Over seven years ago, two siblings dedicated their lives to writing affectionate parodies of Pokémon games. The brother is the chief writer, in control of the outlines, end teams, which villain songs get parodied, most of the jokes, and posting. The sister is in charge of editing, doing the 'write-a-chapter-in-a-week' work when they fall behind, and starting the villain songs. We love what we do, and more importantly, other people love what we do. It's worth the writer's headaches and the editor's constant anxiety attacks to make people happy.

We decided against using "Elio" and "Selene" for the characters for two reasons. First, we don't like those names for the characters. Second, we had a toddler named Diana in our Kanto story for a joke, and one of our readers guessed she'd be the hero of Alola. We decided "why not." As for taking off a letter for Eli's new name, the Ace Attorney jokes would overshadow everything else if we'd named him Apollo.

As for another decision involving Eli, and Diana to an extent, it was a single joke that took on a life of its own. Like Wallace's redesign or Lysandre's shipping habits.

Now, on to the story.

Ever since she was small, Diana had a hard time fitting in.

She'd had a fascination with the unusual side of Pokémon since she was a toddler, and as she got older, it had changed to a desire to be a scientist. Her first babysitter had been a Pokedex carrier, and her second had been the sidekick to one. They had given her the kick she needed to choose this path, though not quite in the way they had hoped, when they had read the entries and Diana had questioned all of them, on the grounds that observing a single specimen was hardly a scientific study. They had reacted appropriately to hearing that from a six-year-old, but Diana had questioned Santa at age four, so her mother really should have warned them. It hadn't made her any friends in the Kanto schools.

Of course, she was only one branch on a family tree of strange. She had seen enough to know that there was enough evidence that the Alolan side of her family sounded like a witch coven from her Halloween movies. She'd seen her mother find six four-leaf clovers in a single afternoon in their own front yard, she'd watched her grandmother calm a wild Gyarados without catching it, heard stories of her aunt predicting the weather better than the weatherman, and her great-uncle surviving six different natural disasters. Even her cousin, a boy she had seen in person just once in her life, was cursed by it, though she didn't believe 'curse' to be literal, even in his case.

He believed they were a family of alien-human hybrids, he told her in their last phone conversation. "It's the only explanation that makes sense. We all have names connecting us to the sky, or almost did in my case, and freaky talents. The alien part is just super-dominant."

She'd get to a logical explanation for those abilities, she told herself, but first, she wanted to make a public claim against the Pokedex. And she'd start with Professor Kukui in the Alola region. He'd offered her a place as his assistant, and had laughed and accepted her challenge when she told him her goals.

Her parents would have to finish their business in Kanto before the move could be complete, so she'd be staying with her aunt and uncle until then. But her parents cared enough to drop her off at the airport with boxes of her stuff that the movers would take care of, her mother's Meowth to keep her company, and wishes for good luck in her sciencing.

No one told her when Kukui replaced her, because he forgot to tell anybody.

Diana's mother, Luna, had an identical twin who had never left Alola. Aunt Stella was everything that Luna wasn't – focused, organized, and had only accidentally left her child at the store once. So, as Diana and Meowth stepped off the plane onto Hau'oli City ground, they knew she would be there waiting for them.

She didn't expect that Stella would bring her son with her. Diana approached them, suddenly nervous around her own family.

"Um…hi?"

Was that too informal for relatives you were temporarily moving in with? She'd been so excited about her position at Kukui's lab that she'd forgotten to look up the local culture. Her mother had told her stories about ancient wars involving Pokémon called Tapu, and that they didn't have Gyms like they did in Kanto, but other than that…

Luckily, her aunt laughed it off. "The proper term is 'Alola,' Diana," she pointed out. "But I can forgive you because we're still at the airport." She saw something over Diana's shoulder, and immediately switched to seriousness. "Eli! Put your poking stick away!"

Diana spun around just in time to see her cousin lower the stick he had in his hands. "I was just going to check to see if it was Diana or a Ditto," he complained, and Diana crossed her arms angrily.

"You really think that I could be a DITTO? Can a Ditto impersonating a human SPEAK?"

"You never know," Eli said, even as he followed his mother's order. "There's that one TV show with a talking Meowth."

Diana wasn't impressed with his logic. "Wasn't that the same one where an Onix got defeated by turning on a sprinkler and setting a Pikachu after it?"

