing it back to his ear.
"Hello, Paninya. Any reason why you've decided to call me...again?"
"Pfft! Don't be silly, Ed, you know why I'm calling! How you doing? You aren't dead are you?"
"Well, I can't exactly be dead if I'm talking on the phone with you, can I?"
"Touché, touché I suppose. But nonetheless, I just wanted to check in on my favorite grumpy-guss, and tell him that I'll be dropping over later to make sure you're doing okay."
"Why? Isn't your daily invasion of my privacy over the phone enough?"
"Nope! I don't like seeing you all lonely and grumpy like that. You need to get out, stop keeping yourself boxed away from everybody else. It isn't healthy."
"Paninya, I think I know what's healthy for myself. Have you ever considered I like being alone?"
"Regardless, Ed, I'm not gonna let you stay locked inside looking at creepy pictures all day. I'll drop on by, and we'll take a walk or something. Fresh air will be good for you."
"I can open a window."
"You know what I mean, Ed. Get out, hear the birds and feel the breeze! It's a great day out today, and so I'm going to be making sure you get out and about on something that isn't work related. You need the relaxation."
"But-"
"No buts! Be there in an hour! Bye!" And with that, Paninya hung up, leaving Edward alone again. He sighed, dropping the receiver back on the hook and shoving the phone back to its corner of the desk.
"What part of 'stop calling me every morning' don't you understand, Paninya?" He muttered to himself, rubbing his temple as his headache came back throbbing.
At least things were quiet again. The phone call, as obnoxious as it had been, had apparently chased the voice away, at least for now. The only sound now was his own pen tapping on the desk as he tried to refocus on the pictures and his chicken scratch notes, and ambient traffic noise from outside.
It was almost calming.
knock-knock-knock-knock
Good things never last.
Edward glared in the direction of the front door, the sound of someone rapping on the glass panel window going right to the center of Edward's headache, causing him to flinch a little.
There was a pause, the sounds of traffic outside being the only sound before the knocking returned, this time sharper and more pronounced.
"Go away," Edward shouted in the direction of the door, trying to refocus on the investigations he had on his desk. Normally, he would go answer the door, if only to get the person to stop knocking. But he had been slipping behind on his investigations, and it was something to do.
Plus, he must have mixed too much whiskey in with the coffee and his headache, which before had been a dull throbbing in the back of his skull, was now far more pronounced, and was slowly overtaking his senses.
knock-knock-knock-knock-knock-knock
"Fine, here I come!" he barked. It felt almost as if someone were hammering his temple with a razor sharp ice pick. Even the squeak of the ragged office chair's wheels against the floor as he moved it seemed to be specifically designed to make his grow headache worse.
By the time he'd gotten to the door, his head was pounding. He grabbed the doorknob without much subtlety, barely paying attention to the way the metal crunched pathetically in his grip. He gave the door a sharp yank, only to have it jerk to a stop suddenly. He glared up at the slide bolt, before giving the door another, sharper yank. The chain holding the slide bolt in place snapped, and the door swung open to reveal-
The smiling, hopeful face of his brother, Alphonse.
The door slammed shut almost as fast as it had opened, sending a crack up through the fogged plate glass window. Edward he felt his heart rate spike.
No way...it can't be… he thought, his eyes darting to the wall where a bedraggled calendar hung. Scrawled in pen, and circled were the following words: "Alphonse coming to visit!"
Edward's eyes widened, and he felt an impending sense of doom wash over him. He wasn't ready for this. Five years with no proper contact, and still he didn't feel ready. His eyes shot towards the closet in the corner. Through the crack in the door, he could see the large duffle bag, practically overflowing with unopened letters.
"Brother? Brother, are you okay? It's me, Alphonse!" Came his brother's voice, sounding almost like a plead. Edward could imagine the look on his brother's face as if he were seeing it for real. Probably had his lips in a slight, worrisome pout, mixed in with the biggest puppy-dog eyes ever seen. It was a face that was the perfect sympathy generator, and Edward could feel his own self-loathing increase.
He took a deep breath, steeling himself, before snaking his hands down into the pocket of his pants, where, crumbled up, where a pair of omnipresent white leather gloves. He awkwardly slipped them on, before slowly lifting his weight off the door and turning around. He paused, hand poised to unlock it. He could see the foggy silhouette of the person behind the door, and he could feel a creeping sense of guilt fill him.
Maybe it's for the best… Edward told himself, trying to ignore the sharp hiss of You know it's not, from Her.
Edward took a deep breath, his gloved hand covering his face as he steeled himself. He should have known better then to invite him over. To open that dialogue. With it came wounds. Old wounds. Wounds he often tried to ignore in whichever way possible...usually with a bottle.
He deserves better than you, She hissed again, and Edward could have sworn he felt Her voice pour into his ear like acid. He let out a sharp exhale, shaking his head sharply.
"Shut up!" He hissed under his breath, the door knocking coming again, louder this time, and coupled with the muffled voice on the other side.
"Edward, please open the door! Please?"
Edward's hands wrapped around the crumbled doorknob and slowly opened the door. Standing in the doorway, and looking supremely relieved, was his brother.
"Edward!" Alphonse shouted, spreading his arms wide and practically tackling the slightly shorter blond. Edward tensed up, unsure of how to respond to the sudden effusive response Alphonse was giving him.
"Nice to see you too, Al," Edward stammered, his gloved hands tentatively embracing Alphonse, who simply tightened the hug before finally releasing Edward.
"Oh my gosh, Ed, I'm so happy to see you again!" Alphonse said, before spinning around and grabbing the several large cases of what was probably luggage and stepping inside. Edward merely stepped aside, still slightly dazed.
"What's with the trunk?" he found himself saying, watching Alphonse drag it along before plopping it back on the floor of the apartment, where it landed with a heavy thump.
"It's clothing and stuff. Just the basics for me," Alphonse smiled, obviously overcome with joy at seeing Edward again. He gave Edward another hug, before turning to look at the apartment, eyebrows raised. "Wow, Ed, this place is nice!"
No it isn't, Edward thought, stuffing his hands into his pockets reflexively. Damn right it isn't, came Her voice, hissing yet again.
"It's okay, I guess…" Edward ended up muttering aloud, watching as Alphonse walked around, apparently scoping out the apartment. Edward's gaze drifted down to the steamer trunk and luggage, the gears in his head turning.
Oh shit….
"Wait, you're going to be staying here?" He asked, following after Alphonse as he made his way into the living room. Alphonse nodded, turning to give Edward a big happy grin.
"Sure thing, brother," he stopped in the center of the living room. "It'll just be you and me, together again as brothers!"
Edward eyebrows rose. "But why?"
Alphonse's upbeat expression dropped slightly. He raised an eyebrow slightly, his golden eyes looking at back Edward with a look of discernible worry. "Why not, Ed? I mean, I'm out of medical school now, and you've obviously got yourself someplace nice, so why not?"
"Because…" Edward began, but the words trailing off as he struggled to word the phrase 'I don't want to see you' in a way that didn't come across as completely callous and heartless.
"Because what, Ed?" Alphonse asked, his voice show matching his face's concerned expression.
Because you're a pathetic failure, Her voice hissed into Edward's ear, and Edward involuntarily flinched. His jaw tensed, and his hands began to wring the interior of his pockets as his feet shifted back and forth. You're not meant to be with people. All you do is hurt them. You know that, I know that...but he doesn't. She continued, and Edward could almost hear the way her feet would have probably sounded stalking over the floorboards of the apartment as her voice rasped in his ear.
Edward closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Just ignore her just ignore her, he told himself, mentally counting down from a random number before opening his eyes again. This time, Alphonse's face was looking even more worried, and Edward glanced down to see his brother's fingers twiddling, no doubt as a sign of the latter's stress.
"Because I wasn't ready yet," Edward forced out, giving Alphonse the best smile he could muster. Alphonse shrugged slightly, the stress on his face relaxing somewhat.
"Oh, well, I guess that's a reason," he replied, glancing up at a cobweb that was looming in one of the corners. "But it's okay, Ed, I mean, I lived on campus for five years, I can think I can survive this." He gave an overcompensating smile, no doubt an attempt to dispel the painfully awkward and dour aura the apartment had taken so suddenly.