Eli went silent. "I forgot that it started in Kanto," he finally said. Then he reached down to pet the Meowth at her feet. "You, I can deal with no matter what you are. Glad to know your trainer's my cousin after all."

"I'm technically not his trainer," Diana said, as Meowth looked amused at the suggestion. "I don't have a Pokémon yet."

"I don't, either. Something about the Kahuna not trusting me after what happened at last year's tribute battle."

"Kahuna?" She'd never heard of a Kahuna before. "Don't you go and get a Pokémon from a professor, or catch one out in your backyard?"

"Professor Kukui doesn't have much to do with giving out Pokémon," Eli explained as they started to the car. "This isn't Kanto."

Diana nodded along, taking plenty of notes – she didn't want to seem uneducated when she showed up at the lab, after all.

Stella stopped off to show Diana, Meowth, and the movers that followed them Diana's future home, and the girl ended the conversation to follow them in. Meowth followed her, curiosity winning over laziness. The Machoke carrying a marked box stopped, but continued when the girl smiled innocently.

Once everyone was gone, she dug through the box until she found her mother's camera, and immediately turned it on and started filming herself.

"Hi, Mom and Dad," she said with a smile. "I promised you a full view of everything I got up to in Alola until you get to leave Kanto, so I'm going to carry this thing around with me everywhere!" She moved the camera around the room. "Once I get my bed set up, it should be pretty decent in here. But my decorating skills aren't what this is about. This is the video diary I'm making to introduce you to all the new friends Meowth and I are making!" She moved the camera around the empty room to make a point. "Aren't we so lucky to have all these people with us? I guess I'll turn it off for now so something can get done!"

She did switch it off, but didn't immediately leave. "So this is it, huh, Meowth? Kind of empty, isn't it?"

Meowth did not want to give in to the obvious trap for drama. "Come on, kid. This is not the usual style."

Diana didn't have a chance to attempt to translate, because at that moment, the door opened. Diana stopped to think about what battle moves Meowth knew, and if he'd listen to her when she had no badges, but then she heard her cousin chatting with somebody.

"Eli?" she called uncertainly, and there was a pause.

"There she is! I told you, Professor!"

Professor? Diana stuck her head out of the room, camera still in hand, as Eli, Stella, and Professor Kukui himself made their appearance. Kukui had a phone in his hand.

"You are Diana Freeman, right?"

"Right…"

"It's your mom." He handed it over. Diana smiled, hoping to pass on a silent 'thank you,' and braced herself.

"Hi, Mom. The professor found me. Is something wrong?"

"You didn't answer your phone!" her mother complained.

"Yeah, I realized halfway here that I left it on the box pile that's still in my old room. Don't worry, I have your camera instead. I'm making a video diary to show you and Dad everything that's happening."

Luna sighed in relief. "Well, I'm glad you got there safely. Eli hasn't…done anything yet, has he?"

Diana looked past the professor just in time to see the barely-plugged-in toaster catch on fire, followed by her cousin and aunt extinguishing it easily.

"Yes," she said. "But they're taking care of it."

That was Eli's branch of strange – spontaneous fire generation. Luna had said that he was either a Fire-type human or being haunted by a ghost with a very specific vendetta. Diana called it Eli's Law, because anything that can catch fire, will catch fire sooner or later. Eli called it a side effect of his alien heritage. Whatever it was, without the Xavier Institute, he had no idea how it worked or how to turn it off, so the next best thing was to be prepared at all times.

"And you did pack your…" Luna lowered her voice, "special undergarments, right?"

Diana's face turned bright red. "Mom! What if Eli's right and people spy on these calls?"

"Right, right, sorry!" She did sound sorry, so Diana didn't push it. "Anyway, Professor Kukui told me that he talked to the Kahuna, and that he said he'd let you choose your own Pokémon! Isn't that great?"

"Really?"

"Really really." Diana could hear her mom's smile. "So give the phone back to its owner! I'll get yours, and you'd better get a video of you and your new Pokémon in that video diary of yours, ok?"

"Ok!" Diana was grateful that the conversation had drifted from underwear, special or otherwise. And a Pokémon of her own? She hadn't been expecting that. "Bye, Mom!"

She turned it off and handed it back to the professor. He grinned. "I take it from your sudden excitement that she told you our plan?"

Diana nodded. "I'm getting a Pokémon. And does Eli get one, too?"