Neither of them spoke for a long period, awkwardly standing across from each other, with Edward's gaze fixed on a random corner of the room, all the while keenly aware of his brother's gaze.
"Meow...meow."
Edward spun around, his eyes latching onto where the sudden, surprisingly loud meowing had come from, only then realizing that amongst the carrying cases and steamer trunk, were two pet carriers. "What was that?"
Alphonse expression brightened, and he strode over to the pet carries, motioning for Edward to follow. "That? That was my cats!"
"Cats?" Edward answered incredulously, shaking his head. "What cats?"
Alphonse was already crouched down, popping open the pet carriers doors, and reaching inside to pull out two somewhat grumpy looking cats. One was a large tabby with a dusty golden coat, the other, a slender, dark brown one with big eyes. Alphonse lifted the cats in his arms, smiling broadly as he brought them close to Edward.
"These cats, Ed!" he chirped, giving them both a half hug as they meowed in protest. "Aren't they wonderful?"
Edward resisted the urge to scowl. He'd long held a somewhat ambivalent attitude towards cats. To him, they tended to remind him too much of himself: Grumpy, introverted, and snappy. To Alphonse however, cats had always been an inexplicable obsession. More often than not, for as long as Edward could remember, Alphonse would bring home stray after stray, ranging from small kittens, to full grown adults. And now, apparently, he'd finally managed to keep a pair.
"Do they have names?" Edward asked, arching an eyebrow and leaning back slightly, trying to distance himself from the yowling pair as subtly as possible. Alphonse nodded, giving Edward a bemused look.
"Of course they have names!" He hefted the two cats again, smiling broadly and giving them affectionate half nuzzles. "Edward, meet Van Hohenheim and Trisha!"
At the sound of the two names, Edward tensed, and he felt the blood melt out of his face. He took a step back, his eyes wide.
"Edward? You okay? What's wrong with the names?"
Edward looked back at Alphonse, noticing the look of immense concern in his brother's eyes.
"Edward, are you okay?" Alphonse repeated, letting the cats go, where they quickly bounded off into parts unknown. "You look a bit pale?"
Edward felt himself draw inward, and he quickly spun around. "It's okay, just a bit…" he forced out, taking a deep breath and trying to stabilize himself. "Just a bit surprised is all. Feel it's a bit soon to be naming your cats after them, you know?"
Alphonse gave a slight shrug. "Well, I figured mother would have liked it. I mean, she always loved cats, Edward, you know that."
Edward merely grunted in response. He took another breath, steeling himself. He had to get out of here. Get away from Alphonse. Get away from the constant reminder of his failure.
"Fine. Whatever makes you feel better." He forced out, then motioned towards Alphonse's bags. "You'd better unpack your stuff then. Move into whatever spot you like."
"And what about you?" Alphonse asked as Edward stalked back to his desk. Edward didn't answer at first, instead focusing on sitting at his desk, and, hopefully, using whatever random paperwork or file sorting he had to do as a suitable distraction.
"I'm going to be working, I've got a lot of paperwork to do," Edward answered curtly, sitting in the chair and rolling it forwards. He grabbed a random pencil, some paper, and popped open one of the folders of photos, pulling out it's contents. He picked a random photo, and began to rigorously jot down random details about it, from the kind of clothing the subjects wore to the way they did their hair.
"You sure you don't want to talk? Like, catch up?" Came Alphonse's voice, and Edward glared up from his paperwork to see his brother looking down at him with concern from the opposite end of the desk. "I just haven't seen you in awhile."
Edward bit his lip briefly, before jerking his eyes back to the photos. "I need to work." he said tersely, his voice brittle. Alphonse remained standing behind the desk before nodding slightly.
"Okay then," his voice was low and his gaze floated across the scattered mess of documents and photos that covered the desk. "I'll be unpacking then…" he then discreetly turned around and walked out of the room, leaving Edward alone again.
Now that he was alone, Edward felt a slight sense of alleviation to the anxiety that had been clawing around the inside of his stomach. He drew himself inward again, refocusing in his attention on the paperwork.
Just focus on your work. Distract yourself, he told himself. Just keep busy, and it'll pass...like it always does.