Kukui's face fell. "I'm not sure that's a good idea," he said, and Diana looked back at the now-extinguished toaster.

"But a Water-type might be good for him," she pointed out.

"Good point," Kukui decided. "I'll call Hala and see if he has any to spare."

"Really?" Stella was even more surprised than Eli to overhear that bit. "Hala's really going to let my boy have a Pokémon?"

"You sound like you don't think I can be a trainer," Eli objected.

"Eli, I love you, but I don't want to let you loose on the unsuspecting island." She gave her niece a pointed look. "Or you, Miss Science."

"But it's for research, Aunt Stella!" Diana pouted. "Pretty please!"

"Please, Mom!" Eli begged. "I've never set anything living on fire before! The closest I ever got was Hau's shirt!"

Stella looked at Kukui for help, but gave in almost immediately. "Fine," she said, "but keep catching to a minimum - the house only has so much space."

If she'd known what the kids would get into, she probably would have fought harder. But with Eli and Diana only eleven years old, she decided that nothing more intense than the local challenge was ahead of them.

She'd be wrong, but every other aunt and mother in the region said that that was the worst that had happened to the kids in their lives. And she trusted that the kids wouldn't face more trouble than a carefully supervised Island Challenge.

She would have been right, if Kukui and Hala had been the only ones in charge of what these particular kids would get into.

Diana and Eli followed the directions Kukui gave them, sure that he knew where he was going. Eli might have known, but it was clear that he was not exactly trusted by the Kahuna. With his history, Diana couldn't blame him.

Meowth decided to stay in the house and guard the stuff, or maybe hoard it. Either way, Diana figured robbers wouldn't bother. Unless there was a Fighting-type who knew that Kanto Meowth was Normal-type, nothing would happen.

They found Kukui talking to a younger kid, about six or seven years old, promising a battle next time the kid's Pokémon learned a new move. Diana almost asked to see the kid's Pokémon herself, but Kukui distracted her before she could think of how.

"How are you liking Alola so far, Diana?"

"I just got here," she pointed out.

"But you'll be spending a lot of time here," he said, and she was forced to agree. "You should at least like it a little bit."

"It's a pretty place," Diana admitted. "And it'll be fun hanging out with a kid my own age for once."

"And battle with our actual Pokémon," Eli added.

"Yeah, that too." She took a few more steps, then spoke up again. "Where are we going, exactly?"

It wasn't the professor that answered, but Eli. "Iki Town. It's where my house is, and the Kahuna's. And people worship the Pokémon that watches over us here, too."

"You still believe Pokémon are gods?" Diana knew that some people did, but she thought most of the population believed that anything that could be captured with a little bit of effort couldn't be more than powerful monsters. "It's still a dominant religion?"

"Tapu Koko keeps us safe on the island," Kukui said seriously. "And it gets really mad if you don't take part in ancient rituals. We figure keeping it happy is better than facing its wrath, divine or otherwise."

Diana fell silent. She refused to believe that a giant horse in a horn skirt created the world, but believing that an ancient, powerful Pokémon protected an island actually made sense. "So what does this Kahuna guy look like, anyway?"

"The Kahuna?" Kukui's serious expression dropped, and he returned to his friendly smile. "You can't miss him! He looks just like a kahuna!"

Diana rolled her eyes. "Well, that's helpful."

"Don't worry." Eli looked proud of himself. "I've been friends with the guy's grandson since we were in diapers! We've got this!"

Diana dug around in her bag and pulled out the camera, then switched it back on. "I'm in Iki Town right now, looking for the kahuna to give me a Pokémon! I have my cousin with me, and he's going to get one, too, against the professor's better judgement."

"I have a track record!" Eli added happily, butting into his cousin's shot.

"Don't worry, though," Diana added with a laugh. "He only set one thing on fire since I got here! A Water-type sounds perfect for him! Now all we have to do is…"

She trailed off when Eli led her closer to a bridge. He prepared to turn, but Diana stopped him. There was someone already there, and that person had a twitching bag.

"I think I just found my next project," she said quietly. "I'll learn why that thing is moving!"

"Maybe she's a jewel thief," Eli suggested. "She could be holding her recent 'additions' in there, and the Pokémon she has guarding them is complaining that they're poking it in the eye."

Diana grinned and turned off the camera. "Only one way to find out," she teased, and started walking to the girl, and towards her fate.