Like what always does? Came her voice again, sounding insufferably bemused and self righteous. You mean that tight feeling in the pit of your stomach? That wonderful feeling of slowly building stress and panic? Her voice grew lower, gaining a cutting edge to it as she spoke. I think it's a wonderful feeling. It's slowly crawling over you now, isn't it?
The sound of Alphonse's cats meowing greeted Edward's ears, coupled with Alphonse's response.
"Yes, Trisha, I know you're hungry, I'm looking for your food right now."
At that, Edward could hear her laugh inside his head, an oily, deceptively bubbly laugh that emerged from the depths of her chest. Oh how adorable. He named that kitten after your precious mother. Mommy loved kitties, didn't she? You know that more than anybody, don't you Edward? That wonderfully motherly way she'd treat them? The same way she always treated you, even to the end. You miss that, don't you? You miss how she would hug you, would tell you it would be okay? That sense of comfort and security?
"Be quiet…" Edward growled under his breath, the pencil snapping in his vice like grip. However, Dante's voice continued unabated.
She was always so loving. Always so ready to give someone or something a second chance. Even you. But she learned her lesson, didn't she? She paid for how beautifully naive she was. Remember how broken she looked when she died? How did it feel to know that you were responsible for that? That you-
Edward let out an angry bark, bolting to his feet and kicking the chair away. He stomped over to the front door, grabbing his red overcoat off the coat hanger where it usually sat, blowing right past Alphonse, who looked completely baffled.
"Edward, where are you going? I thought you have to work?"
"Need pens. Pencils broke." Edward replied reflexively, hands already wrapping around the damaged door knob.
"You want me to come?" Alphonse called out over the sounds of his cats pleading for the food bowls he held in each hand. Edward stopped, the door already open a crack.
"No. You settle in. I'll be back."
"You sure?"
"Yes." With that, Edward quickly pressed through the doorway, slamming the door behind him, a sharp crack which was followed by the sound of the already cracked window pane falling to the floor. He made his way through the narrow hallway, hands burrowing in his pockets and wringing the interior worriedly.
Oh? Picking up pens? That's funny, I thought I gave you an entire box on your last birthday with me. Her voice came again, carrying an almost offended tone. Let me guess, you got rid of them, didn't you? Probably broke them. Just like you broke that door.
"Shut up!" he hissed again, making his way down the staircase as rapidly as possible, ignoring how his loud stomping footsteps rung through the air. "Just shut up."
He pushed his way through the main lobby of the building he lived in, not really paying attention to the way people would shoot him dirty looks as he shoved them asides, or even occasionally whisper among each other.
Oh look, they're talking about you, Her voice said in a sing-song tone. I wonder what they're saying….
"Shut up, shut up, shut up…" Edward repeated over and over, popping up his coat collar as the brisk autumn wind blew across his face as he exited the building. He immediately turned to the left, continuing forwards in a dogged, shuffling pace. As he walked, the buildings around him, which had always had a somewhat weathered, lived in look, shifted from conformist brick apartments to a somewhat more eclectic, if grizzled, series of small shops, diners, and, most importantly, bars, most of which looked rather disreputable.
Oh, I see where this is going. You're going to try to drown me out with your best friend, aren't you?
"That's the idea," Edward bitterly spat back, ducking into the first dive he saw. He slid to the main bar, and fished out his wallet. Slapping a couple of cens down, he shoved towards the bartender, a mammoth, scuzzy looking man who looked up at him with a single arched eyebrow.
"I assume you want a drink with this?" He asked sardonically, his hands busily wiping a shot glass. Edward nodded.
"Yeah. Whiskey please."
The bartender nodded, setting the shot glass down and reaching under the table to pull out a bottle of the caramel colored liquid. Edward watched it intensely as it filled the glass, and he almost immediately poured its contents directly down his throat without a second thought. He caught sight of the bartender moving to put the bottle away, but quickly reached out, wrapping his gloved hand around the bartender's wrist threateningly.
"Leave it." He ordered, and the bartender looked back at him with a raised eyebrow, before silently letting the bottle rest on the scratched wood of the bar surface. Edward released the bartender's wrist, ignoring how the other man rubbed it, eyes narrowing as he made his way towards another patron calling for a drink.
Edward meanwhile refilled his glass, downing another shot.